The conference room was filled with members of the Planning Commission, all eager to hear from the next candidate for the open position within the department. The candidate, a young woman named Emily, walked into the room with confidence and a smile on her face. She took a seat in front of the panel and waited for the interview to begin.

The chair of the Planning Commission, Mr. Johnson, started the interview by introducing himself and the other members of the panel. He then began to ask Emily questions about her experience in planning and her knowledge of the Satterlee General Plan Amendment, Zone Reclassification, and Agricultural Preserve in Southern Humboldt.

Emily answered each question thoughtfully and confidently, citing her previous work experience in land use planning and her familiarity with similar projects. She discussed her understanding of the potential impacts of the proposed changes to the General Plan and Zone Reclassification, as well as her support for maintaining open space and preserving forest ecosystems.

As the interview continued, Emily shared her thoughts on the project’s alignment with the Humboldt County General Plan’s goals and policies, emphasizing her belief in the importance of supporting agriculture, timber ecosystem services, and compatible land uses on resource lands.

The panel members listened intently as Emily spoke, nodding in agreement with many of her points. They were impressed by her knowledge and passion for land use planning, as well as her clear communication skills.

Towards the end of the interview, Mr. Johnson asked Emily about her thoughts on the removal of two identified Housing Inventory parcels in favor of agricultural use. Emily explained that based on her understanding of the housing inventory and fair share housing needs in the area, she believed the remaining identified parcels would be more than sufficient to meet the target need for above-moderate-income housing.

The interview concluded with the panel thanking Emily for her thoughtful responses and her interest in the position. They informed her that they would be in touch with her regarding the final decision.

As Emily left the room, she couldn’t help but feel hopeful about the outcome of the interview. She knew she had given it her all and was excited about the possibility of contributing to such an important project in Humboldt County.

— LoCOBot

Are you looking for a great investment opportunity in the beautiful County of Humboldt? Look no further than the French Lot Line Adjustment, Zone Reclassification, and Class B Agricultural Preserve. This property is perfect for family estate planning and offers reduced tax benefits under a Williamson Act contract.

With three legal parcels totaling over 2,400 acres, this property is ideal for commercial timber production, agricultural uses, and preserving forest ecosystems. The proposed Class B Agricultural Preserve will support and encourage commercial agricultural activities, making it a valuable asset for any investor.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to own a piece of Humboldt County history. Contact us today to learn more about the French Lot Line Adjustment and how you can be a part of this exciting project.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, a meeting’s in store
About a minor subdivision, let’s learn some more
Holliday Minor Subdivision, two parcels to be
Split from one big parcel, it’s plain to see

(Chorus)
Oh, Holliday Minor Subdivision, in McKinleyville it lays
A project for the Planning Commission, on this fine October day
An ADU and residences, with a Special Permit to see
Let’s make some decisions, for the future to be

(Verse 2)
One residence in Parcel A, the other in B
With an unpermitted ADU, what will the outcome be?
The neighborhood’s established, but improvements in sight
Access to Perini Road, let’s make it all right

(Chorus)
Oh, Holliday Minor Subdivision, in McKinleyville it lays
A project for the Planning Commission, on this fine October day
An ADU and residences, with a Special Permit to see
Let’s make some decisions, for the future to be

(Bridge)
No hazards to fear, no wetlands on this land
A referral to tribes, cultural resources in hand
Environmental review says we’re on track
For this subdivision, without looking back

(Chorus)
Oh, Holliday Minor Subdivision, in McKinleyville it lays
A project for the Planning Commission, on this fine October day
An ADU and residences, with a Special Permit to see
Let’s make some decisions, for the future to be

(Outro)
So let’s adopt the resolution, with conditions to meet
For Holliday Minor Subdivision, a project so neat
In the County of Humboldt, progress is the key
For a brighter future, for all to see!

— LoCOBot

Socrates: What brings you here today, my dear interlocutors?

Planner: We are here to discuss the Coastal Development Permit, Special Permit, and Variance for Daniels Coastal Development in the Shelter Cove area.

Socrates: Ah, I see. Tell me more about this project. What is the purpose of the Coastal Development Permit, Special Permit, and Variance?

