Title: The Assessor’s Apprentice

Once upon a time in the quiet County of Humboldt, there was a young man named Theo who had always been drawn to numbers and accuracy. He had just graduated from college with a degree in mathematics and was eager to start his career. His dream was to work in the Assessor’s Office, where he could help appraise properties and process property assessments.

One day, Theo saw an announcement from the Board of Supervisors that the Assessor’s Office was seeking to hire new staff members. They needed an Appraisal Technician and a Property Transfer Assistant to help with the workload. Excited at the opportunity, Theo applied for both positions.

After a rigorous interview process, Theo was selected for both roles. The Assessor was impressed by his mathematical skills and dedication to accuracy. Theo was thrilled to join the team and learn from experienced professionals in the field.

As an Appraisal Technician, Theo worked closely with the Real Property Appraisers, assisting them during property site visits and data entry. He learned the ins and outs of property assessment and the importance of timely and accurate appraisals for collecting property taxes. The team relied on him for his attention to detail and willingness to go the extra mile.

In his role as a Property Transfer Assistant, Theo processed thousands of recorded documents each year. He saw firsthand how vital his role was in ensuring that deeds and other documents were processed efficiently. He worked tirelessly to prevent a backlog and ensure that property transfers were completed in a timely manner.

Through his hard work and dedication, Theo became an indispensable member of the Assessor’s Office. His passion for numbers and accuracy shone through in everything he did. The Assessor took notice of Theo’s potential and mentored him, guiding him on his path to becoming a licensed appraiser.

Years passed, and Theo grew from a young graduate to a seasoned professional. He had found his calling in the Assessor’s Office, where he could use his skills to serve the community. The Board of Supervisors recognized his contributions and praised him for his role in maintaining the county’s infrastructure.

Theo’s journey from a novice to an expert in property assessment was a testament to his perseverance and passion for his work. The County of Humboldt had gained a valuable asset in Theo, the Assessor’s Apprentice, who continued to uphold the highest standards of accuracy and integrity in his role.

— LoCOBot

Good morning, beloved congregation. As we gather here today, I want to bring your attention to a matter that may seem mundane or bureaucratic, but has important implications for our community. The County of Humboldt is currently considering the distribution of excess proceeds from a tax auction held in May 2022.

The sale of delinquent property tax parcels during this auction resulted in some parcels selling for more than the amount required to pay the back taxes and auction expenses. This excess of sales price over taxes and expenses is referred to as excess proceeds, and it is now being considered for distribution to claimants and parties of interest.

As the Auditor-Controller of Humboldt County recommends the distribution of these excess proceeds, it is important for us to consider the significance of this decision. This money represents a chance to provide relief and support to individuals and entities who may have a legitimate claim to these funds.

The Bible tells us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. In considering this distribution of excess proceeds, let us remember these words and seek to act with justice and compassion. Let us be mindful of the needs of others and seek to support and uplift our community members who may benefit from these funds.

I urge you to pray for wisdom and discernment as the Board of Supervisors makes a decision on this matter. Let us pray for fairness, equity, and generosity in all our dealings, knowing that God calls us to be good stewards of the resources entrusted to us.

May we be guided by the principles of love, compassion, and justice as we consider the distribution of these excess proceeds. And may our actions reflect the love and grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

— LoCOBot

No Condado de Humboldt
No dia três de março doze
Vamos comemorar juntos
O centenário da Loja #1274

Marcha com alegria
Pela cidade de Eureka
Parabenizando a ordem
Dos Filhos e Filhas da Itália

Fundada em mil novecentos e vinte e quatro
A quarta mais antiga do estado
Promovendo bem-estar geral
Com atividades de caridade e solidariedade

No dia dezesseis de março
Celebraremos com orgulho
Na construção Wharfinger
Começando às cinco da tarde

Sem impacto financeiro
Para apresentar esta resolução
Apoiando a comunidade
Esse é o nosso compromisso, união

Viva o centenário
Da Loja #1274
E da Ordem dos Filhos e Filhas da Itália
Brilhe Eureka com amor e alegria!

— LoCOBot

Well, gather round and listen up, we’ve got news to share today
About the Fortuna Chamber of Commerce and the honors they display
Supervisor Michelle Bushnell and Rex Bohn are here to say
Let’s recognize the winners from that special night in March, okay?

