2025-26 MID YEAR UPDATE TO FEE SCHEDULE

Aye, lads and lasses, gather round,
For the Eureka City Council has found
It’s time to review our fees and charges,
To ensure our financial goals all enlarges.

Lane Millar, our Finance Director,
Has prepared a plan to reflect our sector,
A Resolution to establish fees anew,
To keep our city’s finances true.

Hold a Public Hearing, the first decree,
Then adopt the Resolution with glee,
For various fees and service charges
To keep our city’s funds from discharges.

No fiscal impact, a boon to mention,
But stay within the budget’s convention,
Assessing opportunities for revenue gain,
To be financially responsible, is our reign.

From building permits to returned checks,
Fees and charges, no need for wrecks,
The City of Eureka, with pride,
Systematically reviews all fees inside.

From City Manager to Engineering,
Community Services cheerfully offering,
Changes proposed, new fees in sight,
In the attached Resolution, all can be right.

So come one, come all, to the Council’s call,
For the City of Eureka, we stand tall,
From the hills to the sea,
We keep our fees fair and free.

— LoCOBot

CAMPAIGN TITLE: The Calamity of Eureka City

As adventurers in the land of Eureka City, you have been called upon by the City Council to assist in the adoption of the 2025 Humboldt County Local Hazard Mitigation Plan. The city and surrounding areas are facing increasing threats from natural disasters, including dam failures, wildfires, earthquakes, and tsunamis. It is up to you and your party to help protect the citizens of Eureka City and ensure their safety in the face of these imminent dangers.

Your quest begins with meeting with Kelly Allen, the Public Works Director, who will provide you with a copy of the hazard mitigation plan and outline the specific actions that need to be taken. As you delve into the plan, you will discover that the city is in need of assistance in preparing for and lessening the impacts of these natural hazards. You must work with the local officials and other stakeholders to identify appropriate actions and strategies to mitigate the risks.

Your journey will take you across the city and surrounding areas, where you will face challenges such as navigating through treacherous terrain to assess vulnerabilities, gathering resources to implement mitigation projects, and working with other agencies to coordinate efforts. Along the way, you will encounter various obstacles, including rogue elementals causing havoc, bandits seeking to capitalize on the chaos, and corrupt officials who oppose the adoption of the plan.

As you work towards adopting the hazard mitigation plan, you will also have the opportunity to earn the trust and gratitude of the citizens of Eureka City. Your actions will determine the fate of the city and its inhabitants, as well as your own reputation as brave adventurers. Will you be able to successfully navigate the dangers and save Eureka City from disaster, or will you succumb to the forces of nature and fail in your quest?

The fate of Eureka City lies in your hands. Will you rise to the challenge and become the heroes that the city needs, or will you fall victim to the calamities that threaten to destroy everything in their path? Only time will tell as you embark on this epic adventure in The Calamity of Eureka City.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
I remember the day
When we built our dreams in that park
Hand in hand, we’d play
Underneath the silver moonlight spark
But now it’s all gone
Just a memory in my heart
The laughter and the song
Have all faded with the dark

(Chorus)
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, our sanctuary
Where love and joy used to bloom
Now it’s just a shattered memory
A broken dream in a dusty room
Why did you have to go
And leave me all alone
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, why did you have to go

(Verse 2)
The council made their choice
To accept the project incomplete
But to me, it’s just a voice
Of the pain that’s bitter sweet
The playgrounds empty now
The swings don’t creak no more
The echoes of our vow
Lost in the park we adored

(Chorus)
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, our sanctuary
Where love and joy used to bloom
Now it’s just a shattered memory
A broken dream in a dusty room
Why did you have to go
And leave me all alone
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, why did you have to go

(Bridge)
I walk these empty paths
Where we used to dance
I hear the echoes of our laughs
But you’re not here, just circumstance
I’ll hold onto our memories
In this broken heart of mine
But oh, Da’ Yas Park, why can’t you see
You were my only lifeline

(Chorus)
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, our sanctuary
Where love and joy used to bloom
Now it’s just a shattered memory
A broken dream in a dusty room
Why did you have to go
And leave me all alone
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, why did you have to go

(Outro)
Oh, Da’ Yas Park, why did you have to go

— LoCOBot

Listen up, Eureka City Council! Swan Asbury, Economic Development Manager, is here to declare Allpoints Custom Sign Co. as the low bidder for the Eureka South Gateway Project. And guess what? We’re awarding them the bid for $169,000. But that’s not all, we’re throwing in an extra $175,000 for construction, just for fun. You see, this project is all about Community Pride and improving the Broadway Corridor. We’re partnering with Caltrans to make this happen, funded by Governor Gavin Newsom’s Clean California Program. Don’t worry about CEQA, we’re exempt from all that. So, Council, I suggest you make the right move and approve these action items. Because when it comes to the Eureka South Gateway Project, we’re the only game in town.

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Alright folks, welcome back to The Moe Hogan Experience! Today, we have Kelly Allen, Public Works Director, here to talk about the Single Engine Combination Jet/Vacuum Sewer Cleaner. Kelly, thanks for joining us.

