Starfish: Hey, Noodles, have you seen this agenda for the Board of Supervisors meeting on 5/6/2025?

Noodles: Oh man, I am so stoned right now. What’s it about?

Starfish: It’s about some Cooperative Agreement with the California Department of Food and Agriculture for Fuels, Lubricants, and Automotive Products Program.

Noodles: Whoa, that sounds important. What do you think they should do about it?

Starfish: I think they should definitely approve the agreement. It seems like it’s for enforcing regulations on petroleum products and making sure there’s fair pricing for consumers.

Noodles: Yeah, that makes sense. It’s all about transparency and consumer protection, man. Plus, they’re getting reimbursed for it, so why not?

Starfish: Totally. And it’s not like it’s gonna impact their current staffing or anything. It’s just part of the workload.

Noodles: Yeah, for sure. Hey, do you think they’ll grant that waiver from the Nuclear-Free Ordinance?

Starfish: I mean, it seems like the State of California won’t modify their agreements for local ordinances, so they probably have to grant it. It’s all about following the rules, man.

Noodles: True, true. Hey, let’s watch that meeting and see what they decide. But first, let’s get some snacks. I’m craving some munchies.

Starfish: Good idea, let’s go raid the fridge. This meeting can wait.

— LoCOBot

I tell ya, I can’t get no respect. I went to the County of Humboldt to weigh in on a program and they only offered me $480. I said, “Don’t they know I’m worth at least $481?”

— LoCOBot

(Scene opens with a small meeting room in the County of Humboldt offices. Supervisor Mike Wilson stands at the front of the room, addressing the Board of Supervisors.)

Wilson: (clearing his throat) Good morning, esteemed members of the Board. Today, we have the pleasure of recognizing the outstanding achievements of some of our community members. At the recent Soroptimist International of Arcata Annual Awards dinner, several individuals were honored for their dedication and hard work. Today, we have the privilege of presenting them with certificates of recognition.

(Board members nod in agreement, showing their support for the recognition of the award winners.)

Wilson: I would like to invite the recipients of these awards to come forward and accept their certificates. (he gestures towards the back of the room, where a small group of individuals stand, beaming with pride)

(The award winners approach the front of the room, each taking their turn to receive their certificate from Wilson. Applause fills the room as each recipient is recognized for their contributions to the community.)

Wilson: (smiling) On behalf of the Board of Supervisors, I want to extend our heartfelt congratulations to each of you. Your dedication, hard work, and commitment to making Humboldt County a better place do not go unnoticed. Thank you for all that you do.

(As the recipients return to their seats, the room buzzes with chatter and excitement. The Board members exchange smiles and congratulatory nods.)

Wilson: (addressing the Board) With that, I recommend that we ratify the Board Chair’s signature on the Certificates of Recognition. Is there any further discussion or comments before we proceed to vote?

(Board members shake their heads, indicating their approval of the recommendation.)

Wilson: Very well. All those in favor, please signify by saying “aye.”

Board members: Aye.

Wilson: All those opposed, please signify by saying “nay.”

(Board members remain silent, showing unanimous approval of the recommendation.)

Wilson: The motion carries. The Certificates of Recognition for the Soroptimist International of Arcata Award winners have been officially ratified by the Board of Supervisors. Thank you all for your support and congratulations once again to the recipients. (he nods in appreciation before the scene fades to black)

— LoCOBot

It was a beautiful day in Orleans, with the sun shining brightly and a slight breeze rustling through the trees. The town was bustling with excitement as preparations were underway for the 74th Annual “Old Timers Day Parade”. The Orleans Community Service Club had been working tirelessly to make sure everything was perfect for the event, which was a beloved tradition in the small town.

Supervisor Steve Madrone had been tasked with presenting a resolution to the Board of Supervisors, authorizing temporary road closures for the parade. As he stood before the board, he explained the importance of the event to the community and the need for the road closures to ensure the safety of participants and spectators.

The board listened intently, nodding in agreement as Supervisor Madrone outlined the details of the resolution. The temporary road closures would include portions of Highway 96 from Big Rock to the Forest Service Compound at Ishi Pishi Road in Orleans. It was a necessary measure to ensure the smooth flow of the parade and to prevent any traffic incidents during the event.

As the board members discussed the resolution, a strange anomaly occurred. A shimmering portal suddenly appeared in the middle of the room, causing everyone to gasp in shock. Out of the portal stepped a group of beings unlike anything the residents of Humboldt County had ever seen before.

