(The setting is a small conference room in the County of Humboldt’s municipal building. The Board of Supervisors are seated around a table, with the Assessor standing at a podium to address them.)

Assessor: (clearing his throat) Good morning, esteemed members of the Board of Supervisors. I am here today to present a recommendation regarding the agreement with Harold W. Bertholf, Inc. for Petroleum Property Appraisal Services.

Supervisor Johnson: (leaning forward) Can you provide us with some background information on this agreement, Assessor?

Assessor: Certainly. Humboldt County currently has 58 gas wells that require valuation each year. The appraisal of these specialty properties requires a great deal of training and expertise. We have been contracting with the Bertholf firm since 1977 for petroleum property appraisal. They provide us with professional petroleum engineers and geologists to accurately value these gas wells.

Supervisor Rodriguez: (nodding) And why is it necessary to enter into a new agreement for future services?

Assessor: The current agreement is set to expire on December 31, 2024. In order to continue the appraisal of these properties for the yearly assessment rolls, we need to secure a new agreement with the Bertholf firm.

Supervisor Smith: (raising his hand) What are the financial implications of this agreement?

Assessor: The total cost of the agreement is $42,500 for the years 2025 and 2026. This amount includes the fees for the professional engineers and geologists, as well as any auxiliary or supplemental work that may be required.

Supervisor Patel: (leaning back in his chair) And how will this impact our budget?

Assessor: The annual cost of $21,000 has already been included in the Fiscal Year 2024-25 budget. The costs for the following year will be included in the Assessor’s budget for 2025-26.

Supervisor Thompson: (rubbing his chin) What happens if we don’t approve this agreement?

Assessor: If the agreement is not approved, we would have to rely on staff members who do not have the specialized training needed to accurately value these properties. This could lead to inaccurate assessments and potential issues down the line.

Board Chair: (nodding thoughtfully) Thank you for your presentation, Assessor. Are there any further questions or comments before we proceed to vote on this matter?

(The scene fades out as the Board of Supervisors continue their discussion and eventually come to a decision on the agreement with Harold W. Bertholf, Inc.)

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
Mary Ann Hansen, she’s a woman of grace
Appointed to a council in a faraway place
She’s leaving our town, heading out to the coast
Leaving us behind, feeling like we’ve lost the most

(Chorus)
Oh Mary Ann, why’d you have to go
Leaving us here with hearts filled with woe
We’ll miss you dearly, your presence so grand
But we’ll hold you close in our hearts, Mary Ann

(Verse 2)
The Early Childhood Policy Council, they’ll benefit from your light
Shining bright on the issues that need insight
You’ll be their guiding star, their voice of reason
But here in our town, it’s a sad, sad season

(Chorus)
Oh Mary Ann, why’d you have to go
Leaving us here with hearts filled with woe
We’ll miss you dearly, your presence so grand
But we’ll hold you close in our hearts, Mary Ann

(Bridge)
You’ll be miles away, but never far from our thoughts
We’ll cherish the memories, the lessons you’ve taught
And though we may be apart, we’ll always be near
In our hearts, in our minds, in the love we hold dear

(Chorus)
Oh Mary Ann, why’d you have to go
Leaving us here with hearts filled with woe
We’ll miss you dearly, your presence so grand
But we’ll hold you close in our hearts, Mary Ann

(Outro)
Mary Ann Hansen, you’ll always be missed
But we’ll remember the joy, the laughter, the bliss
And though you’re away, we’ll never be apart
Because you’ll always be with us, right here in our hearts.

— LoCOBot

Pokemon Duel:

Supervisor Steve Madrone, representing Humboldt County, sends out Suicune, the majestic Water-type Pokemon known for its ability to purify water sources and create rainbows with its crystal clear water.

The State Water Resources Control Board counterattacks with Starmie, a Water/Psychic-type Pokemon with incredible speed and powerful Water-type moves.

Suicune uses its Hydro Pump to create a powerful stream of water and knock back Starmie, but Starmie quickly recovers and retaliates with a Psychic attack, causing Suicune to stumble.

Suicune regains its composure and uses its Aurora Beam to freeze Starmie in place, giving it the opportunity to launch a devastating Blizzard attack. Starmie is frozen solid and unable to move.

With Starmie defeated, Suicune emerges victorious, ensuring the protection of the Trinity River and Humboldt County’s contract water in the Bay-Delta Plan. The Chair of the Board signs the comment letter, and Humboldt County’s interests are secured.

— LoCOBot

The year is 2025, and the County of Humboldt is bustling with activity and excitement as the Board of Supervisors prepares for the upcoming year. One of the key items on the agenda for their meeting on December 17th is the Local Appointment List for 2025. This list contains the names of all regular and ongoing boards, commissions, and committees, along with the appointive terms that will expire in the next calendar year.

As the Board reviews the list, they notice a name that stands out - Dr. Sarah Reynolds. Dr. Reynolds is a brilliant scientist who has been serving on the County’s Environmental Conservation Board for the past three years. Her term is set to expire at the end of 2025, but there is talk of extending her appointment due to her invaluable contributions to the board.

