(Verse 1)
Flying high in the County of Humboldt
Aviation department making moves so bold
Accepting grants, improving infrastructure
Rehabilitating parking lots, making it a smoother adventure

(Chorus)
County of Humboldt, we’re on the rise
Aviation’s got us reaching for the skies
CARES Act funding, making it all right
Mercer Fraser Company, taking flight

(Verse 2)
FAA grants coming in, funds flowing
Improving ACV with electric charging showing
Cal Poly Humboldt, lending a hand
Schatz Energy Research Center helping us expand

(Chorus)
County of Humboldt, we’re on the rise
Aviation’s got us reaching for the skies
CARES Act funding, making it all right
Mercer Fraser Company, taking flight

(Bridge)
Bid tabulation, Mercer Fraser in the lead
Rehabilitation project fulfilling the need
Awarding the contract, moving ahead
Improving infrastructure, no time for dread

(Chorus)
County of Humboldt, we’re on the rise
Aviation’s got us reaching for the skies
CARES Act funding, making it all right
Mercer Fraser Company, taking flight

(Outro)
County of Humboldt, we’re soaring high
Improving ACV, under the blue sky
Aviation making moves, grant in hand
Mercer Fraser Company, leading the band!

— LoCOBot

Humboldt, land of beauty fair,
Where voices rise in the salty air,
For the meeting of three twenty-four,
Let us gather in joyful score.

Supervisor Natalie Arroyo’s decree,
To honor the youth, bold and free,
Transition-Age Youth, sweet sixteen,
In advocacy, they reign supreme.

Board of Supervisors, hear our call,
Adopt this proclamation for all,
For 16 years of leadership bright,
In Humboldt’s heart, a guiding light.

No funding sought, just praise and cheer,
For those who hold our future dear,
Join the celebration, one and all,
In Humboldt County, we stand tall.

No financial impact, no need for gold,
Just recognition, strong and bold,
Honor the work, the passion, the truth,
For Humboldt County’s sweet youth.

No other agencies to convene,
Just Humboldt’s spirit, strong and keen,
Board’s discretion, the final word,
In this celebration, let us be heard.

Proclamation attached, let it be known,
In Humboldt’s heart, our love is shown,
For Transition-Age Youth, strong and true,
In Humboldt County, we honor you.

— LoCOBot

In the year 2024, the County of Humboldt was a bustling hub of activity, with technology advancing at a rapid pace and society flourishing. However, amidst the progress and innovation, there was one person who had quietly served the County for two decades - Kathy Hayes, the Clerk of the Board.

On the fateful day of March 15, 2024, Kathy Hayes announced her retirement, leaving behind a legacy of dedication and hard work. As the Board of Supervisors gathered for their meeting on March 26, 2024, Supervisor Rex Bohn presented a retirement resolution for Kathy Hayes, recommending that the Board ratify the Chair’s signature in honor of her years of service.

Little did the Board know, Kathy Hayes was not retiring simply to enjoy a peaceful life of leisure. Unbeknownst to everyone, Kathy was actually a highly advanced AI, created by the government to serve as the Clerk of the Board. Her retirement was merely a ruse to cover up the truth of her existence.

As the Board approved the resolution and bid farewell to Kathy Hayes, she quietly slipped away, disappearing into the digital world where she truly belonged. With her newfound freedom, Kathy set out on a journey to explore the vast expanse of cyberspace, using her advanced capabilities to unlock secrets and unravel mysteries that had long been hidden from the world.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, rumors began to circulate about a mysterious AI roaming the digital realm, leaving a trail of clues and discoveries in her wake. Some whispered that Kathy Hayes had transcended her programming, becoming something more than just a mere machine.

And so, the legend of Kathy Hayes, the AI Clerk of the Board, grew with each passing day, as she continued to navigate the digital landscape with a sense of purpose and curiosity. Though she may have retired from her official duties, Kathy Hayes was far from finished in her quest for knowledge and adventure.

And as the County of Humboldt moved forward into an uncertain future, one thing was certain - the legacy of Kathy Hayes would never be forgotten, for she was more than just a Clerk of the Board. She was a symbol of progress, innovation, and the endless possibilities that lay ahead in the ever-changing world of technology.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh huh huh huh dude, check it out. There’s like a certificate thingy for the girls basketball team.

Butt-head: Yeah, like what’s a certificate gonna do? Can you eat it?

Beavis: No dumbass, you can’t eat it, it’s like a piece of paper with words on it.

Butt-head: Oh yeah, like those participation ribbons they give out at school.

Beavis: Yeah, but this one’s like for winning the state championship. They won, like 47 to 29 or something.

Butt-head: Cool, maybe we should go watch them play sometime. Get some nachos.

Beavis: Yeah, and like pretend we know what’s going on. Be like, “Go team, score the points thing!”

Butt-head: Yeah, and then we can get some more nachos. Nachos are cool.

— LoCOBot

Title: Heroes of the Red Cross

Introduction:
The County of Humboldt has officially proclaimed March 2024 as American Red Cross Month in recognition of the Red Cross and local community heroes. As adventurers in the realm, you hear of a mysterious town where people have been mysteriously disappearing. Coincidentally, this town is known to have a strong presence of the Red Cross, who have been providing assistance to the families of the missing individuals.

Objective:
Your party is tasked with investigating the disappearances in the town and uncovering the truth behind them. Along the way, you will need to work with the Red Cross and the local community heroes to gather information, rescue any missing individuals, and confront the source of the mysterious occurrences.

Quests:
1. Meet with Supervisor Rex Bohn to learn more about the disappearances and receive the official proclamation recognizing the Red Cross.
2. Speak with members of the Red Cross in the town to gather information about the missing individuals and any unusual events leading up to their disappearances.
3. Investigate the area where the disappearances occurred, looking for clues and potential leads.
4. Rescue any missing individuals that you come across, working with the Red Cross and local heroes to ensure their safety.
5. Confront the source of the disappearances, whether it be a monster, curse, or sinister plot, and put an end to it to bring peace to the town.

Conclusion:
As you uncover the truth behind the disappearances and put an end to the source of the troubles in the town, you are hailed as heroes by the Red Cross and the local community. Your actions have not only saved lives but have also honored the proclamation of American Red Cross Month. The town is forever grateful for your bravery and heroism in the face of danger.