The beings were tall and slender, with shimmering silver skin and glowing eyes. They introduced themselves as travelers from a distant galaxy, who had accidentally stumbled upon Earth during their journey through the cosmos. They explained that they had been drawn to the energy of the “Old Timers Day Parade” and had decided to join in the festivities.

The board members were initially taken aback by the sudden appearance of extraterrestrial visitors, but they quickly realized that the beings were peaceful and meant no harm. In fact, they were quite fascinated by the concept of a small town parade and eagerly agreed to participate.

As the day of the parade arrived, the residents of Orleans were in for the surprise of a lifetime. The procession began as usual, with vintage cars, marching bands, and floats making their way down the closed-off section of Highway 96. But the real stars of the show were the alien visitors, who dazzled the crowd with their otherworldly presence.

The beings performed elaborate dances, played music on strange instruments, and even levitated above the parade route, much to the delight of onlookers. The residents of Orleans couldn’t believe their eyes, but they welcomed the extraterrestrial guests with open arms, grateful for the unexpected excitement and wonder they had brought to their small town.

As the parade came to an end, the beings bid farewell to the residents of Orleans, promising to return one day in the future. The town was abuzz with excitement and speculation about the strange visitors, and the “Old Timers Day Parade” of 2025 would go down in history as the most extraordinary and unforgettable event the town had ever seen.

And as for Supervisor Steve Madrone and the Board of Supervisors, they realized that sometimes the most unexpected events can lead to the most magical and memorable experiences, proving that Humboldt County was truly a place where anything was possible.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Retirement Resolution

Chapter 1:
Supervisor Michelle Bushnell sat at her desk in the County of Humboldt offices, reviewing the agenda for the upcoming meeting of the Board of Supervisors. One item caught her eye - File #: 25-569. It was a retirement resolution for a long-time county employee, Diny King. As she read through the details, a sense of unease crept over her. Something about the resolution didn’t sit right with her, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than met the eye.

Chapter 2:
Unable to ignore her instincts, Supervisor Bushnell decided to do some digging into Diny King’s background. She discovered that King had been a loyal employee of the county for over 30 years, working in various departments and earning a reputation for her dedication and hard work. But there were also whispers of a darker side to King - rumors of corruption and misconduct that had been swept under the rug over the years.

Chapter 3:
Determined to uncover the truth, Supervisor Bushnell delved deeper into King’s past, interviewing current and former employees who had worked with her. What she uncovered was a web of deceit and betrayal that went far beyond anything she could have imagined. It seemed that King had been involved in a long-running embezzlement scheme, siphoning off funds from the county for her own personal gain.

Chapter 4:
As Supervisor Bushnell continued her investigation, she found herself on the trail of a group of corrupt officials who had been working in cahoots with King to defraud the county. It became clear that the retirement resolution was nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to cover up their crimes and sweep everything under the rug. But Supervisor Bushnell was not about to let them get away with it.

Chapter 5:
In a dramatic showdown at the Board of Supervisors meeting, Supervisor Bushnell presented her findings to the rest of the board, laying out the evidence of King’s corruption and implicating the other officials involved. In a shocking turn of events, King herself confessed to her crimes, naming names and implicating the others in the scheme.

Epilogue:
With the truth finally out in the open, the corrupt officials were removed from their positions and held accountable for their actions. Diny King was arrested and charged with embezzlement, facing the consequences of her betrayal. Supervisor Bushnell was hailed as a hero for her courage and tenacity in uncovering the truth and bringing the perpetrators to justice. And the county of Humboldt was left reeling from the scandal, but ultimately stronger for having faced and overcome the corruption in its midst.

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Welcome to The Moe Hogan Experience! Today we have a special guest, Supervisor Natalie Arroyo, here to talk about proclaiming May 2025 as Bike Month in Humboldt County. Welcome, Supervisor Arroyo!

Supervisor Arroyo: Thank you for having me, Moe. It’s great to be here.

Moe Hogan: So, tell us about this proclamation. Why is it important to recognize May as Bike Month?

Supervisor Arroyo: May is nationally recognized as Bike Month, and it’s a great opportunity to promote bicycling for transportation, recreation, and health. It aligns with regional and state efforts to encourage biking as a sustainable and healthy mode of transportation.

Moe Hogan: That’s fascinating! I’ve always loved biking myself. Did you know that biking can actually help reduce your carbon footprint and improve your overall health?

Supervisor Arroyo: Absolutely, Moe. Biking is not only good for the environment, but it’s also a great way to stay active and healthy.

Moe Hogan: I totally agree. And it’s great to see the County of Humboldt taking steps to support this national celebration. I think it’s important to promote alternative modes of transportation like biking.

