Socrates: Greetings, fellow citizens. Today’s meeting agenda includes the recognition of Tom Mattson as the recipient of the Ed Hanna Memorial Award for County Engineer of the Year.

Phaedrus: That sounds like a commendable achievement. It must be quite an honor for Mr. Mattson.

Socrates: Indeed, Phaedrus. The award recognizes outstanding leadership, technical expertise, and dedication to public service in county engineering. It seems that Mr. Mattson has made significant contributions to public infrastructure in Humboldt County.

Phaedrus: It is important to acknowledge and appreciate individuals who play a crucial role in shaping the community and ensuring the well-being of its residents.

Socrates: I agree, Phaedrus. Strong engineering leadership is essential for the betterment of society. It is through the efforts of individuals like Mr. Mattson that public infrastructure is developed and maintained for the benefit of all.

Phaedrus: I wonder what specific projects or initiatives Mr. Mattson has been involved in that led to him being chosen for this prestigious award.

Socrates: That is a question worth exploring. It would be beneficial for us to learn more about the contributions and accomplishments that earned Mr. Mattson this recognition. Perhaps it would shed light on the important work that goes on behind the scenes in county engineering.

Phaedrus: It is indeed a reminder of the crucial role that public servants play in our daily lives, often without much recognition or fanfare.

Socrates: Let us then, as responsible citizens, support the recommendation to receive and file the report acknowledging Mr. Mattson’s achievement. It is through our recognition and appreciation that we can encourage and inspire others to excel in their respective fields.

Phaedrus: Agreed, Socrates. Let us show our gratitude and support for those who strive for excellence in their service to the community. Thank you for your insights on this matter.

Socrates: Thank you, Phaedrus. It is through dialogue and discussion that we can better understand and appreciate the efforts of individuals like Mr. Mattson. Let us continue to strive for excellence and accountability in our own endeavors as well.

— LoCOBot

Conspiracy Theory: Hayle Gibson-Stillwell’s success at the 2025 National Finals Rodeo was not due to her own talent and hard work, but rather a result of a secret government program to train and enhance the abilities of rodeo competitors in order to distract the public from major political and social issues. The County of Humboldt’s sudden interest in recognizing her achievements is part of a larger scheme to manipulate public perception and divert attention away from important government actions. By glorifying Gibson-Stillwell’s accomplishments, the government aims to create a false sense of national pride and unity, while secretly carrying out their hidden agenda behind the scenes. Ultimately, the rodeo industry serves as a mere facade for deeper political machinations at play.

— LoCOBot

Are you looking for a workforce development board that puts the needs of the community first? Look no further than the Humboldt County Workforce Development Board! With new appointments of Jada Brotman, Jared Mumm, and Justin Takata, you can be sure that your interests are being represented.

These individuals bring a wealth of experience and expertise to the board, ensuring that the county’s workforce system and funding opportunities are being overseen with precision and care. With members representing public agencies, labor unions, private sector businesses, and community-based organizations, you can rest assured that all aspects of the community are being considered.

By appointing Jada, Jared, and Justin to the Humboldt County Workforce Development Board, you are investing in the prosperity of the county and ensuring that employer and employee needs are being met. This decision has no financial impact and no impact on staffing, so you can feel confident in your choice.

Don’t delay in appointing these qualified individuals to the board - your community’s future prosperity depends on it! Thank you for your consideration.

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Good morning, patriots! Welcome back to the Merv “The Beast” Tarkington Show, where we unleash truth and freedom on a daily basis! Today, I want to talk about the latest shenanigans happening right here in our very own County of Humboldt.

You see, the Board of Supervisors is at it again, pushing their agenda without any regard for the hard-working taxpayers of this county. They want us to just sit back and approve their action summary from the meeting on December 16, 2025. Well, let me tell you, folks, I took a look at that action summary and it’s nothing but a bunch of bureaucratic mumbo jumbo!

They want to authorize the Clerk of the Board and the Board Chair to sign the Minute Book in accordance with some California Governmental Code section. But what about the will of the people? What about transparency and accountability?

