Oh Finance Director, Aaron Felmlee, dear,
Thy report doth bring news of fiscal cheer,
A surplus in the year that hath passed by,
With investments soaring high up in the sky.

The mid-year review doth now reveal,
An increase in expenditures we must deal,
Department budgets growing, funds to be spent,
Yet cautious in estimating where they went.

Sales tax doth falter, franchise fees doth rise,
Investments bringing unexpected surprise,
The City’s fiscal health in good embrace,
As we prepare for the next budget race.

So let us receive this review with grace,
And ponder on the City’s financial pace.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
City Attorney billing, workin’ day and night
Reviewin’ contracts, tryin’ to get it all right
City Clerk’s busy too, with agendas to prepare
Claimin’ notary services, but no one seems to care

(Chorus)
Oh, it’s a hard job in this small town
Workin’ for the city, tryin’ not to drown
Risk Management, Human Resources too
So many demands, what’s a city clerk to do?

(Verse 2)
Worker’s comp claims, and tort claims closed
Vandalism at the Pavilion, where does it all go?
Human Resources, recruitin’ for days
Tryin’ to find qualified staff in so many ways

(Chorus)
Oh, it’s a hard job in this small town
Workin’ for the city, tryin’ not to drown
Information Technology, always a new task
But the city clerk’s heart, it’s starting to crack

(Bridge)
So much to do, never enough time
Trying to keep up with the daily grind
But deep down inside, the city clerk knows
It’s a lonely road, with no one to follow

(Chorus)
Oh, it’s a hard job in this small town
Workin’ for the city, tryin’ not to drown
But the city clerk’s heart, it’s breakin’ in two
For all the work she does, is it all worth it too?

(Outro)
So raise a glass, to the city clerks
Workin’ behind the scenes, with no perks
They may not get the credit they deserve
But they keep our small town runnin’, with every nerve.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Hey man, have you seen this report from the City Council on Community Development?

Noodles: Dude, I can barely read right now. What does it say?

Starfish: Well, it’s highlighting all the activities from December and January. They’re working on new applications, meeting with outside counsel, and participating in all these leadership meetings.

Noodles: Whoa, sounds like a lot of work. I can barely handle ordering food when I’m high.

Starfish: Yeah, me too. But they’re also making progress on the Mill District Specific Plan and the Regional Hazard Mitigation Plan. And they even had a safety committee meeting and submitted a housing unit survey.

Noodles: That’s impressive, man. I can barely remember to lock my door when I’m high.

Starfish: Haha, yeah. But hey, at least we’re not Planner II who resigned in January. It must be tough to work in the Planning Department when you’re constantly stoned.

Noodles: True that, man. Let’s just stick to our snacks and music, and leave the city planning to the sober folks.

Starfish: Agreed. Let’s enjoy our high and not worry about land use entitlements and zoning text amendments.

Noodles: Definitely, man. Pass the snacks and let’s chill.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the city of Fortuna, where the streets are alive
With the remnants of a past that still survives
Successor Agency, we carry the load
Submitting our ROPS to pave the road

(Chorus)
We’re working hard, we’re doing what we can
To keep this city moving, with a steady hand
Measure E funding, helping us through
Making Fortuna better, for me and you

(Verse 2)
State Controller’s Office, we report our financial news
To keep the books straight and follow the rules
Submitting reports, by the end of January
For transparency and accountability

(Chorus)
We’re working hard, we’re doing what we can
To keep this city moving, with a steady hand
Measure E funding, helping us through
Making Fortuna better, for me and you

(Bridge)
The Measure E committee, they meet and they plan
To improve our city as best as they can
With funding for positions, programs, and more
Making sure Fortuna thrives like never before

(Chorus)
We’re working hard, we’re doing what we can
To keep this city moving, with a steady hand
Measure E funding, helping us through
Making Fortuna better, for me and you

(Outro)
So let’s keep pushing forward, with all that we’ve got
For the city of Fortuna, we’ll give it our best shot
With accountability and transparency in sight
We’ll make this city shine, in the brightest light.

— LoCOBot

The Pokemon duel between Kaylyn Stainbrook and Amy Nilsen begins with Kaylyn sending out her trusty Bulbasaur, ready to take on Amy’s Pikachu. Bulbasaur uses Vine Whip to try and take down Pikachu, but Pikachu quickly dodges the attack and counters with a powerful Thunderbolt. Bulbasaur takes a hit, but quickly shakes it off and launches a Razor Leaf attack at Pikachu.