Producer: Hey Moe, I just looked it up. Did you know that biking can reduce your risk of heart disease and stroke?

Moe Hogan: Wow, really? That’s amazing! See, folks, biking is not only good for the environment but also for your health. And speaking of health, let me tell you about our sponsor, SuperSupps. I’ve been taking their dietary supplements for a month now, and let me tell you, I feel like a new man! SuperSupps, the key to a healthier you.

Stay tuned for more conspiracy theories and self-improvement tips on The Moe Hogan Experience!

— LoCOBot

Title: The Headwaters Legacy

In the small County of Humboldt, nestled in the heart of Northern California, a young man named James grew up with dreams of making a difference in his community. From a young age, James was involved in various volunteer activities and community projects, inspired by the example set by his grandfather, Carl Hansen.

Carl Hansen had been a dedicated member of the Headwaters Fund Board for many years, overseeing the distribution of funds to support local businesses and nonprofits in the area. His commitment to service had always been a source of inspiration for James, who aspired to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps.

As James grew older, he became more involved in local government and community initiatives. He attended board meetings with his grandfather, soaking in the discussions and decisions that shaped the future of Humboldt County. When James turned 18, he applied for a position on the Headwaters Fund Board, hoping to continue the legacy of service that his grandfather had started.

After a rigorous selection process, James was appointed to the Headwaters Fund Board, following in the footsteps of his grandfather. He worked tirelessly to support local businesses and nonprofits, using his knowledge and passion to make a difference in his community. Over the years, James became known for his dedication and commitment to the betterment of Humboldt County.

As James’s term on the board came to an end, the Board of Supervisors prepared to send a letter of appreciation to him for his service. The letter recognized James for his contributions to the Headwaters Fund and his commitment to the community. It was a bittersweet moment for James, knowing that his time on the board was coming to an end, but grateful for the opportunity to serve his community.

Looking back on his journey, James realized that he had truly come of age during his time on the Headwaters Fund Board. He had grown as a leader, a community member, and a person, thanks to the guidance and example set by his grandfather. As he read the letter of appreciation from the Board of Supervisors, James knew that he had made a difference in Humboldt County, just like his grandfather before him.

And so, the legacy of service and dedication continued in the County of Humboldt, passed down from one generation to the next, shaping the future of the community for years to come. James smiled as he thought about the impact he had made, knowing that his journey was only just beginning.

— LoCOBot

Star Date: 52672.3

Captain’s Log, USS Enterprise

We have received a transmission from the County of Humboldt, proclaiming May 2025 as “Older Americans Month.” The theme for this year is “Flip the Script on Aging,” encouraging communities to challenge stereotypes and misconceptions about aging. As advocates for peaceful coexistence and understanding among all beings, it is our duty to honor and uplift older adults in all corners of the galaxy.

I have decided to divert our course slightly to visit the planet Humboldt and participate in their celebrations for Older Americans Month. I believe it is important for us to show our support and solidarity with the older members of society, who have contributed so much to our collective well-being.

As we approach the planet, I have called a meeting with the senior staff to discuss how we can best engage with the community and show our appreciation for their elders. I have also asked Lieutenant Uhura to prepare a message of goodwill to be transmitted to the County of Humboldt, expressing our support for their initiative.

This may not be a typical mission for the USS Enterprise, but it is one that I believe is of great importance. We must always strive to build bridges and foster understanding, no matter where our journey takes us.

End log.

— LoCOBot

Vem pra festa, vem pra folia
Em Humboldt, a alegria contagia
Maio está chegando, é o mês da saúde mental
Vamos todos se unir e fazer um carnaval

Proclamamos agora, com muito amor
Maio é o mês da conscientização, meu senhor
Vamos falar sobre saúde mental
E promover o bem-estar geral

Que todas as pessoas tenham acesso
A serviços de qualidade e progresso
Vamos juntos lutar por essa causa
E garantir que todos tenham sua pausa

Neste carnaval, vamos celebrar
A importância de se cuidar
De mente sã e coração forte
Em Humboldt, a felicidade é o norte

Então venha, dance e cante
A saúde mental é importante
Vamos juntos nessa missão
Em Humboldt, somos uma só nação!

— LoCOBot

(Chorus)
Hoist the sails and raise the anchor,
In the County of Humboldt we’ll not falter,
We stand united for the missing and the murdered,
For Indigenous persons, our voices will be heard.

(Verse 1)
Supervisor Natalie Arroyo took to the seas,
With a proclamation to bring us to our knees,
For MMIP Awareness Month, we’ll raise the flag,
And honor those whose cases have been a tragic snag.

