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CHUCK ROGERS:

This is 100.3 and 102.9 The Point and KWPT.com. I'm Chuck Rogers. Recently, Florence Parks, executive director of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the North Coast, stopped by our studio to discuss how we can all be available for those we know who might be experiencing personal crisis.

This interview is part of our commitment to Never a Bother, California Department of Public Health's Suicide Prevention Campaign. You can learn more about that at neverabother.org. Neverabother.org.

Here's my discussion with Florence Parks, Executive Director of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the North Coast.

We're talking here about some difficulty with day-to-day life that all of us can relate to, I think. Sometimes in day-to-day life, maybe it can seem like the world is just not listening, not paying attention. Maybe there comes a low point. Maybe there is a crisis. And if you're a teenager and you're in that crisis, what do you do?

FLORENCE PARKS:

I think you need to reach out. You know, we have to make conversation about our mental health accessible to our teens and normalize it. And so if we're all struggling with this from time to time, or if you just need to practice on how to have these conversations, you can even access the 988 number from any line and talk with professionals about the resources that are available ... and make sure to share that number with anyone. But definitely being there to listen actively, which I think is a missed art, you know, taking the time to get away from your personal interest, divest from all the things that you want to share, and just be present for one another. Active listening is an art and we need to do more of it for one another. Sometimes even hold each other's presence that gaze, make sure you're looking into each other's eyes. They say the the left eye actually is one of the places that if neuroscience proves that you can make connections and bonds. So take a moment, actively listen, ask questions, be engaged, and be there for our young.

ROGERS:

And you mentioned 9-8-8, I think Big Brothers Big Sisters also has a number, is that right?

PARKS:

Right, you can text BIG to 741-741. You can get immediate support and help also and navigate some of the resources that are available to us. You know, we've known for some time that mental health was something we needed to focus on for our youth. And I love to see that we're all being collaborative about this effort. There are so many wonderful, engaging programs online now that young people can access. We just featured one of the ones that you're promoting right now on our social media because more people just need to know that they're out there. Never a bother? Yes, the Never a Bother campaign. And what I like about it is it's for all ages. And there's a website there. We also have clickable learning opportunities where you can learn to have these conversations with one another.

ROGERS:

You mentioned a moment ago the fact that listening and that kind of engagement is a lost art. I think you're right about that. I think a lot of people would agree with that about today's society. So the question is, for someone, let's say an adult who is aware of a teenager who they think might need some help but they haven't reached out, what does that adult say and how do you say it? How do you approach someone?

PARKS:

That's right. I think, um, you need to be transparent and use the right language. So if you're concerned about suicide, you need to ask, are you considering suicide and not give it a stigma? Because I think when a young person comes to someone that they trust and wants to share about something this important, then how we react in that moment really implants on how much they will ask the next time. So that's why I said, you have to take that moment to stop and pause, you know, don't look at your phone, put your phone down, show gestured the openly you're in your body language that you want to be there in this conversation with them and. Ask sincere questions and follow-up questions about how someone's feeling. Don't just try to avoid the conversation. And if you're uncomfortable with that conversation, we need to practice what a blessing it is that some, a young person came to you to ask for help and share this feeling that they're having. And so let's be prepared for when and if this comes to us.

ROGERS:

And what if maybe you do approach someone you think may be headed toward a crisis, but they don't really engage when you mention it? What are good ways to check up on them as time goes by just to make sure that they are okay?

PARKS:

I love that. I love that you brought that up. We have call it kind of the three C's of mental health champions, where we collaborate, we connect and then we celebrate together.

So with that mind: You want to collaborate with the person that you're working with to figure out when you should check in with them. Ask them point-blank, like, I want to follow up with you about what you shared with me What's the best way for me to do that? What feels comfortable to you? And so you're collaborating on that plan together. And then you have to follow through right you have to follow through if you make these commitments. But if you hear something and you know, you don't feel like you're the person, make sure that you dial 9 8 8 and see what what resources you can even do that together. You're collaborating -- I don't know how to do this but let's call 9 8 8 because it's a resource that we can navigate together and see how that resource will bring you other doors to open so that this young person gets this time attention that they need.