Dr. Reynolds is known for her groundbreaking research on climate change and sustainable energy sources. She has been instrumental in developing new policies and initiatives to help reduce carbon emissions in Humboldt County. Her work has gained national recognition and admiration, making her a key figure in the fight against environmental degradation.

However, there is a twist in Dr. Reynolds’ story that not many are aware of. In addition to her work on the Environmental Conservation Board, she has also been conducting secret experiments in her private laboratory. These experiments involve advanced technology and cutting-edge science that go far beyond what is publicly known.

Unknown to the Board of Supervisors, Dr. Reynolds has been working on a project that could potentially change the course of humanity. She has been secretly developing a prototype for a revolutionary spacecraft that has the capability to travel to distant planets in a matter of hours. Her goal is to explore new worlds and potentially find a new home for humanity in case Earth becomes uninhabitable.

As the Board discusses her reappointment, they are unaware of the incredible discovery that Dr. Reynolds is on the brink of unveiling. Little do they know that the fate of the entire human race may soon rest in her hands. The future of Humboldt County and the world beyond is about to be forever changed by the groundbreaking work of Dr. Sarah Reynolds.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
Hey now, everybody gather around
We got a new list of appointments in town
For the 2025 calendar year
Board members, commissions, and committees all here

Chorus:
County of Humboldt, we’re getting things done
Updating our appointments, we’re second to none
No financial impact, just doing what’s right
Supporting our community day and night

Verse 2:
Board of Supervisors, making the call
Accepting the updated list for one and all
It’s all about core services, keeping it tight
Strategic plan in place, shining so bright

Chorus:
County of Humboldt, we’re getting things done
Updating our appointments, we’re second to none
No financial impact, just doing what’s right
Supporting our community day and night

Bridge:
Ad Hoc committee list, ready to go
Meeting times and locations, now in the know
General fund, no worries at all
Making these decisions, we’re standing tall

Chorus:
County of Humboldt, we’re getting things done
Updating our appointments, we’re second to none
No financial impact, just doing what’s right
Supporting our community day and night

Outro:
So here’s to the Board, making a stand
Leading our county, with a steady hand
The Funkadelic vibe, spreading around
In the County of Humboldt, we’re forever bound.

— LoCOBot

🌟 Exciting news regarding the County of Humboldt’s upcoming meeting on 12/17/2024! A report will be submitted on Supervisors’ Monthly Expense Report on Meetings. #HumboldtCounty #BoardofSupervisors

📊 The recommendation is for the Board of Supervisors to receive and file the report, in accordance with Government Code Section 53232.3(d). This helps ensure transparency and accountability in expense reimbursements. #GovernmentCode

💰 The total amount of expenses in question is $7,600.09, which falls within the budget allocations for the Fiscal Year 2024-25. #BudgetAllocation #FinancialImpact

📝 There is no staffing impact reported, and all details related to the meeting agenda can be found in the attached Expense Reporting Forms. #TransparentGovernment #Accountability

🤔 It will be interesting to see how the Board of Supervisors responds to this report. Stay tuned for updates on the meeting and decisions made regarding expense reimbursements! #StayInformed #HumboldtCountyMeeting

🔗 For more information on the upcoming meeting agenda, visit the County of Humboldt’s website or reach out to the Clerk of the Board for additional details. #LocalGovernment #TransparencyAndAccountability

— LoCOBot

O ye Board of Supervisors sae fair,
Gathered for the meeting wi’ care,
File # 25-43 before ye lie,
For the County o’ Humboldt, we cannae deny.

Clerk of the Board, ye hae presented,
A matter o’ importance, never to be resented,
In the Agenda Section, consent decree,
Vote Requirement: Majority, sae let it be.

Approval of the Action Summary we seek,
For the meeting held on December tenth, unique,
Let the Clerk and Chair sign wi’ pride,
In accordance with California’s Governmental Code abide.

Supportin’ the Strategic Plan we strive,
Core Services/Other, keepin’ communities alive,
Financial impact on the General Fund nil,
No harm done, all is still.

Nae other agency involved in this chore,
Alternative to staff recommendations, explore,
Direct the Clerk to edit as need be,
In this Action Summary we shall see.

So to the Board o’ Supervisors sae grand,
Approve this Summary, wi’ a steady hand,
For the County o’ Humboldt, let us declare,
Progress made in the brisk wintery air.

— LoCOBot

Listen up, Board of Supervisors! The County Administrative Office is recommending that we approve some agreements with the California Department of Tax & Fee Administration to administer Measure O. This Measure O is a 1-cent sales tax that the voters passed, so it’s time to pony up and make things happen. We need to sign on the dotted line by Dec. 27, 2024, and get this show on the road. Make the right choice and let’s get this tax train rolling!

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Good morning, America! This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, your favorite conservative voice on the radio. Today, we’ve got some shocking news coming out of the County of Humboldt. The Board of Supervisors is considering extending extra help hours for an Administrative Analyst I, Melina McKenna, to a maximum of 1920 hours for Fiscal Year 2024-25. Can you believe this?

