I grew up in a Christian home. Going to church, praying before meals and bedtime, reading the Bible, and singing worship songs were as regular for me as oxygen. It’s all I had ever known. It was the water I drank and the air I breathed. Being homeschooled with a religious curriculum, and not being in a public school, made it where most of my friends were also Christians since I met them in Sunday School and church choir and Christian clubs. I was soaked in Christian culture, but partly the kind of Christian culture where I’m a horrible sinner and God is pretty disappointed in me and just waiting for me to mess up and catch me in that mess, like God was some cop hiding behind the bushes to catch me speeding and give me a significant consequence. 

When I began making friends outside the bubble I lived in, I was confronted with other perspectives but I was also afraid of them not knowing Jesus and going to hell when they died. I felt massive pressure to evangelize them so they would know the truth. I would regurgitate how God hates sin and sinners and God can’t look at sinners so God sent his beloved son, Jesus, to die in your place so you can go to heaven if you just believed in him and asked him into your heart and then you wouldn’t burn in hell for all eternity. I wasn’t just afraid for their salvation, I was also always afraid for my own salvation. Like, what if I wasn’t on fire for God enough, I would get spit out of God’s mouth because God was so grossed out by me. But then how could I determine if I wasn’t being lukewarm? I would wonder what being “on fire” looked like or felt like and how does a person maintain that without eventually burning up or burning out? It was exhausting, trying to prove my worth to God or convince God that I was worth God’s time and attention, like if I did enough good works then hopefully God would be pleased with me.

It was in my Christian high school I began to see inconsistencies. My friends were the ones called into the office, had detention, smoked pot, drank, cursed, and skated. I loved them desperately. But they didn’t fit the religious mold or conform to the religious standards, so they got kicked out. And sadly, these were the lessons many of us were taught about God. If you keep “sinning” or keep making “mistakes,” you’ll get spit out. Compassion was scarce and do-overs had clear limitations. 

I had to deconstruct. I had to allow everything to get burned off and stripped away. My soul was created to seek God and the religious mold I was given gave no space to seek God. The God I knew as wrathful, judging, and angry didn’t fit with the Jesus I was craving. In my seeking, dismantling, deconstructing of long-held beliefs, I found myself reinvigorated and alive to the possibility that God was more good, more kind, more forgiving, more relational than the religious construct I was not only given, but required to pass along. 

It took me years to untangle my body and mind away from the fears of hell and separation. Even still, those neuro-pathways formed in childhood created long ruts I find myself falling back into if not mindful—penal substitutionary atonement trips me up from time to time. I preached sermons under the metaphorical “covering” of my husband, unbeknownst to him, for years—this one was a hard dismantling for me.

I heard it said by someone that when he began to set his understanding of God on fire, the Holy Spirit came in with a soft wind that blew the ashes away and what was left was his body curled up in the fetal position around Christ. How frightening this experience can be, full of raw exposure and probable wounding. Many good Christian people in my life had a hard time understanding, or even wanting to understand. Instead of openness and curiosity over such vulnerability, there was fear—for my salvation and how I was leading others astray.

But I wasn’t afraid. The more I questioned, the more confident I became. Wasn’t it Jesus who said what use is it to gain the whole world yet forfeit your soul? My soul was safely held as everything else was stripped away. I began to experience the intimacy of God, the closeness of relationship in such exposure. I began to know that perfect love casts out fear, especially the fear of being kicked out or left behind. That with God, there is no fear, only deeply abiding love and acceptance and grace. It wasn’t my good behavior that drew Jesus to me. It was just me. God just loved me, regardless of behavior.

I found a community with other voices during this time. Deconstructing on the fringe of the Emergent movement helped me know I wasn’t alone. And co-pastoring a church built on the coattails of the Emergent movement was extremely helpful. I was surrounded by disenfranchised, religiously marginalized people who couldn’t quit Jesus but needed to quit church. 

There wasn’t a straight path towards deconstruction and certainly no handbooks for me. But there was curiosity and honesty and late night robust theological conversations around wine and Cheez-Its long after Life Group ended. There was understanding and push-back, arguments and laughter and sometimes I would sit back, look at each beloved face with awe and think, “I’m pretty sure Jesus is in this place, too.” And every misguided and protective doctrinal layer the Holy Spirit stripped away, less padding and insulation, the more I could feel how close God was—as close as my very breath. 

There are still times such uninsulated exposure scares me and I shrug a layer over what’s been stripped away, convinced I need it to feel safe. But even those layers can’t actually separate me from God. Nothing can. 

