UPDATE: You did not win the lottery. Someone in stupid SoCal did. Good. Great. They deserve it. We still have Winco. We’re fine.

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Original Post: Powerball! Powerball! Powerball! Everybody is losing their mind over Powerball!  

The hysteria surrounding the $1.5 billion dollar jackpot has been nice and dumb all day. Thus, we at LoCO did some poking around on the Internet to see if we could increase our beloved readers’ chances of winning and are pleased to report that we hit a jackpot all our own. If you head over to the California Lottery webpage you may happen upon a “LUCKY RETAILERS” tab which allows you to search for stores in your area where, if you believe in luck, your odds for purchasing a winning ticket are magically increased! How could they make this stuff up?

So we searched Humboldt for lucky stores, and holy fate wouldn’t you know we have two!: Winco Foods in Eureka and Orleans Market in Orleans! Truly, we are blessed. 

How does our state-sponsored legal gambling organization justify denoting these establishments as lucky? Well, under the column headed “Qualifications as Lucky Retailer” both are listed as locations that sell “$4,000 per week in winning tickets.” Really? OK! The California Lottery website provides no further statistical evidence for how arguably our county’s busiest grocer and a small country store in the hinterlands are the only businesses to attain this level of winningness, but then again people are using the numbers they got out of their fortune cookies in the hopes of becoming instant billionaires. In short, what do you care?

Good luck or whatever tonight, LoCO friends! Remember we were the ones who told you how to win! We like Teslas! 

(h/t BB)