First-Ever Light Dep Festival Hits the Mateel! Plus: Commandos?

Emily Hobelmann / Sunday, Sept. 7 @ 8:18 a.m. / marijuana

Trim, trim, trim. Trim, trim, trim some more. Are you doing it? Trimming, clipping, cleaning buds. Enjoying summer camp for big kids. Processing all that dep weed… The gift that keeps on giving. Good for you!

But I think it’s time for you to come down off the hill for a day, you know? Take a little break, hang out with some different people, see some music, do some stoner networking, party like the fucking rockstar that you are.

Yeah, dawggs. Here’s what’s up: Next Saturday, Sept. 13, The 1st Annual Golden Tarp Awards is happening SoHum-style at the Mateel Community Center in Redway. It’s gonna be off the chain. It’s gonna be off-with-the-tarp!

The people at Garberville’s medical marijuana dispensary Wonderland Nursery and Ganjier Media are behind this inaugural one-of-a-kind light deprivation cannabis competition, which features classes, workshops, speakers, movies and live music.

The competition: Qualified medical marijuana patient cultivators were given a chance to enter their light dep weed into one of four categories: Floral, Fuel, Earth or Fruity. The deadline to enter was Aug. 21.

All the entries were lab tested by Pure Analytics down in Santa Rosa, and entries that showed the presence of pesticides, chemical growth regulators, fungal growth and/or pathogens are disqualified.

Only the best deppies — the four contaminant-free entries from each category that lab results confirm have the highest total cannabinoids — are going on to the final round of judging, which takes place at the event next Saturday.

The coolest part about this event: The judges panel will be selected from ticket holders with valid 215 recommendations. This is based on an optional lottery at the venue entrance — don’t worry, you don’t have to enter the lottery if you don’t want to…

But if you do enter the lottery and you do score a judgeship, you will be tasked with evaluating the top four strains in each of the four categories. The lucky judges will be sampling all 16 of the strains at the event. Hahahahaha! (Yes, that’s me, laughing.) This isn’t for y’all one-hit-gets-me-so-high wonders out there. However, if you’re a seasoned medical marijuana user, you can handle it. (Yo, Puff — This sounds like a job for you!)

The big winners will be announced at during Saturday’s 6-7 p.m. awards ceremony. Only one dep weed can win the hand-crafted bronze greenhouse-with-a-golden-tarp trophy and the Golden Arm Tarp Puller donated by High Grade Wholesale. There are CBD awards too. (Only in Humboldt…)

What else, what else? The educational portion of the event happens between noon and 4 p.m. Speakers include Matt Kumin from California Cannabis Voice, Mendo CSA and cannabis farmer Casey O’Neill (check out his Cannabis Manifesto on SoundCloud), Gro-Kashi soil experts Alan Adkisson and Cuauhtemoc Villa and Forever Flowering Greenhouses’ Jonathan Valdman.

The 707 Cannabis College faculty is presenting the following classes and workshops: “Juicing Fresh Cannabis Leaf for Health and Vitality”; “Predicting Your Potency and Profile: How Vegetative Cannabinoid Testing Can Change Your Universe”; “Who Wants My Cannabis?”; “Safety With Concentrates”; and “Propagation: Hands-on Clone Making.” Faculty members are also providing trim machine demos, hands-on scissor instruction and a Q&A on Rick Simpson Oil (RSO). (Gotta have your 215 rec for the clone making workshop and the trimming/scissoring demos.)

The live music starts 4:20 p.m. The lineup features Potluck (yesss), Yung LB, Green R. Fieldz (who always wears dope hand-blown glass pendants, BTW), Eli Mac, Kiwini, Jah Maoli and Siaosi. Ladies, all of these guys are hot. Please come out so the G-Tarp is not a total sausage fest. DJs will be jamming in the outside area and there’s live music in the vendor tent all day too.

The event runs from noon-9 p.m. at the Mateel; it’s 18+; tickets are $30 for general admission and $50 for VIP. Find all the deets here.


This past week, KMUD Radio, our community’s most valuable cannabis news resource, had some excellent coverage of rumored unlawful searches and seizures at private marijuana gardens.

In her weekly cannabis report segment on the Sept. 5 local news, Kerry Reynolds talks about paramilitary-style raids that have allegedly been happening in Mendo and Lake Counties, where “no search warrants are served and armed men descending from helicopters refuse to provide identification as they slash cannabis plants and also damage personal property.”