Maybe deconstructing one’s beliefs seems sacrilegious, but I’ve found deconstructing my Christian faith to be a holy and sacred act I come back to over and over again. Thanks be to God.

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Bethany Cseh is a pastor at Arcata United Methodist Church and Catalyst Church. 

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The Redwood Coast Kite Festival has taken over Eureka’s Halvorsen Park for a weekend of kite-flying fun! 

Kites of all shapes and sizes filled the clear blue skies above the waterfront this Saturday afternoon. The third annual event, a collaboration between Humboldt Kiters and the Ink People Center for the Arts, drew hundreds of people out for what proved to be a near-perfect day of kite flying.

“Everybody plays with kites when they’re kids, right? It’s just good fun,” Mark Ahrens, the festival’s coordinator, told the Outpost. “There’s something in it for everyone. There are people here who can do amazing things with kites, you know, aerial displays, duets, and choreography – stuff that is just phenomenal. It’s really an art.”

If you weren’t able to make it out today, don’t fret: Kiters will be back on Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. A schedule of events can be found here.

Keep scrolling for more pictures of today’s festival!

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Petey Brucker, stalwart defender of the Salmon River and friend to many, passed away on April 22, 2024.

On this week’s show, we are joined by his daughter, Allegra Brucker, and friends, Larry Glass and Nat Pennington, to talk about the impact Petey had on the planet on their lives.

LINKS:

• Listen to Petey’s music.
• Petey’s obituary.

Stanley Millard “Deerslayer” Poletski, went home peacefully to our Lord Jesus Christ May 10, 2024, at his home surrounded by family in Cave Junction.

Stan was born July 27, 1954, in Eureka, to Connie and Chet Poletski. He grew up in Humboldt County and made many memories with his siblings and friends.

Stan joined the Navy in 1972, aboard the ship USS Leonard F Mason, and he served in Vietnam. He met the love of his life, Sheri Fuller, and the two were married after a short courtship on Valentine’s Day 1974. They had their only child, Rene, in 1979. Stan saw to it that Rene learned all sorts of things, from making meatballs, raising pigs, the do’s and don’ts of gardening, changing a tire, hunting and baiting her own hook. Stan wasn’t a fan of the city and strived to be in the country or “the sticks,” as he called it. He moved his wife and daughter to Kneeland in 1985 and they resided there to live the country life, growing big elaborate gardens with the best veggies and feeding the deer and birds. Stan always had great pride in his home and always had a beautiful yard and property.

Stan worked as a bus driver for Ridgewood Elementary, later at Simpson Pulp Mill and then the County of Humboldt. He put in a lot of effort and was well-liked by his coworkers. He made work fun while getting the job done. Oftentimes, his work crew scored off the elaborate lunches Sheri packed for him and he saw to it that there were potlucks from time to time. He played adult league softball and was known for hitting it out of the park. Stan went to Faith Center in Eureka and he made sure Rene was in attendance too. Stan was an excellent provider and protector. Everyone that knew Stan was aware of his mental and physical strength. Heaven forbid someone mess with his brothers or sisters.

Stan was an avid outdoorsman, known for his tenacity and perseverance. Whether it was private or public land Stan always filled his tags and maintained the name “Deerslayer.” Annual hunting trips to Idaho with his brothers, nephews, and great nephews brought him so much joy. He harvested some big bulls and big bucks in his time here with us, and he always filled the freezer. He loved all kinds of fishing and had his fair share of catching them. His biggest thrill was hooking a steelhead, and he did that more times than we can count. He was infamous for his over the top stories, and he had a contagious laugh that echoed. Everyone was drawn to Stan for his quick wit and humor. He was a natural at communicating with everyone, and he always took the underdog under his wing. He had a huge heart for those that struggled because he too knew what struggling felt like. Whenever life had tough moments, Stan knew God was there with him and never failed to share that with others.

When his daughter Rene had children, Abbigayle and Tanner became his world. Stan was often spotted pacing the sidelines of his grandson’s football games, hollering at thier basketball games, and sitting in the bleachers of his granddaughter’s volleyball games, and he never missed the opportunity to hear Abby sing in concert. He would travel great distances in the worst of weather to watch their out-of-town games. Of all of his roles, Grandpa was his obvious favorite. Stan was his own cheering section with the loudest support for his grandchildren. He also kept a few referees in line a time or two. He always took the time to make each memory extra special. He had a bigger than life personality, and we sure are going to miss him.

