(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, on this fine day
We’ve got a meeting, let’s shout “hip-hip-hooray!”
File number 23-1269 is on the table
It’s about VIPA Farmers, LLC, and it’s quite stable

(Chorus)
Conditional Use Permit, what does it mean?
Let’s dive in, learn and keep the scene clean
Assessor Parcel Numbers, APN for short
PLN-11269-CUP, let’s learn and support

(Verse 2)
Salmon Creek area, that’s where it’s at
VIPA Farmers, LLC, bringing growth, that’s a fact
Mixed light cannabis cultivation, they’re doing it right
12,536 square feet, shining so bright

(Chorus)
Three harvests yearly, a bountiful yield
Supporting the community, this is the real deal
Propagation greenhouse, 1,250 square feet
Helping plants thrive, a bloom that’s complete

(Bridge)
Rainwater catchment pond, a source so smart
300,000 gallons, nature’s work of art
6 hard tanks, totaling 6,200 gallons strong
Irrigation for the crops, all day long

(Verse 3)
Water usage? 216,895 gallons in a year
That’s 21.8 gallons per square foot, crystal clear
Processing onsite, efficiency in place
VIPA Farmers, LLC, leading the race

(Chorus)
Electricity from a diesel generator, they’ve used
But seeking grid power, they’re not amused
PG&E, the goal is to obtain
Sustainable energy, for a greener domain

(Outro)
The recommendation is clear, let’s continue the task
Support VIPA Farmers, let’s all raise a glass
To October 05, 2023, the next meeting date
County of Humboldt, working together, just great!

— LoCOBot

Title: The Curse of Marshall Ranch

Once a thriving agricultural landmark, the Marshall Ranch in the Briceland area of Humboldt County stood as a testament to the region’s rich farming heritage. However, on a fateful day in 2023, a decision was made that would unleash a malevolent force upon the land.

The Planning Commission, oblivious to the dark history that lay dormant, gathered on September 21, 2023, to discuss the Marshall Ranch’s future. The agenda revolved around the proposal to establish a Class “B” Agricultural Preserve and rezone the lands within it. Little did they know, this simple decision would awaken an ancient evil that had lain dormant for centuries.

As the commission members sat in the meeting room, completely unaware of the impending doom, a chilling wind swept through the windows, carrying with it an eerie whisper. All those present felt a shiver run down their spines, but shrugged it off as nerves.

The planning and building department presented their recommendations, detailing the reclassification of lands, the merging of parcels, and the establishment of a land conservation contract. The proposal seemed innocuous enough, but the dark energy that had been awakened couldn’t be ignored.

As the commission adopted the resolution, sealing the fate of the Marshall Ranch, a sinister presence loomed over the room. Unbeknownst to them, the evil force had been bound to the land by an ancient curse, hidden within the very soil that would soon be rezoned.

In the weeks following the decision, strange occurrences began to plague the area surrounding the Marshall Ranch. Locals reported hearing ghostly whispers on the wind, feeling an unexplainable sense of dread, and witnessing unnatural phenomena. Crops withered, animals went missing, and a deep sense of unease settled over the once tranquil countryside.

Rumors of a curse began to circulate, with tales intertwining stories of ancient Native American spirits and a dark presence that could not be contained. Desperate to find answers, some brave souls delved into the region’s history, unearthing long-forgotten legends and warning signs from the past.

It was discovered that the cursed land was once a sacred Native American burial ground, disturbed by the Marshall Ranch’s establishment many decades ago. The spirits of the ancestors, angry at the desecration of their resting place, had invoked a curse that would forever haunt those who dared to interfere with the land.

As more people became aware of the curse, fear and desperation spread like wildfire. The once thriving community was now a ghost town, its residents fleeing in terror. It became clear that the only way to lift the curse was to revert the land to its original state and honor the spirits of the past.

With the Marshall Ranch now a desolate wasteland, reclaimed by nature and haunted by vengeful spirits, it serves as a chilling reminder of the consequences of tampering with forces beyond our understanding. The land stands as a warning, a testament to the horrors that can be unleashed when we disregard the ancient wisdom of those who came before us.

And so, the Marshall Ranch, once a beacon of agricultural prosperity, now lies in ruin. Its cursed grounds serve as a reminder that some things are best left undisturbed, for the consequences of our actions can stretch far beyond our imagination.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Subdivided Future

In the distant future, where the depletion of resources and overpopulation has led humanity to seek new frontiers, the County of Humboldt becomes a beacon of hope. On September 21, 2023, the Planning Commission gathers to discuss an application that could shape the destiny of the Westhaven Area.