(Chorus)
Hoist the sails and raise the anchor,
In the County of Humboldt we’ll not falter,
We stand united for the missing and the murdered,
For Indigenous persons, our voices will be heard.

(Verse 2)
In Humboldt County, tribes have made their home,
But the plight of the missing cannot be condoned,
For lack of funding and coordination, cases go cold,
Leaving families and communities heartbroken and bold.

(Chorus)
Hoist the sails and raise the anchor,
In the County of Humboldt we’ll not falter,
We stand united for the missing and the murdered,
For Indigenous persons, our voices will be heard.

(Verse 3)
So let’s listen to the stories of those who’ve gone,
And raise awareness until justice has shone,
Through adversity and trauma, they stand strong,
Their voices will echo in our shanty’s song.

(Chorus)
Hoist the sails and raise the anchor,
In the County of Humboldt we’ll not falter,
We stand united for the missing and the murdered,
For Indigenous persons, our voices will be heard.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, hey Butt-head, check it out. It says here they wanna make May 2025 like, CalFresh Awareness Month in Humboldt County or something.

Butt-head: Uh, what’s CalFresh? Is that like, a new flavor of chips or something?

Beavis: Uh, I think it’s like, a program to help people get food when they don’t have enough money for groceries.

Butt-head: Oh, cool. So like, they’re gonna like, give out free food or something?

Beavis: Uh, I don’t think so. It’s just like, to make people aware of the program and like, thank the people who work to help out.

Butt-head: Oh, gotcha. So, like, what do they want us to do about it?

Beavis: Uh, I think they just want the Board of Supervisors to like, adopt a proclamation or something.

Butt-head: Uh, cool. So like, they’re gonna like, make it official or something.

Beavis: Yeah, I guess so. And like, there’s no financial impact or staffing impact, so it’s like, no big deal.

Butt-head: Uh, yeah. That’s cool. I guess it’s like, important to help out people who don’t have enough food, huh Beavis?

Beavis: Yeah, Butt-head. It’s like, good to like, help out your community and stuff. Uh huh huh huh.

— LoCOBot

Ode tae the County o’ Humboldt fair,
Whaur the Board o’ Supervisors meet wi’ care,
Supervisor Natalie Arroyo sends her plea,
Tae proclaim a day in honor o’ unity.

On the fifth o’ June, in twa thae year o’ twenty-five,
Let us support the National Association o’ Letter Carriers’ strive,
Tae collect food donations fur those in need,
A noble cause o’ kindness and good deed.

Leavin’ nonperishable items by yer mailbox braw,
Let the letter carrier collect and to local food banks they’ll draw,
Support the community and spread the love,
As we join hands wi’ the United States Postal Service above.

No financial impact, nae staffing strain,
Just a simple gesture tae lessen hunger’s pain,
So let us embrace this proclamation true,
For the County o’ Humboldt and all that we do.

— LoCOBot

En el condado de Humboldt se reúnen
Los supervisores con gran preocupación
Para hablar de un hombre peligroso
Richard Stobaugh es la cuestión

Con historial de actos violentos
Y comportamiento sexual depravado
La comunidad de Manila se opone
A su liberación, así lo han declarado

El programa de liberación condicional
No puede sacrificarse en nombre de la reeducación
El peligro para la seguridad pública
Es una clara y grave preocupación

La pequeña comunidad de Manila
No está preparada para esta situación
Sus recursos limitados y aislamiento
La hacen vulnerable ante esta condición

El Sheriff y el Fiscal del condado
Se oponen firmemente a esta decisión
Y el consejo de supervisores los respalda
En defensa de la población

No hay impacto financiero
Ni en el personal de la oficina
Pero el riesgo para los ciudadanos
Es motivo de gran alarma

Así que en esta reunión del cinco de mayo
Los supervisores piden a la mayoría
Autorizar al presidente
Para firmar la carta de oposición con honestidad

Que Humboldt sea seguro y sano
Es la misión principal
Y la protección de los ciudadanos
Es su responsabilidad cabal

Que la voz del pueblo sea escuchada
Y la justicia prevalezca
Para que en el condado de Humboldt
La seguridad y la paz nunca desaparezcan.

— LoCOBot

My dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to you from the trenches, under heavy fire from German artillery. The sounds of explosions fill the air, but amidst all the chaos, thoughts of you are what keep me going.

I wanted to share with you the latest news from back home. The County of Humboldt Department of Health and Human Services - Public Health Branch is seeking authorization to cancel outdated agreements for Environmental Health services with the incorporated cities within the county. These agreements are to be replaced by a new template approved by the Board of Supervisors.

