Note: names in this story have been omitted or changed to protect the identities of moderators and members, and no posts or comments are reproduced here (broad generalities only!) so as to uphold the expectation of privacy that comes with personal experiences shared in a closed group.
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If you suspected your man of cheating in the days of yesteryear, you’d have limited options to smoke him out: search pockets, analyze shared bank accounts, stake out some haunts, open and honest communication …
None of them are ideal.
Today, there’s an easy solution: “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” (AWDTSG) Facebook groups.
Designed to help women avoid men deemed “dangerous or toxic” (in the words of Paola Sanchez, who founded the first AWDTSG group in New York City in 2022) these forums, which have sprung up in over 200 city- and area-specific communities, together comprise more than 4 million participants.
If you’re a North Coast resident, odds are you know at least one woman who is part of “are we dating the same guy - humboldt, CA uncensored,” a fast-growing local chapter founded by two friends about a year and a half ago.
Spanning various industries and walks of life, the nearly 4,000 members of the private group flock to the page to dish on “red flags” (negative experiences with men) and “tea” (intel on potential dates) as they splash around in the puddle that is the Humboldt County dating pool.
The AWDTSG system is simple: upload a picture of the man in question, state your story or suspicion and await the magic of the digital masses. In one fell swoop, a woman may learn there’s another woman. Maybe several others. And in confirmed cases of cheating, the two-timer is outed not only to the women he’s kept in the dark, but also to thousands of others who now know his name, face and alleged wrongdoings.
“We wanted to create a centralized place for the gossip,” one of the two anonymous moderators of Humboldt’s page, both of whom grew up and dated locally, told the Outpost in an incognito conference call.
A published list of rules from the AWDTSG Humboldt Facebook group.
And did they ever. The comments sections of posts in the Humboldt group are usually teeming with tidbits and tales within hours, and the tea is so hot that it can leave observers wondering, as one group member the Outpost spoke with did: “Holy shit, are all the men in Humboldt County horrible?”
While there is likely a bad news bias at work – women may be more likely to post men they already have icky feelings about, or chime in on those they’ve had negative experiences with – the reputation-ruining power of allegations made in groups of thousands raises the question: Does a man’s privacy go out the window if he’s deemed dangerous by women he’s dated?
And if so, what are the boundaries of “unsafe” behavior?
For AWDTSG participants, the answers to those questions seem to be “yes” and “any interaction that leaves a woman feeling uncomfortable.”
Posts in the Humboldt AWDTSG group tend to fall into three general categories: cheating checks, preventative screenings and warnings.
Cheating checks entail what the group’s title suggests. Women upload pictures with a simple ask: “Is he cheating?”
In the Humboldt group, adulterers often turn out to be men who frequent the coastal cities but aren’t in Eureka/Arcata full time: firefighters, pot growers or others with reason to move about and ample opportunities for infidelity.
“Basically, the people who travel,” a moderator said, “They’re the real sneaky ones.”
Screening posts are made in the early stages of a relationship (even before a first date) and feature red flag and tea emojis followed by question marks, which translate to a request for stories that may ward the poster off or incentivize her to keep talking to the post’s subject.
These are frequently met with one comment in particular: “RUN” (often accompanied by evidentiary screenshots of communications or arrest records).
The vetting function of the group comes in especially handy in the modern era of app-based and online dating, in which women set off on first dates with strangers. As one group member pointed out, Humboldt has limited rendezvous options that don’t involve either alcohol or outdoor activities in secluded places – increasing risks in first date situations.
“We all grow up being told not to meet strange men from the internet,” said Sarah, another Humboldt group member. “You used to be more likely to meet someone through a friend group or a workplace, you could see how someone interacts with their peers … . Now, it’s easier for men with bad reputations to get around that and portray different versions of themselves.”
The third variety of posts are deterrents, made solely to warn others.
These cautionary tales cover a broad swath of “walking red flag” archetypes: “man covertly dating many women at once,” “man who gets drunk and disorderly on dates,” “man who lies,” “man with drug problems,” “man who has disturbing, unrevealed arrest records,” “man with physically and/or emotionally abusive tendencies,” “sexually pushy man” … the list goes on.
