Hope your fingers are rested, Humboldt. You’ve been assigned button-pressin’ homework this evening.

Tonight on your screen of choice, 12 mostly healthy candidates will compete in the millionth Democratic debate with the hopes of proving to the American people that they have the stuff to compete with soon-to-be-President Mike Pence. 

This is where you come in. Regular readers are no doubt very familiar with LoCO’s unquestionable method for gauging the public’s opinion — PRESS THE BUTTON: “The Poll with Passion.”™ But for those late to the internet, here’s how this works: Below you will find the list of candidates participating in tonight’s debate. As you are watching the fur fly ask yourself who you might like to call President someday. Did you pick someone? Good! Now find that candidate’s corresponding button and press it. But guess what? You can press it again, if you so choose. Hell, keep pressin’ if you think that candidate deserves even more fake points! Just like in actual life, annoying and aggressive persistence pays off.