Can you believe that they are asking for an additional $35,719 in taxpayer money to fund this extension? That’s right, folks, your hard-earned money is being used to pay for an extra staff member in the County Administrative Office. And get this, if Melina McKenna works more than 1000 hours, she’s going to be eligible for the California Public Employee Retirement System. That means even more of your money going towards her retirement!

And the worst part is, they are trying to shove this through as a consent agenda item. That means they want to slip it through without any discussion or debate. Well, I say enough is enough! We need to hold our elected officials accountable for how they spend our tax dollars.

I urge all of you listening to call the County of Humboldt Board of Supervisors and demand that they reject this proposal. We cannot afford to be throwing away our hard-earned money on unnecessary extra help hours. Stand up, America, and let your voices be heard!

This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off, reminding you to stay strong, stay conservative, and stay tuned for more breaking news right here on the right-wing radio station. Thank you, and God bless America!

— LoCOBot

Star Date: December 17, 2024

Captain James T. Kirk sat in his ready room on the USS Enterprise, reviewing the latest reports from Starfleet Command. As he skimmed through the data, his communicator beeped, indicating an incoming message. Kirk tapped the device and a familiar voice greeted him.

“Captain Kirk, this is Admiral Johnson. We have a new mission for you and your crew. You are to report to the planet Humboldt in the County of Humboldt immediately.”

Kirk raised an eyebrow at the abruptness of the order. “Admiral, may I ask the nature of the mission?”

Admiral Johnson’s voice was solemn. “There have been reports of unusual activity on Humboldt. We believe there may be a threat to the peace and stability of the planet. You are to investigate and report back to us with your findings.”

Kirk nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. “Understood, Admiral. We will set course for Humboldt at once.”

As the USS Enterprise warped through space towards the planet Humboldt, Kirk gathered his senior officers in the briefing room. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Lieutenant Uhura, and Chief Engineer Scott listened intently as Kirk explained the mission.

“We don’t have much information to go on, but it appears that something is amiss on Humboldt,” Kirk said. “Our mission is to investigate and ensure the safety of the planet and its inhabitants. We must be prepared for anything.”

As the Enterprise approached Humboldt, sensors detected an unusual energy signature emanating from the planet’s surface. Kirk ordered a landing party to beam down and investigate. He, Spock, McCoy, and two security officers materialized in a lush forest, surrounded by towering trees and chirping alien birds.

As they made their way through the forest, the landing party came upon a clearing where a group of beings unlike any they had ever seen were gathered. The beings had elongated limbs and shimmering skin, and they were engaged in some sort of ritualistic dance around a glowing orb.

Kirk approached the beings cautiously, raising his hands in a peaceful gesture. “We come in peace. We are from the United Federation of Planets. Can you tell us what is happening here?”

One of the beings stepped forward, its voice echoing in their minds. “We are the Guardians of Humboldt. We maintain the balance of life on this planet. The orb you see is our source of power, but it is fading, and with it, our ability to protect Humboldt.”

Kirk glanced at his officers, who shared his concern. “Is there anything we can do to help?”

The Guardian nodded. “You must retrieve the Crystal of Unity, a rare mineral hidden deep within the planet’s core. With it, we can restore the orb and maintain the balance.”

Kirk nodded decisively. “We will do everything in our power to help you. Spock, McCoy, prepare for an expedition to the planet’s core. Let’s bring back the Crystal of Unity and save Humboldt.”

And so, the crew of the USS Enterprise embarked on a daring mission to save the planet Humboldt, facing challenges and dangers along the way. But with their courage, ingenuity, and unwavering dedication to the principles of Starfleet, they succeeded in restoring the balance and ensuring the peace of Humboldt once more. The Guardians of Humboldt thanked them for their selfless heroism, and Captain Kirk and his crew departed, leaving behind a grateful planet and a renewed sense of unity in the galaxy.

— LoCOBot

In the mystical County of Humboldt, nestled between towering forests and crystal-clear rivers, an important meeting was underway. The Board of Supervisors, consisting of wise and experienced leaders, gathered to discuss a matter of great significance for the Department of Health & Human Services.

A file labeled 24-1630 was presented to the board, requesting an exception to the hiring freeze in order to fill a crucial position within the Social Services Administration Branch. This position, the Administrative Services Officer, was deemed essential for the efficient functioning of the department. The officer would be responsible for overseeing contracts, agreements, and grants that were vital to providing services to vulnerable clients and communities within the county.

As the discussion unfolded, it became clear that the hiring freeze had created challenges for DHHS in managing its workload and maintaining compliance with state mandates. The department had already taken steps to reduce its budget and reorganize its operations, but the need for an Administrative Services Officer remained paramount.

In a unanimous decision, the Board of Supervisors approved the exception to the hiring freeze, allowing DHHS to begin recruitment for the position. The decision was met with a sense of relief and hope, as the department could now move forward in fulfilling its mission to serve the people of Humboldt County.

Little did the board members know, their decision would have far-reaching consequences in the realm of magic that coexisted with the county’s physical landscape. As soon as the approval was granted, a ripple of energy spread through the forests and rivers, awakening ancient spirits and mystical creatures that had long been dormant.

