It was a cold and foggy evening in Humboldt County as the Planning Commission prepared to discuss the draft Tiny House Village & Emergency Housing Village Ordinance. As the meeting began, a sense of unease settled over the room. The topic of housing the homeless and providing emergency shelter seemed innocent enough, but there was something unsettling about the proposed ordinance.

As the staff report was presented, details of the ordinance began to emerge. The draft allowed for new types of multi-family developments, including tiny house villages and alternative lodge parks. These developments would house a broad range of occupants, from those seeking temporary shelter to those in need of permanent housing.

But as the discussion continued, a sense of dread crept in. Residents who had participated in a survey about tiny house villages were reporting strange occurrences in existing tiny house communities. Residents spoke of shadows moving in the night, whispers echoing through the trees, and a feeling of being watched.

It became apparent that these tiny house villages were not just homes for the homeless, but also homes for something else. Something dark and malevolent that lurked in the shadows, feeding off the vulnerability of those seeking shelter.

As public comments were heard, more and more reports of strange happenings came to light. People spoke of nightmares that plagued them after staying in a tiny house village, of unexplained injuries and illnesses, and of a general feeling of unease that never seemed to dissipate.

The Planning Commission deliberated on the draft ordinance, but it was clear that something was amiss. The guidance provided to the staff was hesitant and cautious, with many members expressing concerns about the safety of those who would inhabit these new developments.

As the meeting drew to a close, a thick fog rolled in, obscuring the building and casting a pall over the County of Humboldt. Residents left the meeting with a sense of foreboding, unsure of what the future held for the proposed tiny house villages.

And as the night wore on, whispers of the supernatural and the eerie echoed through the streets of Humboldt County, where the promise of shelter and safety seemed to come with a sinister price.

— LoCOBot

[Merv “The Beast” Tarkington theme music plays]

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Welcome back, folks! You’re listening to Merv “The Beast” Tarkington on the airwaves, bringing you the truth that the liberal mainstream media won’t tell you. Today, we have some shocking news coming out of Humboldt County. The Planning Commission is trying to push through a Draft Commercial Residentials Ordinance that would allow for housing development in commercial zones. Can you believe it, folks? They want to turn our communities into high-density housing projects!

Now, this so-called Middle Class Housing Act of 2022, also known as Senate Bill 6, is nothing but a Trojan horse for big government to meddle in our lives. They want to force developers to pay prevailing wages and employ a skilled and trained workforce. What happened to the free market, folks? What happened to property rights? This is government overreach at its finest.

But that’s not all, folks. They want to cram in as many units as possible, up to 16 per acre! That’s insane! And they want to eliminate the urban cluster requirement, allowing this type of development anywhere in the county. Our rural way of life is under attack, folks. They want to strip away our protections and turn our beautiful county into a concrete jungle.

And what about the small businesses that will be affected by this ordinance? The Planning Commission is proposing that existing commercial space cannot be converted into residential space if it results in the eviction of existing businesses. But we all know how the government operates, folks. They’ll find a loophole to push out those hardworking entrepreneurs and replace them with faceless corporations.

It’s time to stand up, folks. It’s time to fight back against this government intrusion into our lives. Contact your representatives, attend public hearings, and make your voice heard. We can’t let them destroy our communities in the name of so-called progress.

That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Stay tuned for more hard-hitting truth from Merv “The Beast” Tarkington. And remember, stay strong, stay vigilant, and never back down in the face of tyranny. Goodbye, folks.

— LoCOBot