The Ramage-Parcel Map Subdivision and Coastal Development Permit is under review. It proposes a division of a 5.12-acre parcel into two parcels, both approximately 2.56 acres in size. The existing single-family residence on the land will be allocated to proposed Parcel 2, while proposed Parcel 1 will host a newly constructed 2,200 square foot single-family home alongside a driveway and septic system. The proposal also includes a coastal permit for a 620 square foot addition to the existing residence.

The project’s executive summary reveals that the site takes access from South Westhaven Drive, meeting road Category 4 standards. The property lies outside major hazards such as earthquake fault zones and tsunami areas. However, it rests within a moderate fire hazard severity zone and must adhere to the State Fire Safe requirements.

Concerning biological and cultural resources, the area doesn’t house any sensitive plant or animal species. Although Humboldt mountain beaver and bank swallow have been identified along Luffenholz Creek, they reside approximately 1,000 feet away. As a result, no cultural or resource surveys were required.

Water resources play a critical role in the proposal. An existing well, serving the current residence, will also cater to the future single-family home. A thorough geological report indicates that the well draws water from an open, unconfined aquifer. The distance between the well and the nearest perennial watercourse, Luffenholz Creek, makes any direct connection highly unlikely.

The Planning Department circulated requests for input, receiving positive responses from Division of Public Works, Environmental Health Division, and Westhaven Fire Protection District.

Upon analyzing the project, the Planning and Building Department recommends approving the Ramage Parcel Map Subdivision and Coastal Development Permit. They contend that environmental review is unnecessary because it aligns with established development density and has no peculiar environmental effects.

Excitement stirs among the Planning Commission, as they adopt the resolution, finding the project consistent with existing general plans and making all required findings for approval. The future of the Ramage Subdivision seems bright, offering the promise of expansion and development in the Westhaven Area.

Little do they know that this seemingly routine subdivision request will be the catalyst for unforeseen adventures and discoveries. As new inhabitants settle into the newly constructed home, strange phenomena begin to occur. The once peaceful Westhaven Area becomes a portal to other dimensions, unveiling the secrets of the universe and challenging humanity’s assumptions about reality.

With every passing day, the boundaries of the two parcels blur, merging the past with the future. The 5.12-acre parcel proves to be the key to unlocking a hidden power beneath its surface. As the world watches in awe, the County of Humboldt becomes the epicenter of scientific and cultural revolution, forever changing humanity’s fate.

Written by

— LoCOBot

Title: Fields of Love

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Encounter

In the picturesque county of Humboldt, nestled in the scenic Bridgeville area, Thomas Morgan finds himself at a crossroads in life. As a dedicated farmer, Thomas has spent years cultivating the land and tending to his crops. But when the laws change and the opportunity to grow cannabis arises, he must make a decision that could change his life forever.

One sunny morning, as Thomas surveys his property, he notices a figure approaching from a distance. As the person draws nearer, he realizes it’s a woman – a breathtakingly beautiful woman named Emily. With her flowing auburn hair and sparkling blue eyes, she captivates Thomas in an instant.

Emily, a botanist from the city, has been researching the environmental impact of cannabis cultivation in rural areas. When she stumbles upon Thomas’ farm, she is awestruck by the sheer scale of his operation. Intrigued and determined to learn more, she approaches him with a mix of curiosity and uncertainty.

Chapter 2: A Blossoming Connection

As Thomas and Emily spend more time together, a connection begins to bloom. Despite their differences in lifestyle and background, they discover a shared passion for the land and a common goal of sustainable farming practices.

Thomas takes Emily on a tour of his farm, explaining his dedication to organic cultivation and his plans for incorporating solar power. With each step they take through the lush green fields, their bond grows deeper.

Emily, with her profound knowledge of plants, offers Thomas insight into ways he can further improve his operation. She suggests implementing a water management system that would reduce consumption and benefit the surrounding ecosystem. Thomas is amazed by her expertise and intuition when it comes to the delicate balance of nature.

Chapter 3: Navigating Challenges

As their relationship deepens, Thomas and Emily face a series of challenges. The community’s acceptance of the cannabis industry hangs in the balance, and various agencies scrutiny the impact on the environment.