So, you know, follow up with them no matter what. Follow up and a week later a couple days later depending on how severe they're feeling. Sometimes we move through emotions, right? So it could feel like today is the worst day ever and tomorrow can feel, the sun is out, things are different. You have a different perspective things can change drastically. So you want to be able to follow up soon?

I would say also there's research about neuroscience that you can at the touch of your phone you can research some of the the practices -- I like to call them brain hacks -- that one can take. We live in one of the most diverse communities, beautiful topography, here in Humboldt County, and so one might go tree bathing. And what is that, you might ask? It's going on a lone nature hike going to stand in the middle of a forest and just looking up at the magnitude of these beautiful redwoods being in the oxygen, there, just all of those things trigger your body or your neuroscience to create chemicals that balance those things

ROGERS:

There is research on that.

PARKS:

Yes, because all of our feelings and emotions come down to a chemical level.

ROGERS:

What about warning signs? How do we know when to be kind of direct? Just ask somebody. Don't beat around the bush, just ask. But what are the warning signs? How do you know that you do need to approach someone who might be headed for a crisis? What do you look for?

PARKS:

Yeah, so if you start to see that someone's disengaging, so maybe typically you see them a bubbly personality or they're very involved, and then you notice that they're no longer, you can feel that they no longer are getting that attention or needing that, and they're kind of going in a different direction, just having a conversation. A change. Those changes, right, that we can see. It's hard to say because everyone displaces differently. So you have to see, look for those changes in one another. And if you feel that instinct, that gut instinct, follow it. Our gut doesn't lie to us, right? It gives us those instincts. Then we can follow up.

Even if you're wrong, what a great thing to be wrong about. And then you're demystifying this stigma around mental health because we all need moments of restoration. We all need moments of self-care. What I love to see in the last couple of years is realizing that self-care is everyone's responsibility, taking care of one another.

ROGERS:

What if you do approach, let's say a teenager, and they say they're okay, and they say, ah, I was just having an off day, that's all, don't worry about it. What do you do? What's your response then? Do you just say, okay, well, I'll just check up on you from time to time just to be sure. You want them to know that you care, but you don't want to give the impression that you're thinking less of them, you're hovering, things like that. How do you walk that line?

PARKS:

Right. I think there is a balance because, you know, in the mentoring field, we learned in real time that some of the work that we were doing was mission work, you know, where we felt that we knew better for our children than they knew for themselves. And what I love to see is that there's a been a turn. Yes. Belonging. This is important. Yes. Connecting with young people is important, but we don't have the map for what their purpose is in this society. They know that.

So asking questions, being present, that's all very important. So that balance of, you know, diagnosing someone and then being there and, um, acknowledging that there's something different about how I'm engaging with this person, I see there's a change. And I just want to inquire and, um, and know that you need to do it from a loving heart, that we care about the person and we want them to thrive, you know, and giving them, giving children visibility at any moment, we call that spontaneous mentoring and just taking a few minutes to get to know youth development and teen development at this time will prepare you to have deeper conversations and be present and a champion for our youth.

ROGERS:

Is that how mentoring can help? In that it makes you present and it lets this teenager or however old the the kid is know that there is somebody there who has interest?

PARKS:

Yes. And what, and the science -- you hit it on the head -- but the science of mentoring is thorough, because until a person knows you love them until they know you care, they really don't care about what you have to bring to them.

So one of the beautiful things about our program, our formal mentoring effort, is that that consistency of showing up for a young person to establish that relationship first, when they get into those hardships, they know that you have a person they can count on. Young people, what we've learned is they need five positive adults in their lives to thrive. So that could be a great mom and dad and a grandparent, maybe an auntie or uncle, but maybe that fifth person just isn't there in tune to what they need. And so a formal program like ours offers that opportunity to families. And what I also love about our program is that our community invests so heavily in this program, that it's free for every family that needs it. It's a prevention and it's best art. It's intervention.

We can see where we need to prioritize having relationships for youth that maybe don't have that protective web, but at all 24,000 school aged children in our Humboldt County deserve mentors.

ROGERS:

Many thanks to Florence Parks, Executive Director of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the North Coast. Again, this interview is part of our commitment to the California Department of Public Health's Suicide Prevention Campaign. Learn more about it at neverabother.org, neverabother.org, or call or text 988, available 24-7.