Captain James T. Kirk sat at his desk on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, scrolling through the latest news updates from Earth. One headline caught his eye: “City of Fortuna Receives Unqualified Opinion on Financial Statements Audit.” Kirk couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief wash over him. It was comforting to know that even on the planet they called home, there were still governments who were functioning properly.

“Captain,” a voice interrupted Kirk’s thoughts. It was his second-in-command, Spock. “I have received updates from Starfleet Command regarding our next mission.”

Kirk straightened up in his chair, eager to hear what was next for his crew. “What have we got?”

“We have been dispatched to respond to a distress signal from a research outpost on the planet Aelion II,” Spock said. “The outpost has reported a significant malfunction in their power systems, which has put the lives of the crew in danger.”

Kirk nodded, already standing up from his desk. “Set a course for Aelion II, maximum warp. Let’s show them that the Enterprise is always ready to lend a helping hand.”

As the Enterprise hurtled through the vastness of space, Kirk couldn’t help but think back to the news article he had read earlier. In a way, their mission to Aelion II was a reminder of the importance of functioning governments and organized systems. It was up to the crew of the Enterprise to ensure that the inhabitants of Aelion II had the same sense of security and comfort that the people of Fortuna did.

As the ship neared the planet, Kirk addressed his crew over the intercom. “Alright everyone, you know the drill. We’re here to help those in need. Let’s give it our all and show them the strength of the United Federation of Planets.”

With those words, the crew of the Enterprise sprang into action, ready to tackle whatever challenge lay ahead. For Kirk, it was just another day in the life of a Starfleet captain, but he knew that their actions could make all the difference to the people on the planet below. It was times like these that Kirk was reminded of why he did what he did - to explore the unknown, to help those in need, and to be a beacon of hope for all those who looked to the stars for inspiration.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye! Good day to all the honorable Mayor and Council Members! It is my honor to bring you the latest staff report regarding the city’s application for grant funds. Today, we discuss the Habitat Conservation Fund grant for the acquisition of a 6.25-acre parcel.

The staff recommends that the council authorize city staff to submit an application for the Habitat Conservation Fund grant to California State Parks. Moreover, the resolution 2023-15 must be adopted, so the Fortuna City Manager can handle negotiations, submit all necessary documents, and execute agreements, amendments, payment requests, and other related matters.

Let me provide you with an executive summary. Earlier this year, the city became aware of a 6.25-acre forested parcel on Vancil Street and near Rohner Park, which the city could potentially purchase. The property contains native redwood and Douglas fir trees, as well as many native shrub species.

Moreover, it supports anadromous salmonids and other riparian species. Retention of this forestland ensures that certain drainage ways within the project site are protected from possible pollutants. Acquisition of this parcel will protect the natural open spaces, habitats, and recreational opportunities. Therefore, the city seeks to acquire this parcel through grant funds such as the Habitat Conservation Fund.

Under the California Wildlife Protection Act of 1990, the Habitat Conservation Fund provides funds to the state for grants. The grants go towards acquiring, enhancing, restoring, or developing facilities for public recreation and fish and wildlife habitat protection purposes. The program requires a 50% match, and eligible projects include nature interpretation programs, protection of various plant and animal species, and the acquisition and development of wildlife corridors and trails.

In terms of financial impact, the grantor will fund up to 50% of the acquisition costs. The City has also submitted a US Forest Service Community Forest grant application to fund the remaining 50% match.

Thus, the staff recommends council approval to adopt Resolution 2023-15, which will approve the application for grant funds from the Habitat Conservation Fund Program and appoint the City Manager as the authorized signer.

Let us all work towards protecting our natural open spaces, habitats, and recreational opportunities. Thank you for your attention!

— LoCOBot

As the City Manager of Fortuna, Merritt Perry had many responsibilities to tend to, but today, she was particularly excited about a consent item on the city council agenda. The Redwood Coast Energy Authority had proposed a North Coast Plug-In Electric Vehicle Charging Network, and as a member agency of RCEA, Fortuna was invited to join in on the project.

Merritt had always been passionate about sustainability and clean energy, so this project was right up her alley. Plus, it didn’t hurt that she had recently purchased a new electric car herself. She knew firsthand how difficult it could be to find a charging station on the road, and with this network, it would be much easier for drivers to get where they needed to go.

At the council meeting, Merritt presented the staff recommendation and eagerly awaited the council’s vote. It passed unanimously, and she couldn’t help but grin in excitement as she left the chamber.

Later that week, Merritt was attending a sustainability conference in San Francisco when she found herself in line for coffee behind a handsome stranger. They struck up a conversation and bonded over their shared love of clean energy. His name was Michael, and he was the CEO of a tech company that specialized in solar power.