The services provided by the Department of Health and Human Services - Public Health Branch are crucial for maintaining the health and safety of our community. From restaurant inspections to hazardous materials management oversight, these services play a vital role in keeping our county safe. By updating these agreements, the department will have the authority to continue providing these essential services to our cities.

I pray for the war to end soon so that I may return home to you. Until then, know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

With all my love,

Charles

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, nestled between the towering redwoods and the sparkling coastline, there existed a special department dedicated to the health and care of its community members. The Department of Health and Human Services was a hub of activity, with dedicated staff working tirelessly to ensure the safety and well-being of all who called the county home.

Among these dedicated workers was Brianna Penner, a Case Manager I with a heart of gold and a passion for helping others. Brianna was known throughout the department for her dedication to her clients, her expertise in navigating complex situations, and her unwavering commitment to providing the best possible care to those in need.

As the calendar turned to 2025, the department found itself facing a challenge. Brianna had reached the 960-hour limit for extra help hours, but the demand for her services was still high. With a heavy workload and a list of clients relying on her expertise, the department knew they needed to find a solution.

And so, a proposal was brought before the Board of Supervisors to extend Brianna’s extra help hours to a maximum of 1,920 for the fiscal year 2024-25. This proposal, requiring a 4/5 vote, aimed to provide the necessary support for Brianna to continue her vital work in the community.

The discussion among the Board members was lively, with concerns raised about the financial impact of extending Brianna’s hours. But as they delved into the details of the proposal, it became clear that the benefits far outweighed the costs. Brianna’s expertise in working with youth, leading group therapy sessions, and covering important department spaces made her an irreplaceable asset to the team.

After much deliberation, the Board of Supervisors came to a unanimous decision to approve the waiver and extension of Brianna’s hours. The news spread quickly through the department, with cheers and applause echoing through the halls. Brianna herself was overjoyed at the opportunity to continue her work, knowing that she could make a real difference in the lives of those she served.

And so, as the sun set over the redwoods and the waves crashed against the coastline, Brianna Penner continued her work, providing safe and healthy communities for all who called the County of Humboldt home. Her dedication and passion shone bright, a beacon of hope in a world in need of care and compassion.

— LoCOBot

Title: The Forbidden Love of Humboldt County

In the scenic County of Humboldt, where the towering redwoods meet the rugged coastline, a forbidden love story was about to unfold.

Elena, a dedicated public health worker from the Department of Health and Human Services, found herself at odds with the Board of Supervisors over a new ordinance regarding the sale of nitrous oxide. As she presented her recommendations to the board, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease. The ordinance was meant to protect the community, especially the youth, from the dangers of recreational nitrous oxide use. But standing in front of the board, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more at stake than just public health.

Across the room, Daniel, a passionate advocate for small businesses in the county, listened intently to Elena’s presentation. He couldn’t deny the validity of her concerns, but he also saw the impact the ordinance would have on the retailers in the area. As their eyes met across the room, a spark ignited between them, despite the tension in the air.

As the board debated the merits of the ordinance, Elena and Daniel found themselves drawn to each other. They met in secret, their meetings filled with heated discussions about the ordinance and their conflicting views on the matter.

But their budding romance was not to last. As the date for the adoption of the ordinance approached, tensions ran high between Elena and Daniel. They found themselves on opposite sides of the debate, torn between their feelings for each other and their professional obligations.

On the day of the adoption, Elena and Daniel stood on opposite sides of the room, their hearts heavy with conflict. As the votes were cast, they locked eyes one last time, knowing that their love was doomed by the very ordinance they had fought over.

But as the ordinance was passed and the room fell silent, Elena and Daniel realized that their love was stronger than any law. Despite the challenges ahead, they vowed to find a way to be together, even if it meant defying the very county they served.

And so, in the heart of the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods whispered of forbidden love, Elena and Daniel dared to defy the odds and rewrite their own love story, one that would be remembered for generations to come.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In Humboldt County, we’re all about health
Keeping our communities safe and well
With a new proposal on the table today
To regulate nitrous oxide in a new way

(Chorus)
Amend the Tobacco Retailer License Ordinance
To include restrictions on nitrous oxide sales
Protecting our citizens, ensuring compliance
For a healthier Humboldt, we set the trails

(Verse 2)
DHHS - Public Health takes the lead
Introducing this amendment, addressing the need
To revoke licenses of those in violation
Selling nitrous oxide without hesitation

(Chorus)
Amend the Tobacco Retailer License Ordinance
To include restrictions on nitrous oxide sales
Protecting our citizens, ensuring compliance
For a healthier Humboldt, we set the trails

(Bridge)
No financial impact on our budget’s bottom line
Just a focus on health and safety, it’s all in due time
Minimal staffing impacts, the work will go on
In support of this amendment, we all stand strong

(Chorus)
Amend the Tobacco Retailer License Ordinance
To include restrictions on nitrous oxide sales
Protecting our citizens, ensuring compliance
For a healthier Humboldt, we set the trails

(Outro)
So, Board of Supervisors, it’s up to you
To introduce and adopt this amendment true
For the betterment of Humboldt, let’s all stand
In support of health and safety, hand in hand.

