Meet Stefan Parker and Zach Mathieu, AKA The Humshuckers. Why are they important? Because collectively they can force four dozen oysters inside of a human body (through the mouth hole) faster than anyone else in the land. They proved it at Saturday’s Oyster Festival and, as such, they are your KWPT The Point’s 2013 Shuck and Swallow Contest champions. Bow before them.

With a time of 4 minutes and 17 seconds, The HumShuckers easily bested the second place finishers The Shamus Shuckers made up of Lonny Whitlow and Sean Sherrer (5:20) and third place team Shut Up ‘N’ Shuck with members Kevin Jenkins and Rex Bohn (5:31).

(Two other teams, Shuck It Easy and Too Young to Shuck proved unable to complete the 48 oysters required to earn a time and were thus laughed off the Oyster Fest stage in shame.)

So good on you, Stefan and Zach. And thank you for your profanity-laced post oyster-inhaling victory speech. That was worth the $10 all by itself. More sights below … and we’re working on getting video (right, Malcolm?)

(13-year-old Garrison Finck of Too Young to Shuck proved to be just that.)