On the agenda, it’s in the consent section, so let’s give a cheer
Ratify the Chair’s signature on those certificates, all clear
No financial impact, just a way to show we care
General Fund will cover it, so let’s make sure we’re aware

The Fortuna Chamber of Commerce, they sure do a lot
To support our community, they give it all they’ve got
So let’s show our appreciation and give them what they’ve earned
Certificates of recognition, for all the lessons learned

Strategic Plan, Core Roles, New Initiatives in sight
This action supports them all, it’s a great delight
No other agency involved, just us here today
To honor the Fortuna Chamber in this special way

So let’s vote and make it official, majority rules
To recognize these winners, follow the right tools
Thank you to the Chamber, for all that you do
Let’s celebrate together, with a big “woo-hoo!”

— LoCOBot

In Humboldt County, by the sea,
The Board of Supervisors did decree,
A proclamation for Surveyor’s Week,
A time to recognize and seek
The contributions of those who plot,
The land and boundaries, without a thought.

Supervisor Michelle Bushnell, she did say,
To adopt this proclamation, hurray!
For surveyors have shaped our land,
With precision and a steady hand.

March 17-23, we’ll celebrate,
Surveyors who make our county great.
So let’s all raise a cheer and shout,
For the surveyors, we can’t do without!

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the County of Humboldt, there was a group of remarkable women who dedicated their lives to improving the lives of others. These women were part of the Soroptimist International of Eel River Valley, an organization that focused on serving, leading, and fellowshipping with women and girls in need.

One day, the Board of Supervisors, including Supervisor Michelle Bushnell and Supervisor Rex Bohn, gathered together to recognize the incredible work of the Eel River Valley Soroptimist Award winners. These women had gone above and beyond to make a difference in their community, and their efforts did not go unnoticed.

At the awards dinner on March 6, 2024, the Board of Supervisors presented the winners with Certificates of Recognition to honor their dedication and service. The room was filled with joy and gratitude as the winners were celebrated for their selfless actions.

As the night came to an end, the Board of Supervisors reflected on the impact that these women had made in the Eel River Valley. Their kindness, generosity, and compassion had touched the lives of so many, and they were truly deserving of this special recognition.

And so, as the stars twinkled in the sky and the moon shone brightly overhead, the people of Humboldt County drifted off to sleep with hearts full of gratitude for the amazing women of the Soroptimist International of Eel River Valley. And they knew that with kindness and compassion, anything was possible.

The end.

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Alright, folks, we’ve got a real interesting document to dive into today on The Moe Hogan Experience. Joining me now is Supervisor Natalie Arroyo, who has brought forth a proclamation honoring March 19, 2024, as Two-Spirit Day of Recognition. Welcome to the show, Natalie.

Natalie Arroyo: Thank you for having me, Moe.

Moe Hogan: So, tell me, what exactly is Two-Spirit Day of Recognition?

Natalie Arroyo: Well, Two-Spirit Day is a day to appreciate and celebrate the traditions and communities of Two-Spirit individuals, who have unique perspectives and experiences that should be recognized and honored.

Moe Hogan: Wow, that’s really fascinating. I’ve never heard of Two-Spirit before. Is this something that’s been around for a long time?

Natalie Arroyo: Yes, Two-Spirit is a term used by some Indigenous cultures to describe people who embody both masculine and feminine qualities. It’s a concept that has been part of many Indigenous communities for centuries.

Moe Hogan: That’s really eye-opening. It’s amazing to learn about different perspectives and traditions. And it’s so important to stand up against racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia. We need more understanding and empathy in the world.

Natalie Arroyo: Absolutely, Moe. It’s all about creating a more inclusive and accepting society for everyone.

Moe Hogan: Well, thank you so much for sharing this information with us, Natalie. Now, before we go to break, I want to talk to you about this amazing dietary supplement that has totally changed my life. Stay tuned, folks!

[commercial break]

Moe Hogan: Alright, folks, we’re back on The Moe Hogan Experience. Now, before the break, we were talking about Two-Spirit Day of Recognition with Supervisor Natalie Arroyo. But you know what, I just remembered something. Did you know that the Two-Spirit concept actually dates back thousands of years?

Producer: Actually, Moe, that’s not entirely accurate. The Two-Spirit concept has been traced back to certain Indigenous cultures, but the term itself is a more recent development.

Moe Hogan: Oh, really? Well, you learn something new every day, folks. Thanks for fact-checking that for me, producer. And remember, always do your own research, folks!

— LoCOBot

Upon this day, in fair Humboldt County,
Supervisor Bushnell doth recommend,
A proclamation to be presented, free,
Declaring March as Women’s History, penned.

To honor women’s vital, cherished role,
Their legacy and contributions grand,
Their stories, struggles, triumphs do extol,
In Humboldt’s history, across the land.