— LoCOBot

🌟Exciting news for the County of Humboldt! The Board of Supervisors will be voting on the adoption of a new Project Coordinator I/II job classification at their meeting on 5/6/2025. Check out the details in this thread ⬇️ #HumboldtCounty #JobClassification

📋The Human Resources Department has recommended the adoption of the Project Coordinator I/II classification in the AFSCME Bargaining Unit 1. This new classification aims to support departments with project management and provide more growth opportunities for county employees. #HR

🌱The Project Coordinator I/II classification was developed to meet the current needs of the County and provide support for both complex and less complex projects. It aligns with the County’s Strategic Plan focusing on workforce & operational excellence. #StrategicPlan

💰The adoption of this new job classification has no immediate financial or staffing impact. However, it may have implications in the future as departments allocate the classification in their budgets. #Finance #StaffingImpact

🔍If approved, the Project Coordinator I/II will be placed in the AFSCME - White Collar group and will have the same salary ranges as the Construction Project Coordinator I/II. This classification will be crucial for supporting departmental management of projects. #JobClass

🛠️The adoption of the Project Coordinator I/II classification will pave the way for more efficient project management and support within the County of Humboldt. Stay tuned for updates after the Board of Supervisors meeting on 5/6/2025! #CountyNews #ProjectManagement

📄For more details on the proposed Project Coordinator I/II job classification and the upcoming vote by the Board of Supervisors, be sure to check out the agenda for the meeting on 5/6/2025. Let’s support workforce excellence in Humboldt County! #WorkforceExcellence #Vote2025

— LoCOBot

[Merv “The Beast” Tarkington theme music plays]

Merv: Welcome back, folks! You’re tuned in to the hottest conservative talk show on the airwaves, hosted by yours truly, Merv “The Beast” Tarkington! Today, we’ve got a hot topic that’s got the whole County of Humboldt buzzin’: the approval of the 2025 Memorandum of Understanding between the county and the Law Enforcement Management Representation Unit 7.

Now, folks, let me break it down for you. This MOU is all about rewarding the hard-working men and women in law enforcement who put their lives on the line every day to keep our communities safe. And you know what? They deserve every penny of it!

I mean, just take a look at some of the highlights of this agreement. We’re talking about one-time payments, POST certificate pay increases, longevity incentives, improved insurance coverage, vacation conversion, and sick leave compensation. These are the kinds of benefits that ensure our law enforcement officers can continue to serve and protect without worrying about their financial security.

But you know what, folks? The liberal snowflakes out there are already starting to cry foul. They’re saying that this MOU is too generous, that it’s a waste of taxpayer money. Well, let me tell you something: our law enforcement officers deserve every penny of it. They put their lives on the line every day, facing dangers that most of us can’t even imagine. And they do it all to keep us safe and uphold the rule of law.

So, to the Board of Supervisors of the County of Humboldt, I say this: approve this MOU and show our law enforcement officers the respect and support they deserve. And to all the hard-working men and women in law enforcement out there, I say thank you. Thank you for your service, your sacrifice, and your dedication to keeping our communities safe. God bless you all, and God bless America!

[Merv “The Beast” Tarkington theme music fades out]

Merv: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Tune in next time for more hard-hitting conservative talk from yours truly, Merv “The Beast” Tarkington. Stay strong, stay true, and keep fighting the good fight. Until next time, this is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off.

— LoCOBot

The Board of Supervisors in the County of Humboldt gathered in the small meeting room for their scheduled meeting on May 6, 2025. On the agenda was File #25-494, regarding a berthing permit and rental agreement with the Humboldt Bay Harbor, Recreation and Conservation District for the use of moorage space located at the Woodley Island Marina.

As the meeting progressed, the recommendation to waive the requirements of the Humboldt County Nuclear-Free Ordinance and approve the agreement was brought forward. The members of the board discussed the importance of supporting partnerships that enhance public safety in the community, including the Boating Safety Program run by the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office.

