Previously: Election Day: Study Up! Vote! Listen to KHUM!

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It’s time once again for the Lost Coast Outpost‘s patented election predictions, wherein I tell you who will win and who will lose hours before any competing media outlet — before the polls even open, in fact!

I have a cumulative B- record at this sort of thing, so if you want to step to me you better bring your B+ game.

SUPES

First District: Bohn shatters 50 percent, removing the need for a November race. Let’s say — Bohn 57; Seidner 33; DeModena 10.

Second District: Clendenen by the narrowest of margins — 50.5 to Fennell’s 49.5, give or take a few hundredths. This topsy-turviest of races is a test of how much the general citizenry pays any mind to the political class. Is Clendenen a horn-sprouting socialist demon, a hippie-programmed Manchurian candidate … or is he the pleasant man who sells your kids apple cider, as Fortunish a character as ever there was?

Third District: Lovelace in a ridiculous blowout. What — 70 percent? 75?

CONGRESS

Jared Huffman and … who? By the numbers Dan Roberts should have it made, given that the only other Republican, Mike Halliwell, runs his campaign out in cloud cuckoo-land. But it seems to me that the Huffster and Stacey Lawson have made enough inroads into the petit bourgeoisie to make the Second District’s rump Republicans non-players. We’ll see.

Ignore the Salzmaniacs: Susan Adams has been out of cash for weeks and everyone south of Hopland — you know, down where all the people live — is marking her up as an also-ran, a fourth-placer. Her local representative’s powerful lungs have huffed and puffed enough hot air into Adams-land to swell it up to a considerable size, but tonight the Humboldt bubble pops. She’ll do well locally, but that ain’t enough.

So: Either Roberts, Stacey Lawson or Norman Solomon. I’m gonna guess that Lawson stumbles through, leading to a tightly fought but intellectually vapid general election season. 

Humboldt’s Andy Caffrey finishes sixth.