Is law enforcement behind these raids? I’m still not clear on that. But according to Reynolds’ coverage, Lake County medical marijuana patients that were allegedly raided in this manner recently filed a lawsuit against a number of county officials in federal court to stop the madness. Listen to her coverage for the scoop.

And listen to Reynolds’ Cannabis Consciousness program today (Sept. 7) from 1:30-3 p.m. for expert advice on medical cannabis farmers’ rights during raids.

Back on Wednesday, Sept. 3, the Civil Liberties Monitoring Project talk show featured Mendocino County Sheriff Tom Allman. (It aired from 7-8 p.m.; find it in the KMUD archive.) Host Bonnie Blackberry and Allman talked about law enforcement objectives with commercial cannabis garden eradication, trespass grows, environmental degradation and illegal water diversions.

They talked about who exactly can do marijuana eradication in Mendo — the County of Mendocino Marijuana Eradication Team (COMMET), municipal law enforcement agencies, state agencies, federal agencies, California Highway Patrol…; and what these specific agencies are out to eradicate, exactly.

Allman talked about how you can set up your garden in a way that shows you are compliant with Prop 215 and Mendo regulations. He talked light dep. He talked about how law enforcement officers are supposed to identify themselves and the lack of identification on the private helicopters used during Mendo law enforcement marijuana raids.

And Allman emphatically said he hasn’t been shown evidence or proof that there are vigilantes out eradicating or stealing marijuana; he’s only heard 2nd- and 3rd- hand accounts of vigilante raids…

Then the phone lines were then opened for some interesting calls from the public. For sure check it out.


Have a wonderful day, LoCOs.


Yesterday: 10 felonies, 19 misdemeanors, 0 infractions


Humboldt County Superior Court Calendar: Yesterday


Henderson Ln (Garberville office): Trfc Collision-1141 Enrt

Us101 N / Us101 N Benbow Ofr (Garberville office): Traffic Hazard

Henderson Ln (Garberville office): Trfc Collision-1141 Enrt


Times-Standard News: Emergency water released to Klamath, Trinity rivers after deadly fish parasite detected

Lumberjack News: Donation Encourages Deep Sea Exploration

Times-Standard News: Governor signs first California groundwater rules

San Jose Mercury News: California Marijuana Market Poised to Explode


Letter from Istanbul: The Camel, the Polar Bear and the Delivery Boy

James Tressler / Sunday, Sept. 7 @ 7:43 a.m. / Letter From Istanbul

According to Turkish lore, a camel’s idea of heaven is to die and wake up in the North Pole. Conversely, a camel’s idea of hell is to wake up in the desert getting raped by a polar bear.

So when a Turkish man swears, “May you be re-incarnated as a camel in the desert being raped by a polar bear!” you can be sure he isn’t pleased with you.


The other night, Ozge and I decided to order in. It was Sunday, and we were feeling lazy, watching old Seinfeld episodes on the Internet. We’re big Seinfeld fans, and recently started watching the whole series from the first season on.

Anyway, there’s a website where you can order from a variety of different restaurants. We settled on burgers, and clicked on the option that allows you to pay by debit card. Meanwhile, we continued watching Seinfeld.

Half an hour later there was a buzz at the door. The delivery boy was standing outside, with the food. When we handed him the card, the delivery boy looked abashed. He claimed that he didn’t know we were going to pay by debit card, that he didn’t have the card scanner on his person, and that he could only take cash.

“But we don’t have any cash here,” Ozge said.

The delivery boy suggested we go with him to the restaurant if we wanted to use the debit card.

Ozge flatly refused.

“If we had wanted to go to the restaurant, we wouldn’t have ordered delivery,” she said, somewhat exasperated.

Finally, the delivery boy gave in. He handed us the food, and said he would return in the morning.

“That was strange,” I said.

First of all, we didn’t have any cash in the flat, which is why we were paying by debit card. Secondly, we had specified in our order that we were paying by card, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Finally, as Ozge told me, the website warns customers against delivery boys insisting on cash payments only.

“It’s probably a scam,” I said. “He was probably afraid that if we used the card he wouldn’t get a tip, so he pretends like he doesn’t have a card scanner.”