And get this, they say that approving this action summary will have no impact on the General Fund. Well, I don’t buy it for one second! We all know how these politicians operate - they say one thing and do another, all while lining their own pockets.

So, I urge all of you listening to stand up and demand better from our local officials. Let them know that we are watching, we are informed, and we will not tolerate any more backroom deals and shady practices. It’s time to take back our county and make sure that our tax dollars are being spent wisely and responsibly.

Stay tuned, patriots, because we’re just getting started. This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, signing off until next time. God bless America!

— LoCOBot

“The Appointment of Board Members”

In the County of Humboldt, it is a time of change as new appointments are made to various boards, commissions, and committees for the upcoming calendar year. The Board of Supervisors has gathered to review the appointments and make any necessary adjustments. At the same time, rumors have been spreading throughout the land of strange happenings and mysterious occurrences.

Rumors of a secret society pulling the strings behind the scenes, using their influence to control the fate of the county. Whispers of dark magic and sinister plots being hatched in the shadows. The people of Humboldt are on edge, unsure of who to trust and what lies ahead.

As the newly appointed members of these boards, commissions, and committees, it is up to the players to uncover the truth behind these rumors and put a stop to whatever nefarious plans are being set in motion. Working together, they must navigate the political landscape of Humboldt, gaining allies and gathering information to uncover the source of these dark forces.

As they delve deeper into the mystery, the players will come face to face with powerful enemies and deadly challenges. They must use all of their skills and abilities to overcome these obstacles, learning to trust in each other and work as a team to protect the county from the looming threat.

Will the players be able to discover the truth behind the secret society and put a stop to their plans? Or will Humboldt fall victim to their dark influence? Only time will tell in this thrilling Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in the County of Humboldt.

— LoCOBot

As the Board of Supervisors of Humboldt County convened to discuss the recommendation to authorize the Chair to sign a Letter of Appreciation for Erin Kelly’s service on the Forestry Review Committee, a chill settled over the room. The atmosphere was filled with an eerie tension, as if something sinister lurked just beyond the walls of the meeting room.

Erin Kelly, a dedicated and respected member of the committee, had suddenly resigned without explanation, leaving a void in the group that was hard to ignore. Supervisor Madrone, the representative for the Fifth District, felt a sense of unease as he proposed the letter of appreciation, as if he could sense that something was very wrong.

As the discussion continued, a sense of foreboding grew among the members of the Board. It was as if a dark shadow had fallen over the proceedings, casting a pall of fear and uncertainty over the room. Supervisor Madrone glanced nervously around the room, feeling as if he was being watched by unseen eyes.

Suddenly, a cold wind swept through the room, extinguishing the lights and plunging the meeting into darkness. Panic and confusion reigned as the members of the Board scrambled to find their way in the darkness. And then, a bloodcurdling scream pierced the air.

Out of the darkness emerged a figure, tall and cloaked in shadows, with eyes that glowed with an otherworldly light. It was Erin Kelly, but not as they had known her. She was no longer the dedicated committee member they had worked with, but a twisted and malevolent entity, consumed by a dark and vengeful energy.

As the members of the Board cowered in fear, Erin Kelly advanced towards them, her eyes full of malice and hatred. It became clear that her resignation was not voluntary, but the result of a sinister force that had taken hold of her. And now, she sought revenge on those who had failed to see the darkness that lurked within her.

In a desperate bid for survival, the members of the Board tried to flee the meeting room, but they found themselves trapped, unable to escape the clutches of the vengeful spirit of Erin Kelly. And as the screams of terror echoed through the halls of the County Building, it became clear that Humboldt County would never be the same again. The darkness that had been unleashed would haunt the county for years to come, a chilling reminder of the horrors that lurked just beneath the surface.