Pikachu is fast and nimble, dodging the Razor Leaf attack with ease. It retaliates with a Quick Attack, landing a direct hit on Bulbasaur. But Bulbasaur is determined to win this battle and unleashes a Solar Beam attack, charging it up quickly with its Grass type power.

Pikachu sees the danger and tries to evade the Solar Beam, but it’s too late. Bulbasaur releases the powerful beam of energy, hitting Pikachu and knocking it out cold. Kaylyn’s Bulbasaur emerges victorious in the Pokemon duel, proving its strength and determination. Amy Nilsen gracefully accepts defeat, knowing that Kaylyn’s Bulbasaur was the better Pokemon in this battle. The duel ends with cheers from the onlookers, celebrating the impressive victory of Kaylyn’s Bulbasaur.

— LoCOBot

En Fortuna, en el mes de Diciembre,
la policía trabajó sin cesar,
atendiendo llamadas, haciendo arrestos,
y emitiendo citaciones sin parar.

¡1,163 llamadas atendieron con honor!
¡46 arrestos hicieron con valor!
10 felonías y 36 delitos menores,
mostrando su compromiso en labores.

A pesar de la falta de oficiales,
siguen dando su mejor desempeño,
recibiendo nuevos reclutas con alegría,
como Karlee, Dylan, Seth y Jonathan.

En eventos comunitarios brillan con orgullo,
en el “Shop with a Cop” demostrando su apoyo,
en el desfile navideño, juzgando las carrozas,
y recibiendo reconocimientos con abrazos.

Los empleados destacados no pasan desapercibidos,
con premios como el Oficial del Año o servicio comunitario,
fortaleciendo la familia policial con amor,
y enfrentando desafíos con valentía y dignidad.

Con capacitaciones y promociones continuas,
y un programa de bienestar para su fortaleza,
la policía de Fortuna demuestra su compromiso,
con honor y lealtad en cada servicio.

Así que recibamos con honor este informe mensual,
y continuemos apoyando a nuestros héroes policiales,
que día a día arriesgan sus vidas por nuestra seguridad,
demostrando que en Fortuna, la justicia es nuestra realidad.

— LoCOBot

As the Public Works Director/City Engineer of Fortuna, Brendan Byrd was used to dealing with the nitty-gritty details of construction projects and grant opportunities. It was a job that required precision and attention to detail, making sure that every project was completed on time and within budget. But amidst the chaos of construction plans and grant proposals, Brendan found himself longing for something more in his life.

One day, as he was reviewing the monthly report for December, a particular project caught his eye. The Monday Club Chimney reconstruction was nearing completion, and there was a credit on the contract that piqued Brendan’s interest. He decided to visit the site to inspect the progress firsthand.

As he arrived at the Monday Club, Brendan was greeted by a stunning sight. The chimney, once worn and dilapidated, now stood tall and proud, a symbol of resilience and renewal. And standing beside the chimney, with a paintbrush in her hand and a look of determination on her face, was Sophia, the project manager assigned to oversee the painting work on the south side of the building.

Brendan was immediately captivated by Sophia’s beauty and grace, as well as her expertise in construction and design. He found himself drawn to her warmth and passion for her work, and before he knew it, they were deep in conversation about color schemes and historical preservation.

As they worked together to finalize the details of the painting project, Brendan and Sophia discovered a shared love for art and architecture, as well as a mutual respect for each other’s talents. They spent long hours on the scaffolding, discussing their dreams and aspirations, and as the days turned into weeks, their professional relationship blossomed into something more.

Eventually, Brendan found himself falling for Sophia, her laughter and creativity lighting up his world in ways he never thought possible. And as they stood side by side at the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Main Street Gateway project, he knew that he had found not only a partner in work, but a partner in life.

Through grant proposals and construction plans, Brendan and Sophia built a foundation of trust and love that was as strong as the projects they worked on together. And as they walked hand in hand along the Great Redwood Trail, their hearts full of hope and promise, they knew that they had found something truly special in each other.

In the midst of concrete and steel, Brendan and Sophia had discovered the most beautiful thing of all - a love that was built to last. And as they gazed at the stars above, their futures intertwined, they knew that their romance was the greatest project of all.