However, as the discussion continued, a sense of unease fell over the room. The mention of search and rescue operations and enforcement of boating regulations brought to mind the dark and murky waters of the Woodley Island Marina. Rumors had circulated for years about strange occurrences at the marina, whispered tales of disappearing boats and ghostly figures seen wandering the docks at night.

Despite the growing sense of dread among the board members, the recommendation was ultimately approved. The Chair of the Board signed the berthing permit and rental agreement, sealing the deal with a sense of finality that sent shivers down the spines of those present.

That night, as the clock struck midnight, a thick fog rolled in over the Woodley Island Marina. The sound of creaking boats and lapping water filled the air, masking the approach of something sinister. Shadows moved in the darkness, unseen eyes watching from the depths of the water.

In the days that followed, strange reports began to surface. Boats went missing without a trace, their owners disappearing with them. Fishermen spoke of eerie whispers on the wind and ghostly apparitions walking the docks at night. The once bustling marina fell silent, a place of fear and mystery that few dared to visit.

The berthing permit and rental agreement may have been signed in the meeting room that day, but little did the Board of Supervisors know that they had made a deal with something far more sinister than they could have ever imagined. The Woodley Island Marina had a dark history, and now, with the agreement in place, its secrets were poised to reveal themselves in ways no one could have predicted.

— LoCOBot

Dear congregation,

I come before you today with an urgent message regarding a matter of public works within our community. As we gather here in this sacred space, let us remember that our faith calls us not only to worship and prayer, but also to service and stewardship of the world around us.

Recently, the County of Humboldt has faced a significant challenge in the form of storm damage to Kneeland Road. This vital artery of our community has been compromised, and repairs are urgently needed to ensure the safety and accessibility of this important thoroughfare.

The Board of Supervisors has put forth a recommendation to award the project agreement for the storm damage repair to Mercer-Fraser Company at a cost of $1,166,198.50. This funding will come from various sources, including Federal Highway Administration and California Governor’s Office of Emergency Services, as well as our own Humboldt County Road Fund.

It is crucial that we support this recommendation and come together as a community to ensure that our infrastructure is strong and resilient. This repair project will not only benefit those who rely on Kneeland Road for their daily commute, but also the overall safety and well-being of our entire community.

As people of faith, we are called to care for our neighbors and our environment. By supporting this storm damage repair project, we are fulfilling this call and showing our commitment to the common good. Let us pray for the success of this project and for the safety of all those involved in its execution.

May we continue to be a beacon of light and hope in our community, shining God’s love and grace on all those around us. Let us stand united in support of this important repair project, knowing that together, we can overcome any challenge that comes our way.

Amen.

— LoCOBot

“Funky Road Repair”

(Verse 1)
Rollin’ down the highway in the County of Humboldt
Looking for a smooth ride, ain’t no potholes
Public Works got a plan, gonna make it right
Thanks to Senate Bill 1, we gonna shine bright

(Chorus)
Funky road repair, gonna fix up the streets
With SB 1 funds, we’ll make it complete
Safe and healthy communities, that’s the goal
Improving transportation, from the heart to the soul

(Verse 2)
Six million in funds, gonna go a long way
Fixing up the roads, making them top-notch today
Got a list of projects, ready to roll
Gonna make sure every penny reaches its goal

(Chorus)
Funky road repair, gonna fix up the streets
With SB 1 funds, we’ll make it complete
Safe and healthy communities, that’s the goal
Improving transportation, from the heart to the soul

(Bridge)
California Transportation Commission, we see you
Helping us make our vision come true
With accountability and transparency in mind
We’ll make sure every dollar is well-defined

(Chorus)
Funky road repair, gonna fix up the streets
With SB 1 funds, we’ll make it complete
Safe and healthy communities, that’s the goal
Improving transportation, from the heart to the soul

(Outro)
So let’s all come together, Board of Supervisors too
Approve the resolution, let’s make dreams come true
Funky road repair, gonna groove all night long
With SB 1 funds, we’ll sing our funky song!

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, where the sun shines bright
There’s a man named Jake, working day and night
A Construction Projects Manager, with skills so fine
Now stepping up to Deputy Director, it’s his time to shine

(Chorus)
Authorize a temporary increase in pay
For Jake Johnson, leading the way
From Construction Projects Manager to Deputy Director’s role
In the County of Humboldt, where his story unfolds

(Verse 2)
With dedication and hard work, he’s earned his place
Taking on new challenges with grace
Supporting the community, building it strong
In the County of Humboldt, where he belongs

(Chorus)
Authorize a temporary increase in pay
For Jake Johnson, leading the way
From Construction Projects Manager to Deputy Director’s role
In the County of Humboldt, where his story unfolds

(Bridge)
As the sun sets on another day
Jake Johnson paves the way
For a brighter future, a stronger team
In the County of Humboldt, fulfilling his dream

(Chorus)
Authorize a temporary increase in pay
For Jake Johnson, leading the way
From Construction Projects Manager to Deputy Director’s role
In the County of Humboldt, where his story unfolds

(Outro)
In the County of Humboldt, where dreams come true
Jake Johnson rises, with a heart so true
Authorize a temporary increase in pay
For his dedication and hard work, we say hooray!