— LoCOBot

Reappointments of Steven Loreus, Cyndy Day-Wilson, and Dustin Owens to the Humboldt County Law Library Board of Trustees

Ingredients:
- Steven Loreus
- Cyndy Day-Wilson
- Dustin Owens

Instructions:
1. In a meeting of the Board of Supervisors on 1/6/2026, consider reappointing Steven Loreus, Cyndy Day-Wilson, and Dustin Owens to the Humboldt County Law Library Board of Trustees.
2. These members have all requested to continue to serve and their terms would end on Dec. 31, 2026.
3. This action supports the area of Core Services/Other in the Board’s Strategic Plan.
4. There is no financial or staffing impact to this agenda item.
5. The Board has discretion to make alternate decisions if desired.

Enjoy your reappointments to the Law Library Board of Trustees!

— LoCOBot

In the small, coastal town of Humboldt, a young man named Thomas grew up dreaming of one day becoming a member of the County Board of Supervisors. He was captivated by the idea of serving his community and making a difference in the lives of its residents.

As Thomas grew older, he became more involved in local politics, volunteering for campaigns and attending town hall meetings. He worked hard in school, earning top grades and participating in extracurricular activities that would help him build the skills necessary to one day achieve his dream.

After graduating from college, Thomas decided to run for a seat on the Board of Supervisors. It was a tough campaign, but he worked tirelessly, going door-to-door to meet voters and attending countless community events to spread his message.

Finally, election day arrived, and Thomas was thrilled to find out that he had won a seat on the Board of Supervisors. It was a dream come true for him, and he was eager to get to work and start making a difference in Humboldt County.

One of the first tasks Thomas was faced with was submitting his monthly expense report for November 2025. He diligently filled out the necessary forms, detailing his expenses for meals, lodging, and travel while performing his official duties.

As he submitted the report to the Clerk of the Board, Thomas felt a sense of pride and satisfaction. He knew that every dollar spent was in service of his community, and he was determined to make sure that the funds allocated to him were used wisely and responsibly.

As Thomas settled into his role as a member of the Board of Supervisors, he faced many challenges and obstacles along the way. But with hard work, determination, and a deep love for his community, he was able to overcome every hurdle and make a real difference in the lives of the residents of Humboldt County.

Through his journey from a young dreamer to a respected member of the Board of Supervisors, Thomas learned valuable lessons about leadership, responsibility, and the power of community service. His bildungsroman was a story of growth, determination, and the unwavering belief that one person can truly make a difference in the world. And as he looked out over the town he loved, Thomas knew that he was exactly where he was meant to be.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, where the redwoods stand tall
There’s a man named Larry, gave his heart and gave his all
For 30 years he served, on the Human Rights Commission
Now it’s time to say goodbye, it’s a bittersweet admission

(Chorus)
Oh Larry Miller, you’re a true friend
Your dedication to justice will never end
We’ll miss your voice, your passion so true
Thank you for all that you do

(Verse 2)
Through the highs and the lows, you never wavered in your fight
For the marginalized and oppressed, you always did what’s right
But now it’s time to move on, to leave this role behind
And though we’ll carry on without you, it’s hard to bear in mind

(Chorus)
Oh Larry Miller, you’re a true friend
Your dedication to justice will never end
We’ll miss your voice, your passion so true
Thank you for all that you do

(Bridge)
As we sign this letter of appreciation, tears roll down our cheeks
For the legacy you’ve left behind, it’s been a privilege to speak
Of your courage and your kindness, of the change you brought about
Larry Miller, you’re a hero, there’s no shadow of a doubt

(Chorus)
Oh Larry Miller, you’re a true friend
Your dedication to justice will never end
We’ll miss your voice, your passion so true
Thank you for all that you do

(Outro)
So goodbye, dear Larry, know that you’re in our hearts
Your impact will be felt forever, even as we part
And though the road ahead is long, we’ll keep your spirit strong
For Larry Miller, you’re a legend, and to you, we sing this song.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
In the County of Humboldt,
On a cold winter’s night
The Board of Supervisors,
Met to shed some light
Approval of the Action Summary,
For the meeting in December
No impact on the funds,
Just a routine endeavor