“But I always include a tip when I use the card,” Ozge said. “So he shouldn’t have worried about that.”

Still feeling a bit confused, but hungry, we put the matter aside, retired to the living room and had dinner. We watched some more Seinfeld. The episode was “The Pony Remark.”

Suddenly there was another buzz at the door. It was the delivery boy again. We thought he had managed to “locate” his card scanner, but no – he had more food! He was standing in our doorway with a bag full of fresh lahmacuns.

“No, not for us!” we said.

“Not for you?” the delivery boy seemed genuinely confused. “Number 52?”

“Downstairs,” Ozge said, pointing the way.

“Ah, pardon,” the delivery boy said, and waved good-night somewhat sheepishly before going down the stairway.

“Well –“ Ozge said, shutting the door.

“This is all starting to feel like a Seinfeld episode,” I said.


Actually, it did feel like an episode of Seinfeld. We could call it, “The Delivery Boy.” Ozge and I began imagining the scenario. Which character would it happen to – Jerry, George, Elaine or Kramer? And how would they react?

“Well,” Ozge said. Kramer is her favorite character. “If it were Kramer, he would probably move out of the building, or hide from the delivery boy instead of paying the bill.”

“What about Elaine?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Elaine would just probably get angry.”

“George would probably want to go to the restaurant headquarters and have an angry meeting with the boss,” I said.

What about Jerry?

“Oh, it probably wouldn’t happen to Jerry,” Ozge said. “He always has cash on him.”


In the morning, I went to an ATM, withdrew some cash and left it with Ozge to pay the delivery boy if and when he showed up.

At the school, I told my colleagues about our strange encounter with the Delivery Boy.

“Sounds like you got free burgers then,” said one English girl.

“So you don’t think he’ll ever come back then?” I asked.

“No, probably not.”

“Actually something similar happened to me,” said another teacher, a guy from Oregon. “We ordered pizza of that same website, and we thought it was a 2-for-1 deal. But my flatmate doesn’t really understand Turkish, and so she mis-interpreted the deal. Actually it was a ½ and ½ pizza. So when the delivery boy showed up with just one pizza with two different halves, we were upset. But when he heard about the misunderstanding, he left and came back with a second pizza and a bottle of Coke!”

“Nice,” I said.

The Oregon teacher is also a big Seinfeld fan, and so he appreciated our efforts to put what happened into a Seinfeld scheme. After listening to how we had outlined it, he offered his own scenario.

“Actually, you’re wrong about George,” he said. “You know how George is always lying, trying to get out of paying things. He would just pretend he never ordered a pizza. As for Elaine, I think she would get obsessed and actually go and find the guy and throw cash at him. She’d yell, ‘Take your money!’

“I don’t know,” I said. “You know sometimes George can get a conscience. Remember the episode with the security guard? Where he felt bad for the security guard having to stand all day, so he went and bought him a chair so he could sit down –“

“—yeah, and then the security guard fell asleep and the store got robbed!”

“Now that I think about it,” I said. “I think in this case, Kramer would be the one who would sue the company. He would get that lawyer, the black guy, to represent him against the restaurant. The lawyer would try to get 50,000 dollars in damages, but Kramer would settle when the restaurant offered him something like one year of free burgers.”


That evening, I asked Ozge if the delivery boy had ever come by.

“No,” she said. “And I waited here all day until 3 o’clock.”

“How about that? I guess we got free burgers after all.”

“Shall we watch some Seinfeld?”


Later that night, I thought about our delivery boy, who at that precise moment was somewhere out in the Istanbul universe. Quite possibly, he was out on a delivery right as we speak, climbing a staircase, knocking on a door, praying desperately that the customer would pay in cash, and leave a tip. And quite possibly, he might have been thinking of us in our parallel Istanbul universe. Who knows? He might have wished us afiyet olsun (bon appetit). Or maybe, just maybe, he was hoping that in the next life we would be re-incarnated as camels in the desert, being raped by polar bears.

James Tressler, a novelist and journalist whose books include “Lost Coast D.A.” and “Letters from Istanbul, Vol. 1,” is a former Times-Standard reporter. He lives in Istanbul.