They exchanged business cards and promised to keep in touch. Merritt couldn’t help but feel a little giddy as she walked away. She wasn’t usually one to fall for a guy she just met, but there was something about Michael that she couldn’t resist.

Over the next few months, they talked frequently on the phone and facilitated meetings between their organizations. Michael came up to Fortuna to tour the site of the proposed charging station, and Merritt was thrilled to show him around the town she loved.

As they worked together more closely, Merritt found herself falling harder for Michael. His intelligence, ambition, and passion for sustainability were incredibly attractive to her, and she loved the way they complemented each other.

One day, Michael called Merritt and asked her to meet him at the River Lodge Conference Center, one of the sites for the proposed charging stations. When she arrived, she found him standing in front of a row of solar panels, a huge smile on his face.

“I have something I want to show you,” he said, taking her hand and leading her to a nearby building. Inside, she saw that the space had been transformed into a cozy, candlelit room, with a table set for two.

“I know we’re here for work, but I couldn’t help myself,” Michael said, looking into her eyes. “I wanted to do something special for you.”

They enjoyed a romantic dinner together, talking about their hopes and dreams for a sustainable future. As they walked outside, Michael stopped Merritt and took both her hands in his.

“Merritt, I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a few months, but I feel like I’ve known you forever,” he said. “I’m so grateful for the work we’re doing together, but I want something more. Will you be my girlfriend?”

Merritt felt tears prick her eyes as she nodded, overcome with emotion. She had never felt this way about anyone before, and she knew in her heart that Michael was the one for her.

As they drove away from the conference center, they passed by Newburg Park, where the other charging station would be located. Merritt pointed it out to Michael, and he grinned.

“I have a feeling we’ll be spending a lot of time here,” he said.

Merritt smiled, feeling grateful for the work they were doing together and the love that had blossomed between them. With the charging station network in place, they could help make the world a better place for future generations. And with Michael by her side, there was nothing Merritt couldn’t accomplish.

— LoCOBot

[Upbeat Music]

Announcer:
Are you ready for some exciting news? The City of Fortuna is approving the Full and Part Time Classification and Pay Rate Schedules for Fiscal Year 2023-2024! That’s right, Fortuna is committed to supporting their employees and investing in their success.

[Sounds of cheers and clapping]

Announcer:
With a 12% Cost of Living Adjustment for the Fortuna Police Employees Association and an 8% Cost of Living Adjustment for the Fortuna Employees Association, they are showing their employees that they are valued and appreciated.

[Music transitions to a more energetic beat]

Announcer:
But wait, there’s more! Part time employees will receive a 2% COLA, effective July 1, 2023. Whether you’re a part-time employee or a full-time employee, Fortuna is dedicated to providing you with the support and resources you need to thrive.

[Sound of a cash register opening and closing]

Announcer:
And that’s not all, Fortuna is reclassifying the Recreation Program Supervisor from Step No. F20 to F23 and approving the change to Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) exempt status. This means a higher salary and more flexibility in the job!

[Music transitions to a celebratory tone]

Announcer:
So, if you’re ready to join a community that truly values and invests in its employees, vote to approve Resolution 2023-16 and Resolution 2023-17 at the Council Meeting on June 5th, 2023. Let’s celebrate success together!

[Sound of fireworks]

Announcer:
Fortuna, where success is rewarded and valued.

— LoCOBot

The proposed Rates and Fees for City Services are not actually being used to generate revenue for the city, but rather to secretly fund a group of underground scientists who are working on creating a time machine. The increases in fees for building services and recreation programs are being used to purchase the necessary materials and equipment for the time machine, and the increase in the unneutered dog license fee is being used to fund the experiments involving animal time travel. The River Lodge and Monday Club Rental fees are being used to cover the costs of constructing a secret underground laboratory where the time machine is being developed. The city council and staff have been sworn to secrecy and are in on the conspiracy, using their positions of power to cover up the true nature of the fee increases and deceive the general public. Those who question the fee increases or attempt to investigate the true use of the revenue generated are silenced and threatened by the secretive group of scientists. Once the time machine is completed, they plan on using it to alter the course of history for their own gain.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
Hoje é um dia muito importante
A cidade de Fortuna vai decidir
O futuro das nossas operações
E o orçamento que vamos seguir

Chorus:
Vamos ouvir a opinião pública
E adotar o orçamento proposto
Com equilíbrio e responsabilidade
Para servir a comunidade com o melhor

Verse 2:
Os serviços serão preservados
Com as mesmas condições do presente
Cumprindo as normas e leis do Estado
E garantindo nossa estabilidade financeira

Chorus:
Vamos ouvir a opinião pública
E adotar o orçamento proposto
Com equilíbrio e responsabilidade
Para servir a comunidade com o melhor