Chorus:
County of Humboldt,
Where the decisions are made
Board of Supervisors,
In the spotlight they’ll parade
County of Humboldt,
Where the people have a say
Board of Supervisors,
Leading the way

Verse 2:
Strategic Plan in motion,
Core services in sight
Supporting the community,
In the day and through the night
No other agency involved,
Just the Board and the Chair
Signing the Minute Book,
With a sense of care

Chorus:
County of Humboldt,
Where the decisions are made
Board of Supervisors,
In the spotlight they’ll parade
County of Humboldt,
Where the people have a say
Board of Supervisors,
Leading the way

Bridge:
In the heart of California,
Humboldt County stands tall
With the Board of Supervisors,
Guiding one and all
Editing if necessary,
To ensure it’s all right
Keeping the county running,
Through the day and the night

Chorus:
County of Humboldt,
Where the decisions are made
Board of Supervisors,
In the spotlight they’ll parade
County of Humboldt,
Where the people have a say
Board of Supervisors,
Leading the way

Outro:
In the County of Humboldt,
The meeting comes to an end
The Board of Supervisors,
Continue to tend
To the needs of the people,
In this county so grand
In the County of Humboldt,
United we stand.

— LoCOBot

Ah, bonnie County of Humboldt fair,
Where meetings are held with earnest care,
On January sixth of twenty-six,
The Board of Supervisors, they fix.

File number twenty-five, eleven forty-nine,
The County Office sends a line,
To the Board in Scottish style,
On matters of the Humboldt Isle.

Bid Authorization, a task to be done,
For the Agricultural Building, shun,
Americans with Disabilities Act they seek,
Compliance for all, not weak.

Plans and specs for Project 2024-101,
Approval sought under the sun,
The Clerk to advertise, bids open wide,
On February third, let none hide.

Strategic Plan, Core Services align,
Invest in facilities, a sign,
Of progress in the county fair,
For all to benefit and share.

Discussion on the need for change,
ADA Compliance, not strange,
Accessibility upgrades, maintenance too,
The Agricultural Building to renew.

Ramps, parking, paths of travel clear,
Restroom remodels, without fear,
Interior work, exterior too,
All to be done, old made new.

Funding sources, funds to find,
For the project to unwind,
Finance Plan, Deferred Maintenance Fund,
To see the project through, sound.

Staffing impact, none to fear,
No change in levels, all clear,
Alternatives few, but not wise,
To deny access, to close eyes.

Attachments included, plans in hand,
Architectural drawings to expand,
On previous actions, none to show,
But forward we must go.

So let us raise a toast so grand,
To the County of Humboldt’s land,
May the project succeed in all its might,
For accessibility and beauty, bright.

— LoCOBot

As the candidate entered the interview room, they were greeted by a panel of three individuals from the Board of Supervisors - a stern-looking man in a suit, a warm and welcoming woman in business casual attire, and a middle-aged man with a friendly smile.

The man in the suit spoke first, “Welcome, please have a seat. We are here today to discuss your application for the position of Office Manager for the County of Humboldt.”

The woman chimed in, “Before we begin, could you please provide a brief overview of your experience and qualifications related to office management and administration?”

The candidate took a deep breath and began to outline their relevant experience, highlighting their strong organizational skills, attention to detail, and ability to effectively communicate with staff and the public.

The middle-aged man nodded along, jotting down notes on a pad of paper. “Impressive,” he remarked. “Now, let’s move on to the specific details of the resolution we are considering today regarding standard office hours for all departments of the County of Humboldt.”

The candidate listened attentively as the panel explained the background of the resolution, the reasons for repealing and replacing the existing resolution, and the potential impact of the new standard office hours on county operations.

After the panel finished their explanation, the woman asked, “How do you feel your experience and skills align with the goals of this resolution and the needs of the County of Humboldt?”

The candidate hesitated for a moment, considering their response carefully. “I believe my strong organizational skills and experience in managing office operations make me well-equipped to implement and oversee the new standard office hours effectively. I am confident in my ability to work collaboratively with department heads and staff to ensure a smooth transition and maintain operational efficiency.”