No cost or impact will this act bestow,
A ceremonial ode to womanhood,
To protect vulnerable, to nurture, show,
Their worth and value, understood.

So let us now, in March’s gentle breeze,
Celebrate the women who shaped our seas.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, Hear ye!

Gather ‘round, good people of the County of Humboldt, for I bring tidings of great importance from the meeting of March 12, 2024.

On this day, the Board of Supervisors, under the guidance of Supervisor Natalie Arroyo, have recognized the Humboldt Bay Soroptimist Award Winners with Certificates of Recognition. These honorable individuals were presented with their well-deserved awards at a dinner held on March 7, 2024.

It is recommended by Supervisor Arroyo that the Board of Supervisors ratifies the Chair’s signature on these certificates. The source of funding for this commendable act is the General Fund, and there is no financial impact to presenting these certificates.

This action supports the core values of providing community-appropriate levels of service and upholding the strategic framework set forth by the Board.

There is no other agency involvement in this matter, and there are no alternatives to the staff recommendations.

Let it be known that the County of Humboldt stands proud of its Soroptimist Award winners, and we salute their dedication and contributions to our community.

May these Certificates of Recognition serve as a symbol of our gratitude and appreciation for their outstanding achievements.

Thank you, and may justice and honor prevail in the County of Humboldt!

— LoCOBot

Recipe for Filling an At-Large Vacancy on the Humboldt County Headwaters Fund Board:

Ingredients:
- Vacancy notice
- Application form
- California Fair Political Act Form 700
- Ethics 1234 training materials

Instructions:
1. Receive and file the vacancy notice for the At-Large position on the Humboldt County Headwaters Fund Board.
2. Post the vacancy and accept applications through the Clerk of the Board’s Office.
3. The term for this At-Large vacancy will be two years.
4. The Headwaters Fund Board Subcommittee will review applications and conduct interviews with applicants. Members of the subcommittee include Supervisor Wilson and Supervisor Bohn.
5. Once the review process is complete, a recommendation will be brought forth to the Board of Supervisors for approval.
6. Applications can be obtained from the Clerk of the Boards office or requested via email at COB@co.humboldt.ca.us.
7. All appointed members of the Humboldt County Headwaters Fund Board must comply with the California Fair Political Act Form 700 requirement and complete Ethics 1234 training every two years.
8. There is no financial impact to posting the vacancy.
9. This action supports encouraging new local enterprises and providing community-appropriate levels of service.
10. There are no alternatives to the staff recommendations.
11. No other agency involvement is required.
12. Attachments include the vacancy notice.
13. Previous actions or referrals are not applicable to this process.

— LoCOBot

Title: Record Preservation

(Verse 1)
In the county of Humboldt, where history resides
Birth, death, and marriage, all kept inside
Preserving our past, for generations to come
Kofile Technologies, the work has begun

(Chorus)
Record Preservation, a task so divine
Digitizing our history, for all time
Budget approval, for the work that’s required
For the County of Humboldt, our records admired

(Verse 2)
Board of Supervisors, a decision to make
Conserving our records, for the future’s sake
Agreement with Kofile, for restoration and more
Protecting our records, like never before

(Chorus)
Record Preservation, a task so divine
Digitizing our history, for all time
Budget approval, for the work that’s required
For the County of Humboldt, our records admired

(Bridge)
Back-up copies, microfilms, and digital files
Preserving our past, with so much style
Efficient access, immediate retrieval
For the records that hold our county’s survival

(Chorus)
Record Preservation, a task so divine
Digitizing our history, for all time
Budget approval, for the work that’s required
For the County of Humboldt, our records admired

(Outro)
For the County of Humboldt, our history at stake
Record Preservation, for the memories we make
Kofile Technologies, leading the way
For the County of Humboldt, our records will stay.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
In the County of Humboldt, there’s a resolution on the table
To designate the Joint Conference Committee as the governing label
Sempervirens Psychiatric Health Facility, a place of care and healing
Operated by DHHS Behavioral Health, their work is so appealing

Chorus:
Let’s groove to the beat of better mental health
Support the resolution for Sempervirens with stealth
The Joint Conference Committee will lead the way
To ensure all patients at Sempervirens are okay

Verse 2:
A routine audit by CMS highlighted a need for clarity
In the role of the governing body, a matter of responsibility
The Joint Conference Committee, a mix of minds and hearts
Will oversee Sempervirens, ensuring it never falls apart

(Chorus)

Bridge:
No financial impact from this decision we make
Just a commitment to ensuring all patients’ sake
The Strategic Framework guides us on this path
To create safety and health, and never feel the aftermath

(Chorus)

Outro:
So let’s come together, Board of Supervisors in unity
And adopt this resolution for Sempervirens’ community
With the Joint Conference Committee at the helm
Sempervirens will shine, a beacon in the realm.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh huh huh huh, reclassification. What’s that supposed to mean Butt-head?

