“You can’t get the wood, you know.”

Say this, preferably in a shaky high-pitched voice, to any Brit of a certain age, and I guarantee they’ll fall to the floor in paroxysms of laughter. It’s a catchphrase (some would say the catchphrase) from the 1950s weekly BBC radio program The Goon Show, precursor of Monty Python, The Simpsons, South Park and every outré comedy show on both sides of the Atlantic ever since.

(More than you need to know: The phrase was always uttered by ancient Henry Crun to also-ancient Minnie Bannister, aka Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan, vaguely referring to the fact that in post-war Britain everything was hard to get — but even wood?! Many years later, Jef Raskin called his user-manual firm Bannister & Crun, which morphed into Apple Computer’s Publication Department.)

“Captain, the engines canna stand the strain!”

What is it about catchphrases that engage us, tickle us, bond us?

“Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.”

“People are doing it to feel good about themselves, to make others laugh, to make themselves laugh,” according to Richard Harris, professor of psychology at Kansas State.

“Go ahead, make my day…”

…is number six on the American Film Institute list of movie quotes.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn…”

…is number one.

“I know nothing.”

I’ve never — true confessions — seen Hogan’s Heroes (wrong place, wrong time). But I can do a Sergeant Schultz with the best of them whenever the occasion demands.

“Klaatu barada nikto.”

This is my all-purpose response when I have no response. (“Why did you put the dirty towels in with the clean ones?” “Klaatu barada nikto.” Everyone needs this. Patricia Neal needed it on The Day the Earth Stood Still. You’ll need it when the aliens land in your backyard. Speaking of which…

“The truth is out there.”

It sure isn’t in here.

“All your base are belong to us”

Now this is about as perfect an Engrish catchphrase as you can come up with, combining as it does inside knowledge (you mean, you never played Zero Wing?), utter meaninglessness and bad grammar. Here it is, in full form:

Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What !
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It’s you !!
CATS: How are you gentlemen !!
CATS: All your base are belong to us.
CATS: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say !!
CATS: You have no chance to survive make your time.
CATS: Ha ha ha ha …
Operator: Captain !!
Captain: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
Captain: You know what you doing.
Captain: Move ‘ZIG’.
Captain: For great justice.

Got carried away there.

“Is that your final answer?”

Not that I ever saw whatever quiz show Regis Philbin hosted, but isn’t that just the perfect come-back to every unwanted response? (“No, I don’t want to give you five bucks for gas.” “Is that your final answer?”)

“Just one more thing…”

I first “met” Peter Falk in the one of my all-time favorite movies, Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire, about invisible angels watching over the human inhabitants of Berlin during the Cold War. Falk plays himself in the film, touchingly and beautifully. Which led me to his 20-year long portrayal of LAPD detective Columbo and his deceptively bumbling style, including this catchphrase just when the murderer thought he or she had gotten away with it. Oh, long ago I used to drive an old Peugeot 403, just like Columbo.

I could go on about catchphrases all day, but, you know … yadayadayada.