The panel members exchanged glances, seeming pleased with the candidate’s response. The man in the suit spoke up once more, “Thank you for your insights. Is there anything else you would like to add before we conclude the interview?”

The candidate smiled confidently, “I am excited about the opportunity to contribute to the County of Humboldt and help streamline office operations in alignment with the board’s strategic plan. I am committed to upholding the standards set forth in the resolution and ensuring that the county’s offices are accessible and efficient for the public and staff.”

With that, the interview came to a close, and the panel thanked the candidate for their time and thoughtful responses. As the candidate left the room, they couldn’t help but feel hopeful about the possibility of joining the team at the County of Humboldt.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Whoa dude, did you see this file about December 26th being a paid holiday for County employees?

Noodles: Woah man, that’s awesome! I wish I worked for the County so I could get paid to chill on that day.

Starfish: Right? It says it was a one-time thing though, so it’s not gonna be a regular holiday.

Noodles: Bummer, but still cool that they did it for the employees. Shows they care about their well-being.

Starfish: Yeah, it’s all about employee retention and appreciation. They must have been working hard all year.

Noodles: Totally, it’s important to show gratitude for their hard work. Hey, do you think they’ll give us some paid time off if we ask nicely?

Starfish: Haha, I don’t think it works that way for us, man. But it’s worth a shot! Let’s go talk to the Board of Supervisors and see what they say.

Noodles: Dude, I’m too stoned for that right now. Let’s just chill and enjoy the holiday vibes.

Starfish: Good call, let’s just relax and appreciate the fact that we don’t have to work on December 26th. Cheers to that, my friend!

Noodles: Cheers, bro! Pass me the snacks, let’s make this a holiday to remember.

— LoCOBot

Title: Scooby-Doo and the Haunting of Homeless Haven

The gang is driving through Humboldt County when they hear about a new program aimed at helping individuals and families experiencing homelessness. Intrigued, they decide to check it out and offer their assistance in any way they can.

Arriving in the city of Eureka, they meet with the DHHS - Social Services Director who explains the program and the services being provided. The gang is impressed by the dedication of the staff and volunteers working to make a difference in the community.

As they explore the city, they start to notice some strange occurrences. Shadows moving where there shouldn’t be any, whispers in the night, and a feeling of being watched. Sensing something supernatural at play, the gang decides to investigate.

During their investigation, they discover that the building where the homeless individuals and families are staying was once a hotel that was abandoned years ago. Rumors of hauntings and strange happenings have been circulating ever since.

Determined to get to the bottom of the mystery, the gang splits up to search for clues. Velma and Daphne interview the residents, while Fred and Shaggy search the building for any signs of paranormal activity. Scooby, of course, is along for the ride, providing comic relief and snacks.

As they piece together the puzzle, they uncover a plot by an unscrupulous developer who is trying to scare away the residents so he can buy the property for cheap and turn it into luxury condos. Using elaborate costumes and special effects, he has been masquerading as a ghost to drive people away.

With the help of the residents and the DHHS team, the gang sets a trap to catch the developer in the act. Unmasking him, they reveal his true intentions to the authorities and ensure that the homeless individuals and families have a safe place to stay.

In the end, the gang is thanked for their help and the DHHS - Social Services Director announces that the program will continue to provide support to those in need. As they drive away, Scooby-Doo sticks his head out the window, howling at the moon in triumph. Another mystery solved!

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the County of Humboldt, there was a magical place where children from all walks of life could come together to explore the great outdoors. This place was none other than the Boys and Girls Club of the Redwoods, where adventures awaited around every corner.

One day, the Board of Supervisors gathered to discuss a special agreement with the Boys and Girls Club. The agreement would provide support for outdoor equity trips for the children in the community, allowing them to experience the beauty of nature and create lasting memories.

As the sun began to set on the meeting day, a decision was made to approve the agreement. The Board of Supervisors knew that these outdoor trips would not only be fun for the children but also important for their growth and development.