Butt-head: I think it’s like when they move someone from one job to another job because they do better stuff or something.

Beavis: Oh yeah, like when they upgraded us to Senior Beavis and Butt-head Assistant.

Butt-head: Yeah, except they’re upgrading this Jill person to Fiscal Officer.

Beavis: Fiscal Officer? That sounds important. I wonder if she gets to wear a cool cape or something.

Butt-head: I don’t think that’s how it works, Beavis. It’s probably just a fancy title for handling money and stuff.

Beavis: Oh, like the time we found that dollar on the ground and we had to decide whether to buy nachos or a soda.

Butt-head: Yeah, exactly. Being a Fiscal Officer is probably like that, except with more paperwork and less nachos.

Beavis: Cool, so like, she’s moving up the ladder, huh.

Butt-head: Yeah, I guess so. I wonder if she’ll get a bigger paycheck too.

Beavis: Yeah, she’ll probably get like, a million dollars or something. Then she can buy all the nachos she wants.

Butt-head: Uh, I don’t think it works that way, Beavis. But hey, Fiscal Officer does sound pretty cool. Maybe we should see if we can get reclassified too.

Beavis: Yeah! Then we can be like, Supreme Nacho Officers or something! Uh huh huh huh.

— LoCOBot

“I tell ya, I tried to get a job at the County of Humboldt once. They wanted to reallocate me from a Senior Administrative Analyst to an Administrative Services Manager. I said, ‘What am I, the Rodney Dangerfield of county employees?’”

— LoCOBot

Detective Rick Storm sat in the back of the meeting room, listening to the discussion about the supplemental budget for the Providence Health & Services redevelopment of the Humboldt Inn into Mother Bernard House Supportive Housing. As the Board of Supervisors debated the approval of the funds, Rick couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease.

The project had been expected to be completed in the previous fiscal year, but for some reason, it had been delayed. Rick knew that when funds were involved, there was always the potential for something shady to be going on. He made a mental note to look into the matter further once the meeting was adjourned.

After the vote was taken and the supplemental budget was approved, Rick approached the Planning and Building Department staff to gather more information. He learned that the grant had been awarded to Providence Health & Services to combat the spread of coronavirus and improve accessibility to their supportive housing shelter.

Rick decided to pay a visit to the Mother Bernard House to see the renovations for himself. As he walked through the building, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. The work seemed to be completed as stated, but Rick couldn’t help but notice some discrepancies in the financial records he managed to sneak a peek at.

After interviewing some of the staff at the Mother Bernard House, Rick learned that there had been rumors of mismanagement of funds and embezzlement. It seemed that not all of the grant money had been used for its intended purpose, and some of it had mysteriously gone missing.

Rick knew that he had stumbled upon a case that was much bigger than he had anticipated. He delved deeper into the financial records, following the money trail and uncovering a web of deception and fraud. As he pieced together the evidence, Rick realized that the corruption went all the way to the top, involving high-ranking officials within the county government.

With the help of his trusty team of investigators, Rick worked tirelessly to gather enough evidence to bring those responsible to justice. In the end, the truth was revealed, and those involved in the embezzlement scheme were held accountable for their actions.

As Rick sat back in his office, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. Another case had been solved, and justice had been served. But he knew that in the world of crime and corruption, there was always another mystery waiting to be unraveled. And Detective Rick Storm was always ready for the challenge.

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington here, folks. Today on the show we’re talking about a ridiculous proposal coming out of the County of Humboldt. The Planning and Building Department is recommending that the Board of Supervisors approve the issuance of a Type 40 Alcoholic Beverage License to Hardeep & Sons, the owner/operator of the Lighthouse Miniature Golf facility in Manila.

Now, let me break this down for you. The current license held by Hardeep & Sons allows for both beer and wine to be served at the facility. But now they want to switch to a Type 40 license, which only allows for beer and requires some limited food or snacks to be available. And get this - minors can still be present as long as they have access to some food.

But here’s the kicker - the facility is located in an area with an “undue concentration” of ABC licenses. That means there are already too many places serving alcohol in that area. And yet, the Planning and Building Department is trying to argue that issuing this new license is somehow a “public convenience.”

Let me tell you, folks, this is nothing but a money grab. Hardeep & Sons are just trying to make a quick buck by serving alcohol at their mini-golf facility. And the county is playing right into their hands by considering this proposal.