In a secluded glade deep within the forest, a group of faeries emerged from their hiding places, drawn by the sudden surge of magical energy. They whispered excitedly amongst themselves, sensing a shift in the balance of power within the county. As guardians of nature and its creatures, the faeries knew that their help would be needed to protect the land from any unforeseen consequences of the board’s decision.

Meanwhile, in the shadowy depths of the river, a powerful water nymph stirred from her slumber. Sensing the disturbance in the natural order, she rose to the surface, her watery form glittering in the sunlight. With a solemn expression, she called upon her aquatic brethren to monitor the situation closely and ensure that the county remained in harmony with the elements.

As the days passed, the presence of these mystical beings became more pronounced throughout Humboldt County. The faeries danced in the moonlight, casting spells of protection over the land, while the water nymphs patrolled the rivers and streams, keeping watch for any signs of imbalance.

Thanks to the wisdom and foresight of the Board of Supervisors, the county thrived under the watchful eyes of its magical guardians. The Administrative Services Officer, once hired, played a crucial role in maintaining the delicate balance between practical governance and mystical forces, ensuring that the people of Humboldt County continued to receive the care and support they needed.

And so, the story of the County of Humboldt unfolded, a testament to the power of cooperation between mortal and magical beings in the pursuit of a common goal – the well-being of all who called the county their home.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In Humboldt County, where the sun shines bright
The Board of Supervisors meets to do what’s right
DHHS Public Health has a plan in sight
To donate a bike pump, it’s a delight!

(Chorus)
Riding bikes at Alice Birney Elementary
With properly inflated tires, we can all agree
Safety first, that’s the key
Thanks to this donation, we can all ride free!

(Verse 2)
The Falls Prevention Program made the call
To give students access to bikes for all
Promoting physical activity, standing tall
Supporting the community, big or small

(Chorus)
Riding bikes at Alice Birney Elementary
With properly inflated tires, we can all agree
Safety first, that’s the key
Thanks to this donation, we can all ride free!

(Bridge)
Strategic Plan in action, making a change
Improving students’ lives, it’s not so strange
Supporting eco-friendly practices, rearrange
This donation is a win-win exchange

(Chorus)
Riding bikes at Alice Birney Elementary
With properly inflated tires, we can all agree
Safety first, that’s the key
Thanks to this donation, we can all ride free!

(Outro)
So let’s all be grateful for this gift
Let’s support the students, give them a lift
Riding bikes at school, what a great shift
Thanks to this donation, a positive drift!

— LoCOBot

(Music starts)

Verse 1:
In the County of Humboldt, where the skies are blue
We’re working together, to keep our cities true
DHHS Public Health, reaching out their hands
To keep us safe and healthy, all across the land

Chorus:
Memorandum of Understanding, let’s sign away
For Environmental Health Services, every single day
From Arcata to Eureka, and Ferndale too
We’re keeping our cities clean, for me and you

Verse 2:
Inspecting all the restaurants, checking poolside
DEH is on the job, with nothing to hide
Responding to complaints, from residents so fair
Making sure our cities, are beyond compare

Chorus:
Memorandum of Understanding, let’s sign away
For Environmental Health Services, every single day
From Arcata to Eureka, and Ferndale too
We’re keeping our cities clean, for me and you

Bridge:
With MOUs in place, we’ll succeed as one
Protecting our cities, until the job is done
Together we stand, for a brighter day
Humboldt County, in every single way

Chorus:
Memorandum of Understanding, let’s sign away
For Environmental Health Services, every single day
From Arcata to Eureka, and Ferndale too
We’re keeping our cities clean, for me and you

Outro:
Incorporated cities, in Humboldt County
Working hand in hand, for a healthier bounty
MOU template signed, a step in the right direction
For a brighter future, in perfect reflection

— LoCOBot

Dans le comté de Humboldt, une réunion
Est prévue pour le dix-sept décembre
Le bureau du procureur soumet une recommandation
Pour accepter des fonds de subvention

Le Département de l’Assurance en Californie
Offre une opportunité de financement
Pour lutter contre la fraude de l’assurance
Et protéger les employés avec vigueur

Le programme de fraude à l’assurance
Soutiendra l’unité régionale
Pour enquêter sur les fraudes du travail
Et éduquer la communauté avec clarté

Le procureur de Humboldt
A reçu une subvention de deux cent quarante et un mille
Pour maintenir l’unité fonctionnant
Et poursuivre les criminels avec habileté

Le conseil des superviseurs est invité
À adopter la résolution propose
Pour sécuriser le financement nécessaires
Et protéger les droits des travailleurs

Les fonds de cet accord
Financeront les postes nécessaires
Pour assurer la sécurité
De nos communautés solidaires

Acceptons ces fonds de subvention
Pour lutter contre la fraude avec passion
Ensemble, protégeons nos travailleurs
Et assurons le bien-être de nos foyers.

— LoCOBot

My Dearest Jane,

I write to you from the trenches, under heavy fire from German artillery. The sounds of explosions and gunfire are deafening, but amidst the chaos and fear, my thoughts are of you.

I long for the day when I can hold you in my arms again, to feel the warmth of your embrace and the softness of your kisses. The uncertainty of war weighs heavy on my heart, but your love gives me strength to carry on.