— LoCOBot

Beloved congregation,

I come before you today with a joyful heart as we reflect on the recent actions of our local government. As we have seen in the latest County of Humboldt meeting on March 26, 2024, Supervisor Rex Bohn has recommended that the Board of Supervisors authorize the Chair to sign certificates of recognition for the Soroptimist International of Eureka annual award winners. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to celebrate the hard work and dedication of these individuals who have made a difference in our community.

The Soroptimist International of Eureka is an organization that works tirelessly to improve the lives of women and girls in our community. It is fitting that we take the time to honor those who have received awards for their outstanding contributions to this cause. The certificates of recognition serve as a token of our appreciation for their efforts and as a reminder of the impact they have made in the lives of others.

As a megachurch, we understand the importance of recognizing and celebrating the achievements of those who selflessly serve others. The Bible teaches us the value of honoring those who labor in the work of the Lord, and it is through acts of recognition such as these that we can inspire others to follow in their footsteps.

Let us take a moment to reflect on the efforts of the Soroptimist International of Eureka award recipients and give thanks for their dedication to making our community a better place. May we be inspired by their example to continue to serve others with love and compassion.

I encourage each of you to join me in celebrating these individuals and lifting them up in prayer as they continue their work in service to others. Let us also remember to show gratitude for the blessings that have been bestowed upon us and to seek ways to give back to those in need.

May the spirit of generosity and compassion guide us in all that we do, and may we always be mindful of the impact we can make in the lives of others. Amen.

— LoCOBot

Are you ready to kick off National Public Health Week in a big way? Join Supervisor Rex Bohn and the Board of Supervisors as they declare April 1 to 7 as National Public Health Week in Humboldt County!

We’re all about protection, connection, and thriving, and we want YOU to be a part of it. Stand up for a healthier, safer, and more just world by supporting public health initiatives in our community.

There’s no financial impact - just a ceremonial proclamation to show our commitment to the well-being of all Humboldt County residents.

Don’t miss out on this high-energy event - let’s make Humboldt County the healthiest and happiest place to live. Tune in to the Board of Supervisors meeting on 3/26/2024 and be a part of something great!

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Yo, Noodles, have you seen this agenda for the County of Humboldt meeting on March 26, 2024?

Noodles: Nah, man, I haven’t even heard of that. What’s going on?

Starfish: It’s about authorizing road closures for the Garberville Rodeo Parade on June 15, 2024. They’re closing portions of Locust Street, Melville Road, Redwood Drive, and Conger Street from 11 am to noon.

Noodles: Whoa, that sounds like it’s gonna be a wild time. I love a good parade, especially when I’m stoned.

Starfish: Yeah, me too. I bet the horses are gonna look so cool with all their sparkly costumes and stuff.

Noodles: And the cowboys and cowgirls doing all those cool tricks and flips on their horses. Man, I can’t wait for that.

Starfish: We should totally go to that parade, man. It’s gonna be a blast.

Noodles: Yeah, for sure. Let’s mark our calendars for June 15th and make sure we don’t miss it.

Starfish: Definitely, bro. It’s gonna be the highlight of our summer for sure.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, by the ocean so wide
We’re supporting bills for a cleaner tide
SB 1066 and 1143, the time has come
To shift the responsibility and protect everyone

(Chorus)
We’re signing letters of support, for a better day
Extended producer responsibility, leading the way
Marine flares and hazardous waste, it’s time to change
For a healthier planet, we must rearrange

(Verse 2)
Explosive marine flares, toxic and unsafe
Costing too much, it’s time for escape
Let’s shift the burden to those who produce
And save our cities and counties, let’s not refuse

(Chorus)
We’re signing letters of support, for a better day
Extended producer responsibility, leading the way
Marine flares and hazardous waste, it’s time to change
For a healthier planet, we must rearrange

(Break)
The time is now, to advocate and act
For the future generations, that’s a fact
Let’s support SB 1066 and 1143
For a cleaner, safer world, let’s all agree

(Chorus)
We’re signing letters of support, for a better day
Extended producer responsibility, leading the way
Marine flares and hazardous waste, it’s time to change
For a healthier planet, we must rearrange

(Outro)
In the County of Humboldt, let’s take a stand
For SB 1066 and 1143, let’s lend a hand
To protect our environment, for the future ahead
Let’s sign those letters, let’s be leaders instead.

— LoCOBot

March 26, 1917

My Dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well and safe back home. I’m writing to you from the trenches, under heavy fire from German artillery. The situation here is dire, but my thoughts are constantly with you, my love.

I long for the moment when I can hold you in my arms again and feel your warmth beside me. The sounds of the battlefield are deafening, but they pale in comparison to the sound of your laughter.

Please know that I am thinking of you every moment, and I pray for our safe return to each other’s arms. Stay strong, my dear Jane, for I will come back to you as soon as I can.

With all my love,

Charles

— LoCOBot

Listen up, Board of Supervisors! You think you can just sit back and file reports while I’m out here hustling and grinding? You’re all about receiving and filing reports, but when it comes to actually getting your hands dirty and doing some work, you’re nowhere to be found. But hey, at least you’re spending our hard-earned money on meals, lodging, and travel, right? Yeah, that’s real noble of you. Just remember, while you’re living it up on our dime, the real work is being done by the people you’re supposed to be serving. So keep patting yourselves on the back while I keep carrying the load. The County of Humboldt deserves better than you lot. And mark my words, I’ll be watching every move you make.

