Feast your eyes on the striking movie poster above, Humboldt. Let it burn its awesome terribleness into your retinas. That ghoulish image will soon and forever more be the image that pops up anytime anyone googles “Willow Creek.” Get used to it.

Standup comic-turned-acclaimed film director Bobcat Goldthwait is about to drop his latest movie, a docu-horror love letter to Bigfoot fans titled Willow Creek. If you’re expecting a film that mocks cryptozoologists you’re going to be disappointed —apparently, Goldthwait loves him some Bigfoot lore.

Here’s a plot summary:

Jim and his girlfriend Kelly are in Willow Creek, California, to retrace the steps of Bigfoot researchers Patterson and Gimlin. Kelly is a skeptic, along for the ride to spend time with her boyfriend between acting gigs. Jim, a believer, hopes to capture footage of his own, so his camera is constantly rolling.

The small town is a mecca to the Bigfoot community; sasquatch statues guard the local businesses, murals of the missing link line the roads, and Bigfoot burgers are the town delicacy. The couple interview locals who range from skeptic to believer and from manic to completely menacing. Some of the stories they hear are of chance encounters with a gentle creature, while others are tales of mysterious eviscerations.

On the day that Jim and Kelly plan on hiking into the woods to look for proof, they are given a simple warning: ‘It’s not a joke. You shouldn’t go there.’ Despite the ominous message and Kelly’s own reservations, they head deep into the forest to set up camp. The events that follow will make them wish they had simply spent the night at the Bigfoot Motel.

(Above: Willow Creek director Bobcat Goldthwait at The Forks in Willow Creek.)

Obviously, the local tie in is that Willow Creek the town — or more specifically a spot on the Klamath River near Orleans — was the site of the 1967 Patterson-Gimlin film, the most famous piece of big-footage ever captured. Parts of Willow Creek were shot by Goldthwait and his crew last July in the town that supplies its title. (One sequence, shot in The Forks bar, was accidentally crashed by yours truly.) WC also reportedly features a cameo by local bigfoot enthusiast and Bigfoot Books owner Steven Streufert. (Go, Steve!)

Of course you want to see this, right? Well, Willow Creek is set to have its official premiere as part of the Boston Independent Film Festival on Monday, April 29, which likely doesn’t matter to any of you. But! According to the interview Goldthwait gave to The Bigfoot Report (video posted below, jump to 28:00) the film will make a trek to Humboldt for a special “believers screening” at the “Arcadia Theatre” (he means Arcata, folks) on May 31! 

Holy yes! Let’s all go ‘squatchin’! Someone tell Bobo!

UPDATE, FEB. 20: For some reason we feel obliged to point out that the fake menu below is full of stolen jokes. But the man knows how to steal from the best. — HS

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Former Ferndalian Guy Fieri hasn’t had an easy time of it. As previously reported here on LoCO, the painfully bleached restaurateur, author, television personality and game show host has been accused of many things and cleared of some of them. His newest restaurant was immortalized in the New York Times not for being wonderful, but because critic Paul Wells delivered a one-two punch of acerbity and wit in reviewing Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar:

When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?

Today, a veritable Fieri frenzy infused the national media. And by “frenzy” and “national media,” we mean that Business Insider, Bostinno and, our personal favorite, Jezebel, all brought to our attention that if you fail to purchase your own relevant domain names, hell will surely follow. Because, as Jezebel’s Laura Beck points out:

When you don’t, you end up like Guy Fieri — serving your big balls with cadillac cream sauce. 

Wha?! Yes. See, this fellow, one Bryan Mytko, now owns guysamericankitchenandbar.com, which features such appetizing appetizers as the “Honky-Tonky Double Meat Barrel Loaded Blast” and “Guy’s Big Balls,” as well as, well, see for yourself:

Yesterday, motorists on northbound 101 were stuck in a unusual 45-minute stop-and-go traffic jam stretching from as far south as College of the Redwoods to north of Humboldt Hill. 

The cause? Road crews closed one lane.

How did this relatively routine closure strangle traffic so effectively? 

CalTrans had been grinding and repaving northbound 101 from one mile south of the Fields Landing Overhead to just north of the Herrick Avenue Overcrossing, closing the right lane as a result. 

Interviewed on KHUM earlier today, CalTrans public information officer Phil Frisbie said a number of factors helped the gridlock gel. 

CalTrans’ Phil Frisbie

Said Frisbie:

“The lane closure, where it was necked down to one lane, was a little bit longer than on some of our other types of work, and the traffic seemed like it was maybe heavier than we anticipated….

“We were monitoring the situation… our construction people tried making some changes to the traffic control to try and get the traffic through more efficiently, but unfortunately no matter what we did yesterday, the queue just kept backing up further.”

He said the added length of the lane closure can increase the potential for traffic density to ripple back down the lane. 

Humboldt’s polite roadway etiquette may have contributed, as some drivers were merging into the left lane earlier than necessary. “It goes counter-intuitive our wanting to be polite,” he said.

“[Drivers] should be “slightly slowing down as they approach the cone zone, but they should not merge until the arrow is telling them to merge. At that point they should go every other car, and that’s really the most efficient way for traffic to get through there.”

Today’s northbound travelers should see smooth sailing, he said, and next week’s road painting session should be much smoother.

From Eureka Police Department:

On 7/30/11 at about 9:05 AM, the Eureka Police Department and the Eureka Fire Department responded to the green belt area of the 1600 block of Waterfront regarding a suspicious fire.

Upon arrival, Officers discovered that the fire had been extinguished. Officers contacted the homeless victim who was on scene. He told them that an unknown female suspect had intentionally poured a flammable liquid on his bedding while he was sleeping in the greenbelt. The suspect then ignited the fluid. The victim was able to get out from under his bedding and extinguish the fire without being injured. The suspect left the area on foot.

The suspect was described as a heavy set Native American or Hispanic female adult. She was last seen wearing a black “beanie” cap, a white shirt and blue pants. At the time of this press release the suspect hasn’t been located.

This is an ongoing investigation and anyone with information regarding this investigation is asked to contact the Eureka Police Department (441-4060) or Detective Todd Wilcox (441-4315).

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I don’t know what to say about stories like this. For those following the horrific shooting of a teenage girl and her mother up in Crescent City, the latest news is Cecilia Mortenson, 14, has died after being taken off life support.

Mortenson and her mother, Ashley Volore, were allegedly shot by 60-year-old Jerry Wayne Steele on June 14. Steele had been accused of molesting Mortenson in Santa Clara County “repeatedly by force over a period of four years and assaulted her with a box cutter in an attempt to dissuade her from filing a report against him.” The two had fled to Crescent City to hide while awaiting his conviction.

Jessica Cejnar has the full sad story in today’s T-S.