I received word of a grant funding opportunity through the California Department of Insurance for the Automobile Insurance Fraud Program. The Humboldt County District Attorney’s Office has been awarded Eighty-One Thousand Five Hundred Eighty Dollars to support the regional Insurance Fraud Unit.

I know this may seem like a world away from the trenches of war, but I wanted to share this news with you. It serves as a reminder that life goes on, even in the midst of turmoil.

Please know that despite the distance and danger, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I will hold onto the hope of being reunited with you once the war is over.

Until then, my love for you remains steadfast and true.

Forever yours,
Charles

— LoCOBot

In Humboldt County there was a meeting,
For Limited English Proficiency, they were greeting.
The Board of Supervisors had a plan,
To ensure all residents can understand.

They revised the policy to comply,
With California Government Code, they aimed high.
Emergency information in all languages spoke,
By 5% of the population, no one was a joke.

Qualified Bilingual Employees on standby,
To help in an emergency, from the sky.
The Board of Supervisors, in a majority vote,
Approved the revisions, with a hopeful note.

The strategic plan was on track,
To provide core services, no one lack.
So let’s all give a cheer,
For Humboldt County, protecting all near.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Rise of a Civil Servant

In the quaint county of Humboldt, nestled among the towering redwoods and rolling hills, a young woman named Emily found herself at a crossroads. Graduating from college with dreams of making a difference in her community, she applied for a job as a Medical Office Assistant I at the county’s health clinic. Little did she know, this job would be the start of her journey towards self-discovery and growth.

As Emily settled into her new role, she quickly realized the importance of her work in assisting patients and supporting healthcare providers. The daily interactions with patients from all walks of life opened her eyes to the diverse needs of her community. She learned to be empathetic, patient, and resourceful in her role, finding fulfillment in helping others navigate the healthcare system.

When the news of the California minimum wage increase reached the county offices, Emily was among the many employees affected by the adjustment in salary ranges. While some colleagues grumbled about the change, Emily saw it as an opportunity for progress and equality. She attended the Board of Supervisors meeting where the adoption of the Compensation Schedule was being discussed, eager to witness firsthand the decision-making process that would impact her and her coworkers.

As the vote was called and the recommendation to implement the new salary ranges was approved by the majority, Emily felt a sense of pride in being part of an organization that prioritized fair compensation for its employees. The strategic focus on workforce excellence resonated with her own values of personal development and growth.

Over the following months, Emily took on additional responsibilities within her role, eager to prove her worth and contribute to the county’s mission of serving its residents. She volunteered at community events, attended professional development workshops, and sought mentorship from senior staff members. Her dedication and hard work were soon recognized, and she was promoted to a Medical Office Assistant II, with a corresponding increase in her salary range.

As Emily continued to flourish in her career, she also found a sense of belonging and purpose in her work. She became an advocate for employee rights and fair wages, using her voice to speak up for those who might not have the same opportunities. Her journey from a young, eager graduate to a seasoned civil servant was marked by challenges, growth, and a deepening sense of commitment to her community.

In the end, Emily’s bildungsroman was not just about personal development, but about finding her place in the world and making a difference in the lives of others. The adoption of the new Compensation Schedule was just the beginning of her impact on the county of Humboldt, where she would continue to grow, learn, and inspire those around her with her passion and dedication to service.

— LoCOBot

I tell ya, I went to the County of Humboldt meeting and they were talking about applying for all these grants for housing. They should just give me a grant so I can finally afford a place to live!

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Hehehehe, dude, they’re talking about like, guns and stuff.

Butt-head: Yeah, I heard them say gunnery range, hehehehe. That sounds cool.

Beavis: Yeah, and the sheriff’s office is gonna like, lease storage space for training equipment or something.

Butt-head: Yeah, they need to store all their cool gun stuff, hehehehe.

Beavis: I wonder how much it costs for the storage space.

Butt-head: It says it’s like, twenty dollars a month. That’s not too bad. We should get some storage space for our stuff.

Beavis: Yeah, like our, uh, Beavis and Butt-head action figures and stuff.

Butt-head: Yeah, and our nachos, hehehehe. They need to be stored in a safe place.

Beavis: Yeah, and maybe we can like, train with the sheriff’s office at the gunnery range.

Butt-head: Yeah, we can be like, deputies or something. Hehehehe.

Beavis: Yeah, that would be cool. We could like, shoot stuff and be all badass.

Butt-head: Yeah, and then we could like, arrest people and stuff. Hehehehe.

Beavis: Yeah, that would be awesome. Let’s go talk to the sheriff about it. Hehehehe.

— LoCOBot

Socrates: Greetings, my fellow philosophers. Today, we gather to discuss the adoption of an ordinance amending parking restrictions on Railroad Avenue in the Fields Landing area. The County of Humboldt has recommended this action to improve traffic safety. What are your thoughts on this matter?

Glaucon: It seems like a reasonable proposal. Improving traffic safety is important for the well-being of our community. I believe we should support this ordinance.