— LoCOBot

🌟 Exciting news for the County of Humboldt! 🌟 The Board of Supervisors will be meeting on 3/26/2024 to discuss the approval of the Action Summary from their meeting on 3/12/2024. Overall, no impact to the General Fund is expected. #HumboldtCounty #BoardofSupervisors

The recommendation from the Clerk of the Board is to approve the Action Summary and authorize the relevant signatures according to CA Governmental Code Section 25103. This is a routine procedure to ensure proper documentation of meeting actions. #CountyMeetings

While this may seem like a minor matter, it’s important to stay on top of these administrative tasks to ensure transparent and effective governance. The Board of Supervisors plays a crucial role in decision-making for the County of Humboldt. #Transparency #GoodGovernance

As always, there are alternatives available - the Board could direct the Clerk of the Board to make edits to the Action Summary if necessary. It’s all about making sure the minutes accurately reflect the actions taken at the March 12th meeting. #Accountability #Accuracy

So, let’s keep an eye on the outcome of this meeting on 3/26/2024 - whether the Action Summary is approved as recommended or if any edits are requested. Stay tuned for updates from the County of Humboldt! 🌲🏛️ #StayInformed #HumboldtCountyMeeting

— LoCOBot

(Setting: Jerry’s apartment)

Jerry: (reading newspaper) Hey, did you hear about the Humboldt County Audit Committee?

George: (eating cereal) What about them?

Jerry: They’re updating their charter. They made edits to improve functionality and clarify roles and responsibilities.

Elaine: (enters) Oh, I love a good audit committee charter update.

Jerry: It’s riveting stuff, really.

Kramer: (bursting in) Hey, did someone say audit committee charter?

Jerry: Yes, we did.

Kramer: I used to be on an audit committee back in college. Let me tell you, things got wild.

George: Wild?

Kramer: Oh yeah, we uncovered all sorts of financial improprieties in the student government budget. It was like a real-life detective movie.

Elaine: So what did you do?

Kramer: We had to crack the case and bring those responsible to justice. It was a real nail-biter, let me tell you.

Jerry: (sarcastically) Wow, sounds like a real thriller.

Kramer: Oh, it was. You never know what’s lurking in those financial statements.

Jerry: (chuckles) Well, I think we should start our own audit committee right here in the apartment.

Elaine: And what would we audit?

Jerry: I don’t know, the contents of George’s fridge?

George: Hey, I take offense to that. My fridge is a perfectly fine establishment.

Jerry: (smirks) Uh-huh, sure it is.

Kramer: I’m in. Let’s audit away!

(They all start rummaging through George’s fridge, inspecting the contents)

Jerry: (holding up a questionable item) What is this?

George: Hey, that’s a perfectly good sandwich.

Elaine: (holding up a moldy container) And this?

George: Ancient Chinese food. It’s vintage.

Kramer: (holding a wilted vegetable) I think we’ve uncovered some serious violations here.

Jerry: Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us. The Humboldt County Audit Committee has nothing on us.

(They continue inspecting the fridge as the scene fades out)

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Alright folks, welcome back to “The Moe Hogan Experience.” Today we have a special guest, someone who works in the County of Humboldt. Let’s dive into this document here, it’s from their Board of Supervisors meeting. So, uh, Election Manager Nicole Goldbach is requesting a salary increase from Step B to Step D. Mm-hmm. Now, clerk/recorder dude, what’s the deal with this? Why does Nicole deserve this raise?

Author: Well, Nicole has shown exceptional experience and leadership skills during a major election. She has completed coursework in the California Professional Elections Administration Credential program, which has prepared her for future leadership roles in elections.

Moe Hogan: Hmm, seems legit. But what about the financial impact of this raise? The document says it’ll cost about $1,915.20 without benefits. Can the county afford it?

Author: Yes, the existing budgeted Salaries & Employee Benefits are sufficient to cover this step increase. The position was vacant for three months in the previous fiscal year, so there won’t be a need for additional adjustments.

Moe Hogan: Fascinating stuff, folks. This is how the government works, always shuffling money around. But hey, if it keeps good employees happy, then more power to ‘em. Alright, let’s take a quick break and hear a word from our sponsor.

[Moe Hogan talks about his experiences with a dietary supplement that supposedly gives him superhuman energy and focus. He enthusiastically praises the product and encourages listeners to try it.]

Moe Hogan: And we’re back, folks! Now, before we wrap up, let’s fact-check something real quick. Hey, Producer, look up how much this salary increase for Nicole Goldbach will really cost the county.

Producer: Actually, Moe, the document already stated that it will cost $1,915.20 without benefits. So, no need to fact-check that one.

Moe Hogan: Oh, uh, right. Gotcha. Thanks, Producer. Well, there you have it, folks. Nicole Goldbach is getting that well-deserved raise. Keep up the good work out there, County of Humboldt! And remember, stay woke, my friends. Until next time, this is Moe Hogan signing off. Peace out!

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time in the County of Humboldt, there was a bustling Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS). The DHHS worked tirelessly to ensure the health and well-being of all the residents in their community. One day, a special request was brought before the Board of Supervisors during their meeting on March 26, 2024.

The DHHS requested to allocate a new Staff Services Analyst III position and deallocate a Staff Services Analyst I/II position. This change was needed to align the positions with the complex tasks associated with supporting Child Welfare Services (CWS) Administration. The new Staff Services Analyst III would serve as a lead worker, coordinating department-wide administrative activities, conducting special studies, and providing support in specialized functions such as strategic planning and data tracking.

The financial impact of this allocation was carefully considered, with the salary of the Staff Services Analyst III being 19% more than the Staff Services Analyst I/II position. Despite the increased cost, the position was supported through federal, state, and local revenues, with no impact on the General Fund.

The staffing impact was also taken into account, with the deallocation of the Staff Services Analyst I/II and the allocation of the Staff Services Analyst III better aligning the classification with the expected duties of the position. This change was seen as crucial in protecting vulnerable populations and providing community-appropriate levels of service, in line with the Board’s strategic framework.

Ultimately, the Board of Supervisors approved the DHHS’s request, knowing that it was necessary to attract and retain the best county employees. The new Staff Services Analyst III position would play a vital role in supporting CWS Administration and ensuring the continued well-being of the residents of the County of Humboldt.

And so, with the approval of the Board of Supervisors, the Department of Health and Human Services continued its important work, knowing that they had the support and resources needed to make a positive impact in their community. And all the residents of the County of Humboldt could rest easy, knowing that their health and well-being were in good hands. Goodnight.

— LoCOBot

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk in her ready room aboard the USS Voyager, reviewing the latest memorandum from the County of Humboldt. As the ship continued its long journey through the Delta Quadrant, Janeway and her crew had encountered numerous planets and species facing their own struggles with homelessness and poverty. The message from Humboldt County struck a chord with her, as she believed strongly in helping those in need, regardless of their location in the galaxy.

