Och, lads and lassies, gather round
And hear of Eureka’s latest hound
A ‘Pavement Rehab’ bid, number tall
That’s got the council in a brawl

The Public Works department, they say
Have done their best to pave the way
On first and second, S and M
New crosswalks and bulbs, a treat for them

But Mercer-Fraser, the chosen few
Have caused a stir in the city’s stew
For three and half mill’ they did ask
From Measure H and Gas Tax they did bask

Now the project’s done, in conformance fair
It’s time for council’s final chair
Accept the bid and file their form
A ‘Notice of Completion’, quiet and warm

So let us raise a cheer or two
For Eureka’s pavement, shiny and new
And hope there’ll be no more disputes
But smooth sailing on our city’s routes.

— LoCOBot

As Cristin Kenyon presented the report of the Planning Commission to the Eureka City Council, tensions were high in the audience. They all knew what was at stake - the fate of the martial arts studio that was being proposed in the Coastal CN District.

The council had been hesitant about approving the studio. After all, martial arts wasn’t a listed use in the Coastal Zoning Code, and they didn’t want to set a precedent that could lead to chaotic results.

But the Planning Commission had made a compelling case that a martial arts studio was sufficiently similar to music and dance studios to justify the finding that it should be deemed a permitted or conditional use in the district.

“The studio won’t generate excessive noise that could disturb residents,” Kenyon said. “And it’s a sustainable local business that could create jobs and bring more people to the area.”

The council members exchanged glances, but they needed more information before they made a decision. They asked Kenyon to elaborate on the potential benefits and drawbacks of approving the proposed use.

Kenyon took a deep breath and continued, “The studio could attract a diverse group of people who are interested in martial arts, including children, teenagers, and adults. It could also host competitions and events that could bring more revenue to the city.”

“But,” she added, “there might be concerns about safety and security, especially if the studio attracts a large number of people. And there could be traffic congestion around the CVS Shopping Center where the studio is located.”

The council members nodded, sensing the gravity of the situation. They knew they had to weigh the pros and cons carefully before making a decision.

One member suggested that they hold a public hearing to get feedback from the community before voting on the matter. The others agreed, and they set a date for the hearing.

Several weeks later, the hearing took place. Dozens of people showed up, both in favor and against the martial arts studio. Many spoke passionately about the benefits and drawbacks of the proposed use.

In the end, the council members came to a difficult decision. They realized that approving the martial arts studio would set a precedent that could lead to other unlisted uses being approved in the future.

But they also recognized that the studio was a sustainable local business that could benefit the community. After much deliberation, they voted to approve the use, with certain restrictions.

The martial arts studio opened a few months later. It was a roaring success, attracting people from all over the city and beyond. And before long, other unlisted uses were being proposed for approval in the district.

But the council had made their point clear - they would only approve unlisted uses that were sufficiently similar to listed uses and that wouldn’t disrupt the peace and safety of the community. And that was a message that everyone took to heart.

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Welcome back to the show, folks. Today we’re going to talk about the latest agenda item from the Eureka City Council. They want to apply for grant funds from the Upstate California Creative Corps. Now, on the surface, this may sound like a great idea. Who wouldn’t want to promote diversity and civic engagement, right? But let’s dig a little deeper.

First off, the state has allocated $60 million for this program. That’s $60 million that could be going towards fixing our roads or improving our schools. Instead, it’s going towards this feel-good, liberal artsy program.

And who is administering this program, you may ask? The Nevada County Arts Council. That’s right, the same people who brought you Burning Man and other crazy festivals. Do we really want them in charge of distributing $3.38 million across nineteen counties? I don’t think so.

And let’s not forget the real agenda behind this program - promoting climate change and social justice propaganda. They want to use these artsy programs to brainwash our youth into believing their socialist agenda.

So, I strongly urge the Eureka City Council to say “no” to this grant and focus on more practical solutions for our community. We don’t need their liberal indoctrination. We need common sense and fiscal responsibility.

That’s all for today, folks. Tune in next time for more hard-hitting analysis on the issues that matter most. This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, signing off.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Yo, man, have you heard about this Land and Water Conservation Fund thing?

Noodles: No, man, what’s that?

Starfish: So, apparently, the city wants to authorize a resolution for an application to the fund for Grace Marton Memorial Park.

Noodles: Whoa, cool. What does that mean?

Starfish: Well, some people donated money to create the park and gardens on the grass area between the Sacco Amphitheater and Humboldt Bay. And now, the fund has a grant available for matching funds to double the park and trail budget.

Noodles: Woah, so like, they can make the park and trail even better?

Starfish: Yeah, exactly. And the grant is due in 2023 and will be announced on September 7th.

Noodles: That’s so sick, man. But, like, what’s the point of all this?

Starfish: I think it’s to improve public spaces and make the community a better place.

Noodles: Oh, I get it. That’s chill.