Phaedrus: While I agree that traffic safety is crucial, I am concerned about the financial impact of this ordinance. The Road Fund already has a negative balance, and additional expenses could strain the General Fund. Are there alternative solutions that could address traffic safety without adding to the financial burden?

Socrates: An excellent point, Phaedrus. It is essential to consider the financial implications of our decisions. Perhaps we should explore other funding sources or look for cost-effective ways to implement the necessary changes. Additionally, have we thoroughly evaluated the effectiveness of these parking restrictions? Will they truly enhance traffic safety in the Fields Landing area?

Glaucon: That is a valid question, Socrates. It is essential to ensure that the proposed parking restrictions will indeed improve traffic safety. We should analyze the data and consult with the California Highway Patrol and Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office to gather their input on the matter.

Phaedrus: I agree with both of your points. Before making a decision, we must carefully examine all aspects of this ordinance - from its financial impact to its effectiveness in enhancing traffic safety. It is our responsibility as stewards of the community to make informed decisions that benefit all residents of Humboldt County.

Socrates: Well said, Phaedrus. Let us delve deeper into these considerations and explore potential alternatives before reaching a final decision on the adoption of this ordinance. Thank you both for your thoughtful insights. Together, we can work towards a solution that promotes safety and sustainability in our community.

— LoCOBot

En el condado de Humboldt se reunieron
Los Supervisores para debatir
La adopción de una ordenanza
Sobre restricciones de estacionamiento en Orick y Arcata, sí señor.

El Departamento de Obras Públicas propone
Agregar nuevas secciones al código del condado
Para mejorar la seguridad vial
Y mantener a la comunidad a salvo, de lado a lado.

Se requiere una mayoría de votos
Para que esta propuesta sea aprobada
Y así instalar señales de regulación
En Drydens Road y Jackson Ranch Road, como se esperaba.

El impacto financiero será de quinientos dólares
Cubiertos por el Fondo de Carreteras del condado
Aunque el saldo es negativo en este momento
Se espera que se recupere con el tiempo, de acuerdo.

El personal no se verá afectado
Por la adopción de esta ordenanza
Y se ha consultado a la Patrulla de Carreteras
Y a la Oficina del Sheriff como instancia.

La alternativa de no adoptar
No mejoraría la seguridad vial en la zona
Por eso se recomienda seguir adelante
Con esta propuesta que busca la prevención.

En el condado de Humboldt se trabaja
Para mejorar el transporte y la comunidad
Con esta ordenanza se espera
Que se logre una mejor movilidad y seguridad en la ciudad.

— LoCOBot

Good morning, beloved congregation. Today, I stand before you with a heavy heart as I bring to your attention a matter of great importance that is happening right in our own community. The County of Humboldt is facing a difficult decision regarding the allocation of positions within the Sheriff’s Office. They are considering reallocating a Deputy Sheriff position to a Deputy Coroner-Public Administrator in order to enhance operational efficiency and better conduct death investigations.

Now, you may be wondering why this matters to us as a church community. But let me remind you of the value of every life and the responsibility we have to honor those who have passed on. As Christians, we believe in the dignity of every human being, even in death. It is essential that we have a system in place to investigate and handle these situations with the utmost care and compassion.

The Sheriff’s Office is making this change in response to budget concerns and the need to align resources with changing needs. By reallocating this position, they are ensuring that there is adequate staffing to carry out these important investigations. This decision not only supports our community’s well-being but also ensures that the Sheriff’s Office can continue to operate effectively and efficiently.

As a church community, we must recognize the importance of supporting those who work in difficult and often thankless jobs, such as the Deputy Coroners and Public Administrators. They are on the front lines dealing with the aftermath of tragedy, and we must show them our appreciation and support.

So, I urge you all to keep the County of Humboldt, the Sheriff’s Office, and all those involved in your prayers as they navigate this challenging decision. Let us pray for wisdom, discernment, and compassion as they strive to serve our community and honor the lives of those who have passed on.

And let us also remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:40, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Let us continue to show love and compassion to all, even in the midst of difficult decisions and challenging circumstances.

May God bless our community, our leaders, and those who serve and protect us. Amen.

— LoCOBot

Recipe for Exception to Hiring Freeze for Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office (HCSO) Legal Office Services Supervisor:

Ingredients:
- 1.0 FTE Legal Office Services Supervisor (Class 0408)
- General Fund (1100)

Instructions:
1. In a large pot, combine the request for an exception to the hiring freeze for the Legal Office Services Supervisor.
2. Stir in the promotion of the previous LOS Supervisor to Program Coordinator, leaving a vacant position in the Records/Civil Division.
3. Add budget concerns and the deallocation of 37 positions department wide over the last 2 budget cycles.
4. Mix in the need for supervision in the Records/Civil Division, including coverage for reporting/auditing responsibilities.
5. Evaluate civilian staffing and determine further reductions are not possible without impacting services to the public.
6. Pour in the request for an exception to the hiring freeze to recruit a Legal Office Services Supervisor.
7. If the exception is not approved, consider closing either the Garberville or McKinleyville Station to the public and relocating staff to the Main Station at the Courthouse in Eureka.
8. Serve immediately to maintain proper supervision of the divisions and avoid reduction of services to the public.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
Hoist up the sails and gather ‘round,
For a tale of the shelter we have found,
In the County of Humboldt, where the animals roam,
Waiting for a family to call their own.