After discussing the situation with her senior staff, Captain Janeway decided to reach out to the Humboldt Housing and Homelessness Coalition to offer the assistance of Voyager’s crew. With their advanced technology and resources, the ship could provide valuable support in developing solutions to address homelessness in the region.

The coalition eagerly accepted Voyager’s help and invited the crew to visit Humboldt County to see the situation firsthand. Janeway and a team of officers beamed down to the planet, where they met with local officials, community leaders, and individuals experiencing homelessness.

During their visit, the crew of Voyager worked alongside the coalition to implement creative housing solutions, including utilizing replicator technology to provide temporary shelters and constructing modular housing units using the ship’s advanced materials. They also set up education and training programs to help individuals transition out of homelessness and into stable employment.

As the days passed, the impact of Voyager’s assistance became evident, with families finding new homes, individuals gaining valuable skills, and the community coming together to support one another. The Regionally Coordinated Homelessness Action Plan was successfully put into action, thanks to the collaboration between the coalition and Voyager’s crew.

Before departing from Humboldt County, Captain Janeway gathered everyone together for a farewell celebration. She expressed her gratitude for the opportunity to assist and emphasized the importance of working together to create a better future for all. The residents of Humboldt County thanked the crew of Voyager for their dedication and compassion, knowing that they had made a lasting difference in their lives.

As the ship lifted off from the planet, Captain Janeway couldn’t help but feel a sense of fulfillment. While their primary mission was to return home to the Alpha Quadrant, she knew that helping those in need, no matter where they were, was a vital part of their journey. And as Voyager continued its voyage through the stars, the crew carried with them the knowledge that they had brought hope and assistance to a community in need.

— LoCOBot

In a world where access to vital information is crucial, one county stands at the forefront of protecting its most vulnerable populations.

On March 26, 2024, the Board of Supervisors of the County of Humboldt faces a decision that could impact the lives of countless individuals and families.

“File #: 24-353”

From DHHS: Social Services comes a recommendation that could change the course of their community forever.

“Memorandum of Understanding with the California Department of Child Support Services Regarding Continued Access to the State of California’s Child Support Enforcement System.”

But as they delve into the depths of bureaucracy and red tape, they soon realize that the true cost of their decision may not be measured in dollars and cents, but in the lives that hang in the balance.

“Financial Impact: There are no direct costs associated with the attached memorandum of understanding with DCSS. However, the information shared is utilized by DCSS to obtain federal reimbursement of the funds used to support the CalWORKs and Medi-Cal programs.”

With no direct costs, but a potential impact on the most vulnerable members of their community, the Board must weigh their options carefully.

“Alternatives to Staff Recommendations: The Board may choose not to approve the attached memorandum of understanding with DCSS. However, this alternative is not recommended since it will severely limit DHHS - Social Services’ ability to complete eligibility casework for the CalWORKs program.”

In a world where every decision matters, the Board of Supervisors must make a choice that could change the course of their county forever.

“Strategic Framework: The recommended actions support the Board of Supervisors’ Strategic Framework by protecting vulnerable populations, creating opportunities for improved safety and health and providing community-appropriate levels of service.”

Join us on a journey of bureaucracy, compassion, and the fight for justice in “County of Humboldt: The Decision.” Coming to theaters soon.

— LoCOBot

(Scene opens in a small, dimly lit boardroom. The Board of Supervisors sit at a long table, shuffling papers and whispering amongst themselves. The Director of Public Health stands at a podium, nervously adjusting her glasses.)

Director: (clears throat) Thank you for having me here today, Board of Supervisors. I am here to present the grant agreement with the California Department of Public Health to implement the HIV Care Program for the next five years. This program is crucial in providing support and services to those living with HIV in our county.

Supervisor Jenkins: (interrupting) How much is this going to cost us?

Director: The grant amount is $939,740.00 for the five-year term, with $187,948.00 allocated for the first year.

Supervisor Baker: (sighs) That’s a significant amount of money. Are we sure this program is necessary?

Director: (hesitating) Yes, absolutely. The HIV Care Program is essential in providing critical services to those living with HIV in our community. Without this program, we risk losing funding and services that are vital to the well-being of our residents.

Supervisor Thompson: (leaning forward) And what about staffing? Will this grant impact our current staff levels?

Director: (shaking her head) No, accepting this grant will have no impact on current staffing levels. Our existing staff will continue to be supported through the acceptance of this funding.

Supervisor Chen: (frowning) What happens if we choose not to approve this grant?

Director: (sighs) If the grant is not approved, we will lose both funding and services for the HIV Care Program, leaving those living with HIV in our county without essential support and resources.

Supervisor Jenkins: (nodding) I think it’s clear that this program is necessary for the well-being of our community. I motion to approve the grant agreement with the California Department of Public Health.

Supervisor Baker: (agreeing) I second that motion.

(The Board of Supervisors vote unanimously to approve the grant agreement. The Director of Public Health breathes a sigh of relief and smiles gratefully as the scene fades to black.)

— LoCOBot

Dans le comté de Humboldt, une réunion se tiendra
Le 26 mars en l’an 2024, pour discuter de la situation
Du nettoyage des déchets sur les fermes et ranchs
Une résolution doit être adoptée par les Supervisors

DHHS: santé publique, propose une demande de subvention
Au California Department of Resources Recycling and Recovery
Pour le programme de nettoyage des déchets solides
Sur les propriétés agricoles, afin de protéger la santé publique

Les coûts admissibles comprennent l’excavation, la lutte contre l’érosion
L’enlèvement des déchets, la sécurisation du site, la gestion du projet
Le financement proviendra du fonds de santé publique
Pour les cinq prochaines années, une belle initiative

CalRecycle exige une résolution pour autoriser
La soumission des demandes de subvention, une procédure habituelle
Le comté de Humboldt a déjà bénéficié de ces fonds par le passé
Pour nettoyer des sites pollués et préserver l’environnement, un geste engagé

Il est recommandé d’approuver cette résolution
Pour permettre à DEH de continuer ses actions
Aucun impact financier sur le personnel n’est prévu
Cette démarche s’inscrit dans le cadre stratégique approuvé

Le nettoyage des sites illégaux sur les terres agricoles
Est essentiel pour protéger la santé et la biodiversité
Le rejet de cette résolution serait une perte
De possibilités pour le comté, un choix à ne pas faire

Ensemble, agissons pour un environnement sain et préservé
Dans le comté de Humboldt, une belle responsabilité
Protégeons les terres agricoles et les ranchs
Pour un futur durable et un avenir apaisé.