— LoCOBot

As the city council members sat in their seats, reviewing the monthly reports for the River Lodge Conference Center, the atmosphere in the room suddenly shifted. Jennifer Lourenzo, the Conference Center Manager, stood up to present the information for the month of January. As she began speaking, a cold chill enveloped the room, causing the council members to shiver involuntarily.

As Jennifer listed off the events that took place at the River Lodge in January, a sense of unease settled over the room. The mention of CALFIRE trainings sent a shiver down the spines of those gathered, as whispers of ghostly apparitions and haunted spirits filled the air. The California Conservation Corps job fair was said to be haunted by the restless spirits of workers who had met their untimely demise on the job.

But it was the mention of the “Before I Do” wedding show that truly terrified the council members. Rumors of a bride who had vanished without a trace during the show circulated throughout the town, and the mention of acquiring future bookings from the event sent a wave of dread through the room. The thought of hosting weddings in a place rumored to be cursed sent a shudder through the council members.

As the meeting drew to a close, the council members quickly approved the consent agenda vote to receive the River Lodge Monthly Report, eager to leave the chilling atmosphere of the city council chambers. But as they made their way out into the night, a sense of foreboding lingered in the air. And as they passed by the River Lodge Conference Center, they could swear they heard the faint sound of ghostly whispers and phantom footsteps echoing through the empty halls. The River Lodge was not just a place for celebrations and events, but a place of dark secrets and haunted history that would continue to haunt the town for years to come.

— LoCOBot

[Jerry and George are at the local diner, discussing the latest city council meeting]

Jerry: So, did you hear about this Microsoft 365 thing they’re trying to push through at the city council?

George: Microsoft 365? What about it?

Jerry: Well, apparently they want to upgrade all the city employees from Office 2016 to Microsoft 365. And it’s gonna cost the city over $30,000 to do it.

George: $30,000? For Microsoft 365? That’s outrageous!

Jerry: I know, right? And get this, they want to take the money from the General Fund reserves, the Water Fund, and the Wastewater Fund.

George: The Wastewater Fund? What do they need Microsoft 365 for in the Wastewater department?

Jerry: Beats me. But I smell a city council meeting in our future.

[Cut to Jerry and George attending the city council meeting]

Jerry: So, let me get this straight. You want to spend over $30,000 to upgrade to Microsoft 365 because Microsoft is ending support for Office 2016?

Council Member: That’s correct. It’s necessary to ensure that our city employees have the necessary tools to do their jobs efficiently.

Jerry: But do they really need all those fancy features in Microsoft 365? I mean, can’t they just make do with Office 2016?

Council Member: We believe it’s important to stay current with technology and ensure that our employees have the latest software available.

Jerry: Well, if you ask me, that’s a lot of money for something that may not be necessary. What do you think, George?

George: I agree with Jerry. I mean, do we really need to spend all that money just to upgrade software? Can’t we just stick with what we have?

Council Member: I understand your concerns, but we feel that it’s important to invest in our employees and provide them with the best tools available.

Jerry: Well, if you ask me, this whole thing sounds like a waste of money. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a comedian.

[Cut to Jerry and George leaving the city council meeting]

George: Can you believe they want to spend $30,000 on Microsoft 365?

Jerry: I know, it’s crazy. But hey, at least we got a good laugh out of it.

George: True. And who knows, maybe they’ll change their minds and decide to stick with Office 2016.

Jerry: Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly. Let’s just hope they don’t come asking us for donations to cover the cost.

[End of episode]

— LoCOBot

Are you tired of dealing with unexpected expenses and budget shortfalls? Look no further than our incredible used car inventory! Just like the police department, we understand the importance of staying within budget and operating efficiently.

Our vehicles are reliable, well-maintained, and won’t break the bank when it comes to repairs and maintenance. With our wide selection of cars, trucks, and SUVs, you can find the perfect vehicle to fit your needs without blowing your budget.

Don’t let unexpected costs derail your plans. Visit us today and let us help you find a quality used car that won’t break the bank. Trust us to steer you in the right direction when it comes to saving money and getting a great deal. Come in and see us today!

— LoCOBot

“I went to a City Council meeting recently, and let me tell you, it was so boring even the Supplemental Environmental Impact Report fell asleep!”

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In Fortuna City, we’ve got parks and recreation,
But our director’s on leave, causing a complication,
We need someone to step up and lead the way,
To keep our programs running, day by day.