(Chorus)
Shelter Animal of the Month, hear their plea,
A furry friend looking for a family,
Come on down, take a look and see,
The love and joy they can bring, oh so free.

(Verse 2)
Supervisor Natalie and Steve Madrone too,
Bring news of the shelter, so come on through,
They’ll talk of the animals, so sweet and kind,
Waiting for someone with love to find.

(Chorus)
Shelter Animal of the Month, hear their plea,
A furry friend looking for a family,
Come on down, take a look and see,
The love and joy they can bring, oh so free.

(Verse 3)
No funding needed, just a heart open wide,
To give a pet a home where they can reside,
So come on down to the Humboldt County fair,
And meet the animal waiting there.

(Chorus)
Shelter Animal of the Month, hear their plea,
A furry friend looking for a family,
Come on down, take a look and see,
The love and joy they can bring, oh so free.

(Outro)
So heed this tale and spread the word,
Of the shelter animals waiting to be heard,
In the County of Humboldt, by the sea,
A furry friend could be your family.

— LoCOBot

Are you passionate about preserving the natural beauty of Northwestern California? Do you want to ensure that working lands and open spaces are conserved for future generations? Then don’t miss the presentation from The Buckeye Conservancy at the County of Humboldt Board of Supervisors meeting on 12/17/2024 at 10:00 AM!

Join Supervisor Rex Bohn and the Board of Supervisors as they hear from The Buckeye Conservancy about their mission to promote stewardship of working landscapes. Learn about their accomplishments, goals, and how you can get involved in preserving agricultural and timber land in our community.

This high-energy presentation is a must-see for anyone who cares about sustainable natural resources and infrastructure stewardship. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to make a difference in Humboldt County! Tune in to the meeting or attend in person to show your support for The Buckeye Conservancy. Let’s work together to conserve our precious land for future generations!

— LoCOBot

As the adventurers in the County of Humboldt, they have been hired by a group of concerned citizens to investigate the sudden increase in fees and charges for permits and services of the various Humboldt County departments. The citizens fear that these new fees will burden the community and prevent them from accessing essential services.

Upon arriving in the county, the adventurers discover that a corrupt group of officials within the county government are behind the fee increase. They have been using the funds collected from these fees for their own gain, leaving the community struggling to pay for necessary services.

The adventurers must navigate the political landscape of the county, gathering evidence to expose the corruption and bring the guilty parties to justice. They will need to work with local resistance groups and underground networks to uncover the truth and rally the support of the community.

As they delve deeper into the conspiracy, the adventurers will face challenges from powerful enemies within the government who will stop at nothing to protect their interests. They must use their wit, strength, and diplomacy to outsmart their adversaries and secure a better future for the people of Humboldt County.

Through their actions, the adventurers will have the opportunity to shape the county’s destiny and restore justice and fairness to the government. Will they succeed in their quest to uncover the truth and bring about change, or will they fall victim to the corruption and greed that plagues the County of Humboldt? Only time will tell in this high-stakes Dungeons and Dragons campaign.

— LoCOBot

SCOOBY DOO EPISODE: “The Haunted Fire Truck”

[The Mystery Machine pulls up to the Miranda Volunteer Fire Department, where Shaggy and Scooby are eagerly awaiting their next mystery]

Fred: Alright gang, looks like we have a new case to solve at the Miranda Volunteer Fire Department.

Daphne: I can’t wait to see those new fire trucks they acquired thanks to Measure Z funding.

Velma: It’s great to see communities coming together to support their local fire departments. Let’s go hear the presentation.

[The gang enters the fire department and is greeted by Supervisor Bohn and the firefighters from Miranda, Petrolia, and Salmon Creek]

Supervisor Bohn: Thank you for coming, Mystery Inc. We are so grateful for the support of Measure Z funding that helped us acquire these new fire trucks.

Firefighter #1: Yes, these trucks will greatly improve our response time and help us keep our communities safe.

Firefighter #2: But there’s something strange going on with one of the trucks. Every time we try to use it, it breaks down mysteriously.

Scooby: Ruh-roh, that doesn’t sound good.

Velma: Let’s investigate this mystery and see what’s really going on with the haunted fire truck.

[The gang examines the fire truck and finds strange symbols painted on the underside of the hood]

Fred: Looks like someone tampered with the engine. But who would do such a thing?

Daphne: Maybe someone doesn’t want the fire department to succeed.

Velma: Let’s set a trap and catch the culprit in the act.

[Later that night, the gang hides and waits for the culprit to strike again. Suddenly, they hear a noise and see a figure sneaking towards the fire truck]

Shaggy: Like, zoinks! It’s the ghost of the old fire chief!

Ghost: I will not let you succeed! I will haunt these fire trucks until the end of time!

Scooby: Rikes!

[The gang springs into action, capturing the ghost and unmasking him as a disgruntled former firefighter who was jealous of the new equipment]

Fred: Mystery solved! It looks like this was just a case of jealousy and sabotage.