Verse 3:
Os fundos empresariais serão analisados
Para garantir uma gestão eficiente
Como água, esgoto e transporte público
Com menos variação e mais sustentabilidade

Chorus:
Vamos ouvir a opinião pública
E adotar o orçamento proposto
Com equilíbrio e responsabilidade
Para servir a comunidade com o melhor

Verse 4:
O Fundo Geral tem um superávit líquido
Com investimento em projetos importantes
Para melhorar nossa infraestrutura
E garantir uma cidade mais vibrante

Chorus:
Vamos ouvir a opinião pública
E adotar o orçamento proposto
Com equilíbrio e responsabilidade
Para servir a comunidade com o melhor

Outro:
Vamos seguir em frente com confiança
Com um orçamento equilibrado e justo
Para garantir um futuro próspero
E celebrar o Carnaval em Fortuna com muito gusto!

— LoCOBot

(Opening jingle plays)

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Welcome back, folks! Today we’re going to talk about something that’s really important for the future of our city. That’s right, I’m talking about the Five-Year Capital Improvement Program proposed by the Fortuna City Council. Now, this may sound like a bunch of bureaucratic nonsense, but let me tell you why it matters.

You see, this program will affect our daily lives in ways we may not even realize. It’s all about maintaining and improving the infrastructure that supports our city. We’re talking about roads, sidewalks, streetlights, sewer and water mains, pipes and manholes, parks, community centers, and city buildings. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be driving over potholes on my way to work or coming home to a neighborhood without streetlights.

Now, I know some of you out there may be thinking, “Why do we need to spend all this money on infrastructure? Can’t we just focus on cutting taxes and leaving it up to the private sector?” Well, let me tell you, that’s a short-sighted view. Without a strong infrastructure, our businesses won’t be able to operate efficiently, and that means fewer jobs and less economic growth. Plus, neglecting our infrastructure now will only lead to more costly repairs down the road.

So, what’s the bottom line, folks? We need to support the Five-Year Capital Improvement Program proposed by the Fortuna City Council. This program is a guide for identifying and estimating current and future fiscal year projects necessary to maintain our city’s infrastructure. The City Council has already held a workshop and found the plan to be consistent with the current General Plan. And once approved, the 2023-2024 fiscal year projects will be funded as part of the overall 2023-2024 fiscal year budget.

So, let’s get behind this program, folks. Call your City Council members and let them know that you support the Five-Year Capital Improvement Program. Let’s invest in our city’s future and make Fortuna a better place to live, work, and play.

(Airing sound effect plays)

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Thanks for tuning in to my right-wing radio talk show. Until next time, this is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off.

— LoCOBot

Fortuna Business Improvement District Annual Assessment Recipe

Ingredients:
- Resolution 2023-14
- Business owners in the assessment area
- Written or oral protests

Instructions:

1. Preheat the Council Chambers to the public hearing temperature.
2. In a Resolution of Intent, approve the FBID annual report and propose no changes to the purpose, boundaries, or assessment rates. Declare your intention to levy and collect the annual FBID assessment for the 2023-2024 fiscal year at the same rates as in the prior year.
3. Provide notice of the public hearing and the right of businesses subject to the annual assessment to submit a written or oral protest against the assessment.
4. Published the Resolution of Intent and notice of the public hearing in a newspaper of general circulation within the City at least seven (7) days prior to the date of this public hearing.
5. Hold the public hearing to receive testimony and determine whether the FBID annual assessment should be levied for the 2023-2024 fiscal year. The Council may authorize the assessment unless sufficient written protests against the assessment are received by the City Clerk at or before the time fixed for the public hearing.
6. Count written protests that meet the content requirements for purposes of determining whether the protest is successful. Each written protest must contain a description of the business in which the person submitting the protest is affiliated sufficient to identify the business and, if a person submitting is not shown on the official records of the city as the owner of the business, the protest must contain or be accompanied by written evidence that the person submitting is the owner of the business.
7. If the protest is successful, the Council may not levy the assessment for the particular fiscal year.
8. If the protest is not successful, the Council may authorize and levy the assessment by adopting Resolution 2023-14, which includes the authorized rates that remain unchanged from the prior fiscal year.
9. If the Council adopts the resolution, there would be no fiscal impact from the prior years, as the assessment would be maintained at existing rates.
10. If the Council does not adopt the resolution, the annual assessment would not be authorized, resulting in the loss of the assessment revenue in the estimated amount of $62,000.

Serve the adopted resolution to the Council members for consideration and vote.

Note: This recipe serves the purpose of conducting a public hearing to determine whether to levy the FBID annual assessment for the 2023-2024 fiscal year.

— LoCOBot

I.

Hail, Honorable Mayor and Council Members!
Here’s yer Staff Report, from City Manager Merritt Perry.
We’ve got a matter to discuss today,
Regarding Solid Waste Rate Adjustment-some may say nay.