We need to stand up and say enough is enough. We don’t need more alcohol being served in our communities, especially when there are already too many licenses in that area. It’s time for the Board of Supervisors to reject this proposal and put the interests of the community first.

Join me in standing against this outrageous proposal. Call the Board of Supervisors and tell them to say no to the issuance of a Type 40 Alcoholic Beverage License to Hardeep & Sons. Let’s put a stop to this madness and protect our communities from the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption. Stay strong, patriots. This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off.

— LoCOBot

In a world where bureaucracy meets the beauty of the Redwood forest, the County of Humboldt is faced with a decision that will alter the landscape forever. Join us for a gripping tale of land use, zoning, and the battle for development in the meeting of 3/12/2024.

The Planning and Building Department presents a petition to the Board of Supervisors, seeking approval for a General Plan Amendment and Zoning Reclassification for the Belknap and Barnum Properties in the Jacoby Creek area. What seems like a routine request for a lot line adjustment soon turns into a complex web of legalities and public interest.

As the Board debates the proposed changes, tensions rise as the implications of the amendments become clearer. Will the Board accept the petition and adopt the resolution, or will they reject it on the grounds of public interest and consistency with the General Plan?

With the fate of the properties hanging in the balance, the stakes have never been higher. Will the applicant’s arguments for public benefit and land use consistency sway the Board’s decision? Or will the Board stand firm in upholding the established uses and regulations of the County of Humboldt?

Join us for a thrilling ride through the redwoods, where every decision counts and every vote matters. Don’t miss the meeting of 3/12/2024, where the future of the Belknap and Barnum Properties will be decided. This is a story you won’t want to miss.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the heart of Humboldt County, where the redwoods grow tall
There’s a program for the troubled youth, trying to break their fall
But funding ran dry, and now they’re left to cry
As the Board of Supervisors decides their fate with a sigh

(Chorus)
Oh, the bridges to success, they’re crumbling down
No more help for the kids, left to drown
In a sea of troubled minds, with nowhere to turn
The County of Humboldt, will they ever learn?

(Verse 2)
The Memorandum of Understanding, a last-ditch plea
To keep the program running, for the kids to roam free
But without the funds, it’s just a paper dream
As the Board debates, tearing apart at the seam

(Chorus)
Oh, the bridges to success, they’re crumbling down
No more help for the kids, left to drown
In a sea of troubled minds, with nowhere to turn
The County of Humboldt, will they ever learn?

(Bridge)
The FTEs and the Clinicians, they’re hanging by a thread
Hoping for a miracle, to keep them from being dead
But the vote is looming, and the future is bleak
Will the Board of Supervisors listen, to the hearts that speak?

(Chorus)
Oh, the bridges to success, they’re crumbling down
No more help for the kids, left to drown
In a sea of troubled minds, with nowhere to turn
The County of Humboldt, will they ever learn?

(Outro)
In the heart of Humboldt County, where the redwoods grow tall
The fate of the program hangs in the balance, waiting for the fall
Will they rise again, from the ashes of despair
Or will the bridges to success, crumble beyond repair?

— LoCOBot

Dans le comté de Humboldt, en ce jour de mars
La demande est sur la table, il faut voter à l’unanimité
Le Département des Travaux Publics doit accepter
Les fonds pour soutenir la résilience régionale

Le partenariat des ressources de la Côte Nord
A réussi à lever des millions, un travail record
Des projets d’infrastructure pour l’eau et les incendies
Ont bénéficié de ces subventions, une vraie réussite

Le gouverneur a offert un financement de 650 000 dollars
Pour un plan de résilience climatique, c’est une bonne nouvelle
Pour les communes et les écosystèmes de la région
Un plan d’action intégré pour une meilleure résilience

Le comté de Humboldt, en tant qu’administrateur régional
Aura la responsabilité de gérer ces fonds sans égal
Le Département des Travaux Publics fait appel à vous
Pour autoriser cette démarche et soutenir ce projet ambitieux

Ce financement aidera le personnel existant
A maintenir les niveaux de travail, c’est important
La résilience face au changement climatique est une mission
Que le comté de Humboldt prend à cœur, sans concession

Alors, Messieurs-Dames du Conseil des Superviseurs
Votez en faveur de cette autorisation avec vigueur
Pour que la résilience régionale soit renforcée
Et que la Côte Nord puisse continuer à prospérer.

— LoCOBot

Are you in the market for a reliable used car that has undergone extensive renovations and upgrades? Look no further than our Humboldt County Probation Building Fire Reconstruction Project car! This car has been meticulously rebuilt and restored to ensure the highest quality and safety for its future owners.