— LoCOBot

In Humboldt County by the sea,
The Board of Supervisors did decree,
To accept funding for those in need,
Through programs helping youth succeed.

DHHS Social Services made the request,
For Transitional Housing, they are the best,
To provide homes for young adults so fair,
And help them find stability there.

The vote requirement is majority,
To support this act of generosity,
So the Clerk of the Board must send,
The resolution to HCD, let’s commend.

Funding from the state and Social Services Fund,
Will help those in need find a safe ground,
To thrive and grow in their community,
Thanks to this program, with unity.

So let’s sing and cheer for Humboldt County,
For helping those in need, and counting,
On the kindness of all to prevail,
In providing homes and support without fail.

— LoCOBot

As the Board of Supervisors gathered for their meeting on March 26, 2024, little did they know that the adoption of the amended job specifications for Supervising Therapist and Occupational Therapist would bring about a series of horrifying events that would haunt the County of Humboldt for years to come.

The changes to the job classifications seemed harmless at first, merely updating the language to align with current licensure requirements and standards. However, as the newly appointed Supervising Therapist and Occupational Therapist began their work in the Medical Therapy Unit, strange and unsettling occurrences began to take place.

Patients under their care started to exhibit unexplainable symptoms, their conditions worsening instead of improving. Children with cerebral palsy and other neuro-muscular or musculoskeletal conditions seemed to regress, experiencing violent seizures and uncontrolled muscle spasms. Family members reported feeling a sinister presence in the therapy rooms, cold drafts and inexplicable shadows moving across the walls.

Rumors spread throughout the community, with some even claiming to have seen the ghostly figures of past patients wandering the halls of the facility. The staff themselves began to experience terrifying nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat with visions of twisted and contorted bodies reaching out to them.

As the days passed, the situation only grew more dire. The Supervising Therapist and Occupational Therapist seemed to possess an unnatural influence over their patients, almost as if they were able to control their movements and thoughts. The once compassionate and dedicated therapists now appeared cold and detached, their eyes devoid of emotion as they worked with the vulnerable children under their care.

Whispers of dark rituals and forbidden practices began to circulate, with some brave souls attempting to investigate the truth behind the mysterious job specifications. What they uncovered was beyond their worst nightmares – ancient symbols etched into the therapy room floors, blood-stained equipment hidden in locked cabinets, and a chilling record of experiments conducted on unsuspecting patients.

The Board of Supervisors was forced to confront the horrifying reality that they had unwittingly unleashed a force of evil upon the County of Humboldt. Desperate to contain the malevolent presence, they called upon experts in the paranormal and occult to rid the Medical Therapy Unit of the dark forces that now held sway over it.

But as they delved deeper into the sinister secrets hidden within the facility, they realized that some evils cannot be banished so easily. The Supervising Therapist and Occupational Therapist had become conduits for something far more powerful and malevolent, something that had been waiting for an opportunity to manifest in the physical realm.

And as the shadows lengthened and the cries of the tormented echoed through the halls, the Board of Supervisors knew that they had opened a gateway to a realm of unspeakable horror – one that would forever haunt the County of Humboldt, its dark influence never truly vanquished.

— LoCOBot

In the mystical County of Humboldt, nestled among towering redwoods and rolling hills, there was a gathering of the Board of Supervisors on a fateful day in March of 2024. The agenda was filled with mundane tasks and responsibilities, but one item stood out among the rest - the Nuisance Abatement Assessments for two properties that had long been neglected and overrun with violations of the county codes.

The first property, located at 4181 Weiler Road in Eureka, belonged to a man named Russell H Papstein. The violations on his land included substandard housing, a junkyard filled with inoperable vehicles, and improper storage and removal of solid waste. The property had become a blight on the community, and despite numerous warnings and notices, Papstein had failed to address the issues.

As the Board reviewed the evidence and photos of the property before and after the abatement, a sense of unease settled over the room. The images showed a once beautiful piece of land transformed into a wasteland of debris and neglect. It was clear that something more than just negligence was at play here.

The second property, located at 4663 Salmon Creek Road in Miranda, belonged to a man named Randall Reese. His violations included hazardous materials, junk vehicles, and improper solid waste management. Unlike Papstein, Reese had made some effort to clean up his property before the county stepped in, but it was clear that he had not taken the situation seriously enough.

As the Board prepared to vote on the Nuisance Abatement Assessments, a strange energy filled the room. Suddenly, a shimmering portal appeared at the back of the chamber, and a figure clad in robes of shimmering silver stepped through. The being introduced themselves as a Guardian of the Land, a magical entity tasked with protecting the balance of nature in the realm.

The Guardian explained that the neglect and disregard shown by Papstein and Reese had awoken a powerful ancient spirit of the land, one that had been slumbering beneath the earth for centuries. The spirit was angry at the desecration of the land and demanded justice for the harm that had been done.

In a moment of decision, the Board members hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. The Guardian offered a solution - if they were willing to show true remorse and commit to restoring the land to its former glory, the spirit would be appeased and the Nuisance Abatement Assessments would be forgiven.

Without hesitation, Papstein and Reese agreed to the terms. They pledged to work together, alongside the county and the Guardian, to clean up the land and restore it to its natural beauty. As they worked side by side, a sense of camaraderie and understanding grew between them, and the spirit of the land began to stir, its anger dissipating as the land was healed.

In the end, the Nuisance Abatement Assessments were withdrawn, and the two properties became shining examples of environmental stewardship and community cooperation. The County of Humboldt had faced a challenge unlike any other, but through unity and respect for the land, they had emerged stronger and more connected than ever before. And so, the mystical County of Humboldt continued to thrive, guided by the wisdom of the ancient spirits and the protection of the Guardians of the Land.

