I blame it on the tequila, my 80-year-old body not having the same devil-may-care response to alcohol as my 18-year-old one did. Plus, there was no email or Amazon back then.

TheCulinaryGeek, Creative Commons.

Had I not had a hearty pre-prandial “Tequila Sunrise” that sunset, I’m convinced I wouldn’t have fallen for K’s heartfelt appeal:

Barry, I need to get I need to get an Amazon E-Gift Card for a friend of mine who is diagnosed with stage 4 mesothelioma cancer, She lost her only daughter to the disease (COVID-19).it’s her birthday but I can’t do this now. I tried purchasing it online but unfortunately, I got no luck on that. Wondering if you could help me take care of this through Amazon online? and I’ll reimburse you once I get back home. Please let me know so I can provide you with her email.

Thanks,

K…

Sure! Happy to help! (And yes, I was sober enough to confirm that the return email address was indeed K’s, so of course it was legitimate). Sucker that I was, I said yes, how so I send it?

You can have it done via https://www.amazon.com/ Amazon-eGift-Card-Logo/dp/ … Total amount needed is $200 here is her address… Please make sure the delivery date is Now and I want you to write Happy Birthday in the message space. Please let me know when it’s done. So, I’ll let her know it’s from me. Please forward me the confirmation once you’re done. Thanks, K…

Having sent the $200 out of my Amazon account (and thinking I was a real mensch) I settled down, only to hear from K that her friend hadn’t received the money. Amazon says it takes less than 10 minutes to post to their Gift Card site, and this was half an hour later. That’s odd…does Amazon think I’m a grifter??? The nerve! I went to bed thinking I’d figure it out in the morning, I just needed to reassure Amazon that the whole thing was on the up and up, only to wake to this:

From: gc-account-alert@amazon.com

Hello,

We believe that an unauthorized party may have accessed your account.

To protect your information, we have:

— Disabled the password to your account.
— Reversed any modifications made by this party.
— Canceled any pending orders. You can ignore any confirmation emails that you received for these orders…

My brain works better at 6 a.m. than it does at 8 p.m., especially when not burdened down by the effects of low oxygen/high alcohol content. Well duh, of course it’s a scam! Look at the wording! Look at the odd typo! Look at…. “How could you—you the arch-skeptic, mistersciencewriter—how could you have possibly have fallen for this? It’s crying out “SCAM” in every line!” offered my not-so-sympathetic wife. “What were you thinking?” “I wasn’t,” I said. Feeling stupider by the second.

The real K (of course!) knew nothing of all these shenanigans, as she told me on the phone that morning, her email account having been hacked. She assured me she’d change her address and password pronto, and Barry—word to the wise—be on the lookout for future scammers! As if I needed that advice. After all, I’m a sophisticated and smart online user, I’d never be taken in by some amateur scammer, well would I?

Note to self: Tequila and online requests don’t mix, ok? Ok, got it!