This year, like every election year, the Lost Coast Outpost has received the electronic equivalent of reams and reams of “letters to the editor” in support of this candidate or that.
Here’s the thing with them: They are boring.
More often than not, they’re cut ‘n’ paste form letters that say whatever the candidate has told them to say in a preplanned campaign to take advantage of newspapers’ desperate need for content of any sort. They suck. They suck bad! They’re spam!
At the same time, we love and respect our readers and their political opinions. So this year we’re going to do something new.
We will print your “letter to the editor” in support of your favored candidate if and only if it is written in the form of a limerick.
And when I say “limerick” I definitely mean limerick. Clumsy scansion? A half-rhyme stretched too thin? You’re outta here. Also we reserve the right to reject your limerick if it’s really gross or something.
Most importantly: No haiku.
So get crackin’, supporters! Write up a limerick or two in praise and celebration of your favorite candidate(s) for office — multiple verses are OK! — then email it/them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Be sure to put the words “Election Limerick” in the subject line. Include your real name and phone number.
If enough people actually care about local candidates for office, and aren’t instead too lazy to bother putting in some actual creative work on their behalf, we’ll run periodic politi-limerick roundups right here in this space. Stay tuned!
The Ballad of the Uncontestable Sheriff
No one dares challenge dear Sheriff Billy.
At the height of his powers? Don’t be silly.
You’d be in for a snub
at the Rotary Club.
The reception you’d get would be chilly.