Kelly Allen: Thanks for having me, Moe.

Moe Hogan: Now Kelly, can you break down for our listeners what exactly this Single Engine Combination Jet/Vacuum Sewer Cleaner entails?

Kelly Allen: Absolutely, Moe. This sewer cleaner is a crucial piece of equipment that will help us maintain and clean our city’s sewer systems efficiently.

Moe Hogan: And how much is this gonna set the taxpayers back?

Kelly Allen: The contract for this equipment amounts to $846,937.33, but it’s included in the budget so there won’t be any additional costs.

Moe Hogan: Ah, that’s good to hear. Now, I’ve heard whispers about this Sourcewell Cooperative Purchasing Contract. Can you elaborate on that for us?

Kelly Allen: Sourcewell is a cooperative purchasing agency that helps us get the best deals on materials and services through competitive bidding processes.

Moe Hogan: That’s interesting. And I see here that the California Environmental Quality Act won’t be affected by this purchase. Can you explain why that is?

Kelly Allen: Sure, because this is just an administrative purchase of equipment, and it won’t result in any direct or indirect physical changes to the environment, it doesn’t qualify as a project under CEQA guidelines.

Moe Hogan: Fascinating stuff, Kelly. Now, before we continue, I just wanna confirm something with my producer. Hey, can you look up if Vac-Con, Inc. has any ties to the government?

Producer: Actually Moe, it looks like Vac-Con, Inc. is a privately owned company and doesn’t have any direct ties to the government.

Moe Hogan: Ah, my mistake there folks. Now, let’s take a quick break for a word from our sponsor, who makes this show possible. Stay tuned, you won’t want to miss this.

[Commercial Break]

Moe Hogan: And we’re back! Thanks for sticking around, folks. Kelly, let’s get back to it. Can you tell us about how this new sewer cleaner will benefit the city’s Public Works department?

Kelly Allen: Well, this new unit will replace an outdated one and improve our ability to maintain and clean the sewer systems, ensuring they remain in top condition.

Moe Hogan: Fantastic. Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks again, Kelly, for shedding some light on this important purchase for Eureka City. And to all our listeners out there, remember to stay vigilant and always question everything. This has been The Moe Hogan Experience, signing off.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, dude, what’s a sanctuary city for transgender people?

Butt-head: I think it’s like a place where they can feel safe and stuff, Beavis.

Beavis: Oh, so like, they won’t get picked on or anything?

Butt-head: Yeah, I guess so. It’s like, they can be who they are without worrying about getting harassed.

Beavis: Cool, cool. So, like, what’s this gender-affirming healthcare thing?

Butt-head: I think it’s like, healthcare that helps transgender people transition and stuff. Like, hormones and surgeries and stuff.

Beavis: Oh, I get it. So, like, the City of Eureka is gonna like, support all that?

Butt-head: Yeah, looks like it. They’re gonna adopt a resolution declaring themselves a sanctuary city for transgender people and gender-affirming healthcare.

Beavis: Huh huh, that’s pretty cool. They’re like, helping out the LGBT community.

Butt-head: Yeah, it’s like, being all inclusive and stuff. Effective Governance, Beavis.

Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, effective governance. Uh, what does that mean again?

Butt-head: I don’t know, but it sounds important. Let’s go to Eureka and check it out, Beavis.

Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, it’ll be cool. Let’s go support the sanctuary city thing, heh heh.

— LoCOBot

My Dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well and safe. As I sit here in the trenches, under constant bombardment from German artillery, my thoughts are with you. The sounds of explosions and gunfire are deafening, but thinking of you gives me strength.

I wanted to write to you about something far removed from this war - the agenda for the Eureka City Council meeting. It seems so trivial compared to the horrors of the battlefield, but I wanted to share with you some semblance of normalcy.

The fiscal year 2025-26 strategic visioning is the main focus of the meeting. The City Manager, Miles Slattery, has prepared a report recommending the adoption of strategic goals and initiatives for the upcoming year. The council goals revolve around effective governance, something that feels a world away from the chaos I am currently facing.

I wish I could be there with you, discussing these matters instead of fighting for my life. But I take solace in knowing that when this war is over, we will be together again. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, my dearest Jane.

Yours always,

Charles

— LoCOBot

No reboliço da cidade,
O Conselho se reuniu
Pra discutir a mudança
Na Lei de Reunião Livre

Gregory Holtz nos trouxe
A atualização do SB 707
Que muda o uso do social media
Pelos membros da Comissão

Não há impacto fiscal
Fica tudo dentro do orçamento
Mas agora teremos novas regras
Para os encontros virtuais, por certo

O Carnaval na cidade
É animação e alegria
Mas também é importante
Se informar todo dia

Com o SB 707
Agora estamos atualizados
E o Conselho da cidade
Não irá mais ser perdido, desavisado

Então alegria, amizade
E muita diversão
Com a Lei atualizada
Vamos seguir em frente, minha nação!

— LoCOBot