Stabbing Near Petrolia, Ambulance Responding

Kym Kemp / Saturday, Sept. 6 @ 7:18 p.m. / Crime

Scanner traffic indicates there has been a stabbing on Evergreen way near Petrolia. The volunteer fire department is on scene and reports there there is a 32 year old male with abdominal wounds. The dispatcher indicates that there was an altercation that led to the stabbing. “The suspect is still in the area but unknown where…,” she said.

Myrtle Avenue [Reopened,] Telephone Poles Downed in Accident

Kym Kemp / Saturday, Sept. 6 @ 11:05 a.m. / News

UPDATE - 09/07/2014 @ 9:45 AM:  All lanes of Mrytle Avenue have been re-opened to normal traffic at approximately 0330 hours this morning.

UPDATE, 6:35 p.m.:

Here’s a press release from the CHP:

On September 6, at approximately 0100 hours, Malachi Herrera-Ayala, age 20, was driving his 2009 Toyota Tacoma pickup truck westbound on Mrytle Avenue west of Spears Road.  For reasons still under investigation by the California Highway Patrol - Humboldt Area, Mr. Herrera-Ayala made an unsafe turning movement and allowed his vehicle to drive off the roadway and strike a wooden utility pole.  The initial impact caused damage to three additional wooden utility poles, and both lanes of Myrtle Avenue were completely blocked by debris.  The vehicle’s airbags deployed upon impact, however Mr. Herrera-Ayala, who was also properly restrained with a seatbelt, was not injured.  DUI is not believed to be a factor in this collision.

After the collision occurred, a separate uninvolved vehicle of a passerby became stranded inside the scene, which contained downed utility poles and wires, and had to be left overnight (unoccupied) until it could be safely removed during the repair operations.  The passerby was not injured as a result of this incident, and safely retrieved their vehicle during daylight hours.  

TRAFFIC ADVISORY:  It is anticipated that Myrtle Avenue will be completely closed until approximately 1900-2000 hours tonight (September 6th), at which time it will re-open to one-way controlled traffic.  A complete re-opening of Myrtle Avenue is anticipated to take place a few hours later at approximately midnight. 


Original post:

According to CHP dispatch, Myrtle Avenue has been closed east of Eureka due to utility poles in the roadway.  Several poles fell as the result of a no injury accident that was reported about 12:50 this morning. 

We are working on getting more information.  

New Study Looks at Opiate Death Rates, Suggests Medical Marijuana May Reduce Fatalities

Kym Kemp / Saturday, Sept. 6 @ 10:44 a.m. / marijuana

Juice from cannabis leaves prepared by a Humboldt Patient Resource Center’s nutritionist. [Photo taken in 2010.]

A new study published in JAMA (The Journal of the American Medical Association) examined overdose rates from opiates. The article’s authors discovered a likely correlation between states that had enacted medical marijuana laws and lower than expected rates of opiate overdose deaths.

Study authors, Marcus Bachhuber and Colleen Berry stated in a piece in last Sunday’s New York Times,

…we also found that implementation of a medical marijuana law was associated with a 25 percent lower yearly rate of opioid painkiller overdose deaths, on average. In absolute terms, we estimated that states with a medical marijuana law had a total of about 1,700 fewer opioid painkiller overdose deaths in 2010 than would be expected based on trends before the laws were passed.

The study authors caution that this is the first study of its type. They point out, “it is possible that states with and without medical marijuana laws differed over time in important ways that we did not or cannot measure and that could explain, at least in part, our results.”

Nonetheless, the implications of this study may impact public health policy and the medical marijuana debate.

[Update-minor injuries] Two Ambulances Responding to Motorcycle Accident Near Eureka

Kym Kemp / Friday, Sept. 5 @ 5:58 p.m. / News

UPDATE 9/6: CHP reporting minor injuries.


Original post:

Two ambulances are responding to a motorcycle accident on Westgate Drive southeast of Eureka. There are reports of a “semi-conscious male” and a female with back injuries. See dispatch information here.

Vegetation Fire Near Carlotta

Kym Kemp / Friday, Sept. 5 @ 5:51 p.m. / Fire!

The Rio Dell and Carlotta Fire Departments are responding to a fire near the Stevens Creek drainage in the “Redwood House area.” Tankers are dropping retardant. Scanner traffic is indicating that the fire is already burning five to seven acres but at a slow rate of spread.

We’ll update as more comes in.