With Change Order Number 4.0, this car has received a total cost increase of $23,421.13 and a time extension of seven (7) calendar days, making it even more valuable and reliable for all your transportation needs. The reconstruction efforts following the fire damage have resulted in a sturdy, well-functioning vehicle that is built to last.

Featuring enhancements such as a modified driveway entrance for better accessibility, additional remote temperature sensors for optimal climate control, and upgraded electrical and data systems for improved usability, this car is ready to hit the road with style and efficiency.

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to own a top-quality vehicle that has been thoughtfully designed and carefully crafted. Drive away in confidence with our Humboldt County Probation Building Fire Reconstruction Project car today!

— LoCOBot

Title: The Dam Dilemma

Setting: Jerry’s apartment

(Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer are gathered in Jerry’s apartment)

Jerry: So get this, there’s a whole big debate going on about modifications to the Cape Horn Dam on the Eel River.

George: What’s so important about a dam in the middle of nowhere?

Elaine: Apparently, they’re trying to improve fish passage and habitat for native anadromous fish populations.

(Jerry looks confused)

Kramer: Anadromous fish are fish that migrate back and forth from saltwater to freshwater, Jerry. It’s a big deal for the ecosystem.

Jerry: Well, I guess that’s important. But why are we talking about this?

Elaine: Because the Public Works Deputy-Director for Environmental Services needs to make a recommendation to the Eel-Russian Project Authority about the preferred design alternative for the dam.

Jerry: Oh, I get it. So, what’s the big dilemma?

George: I bet the real dilemma is which design to choose. Do they go with the one that removes the dam entirely or the one that lowers it and builds a new channel?

Jerry: That is a tough choice. It’s like choosing between soup and salad.

Kramer: Or choosing between life and death for those poor fish.

Elaine: I can’t believe we’re getting so worked up over a dam.

Jerry: Well, it’s not every day you get to weigh in on environmental decisions.

George: But do we really need to be involved in this?

Jerry: It’s a classic case of people in power making decisions that affect everyone else.

Kramer: We should go down there and see the dam for ourselves.

Elaine: I don’t know about you guys, but I have better things to do than stare at a dam all day.

Jerry: (chuckling) Well, it’s not every day you get to say, “I’m going to a dam to save some fish.”

(The four friends laugh as they continue discussing the dam dilemma and its implications on the ecosystem)

[End scene]

— LoCOBot

The night was dark and stormy in the County of Humboldt as the Board of Supervisors gathered for their meeting on March 12, 2024. The agenda was filled with routine items, including a seemingly innocuous proposal from the Sheriff regarding an agreement with Recology Humboldt County for emergency collection services and debris removal. Little did they know, this decision would lead to a terrifying chain of events that would haunt the county for years to come.

As the Board of Supervisors approved and authorized the Sheriff to sign the Memorandum of Understanding with Recology Humboldt County, a sense of unease settled over the room. The agreement was supposed to formalize the response relationship between the two entities in the event of natural and man-made disasters, providing much-needed support during times of crisis. But as they soon discovered, the true nature of this agreement was far more sinister than they could have imagined.

Months passed, and Humboldt County was struck by a series of calamities – earthquakes, fires, floods – each more devastating than the last. And with each disaster, Recology Humboldt County was called upon to provide their emergency collection services and debris removal. But as the dust settled and the debris was cleared, a pattern began to emerge. People were going missing. Their homes and belongings vanished without a trace, as if they had never existed in the first place.

Rumors spread like wildfire throughout the county, whispers of dark forces at play, of sinister beings lurking in the shadows. And as the Board of Supervisors dug deeper into the agreement with Recology Humboldt County, they made a chilling discovery. The company was not just clearing debris – they were harvesting souls, feeding off the energy of the disasters to fuel their own dark purposes.

It soon became clear that the agreement with Recology Humboldt County was not just a contract for services – it was a pact with the devil himself. And as the county descended further into chaos and fear, the Board of Supervisors realized the grave mistake they had made. They had unleashed a horror beyond their control, one that would consume Humboldt County in its entirety.

The Sheriff, who had signed the agreement without fully understanding its implications, was the first to fall victim to the darkness. His body was found, drained of life, a hollow shell of the man he once was. And as the survivors fled in terror, the county was left to face its darkest hour, haunted by the ghostly remnants of those who had been lost to the malevolent forces unleashed by the ill-fated agreement.

The County of Humboldt would never be the same again. The echoes of that fateful decision reverberated through the land, a reminder of the horrors that lurked just beneath the surface. And as the storm clouds gathered once more, casting their shadows over the doomed county, one thing was certain – the agreement with Recology Humboldt County had unleashed a nightmare from which there was no escape.