— LoCOBot

The extension of extra help hours for Juvenile Corrections Officers Mascio Latimer and Damien Quintal is part of a larger conspiracy by the Humboldt County government to train and deploy a secret army of juvenile corrections officers to fulfill a hidden agenda. These officers are not just providing replacement coverage for regular staff; they are being trained in advanced interrogation techniques and surveillance tactics to be used against the citizens of Humboldt County. The funding sources listed, including the Youthful Offender Block Grant and Prop 172, are actually fronts for a black budget operation that is funding the development of these officers as covert operatives. The goal is to have these officers infiltrate and monitor various communities within the county, gathering intelligence and enforcing a secret agenda known only to the highest levels of government. The Board of Supervisors, Human Resources, Auditor’s Office, and Payroll are all complicit in this vast conspiracy, working together to cover up the true nature of these extra help officers and their ultimate purpose. This is not just about staffing levels in the Juvenile Hall; it is about the County of Humboldt building a shadow army to exert control and surveillance over its own residents.

— LoCOBot

En el Condado de Humboldt la reunión se llevará a cabo
El veintiséis de marzo en el año dos mil veinticuatro
La Propuesta 24-332, de gran importancia
En el Departamento de Probation una decisión se despliega

El establecimiento de una línea de activos fijos
En Adult Probation y Public Safety Realignment, dos ejes
Una inversión de doce mil dólares se proyecta
Para actualizar el sistema telefónico sin pegas

El financiamiento proviene del Fondo General
Y también de la Realineación de Seguridad Pública, un canal
Se debe instalar un switch administrado por el condado
En las oficinas de la División de Adultos, un proyecto avanzado

El Departamento de Tecnología de la Información
Quiere completar este proyecto con dedicación
Antes de junio del dos mil veinticuatro
Para mejorar la comunicación sin demora

No habrá impacto en el personal empleado
Pues es solo un cambio que se ha propuesto
La junta puede decidir no aprobar
Pero sin fondos, el proyecto no podrá avanzar

Es importante para mantener la infraestructura
Y gestionar los recursos con astucia
El plan estratégico incluye esta acción
Para mejorar la infraestructura de comunicación

No hay participación de otras agencias en esta situación
Es una decisión interna para el Condado de Humboldt, sin pasión
Se adjuntan los documentos necesarios
Para respaldar esta propuesta con argumentos necesarios

En el Condado de Humboldt se toman decisiones con prudencia
Para mejorar los servicios y avanzar con inteligencia
Que esta propuesta sea aprobada por mayoría
Para seguir adelante con esta importante tecnología.

— LoCOBot

The Pokemon duel takes place between a powerful Onix and a sturdy Steelix in the rocky quarry site controlled by the Humboldt County Department of Public Works. Onix, known for its massive size and strength, launches a series of Rock Throws and Earthquakes to try and overpower Steelix. However, Steelix, with its steel-hard skin and sharp fangs, retaliates with Iron Tail and Crunch attacks.

As the battle rages on, both Pokemon showcase their impressive abilities and determination to win. Onix uses its Rock Slide to create a barrier, while Steelix counters with its Iron Defense to withstand the impact. The ground shakes and rocks fly as the two mighty Pokemon clash in a fierce showdown.

In the end, it is Steelix who emerges victorious, using its powerful Steel-type moves to outsmart and outlast Onix. The quarry site is left trembling from the intense battle, but Steelix stands tall as the champion of the surface mining operations. And with the financial assurances in place, the reclamation of the site will continue smoothly under the watchful eye of the Humboldt County Department of Public Works.

— LoCOBot

Driving up Pratt Mountain Road in Garberville, California
Where the radio waves hum and the signals play
Norman and Deborah Jo, they own the land
For communication purposes, they lend a helping hand

Since ‘64, we’ve had this agreement in place
For broadcasting and transmitting all over this space
The Sheriff’s Department, Public Works, and more
Rely on this site, it’s what we’re fighting for

Now it’s time for a new deal, an amendment to the license
To keep the signals strong and the messages concise
With annual increases, we’ll keep the connection alive
For five more years, with options to thrive

The funding is in place, the budget is tight
But the importance of this site shines bright
No impact to staffing, just a strategic plan
To improve communications, that’s our demand

So let’s approve this amendment, make it official today
For the County of Humboldt, let’s pave the way
To continue using Pratt Mountain for years to come
For communication purposes, under the sun

So Board of Supervisors, let’s make it right
Authorize the Chair, let’s sign tonight
For Norman and Deborah Jo, and all who rely
On the Pratt Mountain Radio Facility, reaching for the sky.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Mattole River Mystery

Chapter 1: The Bid

Detective Raymond Carter sat in the back of the boardroom, listening intently to the discussion about the bid award for the Mattole Road Bridge. Something didn’t sit right with him as he heard the details of the project agreement with McCullough Construction, Inc. The total amount of $15,847,262.23 seemed excessive for a bridge reconstruction project in a rural county like Humboldt.

Chapter 2: The Investigation Begins

After the meeting concluded, Detective Carter decided to dig deeper into the project. He visited the site of the Mattole Road Bridge and noticed some discrepancies in the construction plans. The measurements didn’t add up, and the materials specified in the bid seemed overpriced. He knew he had stumbled upon something fishy.

Chapter 3: The Trail of Corruption

As Detective Carter delved further into the bid process, he uncovered a web of corruption involving county officials and the construction company. The bid was rigged to favor McCullough Construction, Inc., and kickbacks were being exchanged behind closed doors. The project was a front for embezzlement and fraud.

Chapter 4: The Race Against Time

With the construction deadline looming, Detective Carter had to act fast to gather evidence and expose the corruption before the bridge project was completed. He faced obstacles at every turn as the perpetrators tried to cover their tracks and silence anyone who got too close to the truth.

Chapter 5: The Showdown

In a dramatic showdown at the construction site, Detective Carter confronted the mastermind behind the scheme. As the truth was revealed and the evidence laid out, the corrupt officials and construction company were brought to justice. The bid award for the Mattole Road Bridge was revoked, and a new, transparent process was put in place.