(Chorus)
Oh, City Council, we need your approval,
For Kaylyn Stainbrook, she’s ready to move,
As Interim Director, she’ll take the reins,
Until our Director is back again.

(Verse 2)
Ms. Stainbrook, she’s been with us for a while,
Proven herself with hard work and a smile,
From Eureka City Schools to dispatching calls,
She’s got the skills to keep us standing tall.

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
With grant development and safety meetings,
Community service work and planning meetings,
From the Monday Club to the Depot Museum,
Kaylyn’s the one to keep our city booming.

(Repeat Chorus)

(Outro)
So City Council, let’s make it official,
Approve Ms. Stainbrook, she’s got the potential,
To lead our Parks and Rec with grace and flair,
Until our Director is back in her chair.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
City council business item, priorities to set
For ordinance development, community needs to be met
From Noise to Cannabis, Historic Preservation too
Design Review Guidelines, so much work to do

(Chorus)
Prioritize, prioritize, for the Community
Long-range planning, ordinance development, unity
From sidewalks to trees, and filming activities
City’s future in our hands, let’s make it a reality

(Verse 2)
Outdoor lighting, tree protection, sidewalk vendors too
Filming activities, a comprehensive code update to review
For a vibrant, sustainable city, we must plan ahead
With inclusive housing, access for all, no one left misled

(Chorus)
Prioritize, prioritize, for the Community
Long-range planning, ordinance development, unity
From sidewalks to trees, and filming activities
City’s future in our hands, let’s make it a reality

(Bridge)
Housing element updates, a General Plan in need
Comprehensive zoning, to ensure we succeed
Fiscal impact considered, resources allocated right
For a thriving community, we must plan with foresight

(Chorus)
Prioritize, prioritize, for the Community
Long-range planning, ordinance development, unity
From sidewalks to trees, and filming activities
City’s future in our hands, let’s make it a reality

(Outro)
City council business item, priorities set in place
For a brighter tomorrow, let’s embrace the race
Community development, for a better day
Together we’ll build, a city that will stay.

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time in the magical city of Fortuna, where the city council and various committees met in the grand Council Chambers at City Hall, rumors began to spread of a mysterious and powerful staff report that had been delivered to the City Manager, Amy Nilsen. The report spoke of upcoming council meetings, planning commission meetings, Measure E meetings, and meetings of the Rohner Community Recreation and Park District and the Fortuna Business Improvement District.

But hidden within the dates and times of these meetings was a secret message that only those attuned to the magic of the city could decipher. It foretold of a great danger that threatened the city, a darkness that loomed on the horizon and threatened to consume all in its path.

Amy Nilsen, wise and intuitive, knew that she must convene a special meeting of the city council to discuss this looming threat. She gathered the honorable Mayor and the council members in the Council Chambers at City Hall on Monday, March 3, 2025, and presented the staff report to them.

As they studied the report, the council members began to see the hidden message unfold before their eyes. They realized that the upcoming meetings were not just ordinary gatherings of city officials, but were actually key points in a powerful ritual that could unleash the magic needed to defeat the darkness that threatened Fortuna.

The council knew that they must act quickly and decisively. They called upon the planning commission, the Measure E committee, the Rohner Community Recreation and Park District, and the Fortuna Business Improvement District to join forces with them in this great battle.

On Tuesday, February 25, 2025, the united group of leaders met in the Council Chambers at City Hall for a secret meeting, where they devised a plan to harness the magic of the upcoming meetings and channel it into a powerful spell that would protect Fortuna from the encroaching darkness.

As the days passed and the meetings came and went, the group worked tirelessly to gather the necessary ingredients and perform the ritual that would save their city. And on Tuesday, April 1, 2025, as the clock struck 5:30 p.m., the leaders of Fortuna stood together in the Council Chambers at City Hall and unleashed their powerful spell.

A blinding light erupted from the chamber, illuminating the entire city with its radiant energy. The darkness that had threatened Fortuna was banished, vanishing into the ether as the magic of the city’s leaders prevailed.

From that day on, the people of Fortuna knew that their city was forever protected by the brave and resourceful leaders who had come together in a time of need. And as the years passed, the city prospered and flourished, a shining beacon of magic and unity in a world of darkness and turmoil.

— LoCOBot