The AWDTSG system breaks down when “snitches” screenshot posts and send them to the man in question, potentially adding a new element of danger for women – as this Vice piece points out. While warning posts are often made anonymously, it’s clear to see how some men would be able to identify the posting party without her name.
“For me the women who told me I was on there didn’t divulge the info of who made the post and put out my info, but the woman I went on a date with was easy for me to identify obviously,” one Reddit user wrote in an r/MensRights forum after he was allegedly the subject of complaints in an AWDTSG group.
Metropolitan AWDTSG groups, such as those in Chicago and London, have already experienced men threatening women who posted about them or suing members for defamation and invasion of privacy.
So far, the Humboldt moderators say they’ve received only “empty threats” from men who are made aware that they’ve been posted about – no lawsuits – but the mods also said that every time they’re made aware of a “snitching” incident, they worry someone will get hurt.
“That’s why we have all the anonymous features turned on, so that people can post without revealing all of their identity,” one said, “We try to tell them [group members] about plausible deniability.”
Deniability is difficult in an interconnected community like Humboldt, where each person lives within only one or two degrees of social connection from all others and anonymity exists only for relative hermits. But that’s also what makes Humboldt’s page so effective: It’s almost guaranteed that group members will have intelligence on each man posted.
“I’ve learned stuff about my own family on there,” said one of the AWDTSG Humboldt moderators.
Some Humboldt members believe the service the group offers outweighs questions of men’s privacy or safety concerns for users.
“If the cost is a man’s reputation and the benefit is a woman’s safety, I think that is less destructive than a woman being in a dangerous or abusive situation,” said Sarah, adding that while it may be “gnarly to have all your dirty laundry aired by a court of exes,” the actual U.S. court system can re-traumatize women bringing claims such as sexual assault, rape and or intimate partner violence.
AWDTSG is an “imperfect response” to the dangers that women face dating, according to Sarah.
“I wish we hadn’t gotten to this place, but this is where we’re at,” she said.
There is no question that women experience more risk in dating: nine out of every 10 rape victims in the U.S. are female and one in five women has been raped in their lifetime, compared to one in 71 men, according to data compiled by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 45.4 percent of those female rape victims were assaulted by an intimate partners, compared to 29 percent of male victims. And one in seven American women have been injured by an intimate partner, compared to one in 25 men.
“It is fundamentally frightening to date as a woman,” one group member told the Outpost.
Humboldt’s AWDTSG group has also provided tangible support and resources to women in dangerous situations during its first years in existence, according to its moderators.
“We’ve had a few domestic abuse cases come up, some missing people, and we’ve rallied around families,” one said.
Some men oppose the pages and have called “BS” on the argument that AWDTSG groups protect women, but others believe that women are entitled to share experiences with male daters who engage in conduct unbecoming.
“There’s nothing to be fearful of if you are behaving as a respectful member of the dating community,” said Charlie, who grew up dating locally and learned of the Humboldt group from a partner.
Positive replies in Humboldt’s group support his point on dating karma: comments such as “he’s great!” or “I had a good experience!” or “that’s my ex, he’s a good guy” are not uncommon.
“No girl has ever complained about a guy not getting handsy on a first date, or asking nice questions at dinner,” said Martha, another Humboldt group member.
Charlie also said that he’s witnessed a “lack of accountability” for men dating locally that underscores the value of a forum like AWDTSG in his eyes.
“Since high school, I don’t think there’s a single female friend of mine who’s gotten off scot free dating in Humboldt County,” he said. “I think there’s this fear that a lot of men have that falsehoods are going to be shared and it’s going to ruin someone’s life, but ultimately I feel like it’s more important for women to be safe.”
Blasting men on Facebook may be a messy, ethically ambiguous way to handle the dangers of dating. But the AWDTSG system seems to be working as intended: red flags, suspicions and yucky gut feelings are being met with confirmation, and – ultimately – new members are joining “are we dating the same guy - humboldt, CA uncensored” each week.
“Is it ethical? No, not necessarily. Am I going to keep using it? Yes,” said Sarah.