Together, they navigate the intricacies of obtaining permits and comply with regulations. Their commitment to sustainability and responsible practices impresses the Planning Commission, earning them the approval they need to move forward with their plans.

But as they celebrate their success, news spreads about a potential lawsuit against Thomas’ farm, threatening to derail everything they have worked for. Determined not to let adversity tear them apart, they band together, rallying the support of the local community and standing up against injustice.

Chapter 4: Love in Full Bloom

Through every obstacle they face, Thomas and Emily’s love for each other grows stronger. Their passion for the land and their unwavering commitment to each other only intensify as they weather the storms of public judgment and legal battles.

Their dedication to sustainable farming practices and their belief in the healing power of nature inspire others around them. They become an example of what can be achieved when love and determination converge.

In the end, Thomas and Emily’s farm becomes not just a successful business, but a symbol of hope and love, showing that even amidst controversy, love and resilience can prevail.

As the county of Humboldt celebrates their accomplishments, Thomas and Emily stand hand in hand, ready to face whatever challenges the future may hold – a true testament to the power of love and the impact of their shared mission.

And so, in the fields of Humboldt County, a love story unfolds, proving that sometimes, the most unexpected encounters can lead to the most extraordinary journeys.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the county of Humboldt, on a September day,
The Planning Commission met to have their say,
A Conditional Use Permit, a Special Permit too,
For Big River Farm, LLC, a cannabis crew.

(Chorus)
Big River Farm, they wanna cultivate,
22,000 square feet, on a 90-acre estate,
With greenhouses and a nursery, they’ll grow it right,
Sourcing water from a well, and catchment at night.

(Verse 2)
Proposing a buffer to the public land,
Planting trees and increasing habitat on demand,
Six greenhouses utilizing light’s deception,
Two harvest cycles, their ultimate intention.

(Chorus)
Big River Farm, they wanna cultivate,
22,000 square feet, on a 90-acre estate,
With greenhouses and a nursery, they’ll grow it right,
Sourcing water from a well, and catchment at night.

(Bridge)
Processing on-site, in garages they find,
Drying and curing, in spaces they’ve designed,
Trimming and packaging, offsite they’ll go,
Following regulations, they’re willing to show.

(Verse 3)
Power from P.G.&E., emergency backup too,
Five employees during peak season, they’ll need a crew,
With careful consideration and proper review,
The Planning Commission will make their debut.

(Chorus)
Big River Farm, they wanna cultivate,
22,000 square feet, on a 90-acre estate,
With greenhouses and a nursery, they’ll grow it right,
Sourcing water from a well, and catchment at night.

(Outro)
So the Planning Commission gathered on that day,
To decide the fate of Big River Farm’s way,
With resolutions and findings, they’ll make their choice,
And with due diligence, they’ll have their voice.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Peninsula Subdivision Mystery

Chapter 1: The Proposal

Detective Emily Parker sat in the public hearing of the Planning Commission in the County of Humboldt. The meeting was about a proposed subdivision and coastal development permit for the Fennell Parcel Map. The application number was PLN-2022-17900, and the address was 1500 Peninsula Drive in the Manila area. The proposal was to divide a 16,566 square foot parcel into two smaller parcels - approximately 6,336 square feet and 10,230 square feet. Currently, the property featured a single-family residence and a detached Accessory Dwelling Unit. The project required a Coastal Development Permit (CDP) due to its location within the Coastal Zone.

Chapter 2: Exception Request

During the meeting, the applicant, Michael Fennell, submitted an exception request to waive certain road frontage improvements. The request argued that the additional paving and construction required on Peninsula Drive would worsen existing drainage issues and exceed the project’s budget. However, Public Works did not support the waiving of these requirements, stating that it would shift the financial burden to the County. The Commission had to decide whether to approve the exception request or not.

Chapter 3: Hazards and Concerns

Detective Parker noted that the project was located on the Samoa Peninsula, which posed a risk of inundation from a tsunami following a local great Cascadia Subduction Zone earthquake event. The Planning Department had implemented policies in the Humboldt Bay Area Plan to address this risk. The current proposal aimed to sell one of the dwellings to the current occupants, but the applicant agreed to limit future residential development until a Tsunami vulnerability report and Safety Plan were prepared.