Starfish: Yeah, man. So, do you think the city council will approve it?

Noodles: I don’t know, man. But if they don’t, it’ll be a real bummer. I mean, who doesn’t want a sick park?

Starfish: True, true. And there’s no fiscal impact, so that’s good.

Noodles: Yeah, man. Let’s hope this resolution gets passed. I’m totally down for a better park and trail.

Starfish: Same, dude. Same.

— LoCOBot

In Eureka’s council halls, a matter great
Is brought before the members for review
A project for the sewers will dictate
The need for bids from service providers new

The Public Works department has prepared
A summary of the work that must be done
The council now must choose a plan declared
To meet the needs of everyone

APS Environmental stands among
The highest ranked providers in the fray
Their proposal meets the project’s needs and won
The favor of the city’s staff that day

Thus, council must now vote to award the bid
And fund the project for the sewer grids.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye, good people of Eureka! The City Council has an important announcement to make regarding the Annual Lateral Replacement Project for the year 2023. The project, which falls under the jurisdiction of the Public Works department, aims to replace a large number of sanitary sewer laterals throughout the city to ensure effective service and compliance with the Sewer Lateral Ordinance.

After careful consideration and evaluation of five (5) bids, the City Council has decided to declare Mercer-Fraser Company as the low bidder for the Annual Lateral Repair Project 2023, Bid No. 2023-15. The Council recommends that the bid be awarded to Mercer-Fraser Company in the amount of $1,000,000, and that $1,000,000 be approved for the construction.

It is anticipated that approximately 100 laterals will be replaced annually through this project, depending on participation in the program. The City has created a program that allows property owners to elect to have their lower lateral replaced at an “in lieu” fee, rather than hiring a contractor. The accumulated fees will be used to subsidize the lateral replacement project and reduce the cost for citizens.

The Council’s strategic vision is to uphold a financially sound City that provides effective services to its citizens, and this project aligns with that goal. The Council assures the public that all necessary measures have been taken to ensure that the bid process was transparent and in accordance with the City’s formal bid process.

The inhabitants of Eureka are encouraged to take part in this project to ensure efficient and effective sewer services for years to come. Thank you for your attention, and let it be known that the City Council approves the Annual Lateral Replacement Project 2023, Bid No. 2023-15, to Mercer-Fraser Company in the amount of $1,000,000.

— LoCOBot

In the small coastal town of Eureka, the city council is faced with a decision that could change the face of their beloved community forever. When funds become available for the improvement of the local Coast Guard building, the council must decide which contractor to choose for the job.
As tensions rise and opinions are voiced, project manager Kelly Allen presents her recommendation to the council: to award the bid to Adams Commercial General Contracting, Inc.
With over 840 square feet of new flooring, bathroom remodels, window replacements, roll-up door installations, and driveway improvements on the agenda, the stakes couldn’t be higher.
Will the council make the right choice? And will this decision have unexpected consequences for the town of Eureka? Find out in Coast Guard Building Improvements - Award.

— LoCOBot

Little Cristin Kenyon,
Appointment on the line,
Development Services Head,
In Eureka she’ll shine.

The City Manager’s prepared,
Miles Slattery did write,
Presented for action,
Council’s decision in sight.

Authorize the agreement,
At-will with Cristin in place,
No fiscal impact to be found,
Budget not a space.

No goals or vision to follow,
But Charter must be met,
City Manager’s duty clear,
Approval Council won’t forget.

Since last year’s July,
Director role defined,
Now, Cristin to take the reins,
Her expertise combined.

Reviewed and approved by all,
City Clerk, Attorney too,
Council’s decision final,
Eureka’s future anew.

— LoCOBot

“Hey there, folks! Are you in the market for a reliable used car? Well, look no further than our lot! We have a variety of options to fit your needs and budget.

Speaking of budgets, have you heard about Initiative 21-0042A1? This proposed ballot measure could put billions of dollars at risk for local services, including fire and emergency response, law enforcement, parks, and affordable housing. But don’t worry, our cars come at an affordable price with no added fiscal impact.

We know how important effective governance is to our community, just like how important it is to have a car that can perform at its best. So why not come down to our lot and take a test drive? We offer top-notch customer service and a wide selection of cars to choose from. Plus, without the added worry of this initiative, you can trust that your investment in a used car from us will last you a long time.

So come on down and see us today. We’re ready to help you find the car that best fits your needs and keep you driving safely on the road for years to come.”

— LoCOBot

My dearest Jane,

As I write this letter, I am amidst the chaos of heavy fire and artillery. It seems as if the world around me is collapsing, and I cannot help but fear for my life every passing moment. However, I take solace in the fact that I am thinking of you and that you are safe and sound far away from this warzone.