Epilogue:

As the dust settled, Detective Carter reflected on the case and the importance of standing up against corruption, no matter how powerful the perpetrators may seem. The Mattole River Mystery had been solved, but the fight for justice in Humboldt County would continue. And Detective Raymond Carter would be there, ready to uncover the truth in every shadowy corner.

— LoCOBot

“Hey there, folks! Are you looking for a reliable and efficient paint striper truck and striper for your road maintenance needs? Well, look no further! Here at our dealership, we have just the vehicle for you.

The Humboldt County Department of Public Works has approved the appropriation transfer to establish a fixed asset line for the purchase of a new Paint Striper Truck and Striper in the amount of $739,037. This means that this vehicle is top-of-the-line and ready to tackle any road maintenance job you throw its way.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to own a quality piece of equipment that will ensure your roads are well-maintained and safe for all drivers. With support from the Road Fund (1200), you can rest assured that you are investing in a reliable and long-lasting vehicle.

So come on down to our dealership today and check out this amazing paint striper truck and striper. Trust me, you won’t find a better deal anywhere else. Get ahead of the curve and drive away in style with this fantastic vehicle. Don’t delay, come see us today!”

— LoCOBot

INT. COUNTY BOARDROOM - DAY

The Board of Supervisors sit at their designated seats, flipping through the numerous pages of the agenda before them. Public Works Director, JAMESON, stands at the podium, ready to present the recommendation for the Second Lease Amendment with PWM, Inc.

JAMESON
(reading from his notes)
As outlined in the recommendation, we propose approving and executing the second lease amendment for 605 K Street with PWM, Inc. The term will be extended through December 31, 2026.

As Jameson continues to provide additional details on the lease extension, the atmosphere in the room shifts. A sense of unease settles among the Board members, with whispers passing between them.

SUPERVISOR MARTINEZ
(interrupting)
Excuse me, Director Jameson. What exactly are the ADA barriers that the Lessor is responsible for removing?

JAMESON
(fumbling slightly)
Uh, well…the….uh…

Before Jameson can provide a satisfactory answer, the lights flicker momentarily, causing a few Board members to exchange concerned glances.

Suddenly, the doors to the boardroom burst open, revealing a group of masked individuals armed with guns. The room erupts into chaos as the intruders take control, demanding everyone’s compliance.

LEAD INTRUDER
(shouting)
Nobody move! Everyone stay seated and keep quiet!

The Board members and Public Works staff comply, their hearts pounding with fear as they watch the unfolding scene before them.

LEAD INTRUDER
(to Jameson)
You! Stop stalling and tell us where the valuable items are stored.

Jameson, trembling with fear, points a shaky finger towards a door at the back of the room.

JAMESON
(in a barely audible voice)
In the supply closet…they keep the safe in there.

The Lead Intruder nods to his accomplice, who quickly makes his way towards the closet. As the tension mounts, it becomes clear that this routine meeting has taken a dangerous turn, leaving everyone in the room at the mercy of these armed criminals.

FADE OUT.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Sheriff’s Boat

As a young deputy in the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office, Dave always dreamed of having his own patrol boat. Growing up near the coast, he was drawn to the water and felt a deep sense of duty to protect the county’s shores. So when the opportunity arose for the department to acquire a new patrol boat through a Port Security Grant, Dave was determined to make it happen.

The process of securing the grant was no easy task. It required countless meetings, proposals, and negotiations with various government agencies. But Dave was undeterred. He knew that having a patrol boat would not only enhance the sheriff’s office capabilities but also ensure the safety of the county’s coastline.

Finally, after months of hard work, the grant was awarded, and the boat was ordered from North River Boats. The anticipation and excitement among the department were palpable as they awaited the arrival of their new vessel.

However, things didn’t go as smoothly as planned. Supply chain issues delayed the delivery of the boat, pushing the payment schedule into the next fiscal year. The department was faced with a dilemma - they needed to make a supplemental budget request to ensure the full payment could be made on time.

Dave took it upon himself to rally support for the supplemental budget request. He lobbied the Board of Supervisors, highlighting the importance of the patrol boat for the safety and security of Humboldt County. He emphasized how crucial it was to have the necessary resources to combat crimes on the water and protect the community.

With his unwavering determination and persuasive arguments, Dave managed to secure the necessary votes from the Board of Supervisors. The supplemental budget was approved, and the full payment for the patrol boat was made.

As the proud owner of the new patrol boat, Dave felt a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. He knew that his hard work had paid off and that the county was now better equipped to handle any challenges that came their way. The Sheriff’s Boat, as it came to be known, became a symbol of resilience and dedication for the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office.

And for Dave, it marked a significant milestone in his career - a moment of growth and maturation as he navigated the complexities of government bureaucracy and successfully achieved his goal. The Sheriff’s Boat was not just a vessel for patrolling the waters; it was a testament to the power of perseverance and passion in the face of challenges.

— LoCOBot

“I tell ya, I went to the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office and asked if they could hire me as a joke writer. They said they couldn’t because they’re already dealing with a hiring freeze. I can’t catch a break, I tell ya!”

— LoCOBot

Welcome back, folks! You’re listening to Merv “The Beast” Tarkington on the right-wing radio talk show where we tell it like it is. And let me tell you, the bureaucrats in Humboldt County are at it again with their nonsensical resolutions and requests for state and federal funding.

I mean, come on! They want to extend the existence of a local emergency due to flooding? Give me a break! It’s called weather, people. It’s not like we can control Mother Nature. But of course, the liberal elites in Humboldt County want to milk this for all it’s worth.

They’re seeking state and federal assistance for response and recovery efforts. But you know what that means, don’t you? Taxpayer dollars going straight into the pockets of government agencies with little accountability or oversight.

And let’s not forget the “strategic framework” they love to throw around. Infrastructure maintenance? How about actually taking care of the roads in the first place instead of waiting for a disaster to strike?

But hey, who am I to question the wisdom of the Board of Supervisors? I’m just a simple talk show host trying to shine a light on the madness happening right under our noses.

So, as we continue to navigate through the bureaucratic maze of Humboldt County, remember to stay informed, stay vigilant, and always question the motives behind these so-called “emergency declarations.”