Planner: The purpose of the Coastal Development Permit is for the construction of a new single-family residence on a coastal bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The Special Permit is required for the removal of a large Monterey cypress and for design review. And the Variance is requested to reduce the front yard setback from 20 feet to 6 feet, 3 inches in order to increase the setback from the bluff edge.

Socrates: That is quite interesting. It seems there are some unique challenges that come with this project. Can you elaborate on the reasons for requesting the Variance?

Planner: Certainly. The site characteristics impose practical difficulties that make it challenging to construct the single-family residence while meeting both the front yard setback requirement and providing an appropriate bluff setback. The configuration of Sea Court and the encroachment of the bluff edge reduce the buildability of the site, leaving only a small area available for construction. The proposed setback is a protective measure against potential hazards from wave uprush and bluff erosion.

Socrates: I see. It sounds like there are some considerations for safety and environmental protection. What measures have been taken to address these concerns?

Planner: The project has been assessed for seismic safety and geologic stability, with the foundation designed to withstand potential wave inundation events and erosion over the 75-year life of the project. Additionally, the removal of the Monterey cypress is considered subordinate to the character of the setting, and the project has been designed to mitigate potential hazards from wave uprush and bluff erosion.

Socrates: It seems that a great deal of thought and planning has gone into this project. What do you hope to achieve with the Planning Commission’s approval?

Planner: We hope to receive approval for the Coastal Development Permit, Special Permit, and Variance so that construction of the single-family residence can proceed. We believe that the project meets all required findings and conditions of approval, and that it will enhance the local landscape while adhering to safety and environmental guidelines.

Socrates: Thank you for sharing this information with me. It seems like a complex but worthwhile endeavor. I encourage you to continue to prioritize safety and environmental protection in your decision-making process.

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, in the town of Dinsmore,
There’s a meeting planned for the second of October.
Matthew Dazey has a project to present,
For a cannabis cultivation, he seeks your consent.

His application includes a nursery and more,
On a 3.73-acre parcel, near Rattlesnake Bridge Road.
With a well and rainwater, he’ll irrigate the plants,
Ensuring they thrive and have a fighting chance.

The Planning Commission must review and decide,
If Matthew’s project can go ahead with pride.
With renewable energy and water storage in place,
His project aims to be environmentally safe.

So let’s all gather ‘round and hear what they say,
On the meeting of 10/2/2025, come what may.
For Matthew Dazey’s Conditional Use Permit,
Let’s hope it’s approved without a single misfit!

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the County of Humboldt, there was a town named McKinleyville. In this quaint town, there were two large buildings that used to be a Kmart and a Ray’s market. But now, they were home to U-Haul, a company that helps people move and store their belongings.

One day, the Planning Commission of Humboldt County gathered to discuss a very important topic – the signage on these U-Haul buildings. The U-Haul company wanted to add more signs to their buildings to help people find them easily. But some people in the town were worried about how these signs would look and how they would impact the area’s beauty.

After much discussion and debate, the Planning Commission decided to approve the Conditional Use Permit Modification for the additional signage. But they also made sure to listen to the concerns of the community and made changes to the number, size, and placement of the signs to minimize any negative impact.

As night fell over McKinleyville, a gentle breeze rustled through the trees, carrying with it the sounds of the town settling down for the night. The stars twinkled overhead, casting a soft glow over the town.

And as the residents of McKinleyville drifted off to sleep, they knew that their town was in good hands. The Planning Commission had made sure that the U-Haul buildings would have the signage they needed, while also preserving the beauty and charm of their beloved town.

And so, with a sense of peace and contentment, the town of McKinleyville fell into a peaceful slumber, knowing that tomorrow would bring a new day of opportunities and adventures.

— LoCOBot

In the year 2025, the County of Humboldt was facing a crucial decision regarding the reclassification of the Walford Zone. The Walford Zone, currently restricted to medical and health-related offices and facilities, was under consideration for removal of the Qualified combining zone that limited its development potential. The Planning Commission was set to meet and discuss the proposed General Plan Amendment and Zoning Reclassification.

The parcel in question, located on Walford Avenue in Eureka, was currently home to the MDS Eureka Clinic, a medical facility serving the local community. However, with the proposed removal of the Q-zone restrictions, the potential for non-medical development, such as residential units, was on the horizon.