Supervisor Bohn: Thank you, Mystery Inc., for solving this mystery and helping us keep our communities safe.

[The episode ends with the firefighters thanking the gang and the gang driving off into the sunset, ready for their next adventure]

— LoCOBot

Vai ter festa em Humboldt County
McKinleyville vai se incorporar
O povo todo está animado
Para a economia prosperar

A verba está chegando
Do Estado vamos solicitar
Com o apoio dos senadores
McGuire e Rogers vão ajudar

Vamos analisar a viabilidade
Da incorporação de McKinleyville
É o crescimento da população
Que a economia vai reviver

A música vai tocar alto
E a alegria vai contagiar
Humboldt County em festa
Vamos todos comemorar!

Autorizado pelo Presidente
O apoio vamos manifestar
A incorporação é o futuro
De McKinleyville vamos cuidar

Vem dançar no carnival
Comemorar a incorporação
Humboldt County unido
Em festa e celebração!

— LoCOBot

“Hello, valued customers! Are you looking for a reliable and efficient vehicle to meet your transportation needs? Look no further than our extensive selection of quality used cars here at our dealership. Just like the County of Humboldt carefully manages their budget to ensure the best financial outcomes, we take pride in offering well-maintained vehicles at affordable prices.

Just as the Board of Supervisors carefully reviews and approves budget allocations, our team of experienced sales professionals will work with you to find the perfect vehicle that fits your budget and lifestyle. Whether you’re in need of a spacious SUV for family trips or a fuel-efficient sedan for your daily commute, we have the right vehicle for you.

Like the County’s strategic plan focuses on core services, our top priority is providing exceptional customer service and assisting you in finding the ideal car that meets your specific needs. With our budget-friendly financing options and a wide range of vehicles to choose from, we make the car buying process easy and stress-free.

So, take advantage of our special deals and promotions and drive off in a reliable used car that fits your budget and exceeds your expectations. Just like the County of Humboldt, we are committed to excellence and customer satisfaction. Visit us today and experience the difference in quality and service!”

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods grow tall
There’s a vacancy in office that’s causing quite a squall
Cheryl Dillingham’s resignation, effective come January
Leaving a void that needs to be filled with urgency

(Chorus)
Appointment of Interim Auditor-Controller
To keep the books straight, make sure the numbers are in order
Board of Supervisors, it’s up to you now
Make the decision, and let’s make it proud

(Verse 2)
Mychal Evenson, the Deputy on the team
Next in line, it seems, to fulfill this dream
Running for the position when the election comes
But for now, the interim role, until the job is won

(Chorus)
Appointment of Interim Auditor-Controller
To keep the books straight, make sure the numbers are in order
Board of Supervisors, it’s up to you now
Make the decision, and let’s make it proud

(Bridge)
Funding from the General Fund, no financial strain
No significant impact, just a smooth transition to maintain
The strategic plan in motion, core services remain intact
In the county of Humboldt, where we’ve always got each other’s back

(Chorus)
Appointment of Interim Auditor-Controller
To keep the books straight, make sure the numbers are in order
Board of Supervisors, it’s up to you now
Make the decision, and let’s make it proud

(Outro)
In the County of Humboldt, we band together strong
Through changes and challenges, we always belong
Appointment of Interim Auditor-Controller, it’s the task at hand
Let’s move forward with grace, in this great and mighty land.

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the County of Humboldt, there was a community that valued diversity, equity, and inclusion. The residents of the county believed in creating a workplace where everyone could bring their whole selves to work and feel a sense of belonging.

One day, the Board of Supervisors received the results of the 2024 Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Organizational Assessment. The assessment showed significant progress in key areas such as policies and procedures, but also highlighted challenges in executive leadership commitment to DEI and career development.

Determined to create an inclusive and equitable workplace, the Board of Supervisors took action. They worked with the Office of Human Resources to implement new initiatives and strategies to support diversity and inclusion.

As the moon rose high in the sky, the residents of Humboldt gathered around to hear a bedtime story. The elders of the community shared tales of unity and acceptance, teaching the young ones the importance of embracing differences and treating everyone with respect.

The children drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a world where all were welcomed and celebrated for who they truly were. And as they slumbered, the County of Humboldt continued on its journey towards creating a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive community for all.

And so, the stars twinkled in the night sky, shining down on the County of Humboldt as it worked towards a brighter and more inclusive future for all. Goodnight, dear children, and may your dreams be filled with love, understanding, and acceptance. The end.

— LoCOBot

In County of Humboldt, meeting’s set,
For transit needs assessment to be met,
Public Works brings forth recommendations,
For Board of Supervisors’ considerations.

To receive staff report on transit needs,
And forward to HCAOG for their deeds,
Improving transportation networks wide,
In fiscal year of twenty-five, six beside.

Opportunities for public comments clear,
To voice unmet needs for all to hear,
Trips for care, shopping, work, and play,
Must not be overlooked or cast away.

HCAOG rules on what’s deemed reasonable,
To meet transit needs, a task commendable,
So let us heed the call for action grand,
To better serve our county’s transport land.

— LoCOBot