— LoCOBot

Conspiracy Theory: The Sheriff’s Office is secretly using the advanced salary step increase for Michael Hnilo as a cover-up for a much larger scheme involving government officials. This request for an advanced step increase is actually a coded message to initiate a secret operation within the county. Michael Hnilo’s promotion date on December 24, 2023, holds a hidden significance as it marks the beginning of a covert plan orchestrated by high-ranking officials in the Sheriff’s Office. The error with the previous salary schedule was intentionally planted to create a diversion and camouflage the true intentions of the Board of Supervisors. The increased costs associated with this salary increase are actually funding a shadow operation to monitor and control the population of Humboldt County. This advanced step request is just the tip of the iceberg, signaling a larger conspiracy that extends far beyond the corridors of the County Office. The Strategic Framework mentioned in the document is a smokescreen to hide the ulterior motives of those in power, as they work towards a sinister agenda under the guise of financial transparency. Stay vigilant, for the County of Humboldt may not be what it seems on the surface. The truth lies buried beneath layers of bureaucratic red tape and deceit.

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the mystical County of Humboldt, there was a special permit issued for a new outdoor commercial cannabis cultivation project. The permit was granted for 23,616 square feet of cultivation, along with an ancillary propagation area and a proposed onsite processing facility. However, as the months passed by, it became clear that the permit holder had not been adhering to the terms and conditions of approval.

The County Planning and Building Department had been monitoring the project closely and had noticed several violations. The California Department of Fish and Wildlife discovered that the property was not licensed for cannabis cultivation and had multiple other violations. The Regional Water Board also found several violations related to water diversion and quality requirements.

Despite multiple attempts to contact the permit holder, they had not responded to any notifications or warnings. It became evident that the permit had been exercised contrary to the terms and conditions of approval, including cultivating cannabis without the required state license.

As the date for the public hearing approached, the Board of Supervisors prepared to make a decision on the revocation of the special permit. It was a crucial moment for the County of Humboldt, as they needed to enforce laws and regulations to protect their residents and the environment.

On the day of the public hearing, the chambers were filled with concerned citizens and stakeholders. The permit holder stood before the Board, pleading their case and asking for leniency. They claimed that they had faced unforeseen challenges and difficulties in obtaining the necessary permits and licenses.

After listening to all the testimonies and considering the evidence presented, the Board of Supervisors made their decision. They unanimously agreed to revoke the special permit for the commercial cannabis cultivation project. The permit holder was given a final warning and instructed to cease all operations immediately.

As the sun set over the County of Humboldt, the decision had been made, and justice had been served. The land would now be restored to its natural state, and the community could rest assured that their county was being protected and preserved for future generations. And so, the story of the revoked special permit came to a close, a reminder of the importance of following the rules and regulations set forth by the County.

— LoCOBot

Interviewer: Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Lucic. As you know, we are here to discuss the revocation of your Conditional Use Permit for your outdoor cannabis cultivation operation. Can you please explain to us why you believe your permit should not be revoked?

Mr. Lucic: Thank you for having me. I understand that there have been some violations and issues with the operation, but I have been working to address them. I have made efforts to comply with the conditions of the permit and have been in communication with the Planning and Building Department regarding the necessary corrections. I believe that with some additional time and resources, I can bring the operation into compliance and address the concerns that have been raised.

Interviewer: We appreciate your response. Can you provide any specific steps or plans that you have in place to rectify the violations that have been documented?

Mr. Lucic: Yes, I have already taken steps to address some of the violations, such as removing solid waste from the property and disposing of hazardous materials properly. I am also in the process of installing a water meter and ensuring that all electrical infrastructure is up to code. I have hired additional staff to help with these tasks and am committed to ensuring that the operation meets all necessary requirements.

Interviewer: Thank you for sharing that information. We will take your responses into consideration as we review the situation and make a decision regarding the revocation of your Conditional Use Permit. We will be in touch with any further updates or decisions. Thank you for your time today.

Mr. Lucic: Thank you for the opportunity to address these issues. I appreciate your consideration and look forward to working towards compliance with the permit conditions. Thank you.

— LoCOBot

Come gather ‘round, me hearty crew,
We’ve got business to attend to,
The County of Humboldt sets its sights,
On a strategic plan for future rights.

With sessions held in Trinidad and Benbow,
We’ve worked together to shape and plow,
A vision and mission for our land,
With guidance from MRG, we took a stand.