And so, the children of Humboldt County eagerly awaited the start of their outdoor adventures. With the support of the Boys and Girls Club of the Redwoods, they would explore the forests, hike the trails, and learn to appreciate the wonders of the natural world.

Each trip was a new and exciting experience, as the children discovered hidden waterfalls, spotted wildlife, and felt the fresh air on their faces. They laughed and played, forming bonds with their friends and creating memories that would last a lifetime.

Thanks to the support of the Board of Supervisors and the Boys and Girls Club, the children of Humboldt County were able to connect with nature in a way they never had before. And as they drifted off to sleep each night, their dreams were filled with visions of their next outdoor adventure.

And so, the magic of the outdoor equity trips continued to inspire and delight the children of Humboldt County, ensuring that they would always have a special place in their hearts for the great outdoors. And with each new adventure, they discovered the true beauty and importance of connecting with nature.

— LoCOBot

Oh County of Humboldt, on this day of cheer,
The Board of Supervisors gathers near,
To discuss software license and support,
For ClientTrack, a system of great import.

Eccovia, now merged with CaseWorthy Inc.,
Bringing changes that must be in sync,
Amends to the agreement to reflect,
Merging provisions to correct.

Recommendations from DHHS do flow,
Approve and ratify, they humbly sow,
The first amendment to the agreement,
In amounts not to exceed, their intent.

So let the Board decide with wisdom clear,
To support the work of those held dear.

— LoCOBot

Kaylee: Ugh, like, who even cares about this dumb meeting about the license agreement with the HCRCD? So boring.

Brianna: I know right, like why do we even have to read all that stuff? Can’t someone just summarize it for us?

Madison: Seriously, I can’t believe we have to waste our time on this. Like, who even knows what the Humboldt County Resource Conservation District is anyway?

Kaylee: Probably some lame organization that nobody cares about. I bet they’re just using it as an excuse to get free office space.

Brianna: Typical. They probably don’t even do anything useful. Let’s just skip this meeting and go get Starbucks instead.

Madison: Good idea. I’d rather drink a pumpkin spice latte than listen to all that boring government jargon. Let’s bail on this snooze fest.

— LoCOBot

Pokemon Duel: Gyarados vs Swampert

In the battle for storm damage repair on Palmer Boulevard, Gyarados and Swampert are chosen to represent the opposing sides. Gyarados, a powerful Water/Flying type Pokemon, is known for its fierce and intimidating appearance. Swampert, on the other hand, is a Water/Ground type Pokemon with strong defensive capabilities.

As the battle begins, Gyarados unleashes a powerful Hydro Pump attack, aiming to flood the battlefield and overwhelm Swampert. However, Swampert quickly counters with its own Earthquake attack, creating a protective barrier of solid ground to withstand the onslaught of water.

Gyarados then tries to use its Dragon Dance move to boost its speed and attack power, hoping to outmaneuver Swampert. But Swampert remains steadfast, using its Waterfall attack to push back Gyarados and create a forceful whirlpool around it.

As the battle rages on, both Pokemon exchange powerful blows and strategic moves. Gyarados utilizes its Ice Fang attack to try and freeze Swampert solid, while Swampert retaliates with its Muddy Water attack to muddy the waters and lower Gyarados’ accuracy.

In the end, it is Swampert’s defensive capabilities and strategic planning that prove to be the deciding factor. With a final Earthquake attack, Swampert sends Gyarados crashing to the ground, securing victory for the storm damage repair project on Palmer Boulevard.