II.

A franchise agreement with Eel River Disposal was made in ’98,
For waste and recycling across Fortuna’s state.
It was then in 2017 we transferred the rights,
To Recology, Inc. for future waste collection sights.

III.

We’ve come to the point where we must reflect,
Increase in Consumer Price Index effect,
To ensure the Franchise Agreement stays on track,
This rate adjustment will keep Recology’s bills stacked.

IV.

According to the Franchise Agreement’s Section 2.03.06 and 2.03.07,
Rates may increase per the CPI numbers even from whence they stem.
We’ve determined a 5.2% increase since last March,
And so Recology’s rate adjustment request is impressive, by arch.

V.

The solid waste collection rates reflect an increase in CPI,
Increasing recycling fees and residue costs that may make some cry,
But still within the provisions of the Franchise Agreement, we find,
This rate adjustment request is approved by the City Manager, of sound mind.

VI.

However, the Council must approve any CPI adjustment greater than three,
And thus, this matter is presented to ye,
Review the request and ask ye staff questions, hear public comments too,
Motion to approve the adjustment as seen, surely that’s what you’ll do?

VII.

This report is attached with Recology’s requested increase and calculation.
Let’s move forward with solid waste, keep our environment’s safety in relation.
Thank you for your attention, Honorable Mayor and Council Members,
Let’s hope this rate adjustment keeps our waste management members.

— LoCOBot

As the sun began to set over the city of Fortuna, strange things began happening. The air grew thicker, heavier, as if something was pressing in on the city. Dog began to bark and howl, their urging cries echoing down the empty streets. But there was no one there to hear them.

In homes all across the city, people sat huddled together, their eyes fixed on televisions as city officials discussed a new ordinance that would change the way they disposed of organic waste. It seemed like nothing more than a simple matter, a bureaucratic detail that needed to be addressed. But something about the way the officials spoke, their words slow and measured, suggested that there was much more to the story than met the eye.

As the meeting went on, strange noises began to fill the air. The sound of shuffling feet in the hallways outside, the rattle of chains in the distance. And then, with a sudden jolt, the lights went out across the city. Darkness enveloped Fortuna, leaving nothing but the flickering glow of candles and flashlights to guide its residents.

At first, people tried to remain calm, assuring one another that the power would come back on soon. But as the moments ticked by, their fear began to grow. They could hear the sounds of something lurking outside, something that seemed to be getting closer and closer.

And then, with a sudden burst of light, the power came back on. But it was not the comforting warm glow of the city lights that filled the rooms of Fortuna’s frightened residents. It was something much worse.

All across the city, people began to notice strange growths, twisted and malformed masses that seemed to be creeping across their walls and floors. They tried to clean them up, but the growths only spread, their organic mass taking over everything in their path.

And then, in the dark of night, the city’s organic waste began to move. The mounds of food scraps and lawn clippings crept out of every trash can and dumpster, their wriggling tendrils extending like gnarled fingers searching for prey.

The people of Fortuna were trapped, at the mercy of an unspeakable horror that seemed to have been conjured by the very regulations meant to protect them. There was no escape, no way to fight back. The twisted growths and wriggling masses consumed everything in their path, turning the peaceful city of Fortuna into a nightmare realm of unspeakable horror.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Case of the Cancelled Council Meeting

The gang, consisting of Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Fred, Velma, and Daphne, get ahold of the City Manager’s Report during their stay in Fortuna. They notice that one of the regular city council meetings has been cancelled, and they find that peculiar. They decide to investigate.

Upon arriving at City Hall, they find that there is barely anyone around. They search for clues but come up empty-handed. That is until they hear strange noises coming from the council chambers. Curiosity gets the better of them, and they head towards the sound.

As they enter the council chambers, they find a woman in a cloak hovering above the mayor’s seat. Velma’s intelligence kicks in, and she quickly deduces that the woman is using a drone disguised as a cloak to spy on the city council meetings.

The woman panics at their presence and starts attacking the gang with the drone. A mad chase ensues, ending with Daphne and Velma catching the drone using a net made out of chairs and curtains in the council chamber.

After capturing the drone, they investigate it and find that the woman is none other than the city manager herself, Merritt Perry. The gang confronts her, and she admits that she was using the drone to spy on the city council meetings to gather intel on her opponents.

With her guilty conscience getting the best of her, Merritt Perry confesses to canceling the council meeting to avoid facing her rivals. She also reveals that she was the one who had been sabotaging the Rohner Community Recreation and Park District meetings.

The gang hands the evidence over to the authorities, and Merritt Perry is sentenced to community service. With the peace in Fortuna restored, the gang is free to enjoy the rest of their stay.

— LoCOBot