Governor Jerry Brown is obviously trying to pull a fast one on California’s marijuana community with his remarks on the March 2nd edition of NBC’s Meet the Press. He was asked about legalization by host David Gregory, like whether legalization is a “good idea” for California… (Gregory’s question is lame — legalization is a good idea for everyone. Major duh on that one bro.) Here’s what Brown said in response to Gregory’s question:

We have medical marijuana, which gets very close to what they have in Colorado and Washington. I’d really like those two states to show us how it’s gonna work. The problem with anything — a certain amount is OK, but there is a tendency to go to extremes. And all of a sudden if there’s advertising and legitimacy… How many people can get stoned and still have a great state or a great nation? The world’s pretty dangerous, very competitive. I think we need to stay alert, if not 24-hours a day, more than some of the potheads might be able to put together.

Initially, I felt outraged. How dare he criticize “potheads.” I took it personally because I’m a medical and recreational marijuana user. Some might say I’m a pothead. So at first I kept thinking, “What a douchebag thing to say. I have two jobs and I’m college educated and I work my ass off to pay my rent. And don’t even get me started on the pressure to stay alert all the damn time to make my way in this modern ‘civilized society,’ on the pressure to keep the California juggernaut afloat…”

My outraged continued until I smoked some Humboldt County-grown, outdoor organic marijuana. When my consciousness was sufficiently expanded, I started to think about California “potheads,” to use the guv-na’s faded lingo. I started to think about all of the state’s yuppies, Hollywood types, Silicon Valley nerds, teachers, gas station attendants, scientists, pot growers, law enforcement peeps, CEOs, blue and white collar people, veterans, medical professionals, journalists, millionaires, houseless community members, high school students, athletes, politicians and people with compromised health that use marijuana.

No disputing this point: California marijuana users encompass a very broad swath of folks — all races, most ages, all ranks, all income levels. Marijuana use and affiliation is pervasive, ubiquitous, all-up-in-this-mother. Of course, not everyone in California is a marijuana user or an industry affiliate, but I’d bet that every one of us is no more than one degree removed from someone that is.

Governor Brown knows this. He has to. California’s marijuana industry is a major, major sector of the economy. Above-board, underground, whatever. Marijuana is motherfucking important to this state. 

G-Brown totally knows that there are plenty of successful potheads out there. And if you don’t believe it, just check out this website: successfulstoners.com. That shit’s deep. (But not really.)

This is better: The Marijuana Policy Project made a 2013 list of the “Top 50 Most Influential Marijuana Users,” and oh, it’s just presidents, Oprah Winfrey, famous TV peeps, rich ass people, Snoop Lion. No big.

Obviously Jerry Brown was full of shit on Meet the Press. He’s obviously making fun of marijuana fans in order to motivate us to prove to the world that “potheads” is an outdated term. He’s obviously using reverse psychology to motivate citizens to get marijuana legalized because our stale-ass federal government isn’t going to do it for us anytime soon. He’s obviously using reverse psychology with those remarks because the marijuana industry in California is undeniably fucking huge.

And given how the state of Colorado is killin’ it with tax revenue from legal marijuana sales, Brown, of course, knows that tax revenue from legal marijuana sales could maybe push California into a place where it’s actually worthy of “great state” status.

Of course the Guv trying to dupe us. He’s not that out of touch. People use marijuana all over the place, and more advertising is not going to change that. Of course Brown wants legalization. He’s got to understand that putting people in prison for possessing weed is fucking dumb — he knows all about overcrowded prisons. And he’s got the brain power to understand the potential of medical marijuana.

Brown is likely just trying to motivate people to stand up for what’s right. He’s trying to motivate people to overcome the hypocrisy of prohibition. Obvs. But I am speculating. So perhaps a fact is in order: The fact that our governing bodies insist on perpetuating restrictive marijuana policies is lame because ultimately, marijuana is fucking plant. “Oh, it smells.” “Oh, the IQ points.” “Oh, the potheads aren’t alert enough to keep up with the dangerous and competitive world…”

Puh-lease. If all the hype was dropped around marijuana being somehow more special than the other plants out there on Planet Earth, we could go back to doing whatever it is we would do if we didn’t have to worry about getting busted for being associated with marijuana. Hemp could be cultivated, medicinal marijuana research could commence, the uncertainty around Humboldt’s underground economy could play out. People in Nebraska, or wherever the fuck they import Humboldt weed from, could start growing their own or they could buy Humboldt’s finest in their own weed stores.

Marijuana is rad and all of that and so are all the other handy plants out there. Bashing marijuana users is so 80s, so war-on-drugs, so D.A.R.E. Bashing marijuana users is so totally the fuel for the fire of marijuana legitimacy. More and more marijuana people are becoming out-and-proud, and Brown is just helping that movement right along.

On the local front, the proposed ordinance for outdoor medical marijuana cultivation on parcels up to five acres in size was on the Planning Commission meeting agenda last Thursday (March 6). I am against the restrictive limits they are proposing. I couldn’t make the meeting, but I did participate in democracy by submitting my comments on the matter to my Supervisor via email. She responded promptly. Go E-Fizzy!

At the meeting, the marijuana segment of the program wasn’t brought up until 9 p.m. — the proposed ordinance was last on the meeting agenda. Lots of folks drove up to Eureka from SoHum to weigh in, but there was only a limited amount of time for comments given the late start on the topic. So the matter is tabled for the moment. Times-Standard coverage of the meeting here. Perhaps they will have another meeting on the issue down SoHum way at a more reasonable time of day so we can get live on this stuff.

Now back to work, potheads. No rest allowed. It’s a dangerous world out there. Better stay awake and working 24-hours a day, or else…