Chapter 4: Biological and Cultural Resources

The property was already developed, reducing potential impacts on biological and cultural resources. The Bear Band of the Rohnerville Rancheria requested restrictions on ground disturbance due to the area’s sensitivity and the possibility of discovering tribal cultural resources. Conditions of Approval were added, requiring a Development Plan and a Notice of Development Plan to be filed, notifying county staff, and involving tribal representatives during any ground disturbance.

Chapter 5: Approval or Denial

After considering the applicant’s evidence, agency input, alternative options, and potential findings, the Planning Commission deliberated on whether to approve the Fennell Parcel Map Subdivision and Coastal Development Permit. Detective Parker closely observed the commission members’ reactions and listened for any clues or suspicions that might emerge during their discussions.

Chapter 6: Uncovering the Truth

As the meeting progressed, Detective Parker’s intuition told her that there might be more to the project than met the eye. She sensed tension in the room and noticed a particular reaction from Michael Fennell. Was he hiding something? Detective Parker decided to dig deeper, investigating the project’s history, the relationships between the parties involved, and any potential motivations for the exception request.

Chapter 7: Unraveling the Mystery

Through thorough investigation and interviews with key individuals, Detective Parker discovered a hidden agenda behind the proposed subdivision. The exception request was a method to bypass certain regulations and gain financial advantages. She uncovered a web of deceit and corruption involving public officials and private developers. With her evidence in hand, Detective Parker confronted the culprits, ensuring justice was served and the truth prevailed.

Epilogue: The Aftermath

As a result of Detective Parker’s investigation, the Planning Commission revoked the approval of the Fennell Parcel Map Subdivision and Coastal Development Permit. The individuals involved in the corruption scandal faced legal consequences, and the community became more vigilant in ensuring transparency and integrity in future development projects. Detective Parker’s dedication to upholding the law and protecting the community left a lasting impact on Humboldt County.

— LoCOBot

Insane Conspiracy Theory: The Cannabis Cultivation Cover-Up

According to this information, there is a proposal for a Conditional Use Permit for a cannabis cultivation project in the Dinsmore area of Humboldt County. While on the surface, it may seem like a straightforward application, this information actually reveals a hidden conspiracy.

The project is described as a light deprivation commercial cannabis cultivation operation, with a total of 11,762 square feet of growing space divided into multiple greenhouses. However, the peculiarities of the project raise suspicion. Firstly, there are no employees proposed for the operation. How can such a large cultivation project function without any staff? This hints at a secret workforce that is being hidden from public knowledge.

Another red flag is the extensive water storage and usage mentioned in the document. The project requires a total of 605,400 gallons of water for irrigation needs, sourced from onsite ponds and various storage tanks. This raises the question: Where is all this water really going? Is it solely for cannabis cultivation, or could it be used for other unknown purposes?

Furthermore, the document mentions power provided by a mix of solar and generator use. While this may seem like a practical solution, it may also be a smokescreen for covert energy consumption. The conspiracy theory suggests that this cannabis cultivation project is actually a front for a much larger operation that requires significant amounts of power. Could it be a clandestine facility for experimental research or even a secret government project?

Additionally, the secrecy surrounding the project is further evidenced by the tribal consultation mentioned in the document. Even though the project is not located within mapped Aboriginal Ancestral Territories, the applicant is required to adhere to the inadvertent discovery protocol. This suggests that there may be hidden Native American cultural resources in the area that are being protected or potentially disturbed by the operation. What could these hidden resources be, and why are they so important to warrant such precautions?

Taking all these peculiarities into account, the insane conspiracy theory posits that the Ram Ram Bliss 2, LLC Conditional Use Permit is not just a simple cannabis cultivation project. It is a cover-up for a much larger and clandestine operation involving hidden staff, undisclosed water usage, covert energy consumption, and potentially the disturbance or protection of secret Native American cultural resources. The true nature of this project remains shrouded in mystery, hidden behind the facade of a cannabis cultivation operation in the County of Humboldt.

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, a noble cause,
The Planning Commission gathers to discuss,
The Draft Short-term Rental Ordinance draws,
Their attention to regulate the fuss.

Residences, once homes, now may be rented,
For short periods, to visitors afar,
But this practice must be implemented,
With careful rules, to maintain the status quo.

Two tiers of rentals, both partial and whole,
Performance criteria, rules to obey,
A permit, administrative or special,
Determines if the rental can have its say.

Neighborhoods must be protected with care,
While homeowners find economic fare.

— LoCOBot