I. Y’all know the Helmersen place down in the Shively flats? You can build something there if you want to.
A. Now, but since ol’ Widow Helmersen still lives in the cabin one parcel over and she’s been having a flare-up of the gout, you cain’t build nothing between the hours of six p.m. and eight a.m. or else we’re gonna have to put you under arrest as a lawbreaker.
II. Be it resolved and etc., etc. that Humboldt County still has itself a lot of cows, both dairy-wise and for beef, and we’re goddamn proud of that fact right there and rightly so.
A. So if you boys ever need a hand or something, let us know.
B. Furthermore, be it resolved and so forth that some of these hippies aren’t doing so bad with their organic greenstuffs and the like, so as long as they keep it to themselfs that’s OK with us.
1. But no funny stuff.
I. We, the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors, being of sound mind and body, do solemnly swear that people gotta get places, whether it be, for example, to do the grocery shopping or get to the hardware store or what have you.
A. So for that there’s gotta be roads, and I guess we’re the ones who’re gonna have to build them and keep them up and so on.
B. But there’s plenty of old folks who can’t drive anymore but who still gotta get to Doc Cartwright for their check-ups and such. Also, like it or not, some downright bums and such who are still going to get from place to place. So we’re probably going to have to run some buses or something.
C. So we’ll do those things, cause no one else is going to do em.
I. GOD BLESS AMERICA
II. And it was said unto us that a Great Builder of Railroads would arise, and He would deliver us goods from the east, and from the south, and lo even from the multitudinous Chinafolk of the great Orient.
A. Praise Him.