Stan is survived by his wife Sheri, daughter Rene Jolley, grandchildren Abby and Tanner, sister Linda Johnson, sister Eleanor Faulk, his brother Al and sister-in-law Donna, brother-in-law Dennis, brother Bob, brother-in-law Harold, and his baby brother Jimmy and sister-in-law Sheila. He also has an abundance of nieces and nephews, all of whom have brought their ownunique joy to his life. Brother-in-law Gary Fuller and life long friend Rick Seely were Stan’s lifelong friends and they remained close throughout his life. Pastor and friend Mark McLean of Cave Junction became one of Stan’s close friends and hunting buddies as well.

He is preceded in death by parents, Connie and Chet, big brother Harry and sister in-law Rosemary, sister Joan Dahl, sister Helen Mills, and brother David Poletski.

Family and friends are invited to the celebration of life, which will be held on Wednesday, June 5, at 11 a.m. at Faith Center Foursquare Church, 1032 Bay Street, Eureka. Stan will be interred at Bayview.

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The obituary above was submitted on behalf of Stan Poletski’s loved ones. The Lost Coast Outpost runs obituaries of Humboldt County residents at no charge. See guidelines here.

James Nello Thurston Jr. was born August 23, 1962 in Camp Pendleton, Marine Base to James Nello Thurston Sr. and Maureen Thurston (Kieffer).

In 1963 Jim’s family moved back to Eureka. Jim was raised in Ridgewood and made many neighborhood friends. He attended Cutten and Ridgewood Elementary Schools, Winship, Eureka High and Zoe Barnham.

In 1977 when Jim was 16 years old, he was in a motorcycle accident with is best friend, Michael Smith, which put him into a coma. The day he woke up, Michael passed away. Jim sustained lifelong traumatic brain injuries and seizures and was a client at Making Headway Center for Brain Injury in Eureka.

In April 1982 Jim married Jodie Louise Megazzi (then Morrison). They soon started a family; in October 1983 they had their daughter Jera Lynn Thurston and in October 1988, their son James Michael Thurston.

Jim and Jodie later separated in 2002 where he set off on his next adventure to Texas. He spent the last 21 years of his life in different parts of Texas, from Stevensville to Andrews, where his health took a turn for the worst, and he left this world.

Jim loved the outdoors. He spent his younger years commercial fishing in the Humboldt Bay, Astoria OR, and Alaska. When he wasn’t working, you would find him with his friends hunting, fishing, abalone diving, and cutting firewood. These were hobbies he proudly taught his children. He made many great memories with his lifelong friends, Keith Richey, Jerry Gabriel, Brian Frain, Timmy Sjoquist, and the Sjoquist family.

One of the best fishing stories was when he and his uncle Dennis Thurston were fishing off Eureka. The Times-Standard reported Dennis had brought in a 62-pound Pacific halibut and Jim caught a 33-pound salmon. Jim was so upset because he was actually the one who caught the 62-pound Pacific halibut.

Jim is survived by his daughter, Jera Lynn Newland (Thurston), her husband Reynaldo Newland, grandchildren Adriana Newland and Xavien Newland of Eureka; son, James Michael Thurston, his wife Amanda, grandchildren Lolah Thurston, Khylie Thurston, and Allen Thurston of Eureka; daughter, April Dawn Thurston, grandchildren Kaysha Dunn, Brieonna Elias, Leticia Mota, Josiah Mota, Jose Mota III, Ayzlin Mota & Starr Thurston- Hammonds of Kansas; ex-wife Jodie Megazzi of Eureka; siblings, Linda Noble and Edward (Ed) Thurston; cousin, Patrick Thurston, his wife Ruby; and many other cousins.

Jim is preceded in death by his father James Nello Thurston Sr., mother Maureen, maternal and paternal grandparents; many aunts and uncles; best friend Michael Smith; and two-month-old great granddaughter Melani Yvonne, Kaysha’s baby who unexpectedly passed on May 14.

A celebration of life will be held on Saturday, June 8, 2024, at 1 p.m. at Redwood Acres Raceway. Come enjoy libations and food and share your favorite memories of Jim. A private family gathering will be held at a later date to place his cremains.

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The obituary above was submitted on behalf of Jim Thurston’s loved ones. The Lost Coast Outpost runs obituaries of Humboldt County residents at no charge. See guidelines here.

The child referenced in the original post has been found safe. In keeping with the Outpost’s policy on missing minors, we have removed the post.