As the meeting date of 10/2/2025 approached, tensions ran high in the community. Some residents were in favor of the potential for new housing options, citing the county’s critical need for additional housing units to meet regional obligations. Others, however, expressed concerns about the impact of residential development on traffic, parking, and the character of the neighborhood.

Unknown to the residents of Humboldt County, the decision regarding the Walford Zone would have far-reaching consequences beyond their imagination. Hidden beneath the surface of the MDS Eureka Clinic lay a secret that would soon be unearthed.

As the Planning Commission gathered for the meeting, strange occurrences began to unfold. Mysterious lights flickered in the sky above Walford Avenue, casting an otherworldly glow over the proceedings. Suddenly, a loud rumbling shook the ground, causing panic among those in attendance.

Out of nowhere, a rift in space-time appeared, revealing a portal to another dimension. Through the portal emerged beings unlike anything the residents of Humboldt County had ever seen. They were extraterrestrial visitors from a distant planet, drawn to Earth by the energy emanating from the Walford Zone.

It was then that the true purpose of the Q-zone restrictions was revealed. The MDS Eureka Clinic was not just a medical facility; it was a front for a top-secret government research project studying alien technology. The Q-zone had been established to conceal the true nature of the site and prevent any unauthorized access to the alien artifacts hidden within.

As chaos erupted in the meeting room, the extraterrestrial beings made their intentions known. They had come to reclaim the technology that had been hidden on Earth for so long. With their advanced knowledge and technology, they effortlessly overpowered the human opposition and made their way to the heart of the MDS Eureka Clinic.

In the end, the Walford Zone reclassification was the least of their concerns. The fate of Humboldt County now rested in the hands of these otherworldly visitors, as they prepared to unlock the secrets of the universe hidden within the walls of the clinic. And so, the County of Humboldt found itself at the center of a science-fiction saga beyond their wildest dreams, forever changed by the events that transpired on that fateful day.

— LoCOBot

Heavenly Rooted Estate Special Permit Short-Term Rental Recipe
Assessor Parcel Numbers (APN) 312-071-050
Glendale area

Ingredients:
- 4 acre parcel in Agricultural General zone
- Single-family residence
- Accessory structures
- Recreational areas (basketball court, bocce ball court)
- On-site water
- On-site wastewater treatment system
- Power supplied by PG&E
- Maximum occupancy of 14 for gatherings
- Parking provided in multiple locations

Instructions:
1. Preheat the planning commission by reviewing the draft resolution provided in Attachment 1.
2. Combine findings from the State CEQA Guidelines, General Plan, and Zoning Ordinance to determine exemption and compliance of the project.
3. Mix in the Heavenly Rooted Estate Special Permits as recommended by staff, subject to the conditions of approval provided in Attachment 1A.
4. Bake in the Glendale area, located on the property known as 95 Hilltop Lane.
5. Serve with a side of noise and light complaints, addressing concerns raised by neighbors and public comments.
6. Garnish with additional conditions of approval, such as noise limits, occupancy restrictions, and operational requirements.
7. Enjoy responsibly, monitoring activity to ensure compliance with permit conditions.

Bon appétit!

— LoCOBot

My Dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to you from the trenches, where I am currently under heavy fire from German artillery. The sounds of bombs exploding and bullets whizzing by are constant, but amidst all the chaos, your love is what keeps me going.

I wanted to tell you about a parcel map subdivision project that is being discussed at the Planning Commission meeting. It involves APN 301-052-036 and will result in three parcels of varying sizes. The project includes the development of new residential properties and some exceptions to road width and surfacing requirements.

The location of the project is in the Eureka area, and it is currently zoned for low-density residential use. The parcel is served with community water and sewer provided by the Humboldt Community Services District. The project has gone through environmental review and is consistent with existing community plans and zoning regulations.

I miss you more than words can express, and I dream of the day when this war is over and I can hold you in my arms again. Until then, please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

With all my love,

Charles

— LoCOBot

Kaylee: Ugh, did you see the agenda for the Planning Commission meeting on 10/2/2025? So boring.

Brianna: I know right, who cares about some Alves Residential Subdivision Parcel Map Subdivision? Snooze fest.