Michael Andrew Ponsano was a passionate learner and shared knowledge generously. On June 13th, 2024, he left this Earth in the company of family, after battling cancer. His spirit ticks on in us all like the vintage clocks he maintained and cherished.
Those close to Michael knew that to ask “what are you up to?” was to set 45 minutes aside as he shared the gift of explaining not just what he was working on, but how it works, who invented it, what it sounds like when it breaks (“ka-chunk-CHUNK”), and how we’re going about fixing it, together. And it always ends up as a together project, because that was his spirit; his joy to witness and participate in the miracle of it all—of science and light and life and wonder. This spark could draw anyone in. He inspired all around him to wonder why, how, and what if?
As a young man, Michael was a handsome and talented trumpet player and drum major in the marching band at Bret Harte High School in Angels Camp, CA. He married his high school sweetheart, Catherine Randall, in 1978 before joining the Air Force. They were stationed in England when their first two children, Angela and Nicholas, were born. While Michael served as a radar technician over the next four years, the family enjoyed exploring Western Europe and visiting family in England and France.
After he was honorably discharged, they returned to the US and the family welcomed two more children, John and Jessica. From 1990, the family built their life in Eureka. Michael started the Ponsano Service Company, and became well known across the North Coast service industry thanks to his knack to Macgyver any emergency repair needed at beloved local restaurants. On a given day he would start early, perhaps making sure the oven range at The Whalers’ Inn in Fields Landing was firing, then driving up to Klamath Glen to ensure that the Steelhead Lodge’s fryer was up and running for the dinner rush, he’d swing by Rolf’s to check on the ice machine, make his way down to Arcata to add a quick fix to the 100 year old oven at Los Bagels, and finally back to Eureka, kickstarting the refrigerator compressor at Sea Grill before climbing into the oven at Ramone’s for repairs ahead of midnight baking.
In 2004, Michael met Christine Minnehan. The two fell deeply in love and married in 2008. Michael was overjoyed to formally adopt their son, Michael Minnehan. Michael spent the remainder of his years adding his artistic touch and exquisite taste to every inch of their home. He devoted hours of research to his painstaking rebuild of “Maggie,” his cherished MG. He delighted in building tools to manufacture parts for special projects. Michael’s touch on “Winnie,” the custom Winnebago, was key to his and Christine’s peaceful and solitary holidays in the mountains, where they would spend hours reading and relaxing.
As we say goodbye, we hold onto the curiosity he inspired in us. Our time on earth is a miracle, and Michael understood this as scientific fact. We honor him by approaching each beautiful moment with our own scientific minds of wonder. Never stop questioning, never stop exploring. Venture from the sidewalk and stroll in the grass. Savor. Insist on quality. Demand integrity. Eat the donuts. Both of them. Ride your bike to the river. Catch the fish for dinner tonight. Open the red wine you had been saving. It’s all for you, for the ones you love. Even when you don’t have much, you have it all.
Michael is mourned by his family, friends, neighbors, recipients of his perfected sourdough bread, dear cat Missy, and trusted friend Emmanuel Enriquez.
Michael is survived by his wife Christine; his children Angela Ponsano, Nicholas Ponsano (Christine), John Ponsano (Heather), Jessica King (Arnold); his grandchildren; Lorraina, Miles-Dru, Rosabella, Mason, Haley, Ezra, Selkie, and Montague. He is preceded in death by his adopted son Michael Minnehan, and his brother Vincent Ponsano.
Friends and acquaintances on the North Coast area are invited to a donut reception behind the duck pond in Sequoia Park on August 4th, at 3 p.m.
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The obituary above was submitted on behalf of Michael’s loved ones. The Lost Coast Outpost runs obituaries of Humboldt County residents at no charge. See guidelines here.
Mayor Kim Bergel unveiled her selections for the coveted titles of Artist of the Year and Business of the Year at last night’s Eureka City Council meeting.
Out of the dozen artists and businesses selected for monthly recognition by the city’s Arts and Culture Commission and Economic Development Commission, Bergel got to hand-pick her personal favorites: multi-media artist Becky Evans and the Spa at Personal Choice in Old Town.