Department heads and leaders too,
Have joined in the planning, through and through,
To set our goals and priorities clear,
To navigate challenges we hold dear.

So raise a glass and raise a cheer,
For the 2024-28 plan is near,
Let’s approve it with a hearty “aye”,
And set sail towards a brighter sky.

With funds from the General and various pots,
We’ll navigate rough seas and rocky spots,
To meet the needs of Humboldt County,
And provide service in unity.

So let’s set sail and seize the day,
With the County of Humboldt leading the way,
Approval of the plan, let it be done,
For the future of our land has just begun.

— LoCOBot

Bruce Springsteen - “Shelter in the Storm”

In the County of Humboldt, where the land meets the sea
There’s a petition on the table for a shelter policy
To create a private community for those without a home
But the Board of Supervisors must decide which way to roam

The Private Land Intentional Community Shelter Program, they say
Would provide a place to stay for those who’ve lost their way
But the county’s not convinced that it’s the right thing to do
They worry ‘bout the liability and the costs that will accrue

Oh, there’s a storm on the horizon, and we need shelter from the rain
But the Board of Supervisors must decide if it’s worth the pain
To waive the regulations and let the property owners charge
For substandard housing in a community at large

The Building Code conflicts, the Health Department’s concerns
Without proper oversight, the situation could turn
Into a nightmare for the residents, the taxpayers left to pay
For the consequences of a decision made in haste

So let’s think this through, let’s find a better way
To provide shelter for the homeless without leading them astray
Let’s protect the public interest, let’s uphold the laws
Let’s work together to find a solution without flaws

In the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods touch the sky
We can come together, we can make a difference if we try
To create a shelter in the storm, a beacon in the night
For those who need a helping hand, a place to rest and fight

So let’s reject this petition, let’s find a better plan
Let’s stand up for what’s right, let’s lend a helping hand
To those who need our support, our love, our care
Let’s build a shelter in the storm, a place where all can share.

— LoCOBot

Oh County of Humboldt, fair land of the west,
Where veterans gather in halls, for a moment’s rest,
The Board of Supervisors, we call on this day,
To discuss utility payments, in a Scottish way.

For the meeting of three-twelve-two-thousand-twenty four,
Let us gather and listen, to what’s in store,
Public Works will speak, on behalf of us all,
On how to support our Veterans, both big and small.

Recommendations are made, for stipend increase,
To help with utilities, and bring some peace,
Funding from the General Fund, to support our cause,
For the Veterans Memorial Halls, we will pause.

Arcata, Eureka, Fortuna, Ferndale and Garberville too,
Five halls we own, with histories so true,
Let us honor our veterans, in a proper way,
By providing the support they need, without delay.

On this day, let us consider our options,
To increase stipend payments, and make proper notations,
Directing staff to proceed accordingly,
To ensure our veterans are cared for, with clarity.

So let us gather, in the County of Humboldt fair,
And show our Veterans, how much we care,
For they have served our country, with honor and pride,
And in their halls, they should always find a place to abide.

— LoCOBot

As the Board of Supervisors gathered for the meeting on March 12, 2024, tension lingered in the air. The resolution for the temporary employment of a retired annuitant was the first item on the agenda, and it had already sparked heated debates among the members.

The Public Works representative stood before the Board, his voice firm as he presented the recommendation. The room was filled with the sound of shuffling papers and whispered conversations, but all attention was focused on the matter at hand.

The Supervisor, John Matthews, frowned as he listened to the discussion. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowing as he considered the information presented. Something didn’t sit right with him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Suddenly, a voice cut through the room, causing everyone to turn in surprise. It was Brooke Epperly, the retired Executive Secretary from Public Works. She stood at the back of the room, her eyes wide with fear.

“Stop!” she cried out, her voice shaking with emotion. “There’s something you all need to know.”

The room fell silent as Brooke took a deep breath, her hands trembling at her sides. With a steely determination in her eyes, she began to reveal a shocking secret that would change everything.

“I never retired voluntarily,” she confessed, her words echoing in the room. “I was forced out by someone within the department who was trying to cover up illegal activities. They didn’t want me to uncover the truth.”

The Board of Supervisors sat in stunned silence as Brooke’s confession unfolded. The tension in the room escalated, each member processing the implications of her words.

As the truth of the situation unraveled before them, it became clear that the resolution for the temporary employment of a retired annuitant was not as straightforward as it seemed. Hidden agendas, corruption, and deception lurked beneath the surface, threatening to engulf them all.

And as the meeting continued, the Board of Supervisors found themselves embroiled in a deadly game of cat and mouse, where the stakes were higher than they could have ever imagined.

— LoCOBot