Meet Stefan Parker and Zach Mathieu, AKA The Humshuckers. Why are they important? Because collectively they can force four dozen oysters inside of a human body (through the mouth hole) faster than anyone else in the land. They proved it at Saturday’s Oyster Festival and, as such, they are your KWPT The Point’s 2013 Shuck and Swallow Contest champions. Bow before them.

With a time of 4 minutes and 17 seconds, The HumShuckers easily bested the second place finishers The Shamus Shuckers made up of Lonny Whitlow and Sean Sherrer (5:20) and third place team Shut Up ‘N’ Shuck with members Kevin Jenkins and Rex Bohn (5:31).

(Two other teams, Shuck It Easy and Too Young to Shuck proved unable to complete the 48 oysters required to earn a time and were thus laughed off the Oyster Fest stage in shame.)

So good on you, Stefan and Zach. And thank you for your profanity-laced post oyster-inhaling victory speech. That was worth the $10 all by itself. More sights below … and we’re working on getting video (right, Malcolm?)

(13-year-old Garrison Finck of Too Young to Shuck proved to be just that.)

Press release from the Humboldt County Sheriffs Office:

On 06-15-2013, approximately 8:30 p.m. the Humboldt County Sheriffs Office received a call from a male victim reporting his house was just shot at. The victim resides in the 1700 block of Lime Avenue, McKinleyville. When deputies arrived they met with the victim and his stepfather. They reported a person known as Michael Raphael Robitaille, 42 years old came to their residence and knocked on the front door. When they did not answer the door, they heard a gunshot and then saw Robitialle leave. They checked the door and saw a bullet hole in the front door. They saw the bullet traveled through the metal front door and three interior walls, before striking a light fixture.

Deputies located Robitialle at a residence in the 2400 block of Penn Avenue, McKinleyville. He admitted going to the home on Lime Avenue, but denied shooting into the residence. Robitialle was arrested for shooting into an inhabited building. No weapon was recovered.

Robitialle was transported to the Humboldt County Correctional Facility

Anyone with information for the Sheriffs Office regarding this case or related criminal activity is encouraged to call the Sheriffs Office at 707-445-7251 or the Sheriffs Office Crime Tip line at 707-268-2539.

Arcata Police Dept. Press Release:

On June 17th at 3:05 AM the Arcata Police Department received a report of a burglary in progress at the Chevron gas station on Giuntoli Lane.  Officers quickly arrived in the area and located a subject fleeing the business. The subject, later identified as Stephen James Hansen, age 27, was taken into custody after a short foot pursuit. Hansen was found to be in possession of property that had been stolen from the business and was placed under arrest for the burglary.

Officers were able to view surveillance footage from the business that showed Hansen breaking the glass front door with a rock and entering the business and removing the merchandise from the store.   

Based upon the same method of entry used at a previous burglary at the Chevron which had occurred on May 31st., video surveillance footage was viewed from the prior burglary and Hansen was identified as the suspect in that incident as well. 

Hansen was transported to the Humboldt County Correctional Facility where he was booked and lodged for burglary.

 

Fortuna Police Dept. Press Release:

FORTUNA, CA - On June 16, 2013 at about 1030 hours, officers with the Fortuna Police Department were dispatched to the 400 block of 11th Street for the report of an altercation between Sheila Ayub of Fortuna (age 40) and her daughter. Upon arrival officers contacted the involved parties and were able to resolve the issues leading to the initial call for service. As an officer attempted to re-contact reporting party Ayub at her opened front door the officer observed Ayub running through the home while carrying bags of processed marijuana bud. The officer entered the residence and detained Ayub for the violation. Ayub was found to be in possession of approximately two pounds of processed marijuana bud, of which was packaged for sales.

Based upon the observations of the officer and Ayub’s statements, the residence was locked down in preparation for a search warrant.

During the execution of the search warrant, officers located the following;

•Approximately 8 pounds processed marijuana bud
•Approximately 10 pounds of untrimmed marijuana plant
•2 digital scales
•Approximately 14,000.00 US currency
•Several forms of packaging material

Ayub was arrested and transported to the Humboldt County Jail on the following charges;

•HS 11359 possession of marijuana for sale
•HS 11366.5 maintaining a drug house

 

[Fourth in our series of Pulitzer-losing sports coverage]

Crabs won, barely, in an above-average game whose pleasant tension only amplified the end result. It wasn’t until the bottom of the ninth that the Crabbies seized control. The Menlo Park Legends (henceforth referred to as the Bums) go home having lost three of four games in Arcata.

“What a great day to watch the Crabs win a close game,” said Lord Ellis drummer Steve Bohner. “Congrats and happy Father’s day. Go Crabs!”

• It was Father’s day
• It was KHUM day
• It was Cher-Ae-Heights-Gives-You-A-Seat-Cushion Day (thanks!)
• It was kids-run-the-bases day, followed by kids-run-through-the-sprinklers day, followed by kids-soak-through-the-booster-seat day 

Most visibly, it was Suspenders Day in memory of the great Jerry Nutter. Many suspenders were rocked and subsequently britches were held up.

Also visible was a particular right-handed Crabs hitter whose zipper was blatantly open.

PRO TIP: If you’re in front of 1,200 people, check your fly.

The Bums’ catcher was ejected & the crowd predictably went berserk [Pictured, top]. Your reporter was told that the catcher articulated his frustration physically with Don The Ump, which apparently carries a two-game suspension.

You want to know the only imperfection of the day? The root beer float line. Woefully overwhelmed concessionaires wore brave faces while the line of unquenched fans grew ever longer. The line was asked to curve left, then re-asked to form a U, if you don’t mind. Nobody minded.

By The Numbers:

• Minutes Required To Acquire A Delicious Root Beer Float: 17
• Final Score: 6-5 Crabs
• 50/50 Pot: $1,170 [winner above]
• Beers Downed by Dads: inifinite
• Homers: 1 [Bums]
• Catchers Ejected: 1
• Attendance: 1,234 or something
• Temperature: 64 F
• Crowd Noise Peak: 98.73 decibels in the 7th inning [measured on SPL app]
• T-Shirts Thrown At Opposition Dugout: At least 1

Can’t make it to a Crabs game because you’re a shut-in? Let their Twitter feed blaze a trail through the forest of your mind. 

Rejected Story Headlines:

• Crabs Win In NSFW Thriller
• Remembering Nutter The Wrong Way
• Crabs Show Who Real Legends Are
• Fly Balls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Photos: Lost Coast Outpost & courtesy Humboldt Crabs]