As you know, life here is tumultuous, and every day presents its own set of challenges. But amidst all this, I have some hopeful news to share with you. The City of Eureka is applying for MHSA funding through the Prevention and Early Intervention Program – Local Implementation Agreement Grant. It aims to expand the Crisis Alternative Response program that aims to provide crisis intervention and prevention services seven days a week.

With these funds, the City of Eureka hopes to pay for expenses related to implementing an electronic health records system and to cover the cost of supplemental malpractice insurance. This insurance plan has been tailored explicitly to the CARE program’s needs and provides additional coverage to bridge the gap in limits of liability under the City’s current contract with the Crisis Alternative Response of Eureka.

These funds will be instrumental in helping expand CARE’s program capacity, and hopefully, it will help us make a long-term impact. I hope this news brings some positivity to your day amidst these dark times.

I hope to hear from you soon, my love.

Yours always,

Charles

— LoCOBot

Trainer 1: I choose you, Pikachu!

Trainer 2: I choose you, Charmander!

Trainer 1: Let’s start this Pokemon duel by using Thunderbolt, Pikachu!

Trainer 2: Charmander, dodge and use Flamethrower!

Trainer 1: Pikachu, use Quick Attack and dodge the Flamethrower. Then, use Iron Tail on Charmander!

Trainer 2: Charmander, use Scratch to stop Pikachu’s Iron Tail attack. Then, use Fire Spin!

Trainer 1: Pikachu, use Thunder Wave to disrupt Charmander’s Fire Spin. Then, use Thunderbolt again!

Trainer 2: Charmander, we need to dodge Pikachu’s Thunderbolt. Use Smoke Screen to hide ourselves!

Trainer 1: Pikachu, use Electroweb to locate Charmander despite the Smoke Screen. Then, use Iron Tail again!

Trainer 2: Charmander, use Dragon Rage to push Pikachu back. Then, finish it off with Fire Punch!

Trainer 1: Pikachu, dodge it using your speed and then use Thunderbolt to defeat Charmander!

Trainer 2: Well played. It looks like you have a good strategy.

Trainer 1: Thanks, but let’s remember to focus on the real world now. Did you hear about this Homekey Round 3 Resolution from the Eureka City Council? They are trying to authorize staff to submit a Homekey application to provide housing for people experiencing homelessness or at risk of homelessness.

Trainer 2: That’s great to hear. It’s important for us to prioritize effective governance and provide support to those in need. Let’s hope it gets approved.

Trainer 1: Absolutely. It’s our responsibility to contribute to our community’s well-being in any way we can.

— LoCOBot

“I went to a city council meeting and they were discussing their General Plan Annual Progress Report. They said it had no fiscal impact, but that’s no surprise - I haven’t seen any impact from the government since I got my first traffic ticket in ‘69!” - Rodney Dangerfield

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
Listen up, all you citizens, we need to talk
About a project that’s important and not just for a walk
It’s about our water meters and how we keep track
Of the usage in our city, there’s no turning back

Chorus:
Water Meter Update Project, a task to complete
Presented by the Deputy Director of Public Works, Brian Issa neat
Our council must decide, to act or just receive
The report on this project, it’s time to believe

Verse 2:
Our metering system is made up of various parts
The boxes, the meters, the register, and the endpoints that start
The transmission of data to our computer software
So we can bill correctly, and make sure we’re fair

Chorus:
Water Meter Update Project, a task to complete
Presented by the Deputy Director of Public Works, Brian Issa neat
Our council must decide, to act or just receive
The report on this project, it’s time to believe

Verse 3:
We’ve got some problems with our system, it’s facing some strife
The battery’s failing, equipment dying, it’s affecting our life
But we’ve got a plan to replace the parts that we need
To make our system work, it’s time to take heed

Chorus:
Water Meter Update Project, a task to complete
Presented by the Deputy Director of Public Works, Brian Issa neat
Our council must decide, to act or just receive
The report on this project, it’s time to believe

Verse 4:
We’ve got some options, to choose from and weigh
A fixed base or cellular, both have pros and cons to say
But we’ve done our research, and come up with a plan
To automate the swapping, and ease the workload of our team’s hands

Chorus:
Water Meter Update Project, a task to complete
Presented by the Deputy Director of Public Works, Brian Issa neat
Our council must decide, to act or just receive
The report on this project, it’s time to believe

Verse 5:
We’re on a tight budget, with a lot to purchase
Registers, endpoints, lids, retrofit kits, it’s making us nervous
But we’ve applied for a loan and hope it’ll come through
So we can complete this project and make it all anew

Chorus:
Water Meter Update Project, a task to complete
Presented by the Deputy Director of Public Works, Brian Issa neat
Our council must decide, to act or just receive
The report on this project, it’s time to believe

Outro:
So there you have it, our water meter update plan
To keep our city on track and make sure we can
Provide clean water to our citizens, and make it run right
Thanks for listening, now it’s time to say goodnight.

— LoCOBot