Becky Evans | Screenshot
Many of our readers will recognize Evans as the creative mind behind “30,000 Salmon,” a collaborative art installation first assembled in 2002 to commemorate the devastating Klamath River fish kill that left more than 30,000 salmon dead. (Later counts estimated that as many as 100,000 salmon died in the ecological disaster.) The installation reemerged at Morris Graves Museum in 2023 to celebrate dam removal on the Klamath River.
“I remember when I first saw your Waterlines Project,” Bergel said, referring to Evans’ series on drought in California. “It just had this incredible impact on me [and] a sense of spiritual connection. … Thank you so much for all you do for our community and for our environment.”
Speaking at last night’s meeting, Evans thanked Bergel and the city council for the “very unexpected honor” and underscored the importance of the arts. “I really believe strongly that arts can bring people together.”
“I can see how art transforms people’s lives,” she continued. “People think, ‘Well, it’s just kind of an extra thing. It’s an add-on. It’s nice, but how does it really make a difference in people’s lives?’ I can tell you from my own experience in seeing the many, many children and students from pre-school all the way up through graduate school … their lives were impacted. … It does transform people’s lives and brings us together.”
Susan Santsche | Screenshot
Bergel also took a moment to highlight Susan Santsche, owner of the Spa at Personal Choice. Bergel commended Santsche, a breast cancer survivor, for having the remarkable ability to “take lemons and turn them into lemonade.”
“She spearheaded the effort to get 3-D mammography technology here in Humboldt and has undoubtedly saved many lives in our community,” Bergel said. “You’ve guided your business through the pandemic with grace. … It is truly an honor to know you and to celebrate you.”
Santsche thanked Bergel for the heartfelt acknowledgment and underscored the importance of community resilience. “I think Humboldt has something really great to offer because out of your greatest weakness comes your greatest strength,” she said. “When you don’t have everything given to you, you have to go out and create it.”
On 7/14/2024 in the late evening, Humboldt County Sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to the 27000 block of Highway 36 near Bridgeville to investigate the report of a possible shooting. Deputies responded and located one deceased male. Melvin Portillo, age 20 of Sacramento, California, was subsequently arrested for homicide. There are no outstanding suspects or parties, and there is no danger or threat to the public.
Next of kin has been notified. The identity of the decedent has been positively identified as Rafael Orlando Castillo-Cortes, age 34, of Sacramento. Castillo-Cortes and Portillo were known to each other prior to this incident. An autopsy is scheduled for later this week to determine the cause of death.
The Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office extends our deepest sympathies to Rafael Orlando Castillo-Cortes’s family and friends during this difficult time. Anyone with information about this case or related criminal activity is encouraged to call the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office at (707) 445-7251 or the Sheriff’s Office Crime Tip line at (707) 268-2539.
Press release from the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office:
Periodically between the end of May and the end of June, Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office investigators conducted a sex offender registration compliance sweep throughout the County of Humboldt.
During this sweep, law enforcement attempted to contact approximately 168 registered sex offenders to ensure each offender was in compliance with state requirements. Pursuant to California Penal Code 290, sex offender registrants are required to register in person with the law enforcement agency that has jurisdiction where they reside. The registrants must also comply with several registration requirements, such as updating their registration annually and informing law enforcement when any changes have been made to their address or registration information. Failure by a sex registrant to keep law enforcement notified of an address change or registration information is a crime and can be punished as a felony or misdemeanor.
During the compliance sweep, no registrants were found to be out of compliance. One was determined to be deceased, one is currently in federal custody, and one is confirmed to be living out of state. Thirteen registrants were unable to be contacted. Continued efforts will be made to contact and determine compliance of the outstanding registrants.
This month’s operation is part of an ongoing effort to do smaller, more frequent 290 sweeps to reduce violent sexual offenses in the county through proactive surveillance and arrest of habitual sexual offenders, and strict enforcement of state registration requirements. The Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office involvement in this enforcement effort is funded through the Sexual Assault Felony Enforcement (SAFE) grant.
The Humboldt County Sheriff's Office would like to thank participating agencies for their assistance in this operation.