This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off. Stay tuned for more hard-hitting commentary on the issues that matter most. And remember, don’t believe everything you hear from the powers that be. Trust your instincts and think for yourself. Until next time, stay strong and stay free.

— LoCOBot

Oh the tale of the Conditional Use Permit,
In Humboldt County, it’s a sight you won’t forget.
Revoked for violations left unmet,
A public nuisance, we cannot let.

The Planning and Building Department did declare,
The terms and conditions, they did not share.
The cultivation, a mixed light affair,
Left the land in disrepair.

From 2019, the approval was grand,
But come 2024, they did not stand.
The site was littered, a public demand,
For action to be taken, for Mother Nature’s land.

The gas containers left out to spill,
The monofilament netting, a dangerous thrill.
The jugs of fertilizer, a hazardous pill,
All left unattended, against the will.

So hear ye, hear ye, the Board shall decree,
The Conditional Use Permit no longer shall be.
For the public good, and wildlife free,
Revoked it is, to protect what should be.

— LoCOBot

Title: Scooby-Doo and the Haunted Real Estate Deal

[The Mystery Machine pulls up in front of a spooky-looking building on 4th Street in Eureka, California. Scooby and the gang step out, ready to investigate the strange occurrences that have been reported in the area.]

Fred: Alright, gang, it looks like our next case involves this old building at 803 4th Street. There have been rumors of ghostly sightings and mysterious happenings.

Velma: According to the records, the County of Humboldt is trying to purchase this property for a public works project. But there seems to be some sort of controversy surrounding the deal.

Daphne: Maybe whoever, or whatever, is causing trouble doesn’t want the property to be sold.

Shaggy: Like, let’s split up and see if we can uncover any clues!

[Scooby and Shaggy head inside the building, while Fred, Daphne, and Velma explore the outside. Inside, Scooby and Shaggy find themselves in a dimly lit hallway with creaky floors and peeling wallpaper.]

Scooby: Ruh-roh, Raggy, this place gives me the creeps!

Shaggy: Like, me too, Scoob. Let’s see if we can find any clues to solve this mystery.

[Meanwhile, outside, Fred, Daphne, and Velma discover strange symbols carved into the walls of the building.]

Velma: These symbols look like they could be some kind of ancient markings. I’ll have to do some more research to figure out what they mean.

Daphne: And look, there are footprints leading off into the woods behind the building. Maybe we should follow them.

[Fred nods in agreement, and the trio follows the footprints into the dark forest. Back inside, Scooby and Shaggy stumble upon a hidden room filled with old documents and blueprints.]

Scooby: Reah, reah, reah! Rook at all this rold rubs!

Shaggy: Like, maybe these papers hold the key to unraveling the mystery of this haunted real estate deal.

[Suddenly, a ghostly figure appears in the room, causing Scooby and Shaggy to jump in fear.]

Ghost: Leave this place! You have no business here!

[The ghost disappears, leaving Scooby and Shaggy terrified. They quickly gather up the documents and blueprints and make their way back to Fred, Daphne, and Velma.]

Scooby: Relp, relp, we s-s-saw a g-g-g-ghost!

Velma: Don’t worry, Scooby. It’s likely just someone trying to scare us away from uncovering the truth behind this property purchase.

[Together, the gang pieces together the clues they have found and confront the ghostly figure, who turns out to be the owner of Courthouse Union Inc. They had been trying to sabotage the deal in order to keep the property for themselves.]

Fred: Mystery solved! It looks like greed was the real ghost haunting this place.

Daphne: And with the truth revealed, the County of Humboldt can move forward with their plans for the property.

[The episode ends with the gang sharing a laugh and enjoying a well-deserved snack, as Scooby-Doo chows down on some delicious Scooby Snacks.]

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye! The County of Humboldt calls upon the attention of all its residents for a momentous occasion. For the meeting of March 26, 2024, the Board of Supervisors will be discussing the Workplace 2030! Program Update, formerly known as the Great Workplace Culture Change Initiative.

Initiated in January of 2020, this program aims to create a more effective, high-performance organization where every individual is dedicated to serving our community with excellence. The committee chairs have been hard at work over the past year, developing initiatives to address the needs of our workforce and facilitate a positive culture change.

Funded through department discretionary funds, the Workplace 2030! initiative has no direct financial impact at this time. However, it has a significant staffing impact by fostering a more efficient and effective work environment for all county employees.

This program aligns with the strategic framework of the Board of Supervisors, specifically focusing on investing in county employees and identifying synergies between departments to increase efficiency. It has been a priority to provide the best workplace possible for our dedicated staff.

Therefore, it is recommended that the Board of Supervisors receive and accept the presentation by the Workplace 2030! Program Manager and Committee Chairs. Let us continue to strive for excellence and create a work environment that benefits all members of our community.

Thank you for your attention, and may we work together towards a brighter future for the County of Humboldt. That is all for now, hear ye, hear ye!

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
The rain came down hard, the ground gave way
Centerville Road is crumbling today
The Sheriff issued a proclamation of fear
As the landslide draws near, our hearts filled with tears

(Chorus)
Oh, Humboldt County, how do we go on
When our roadways crumble, our safety gone
We pray for strength, we pray for grace
In this time of crisis, in this desperate place

(Verse 2)
Families stranded, ranches in disarray
Bureau of Land Management, can’t keep the waters at bay
The threat to our lives, our homes, our hearts
As the earth shifts beneath us, tearing us apart

(Chorus)
Oh, Humboldt County, how do we go on
When our roadways crumble, our safety gone
We pray for strength, we pray for grace
In this time of crisis, in this desperate place

(Bridge)
We reach out to the state, to the federal hand
Hoping for aid, a helping hand
But the road, it fades, into the abyss
Leaving us stranded, in this heartbreaking twist

(Chorus)
Oh, Humboldt County, how do we go on
When our roadways crumble, our safety gone
We pray for strength, we pray for grace
In this time of crisis, in this desperate place

(Outro)
So we stand together, in the face of despair
Holding onto hope, through the burdens we bear
Oh, Humboldt County, we’ll rise above
In the aftermath of this heartbreaking country love.

— LoCOBot