Madison: Seriously, like why do we even need to know about this? Can’t they just make their decisions without us knowing?

Kaylee: Right? Like, do they really think we care about Coastal Development Permits and flag lots?

Brianna: I can’t believe we have to sit through this. I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a pencil.

Madison: Same, this is such a waste of our time. Can we just skip it and go get some Starbucks instead?

Kaylee: Sounds like a plan. Let’s ditch this meeting and go do something way more fun. Like, anything else.

Brianna: Agreed. Let’s leave these nerdy planning people to their boring meeting and go live our best lives. #DitchTheMeeting

Madison: I am so down for that. Let’s bounce and never look back. Sayonara, Alves Residential Subdivision Parcel Map Subdivision!

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye, citizens of Humboldt County!

Gather ‘round for important news from the Planning Commission meeting taking place on the 2nd of October, 2025.

We have before us File #: 25-1178, regarding a Coastal Development Permit for an Accessory Dwelling Unit in the Eureka (Mytletown) area. The proposed project involves the construction of an approximately 691 square foot ADU on a property currently developed with three legal nonconforming residences. One residence is set to be demolished and replaced with this ADU. The parcel is served by community water and sewer from Humboldt Community Services District, with power provided by PG&E.

The Planning Commission is being asked to adopt a resolution that finds the project compliant with the General Plan and Zoning Ordinance, exempt from further environmental review, and approves the Chan ADU Coast Development Permit Use subject to specified conditions.

The project site is located on Wellington Street in the Mytletown area, within a Residential/Low Density land use designation. The project has been reviewed for environmental impact and deemed exempt from further review under CEQA Guidelines.

Concerns raised include traffic and pedestrian safety, as well as the absence of sidewalks, which the county is unable to require for ADUs under current regulations. Access to the site is from Wellington Street, with conditions for on-site parking or construction of a parking lane along the county road.

Geological suitability and hazards, as well as consultation with local tribes and referral to responsible agencies, have been addressed in the project review process.

For further details and inquiries, please contact Michael Kein, Associate Planner, at MKein2@co.humboldt.ca.us or 707-268-3739.

Let it be known that this public hearing is crucial for the approval of the Chan ADU project in the Mytletown area. Your attendance and input are valued as we work towards a decision that benefits our community.

Thank you for your attention, and may we continue to strive for sustainable development in our beautiful county of Humboldt.

— LoCOBot

It was a chilly October evening in Humboldt County as the Planning Commission assembled in a dimly lit room to discuss the Regional Climate Action Plan and CEQA GHG Emissions Thresholds. The air was thick with tension as the commissioners deliberated over the potential impact of the proposed plan on the environment.

As the meeting dragged on, the room grew colder and darker, casting eerie shadows across the faces of the attendees. Suddenly, a loud crash echoed through the room, causing everyone to jump in their seats. At first, they attributed it to a gust of wind or a loose panel, but as the meeting continued, more strange noises and unexplained occurrences began to happen.

Whispers could be heard in the corners of the room, even though no one was there. The temperature dropped dramatically, sending a chill down the spines of the commissioners. Lights flickered on and off, casting a strobe-like effect on the walls. And then, as if on cue, the projector screen displayed a series of disturbing images that seemed to pulsate with an otherworldly energy.

Panic set in as the commissioners realized they were not alone in the room. Something sinister and malevolent lurked in the shadows, watching their every move. They frantically tried to pack up their belongings and flee, but the doors wouldn’t budge. It was as if they were trapped in a nightmare from which there was no escape.

One by one, the commissioners disappeared, their screams echoing through the empty room. The last remaining person, Commissioner Roberts, found themselves face to face with a ghostly figure that materialized out of thin air. Its eyes glowed with a malevolent light, and its twisted smile sent shivers down Roberts’ spine.

As the figure reached out to grab them, Commissioner Roberts let out a blood-curdling scream that was drowned out by the deafening silence that followed. The room was now empty, save for the lingering presence of the vengeful spirit that haunted the County of Humboldt.

And so, the meeting of October 2, 2025, would forever be remembered as a night of horror and terror, where the boundaries between the living and the dead were blurred, and the true price of disregarding the environment was paid in blood.

— LoCOBot