Get hype for America Day!

Someday someone will tell me why Humboldt — a traditionally America-skeptical place — goes all-out for the Fourth of July, but go all out it does. As with most years, we have stuff going on all up and down the county for the holiday.

Having trouble deciding where to go and how to celebrate? Here’s a probably incomplete rundown.

I want to celebrate the Fourth of July on the Third of July.

Get down to Fortuna tonight! Down in the Friendly City they’re doing the whole damn thing a day early, and they’re doing it up in family-friendly style! We’re talking about clowns, balloon animals, a petting zoo and not one bounce house, not two bounce houses, nor yet three bounce houses … but FIFTEEN FRICKIN BOUNCE HOUSES.

When night falls, things start to get loose. At 8:30 p.m., the bounce houses and clowns and goats are swept into the corner and the dance party begins. We’re talking about a laser light show. We’re talking fire dancers. That goes on until 10 p.m., when the skies erupt in flame! They don’t call it the Fortuna Fireworks Festival for nothing!

The fun starts at 5:30 p.m. at Newburg Park. Admission is free, but you gotta shell out $10 for a kid’s wristband for what they promise to be “unlimited fun” for the tots.

Remember: This is all happening on July 3. More information at the FFF Facebook page.

I’ll take my Fourth on the Fourth, thank you, and I want the classic Northern Humboldt County block party with hordes of people and crafts and vendors and beer and live music from the bands that always play at those kinds of things. Preferably foggy.

Two flavors of that are available: The Eureka flavor and the Arcata flavor. They’re pretty close in spirit, but a connoisseur can no doubt list differences. Is it trading in stereotypes to say that the Eureka festival feels a bit more working-class and blue-collar, while the Arcata festival tends toward the bougie and ethereal? Eureka has fire truck rides. Arcata has West African drum classes. You feel me?

Whatever — you can easily shuttle back and forth between the two, provided you have a sober driver.

In Eureka, the party starts early — 10 a.m. — and runs ‘til 5 p.m.. It happens in Old Town, and most of the streets are shut down to vehicles. Things get going a little later — 11 a.m. — on the Arcata Plaza.

Both of these festivals will have food booths, beer booths, bands, games, craft vendors, etc., etc. A couple of side shows are worth noting, particularly a barbecue at the Arcata VFW Hall at noon (more info), a Crabs game against the Solano Mudcats at 2:30 p.m., and speeder rides along the tracks on the Eureka waterfront most of the day (more info).

The biggest difference, of course: Fireworks. The fireworks take place in Eureka at 10 p.m., over the bay.  Arrive early to secure a sweet spot on the Boardwalk.

Here’s more information on Eureka’s festival. Here’s more information on Arcata’s festival.

Parties are fine and dandy, I guess, but it’s not Fourth of July without a parade.

Two words: Fern. Dale.

You didn’t think that Humboldt County’s most self-consciously small town was going to let the nation’s birthday pass without slathering on the Americana, did you? 

The parade — “fire trucks and patriotic floats and vehicles” — starts at noon and runs along Main Street. There’s a community barbecue at the VFW Hall from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. More information here.

I’m not going north, and America’s not my jam. I only pledge allegiance to Southern Humboldt.

Bro. Bro. You and your bros and all your extended clans are gonna meet up in Garberville, OK? The party happens from noon to 5 p.m. at Town Square, and in addition to the usual crafts and food trucks and kids’ activities it’ll feature a performance from Irie Rockers. 

More information here.