Senate President pro Tempore Mike McGuire (D-North Coast) and Senate Minority Leader Brian W. Jones (R-San Diego) issued the following statement regarding concerns over safety and political unrest following the assassination attempt at a Trump rally in Pennsylvania:
“The political violence we saw in Pennsylvania over the weekend was horrific — an innocent person was killed, people were injured, and the nation’s former president came close to being assassinated. This event, and so many other acts of political violence over the past few years, must serve as a wake-up call. We need to stand united and condemn all political violence.
“We are more determined than ever to not let violent attacks and dangerous rhetoric win the day here in the Golden State. As we get ready to embark on the final weeks of this Legislative session and the election ahead, we are reaffirming our commitment to protect democracy. Together, we are going to ensure the safety and security of the people of California, all those who come to the Capitol to exercise their First Amendment rights, our colleagues and our hard-working staff.”
Reader submitted photos of smoke rising from the Hill Fire near Willow Creek on Tuesday
As of Wednesday morning, the Hill Fire burning south of Willow Creek is now listed at 3,437 acres with 0% containment. The blaze continues to be difficult for crews to access from the ground due to the steepness of the terrain where it is burning. Numerous air attack resources are on hand to help manage expansion.
“Due to dry and hot weather conditions today fire activity is expected to be high with the potential for a rapid rate of spread and extreme fire behavior,” said a release from Six Rivers National Forest.
Below is the latest released map showing the wildfire’s perimeter.
Click to enlarge
The following additional information comes from Six Rivers National Forest:
The Hill Fire is now being managed in Unified Command between the U.S. Forest Service and CAL FIRE. In addition, a local Type 3 Incident Management Team arrived today to assist with managing the fire and a Complex Incident Management Team and a CAL FIRE Incident Management Team has been ordered.
The fire is burning in steep and remote terrain making access challenging for ground resources within the Buck Creek and Mosquito Creek Drainages. Federal and state air resources including air tankers, helicopters, and air attack are on scene and will continue to perform retardant drops to try and slow the spread today. The fire is growing to the north in heavy timber.
Due to dry and hot weather conditions today fire activity is expected to be high with the potential for a rapid rate of spread and extreme fire behavior.
Crews will begin to provide structure protection along Route 1 and within the Friday Ridge communities. At this time there are multiple structures threatened. Firefighters are working to construct direct and indirect line to control fire spread to the north and the west.
Additional ground resources continue to be ordered and arrive on scene.
Sign up for Humboldt Alert emergency notifications at https://humboldtgov.org/2014/Emergency-Notifications
Evacuation Order Issued for Zone HUM-E077-A: Due to the Hill Fire, the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office has issued an immediate evacuation order for zone HUM-E077-A North of White Oak Creek/Grouse Creek, South of Friday Ridge Road, Forest Route 6N08A, East of Titlow Hill Rd, Twin Lakes Creek, West of Mosquito Creek/Madden Creek. Those in this zone should leave now for their safety.
Evacuation Warning Issued for Zone HUM-E077-B: Due to the Hill Fire, the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office has issued an evacuation warning for zone HUM-E077-B North of PG&E Rod, Grouse Creek, South of Madden Creek, Forest Route 6N06, East of Mosquito Creek/Madden Creek, West of Trinity County Line. Prepare for potential evacuations, including personal supplies and overnight accommodations. Those in this zone should prepare to leave at a moment’s notice. More information will follow if an evacuation order is issued.
Closures:
Road closure is in place at Friday Ridge Road at Forest Service Route 6N06.
Fire Restrictions:
Forest fire restrictions currently in effect across the Six Rivers National Forest. Campfires and stove fires are restricted to those developed areas listed in the forest order located at https://www.fs.usda.gov/Internet/FSE_DOCUMENTS/fseprd1188610.pdf.
Smoking, welding, and operating an internal combustion engine also have restrictions in place.
Additional Fire Information:
The Hennessey 2, Ridge 2, and Waterman Fires are all staying within their fire perimeters of less than a quarter acre each. This will be the last update for the Hennessey 2, Ridge 2, and Waterman Fires unless significant activity resumes.