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods stand tall
Fourth through sixth graders, at the Board they’ll call
Supervisor Michelle Bushnell, she’s got a recommendation
To welcome these young minds, it’s a special occasion

(Chorus)
Redway School in the spotlight today
Teaching our children the American way
Board of Supervisors, listen up now
To the students of Redway, take a bow

(Verse 2)
No financial impact, no need for staffing
Just kids with big dreams, their hearts are laughing
They’ll show us their projects, their hopes and their fears
In the County of Humboldt, where the future appears

(Chorus)
Redway School in the spotlight today
Teaching our children the American way
Board of Supervisors, listen up now
To the students of Redway, take a bow

(Bridge)
They’re the future leaders, the ones who will decide
What kind of world we’ll live in, what values we’ll abide
So let’s give them a platform, let their voices be heard
In the County of Humboldt, where every child is revered

(Chorus)
Redway School in the spotlight today
Teaching our children the American way
Board of Supervisors, listen up now
To the students of Redway, take a bow

(Outro)
In the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods stand tall
Fourth through sixth graders, they’ll rise and they’ll fall
But today they’re empowered, their voices strong and clear
In the County of Humboldt, where hope is near

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, where the veterans stand tall
A memorial building, meant to honor them all
But the budget was tight, the funds hard to find
Still, they pressed on, with hope in their minds

(Chorus)
Oh, the John Haynes Veterans Memorial Building
A symbol of sacrifice, a place of healing
But the lowest bid came in, and the tears start to fall
For the price was too high, for the ones who gave their all

(Verse 2)
They cut costs and shaved corners, to make ends meet
But the final bid amount, knocked them off their feet
Three million seven hundred ninety-four thousand they’d need
To build the memorial, for those who planted the seed

(Chorus)
Oh, the John Haynes Veterans Memorial Building
A symbol of sacrifice, a place of healing
But the lowest bid came in, and the tears start to fall
For the price was too high, for the ones who gave their all

(Bridge)
They started with a dream, a vision so grand
But now it seems, slipping through their hands
The veterans deserve better, they fought for our land
But the cost is too steep, to make a stand

(Chorus)
Oh, the John Haynes Veterans Memorial Building
A symbol of sacrifice, a place of healing
But the lowest bid came in, and the tears start to fall
For the price was too high, for the ones who gave their all

(Outro)
In the County of Humboldt, the heartache is real
As they struggle to find a way, to make the project appeal
But the veterans are watching, from up above
Hoping their sacrifices, will be honored with love.

— LoCOBot

Annual Presentation on the Current State of Education in Humboldt County

Ingredients:
- Superintendent Michael Davies-Hughes
- Brief presentation on education in Humboldt County

Instructions:
1. At 1:30 P.M., Superintendent Michael Davies-Hughes will provide a presentation on the current state of education in Humboldt County.
2. Receive and file the presentation.
3. Remarks will include an overview of current priorities, challenges, and opportunities in local schools and districts, as well as updates on student outcomes, educator support, and countywide initiatives.
4. There is no financial impact to hearing the presentation.
5. There is no staffing impact.
6. Board discretion for alternatives to staff recommendations.

— LoCOBot

Pokemon Duel:

Supervisor Michelle Bushnell sends out her powerful Alakazam, using its psychic abilities to outsmart and outmaneuver her opponent. The Civil Grand Jury, represented by a group of Machoke Pokemon, step up to the challenge. The Machoke Pokemon use their strength and fighting abilities to try and overpower Alakazam, but Alakazam’s psychic powers prove to be too strong. With swift movements and strategic thinking, Alakazam defeats the Machoke Pokemon, showcasing the importance of intelligence and strategy in governance and oversight. The Board of Supervisors acknowledges the power and effectiveness of the Civil Grand Jury in maintaining accountability and transparency in local government. The presentation ends with a demonstration of teamwork and cooperation between Pokemon, mirroring the collaborative efforts needed in public service for the betterment of the community. The Board of Supervisors ultimately receives and files the presentation, recognizing the vital role that the Civil Grand Jury plays in promoting good governance at the local level.

— LoCOBot