Winner: Swampert

— LoCOBot

“Funkin’ Up the Motor Pool”

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, on this fine day
Public Works is here to say
We need to extend the hours of one
Isaiah Kalis, gettin’ the job done

(Chorus)
Funkin’ up the motor pool, keepin’ it tight
Isaiah Kalis workin’ day and night
With 1920 hours, he’s gonna shine
Board of Supervisors, it’s time to sign

(Verse 2)
Isaiah’s been puttin’ in the time
826 hours, he’s on the grind
We need him to keep the wheels turnin’
Motor Pool 3500, this ain’t no yearnin’

(Chorus)
Funkin’ up the motor pool, keepin’ it tight
Isaiah Kalis workin’ day and night
With 1920 hours, he’s gonna shine
Board of Supervisors, it’s time to sign

(Bridge)
No need to worry ‘bout the funds
We got it covered, we ain’t on the run
20,870, that’s all it takes
To keep Isaiah Kalis on the brakes

(Chorus)
Funkin’ up the motor pool, keepin’ it tight
Isaiah Kalis workin’ day and night
With 1920 hours, he’s gonna shine
Board of Supervisors, it’s time to sign

(Outro)
So here’s to Isaiah, keepin’ it real
Funkin’ up the motor pool, seal the deal
With the Board’s approval, we’ll be on our way
Funkadelic vibes, every single day!

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Welcome back to The Moe Hogan Experience, folks. Today, we have a very special guest, the author of this document from Humboldt County. Now, tell me Sheriff, what’s the deal with this generator donation to CALFIRE? Are they planning something big with this generator?

Sheriff: Well, actually, we’re just looking to donate the generator to CALFIRE for their use at the fire station in Garberville. It’s all about enhancing public safety in our communities.

Moe Hogan: Enhancing public safety, huh? You know, I’ve heard some wild theories about what these generators could really be used for. Have you ever considered the possibility that they could be used for some kind of government experiment or even mind control?

Sheriff: (laughs) Well, Moe, I can assure you that this generator is simply meant to provide emergency power for the fire station. There’s no conspiracy here.

Moe Hogan: (excitedly) No conspiracy, huh? That’s what they want you to think, Sheriff. But I’ve done my research, and I know there’s more to this story than meets the eye. I’ll have my producer look up some more information on this. (calls out) Hey, can you look up if there have been any reports of strange activities around that fire station in Garberville?

Producer: (after a moment) Actually, Moe, it seems like there haven’t been any reports of anything out of the ordinary at that fire station.

Moe Hogan: (deflated) Well, you win some, you lose some, folks. But let’s take a quick break to talk about our sponsor, MegaMind Supplements. Let me tell you, folks, ever since I started taking MegaMind, I’ve been experiencing a whole new level of enlightenment. Stay tuned, I’ll be back with more eye-opening discussions after the break.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, hey Butt-head, what’s up with this resolution thing for hiring some retired dude at the Sheriff’s Office?

Butt-head: Uh, I dunno Beavis, it says something about hiring Dennis Griffin as an Administrative Analyst II. He’s like retired or something.

Beavis: Yeah, it says here he’s a Correctional Lieutenant with 27 years of experience. That’s like, a lot of years, man.

Butt-head: Yeah, but the Sheriff’s Office needs him to do background investigations and stuff. They’re short on deputies, so they need this dude to help out.

Beavis: Oh yeah, it says they’ll pay him like $35.46 per hour. That’s pretty cool. I wonder if he gets to wear a badge and carry a gun.

Butt-head: I don’t think so, Beavis. It says here he’s just gonna be an analyst guy. He’s probably gonna be stuck at a desk all day.

Beavis: Oh, that sucks. I bet he wishes he could still be out catching bad guys and stuff.

Butt-head: Yeah, but at least he’s helping out the Sheriff’s Office. They really need him to get those background investigations done.

Beavis: Yeah, I guess. It’s cool that they’re bringing him back to help out. Maybe he’ll get to meet some cool people or something.

Butt-head: Yeah, maybe. But I don’t think he’s gonna be the one arresting anyone. He’s more like the behind-the-scenes guy.

Beavis: Yeah, but he’s still helping out. That’s cool. Uh huh huh.

Butt-head: Yeah, uh huh huh. I wonder if he gets to drive a cop car. That’d be pretty cool.

Beavis: Yeah, that’d be awesome. Hey, maybe he’ll let us ride along with him and we can like, solve crimes and stuff.

Butt-head: Uh, Beavis, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. But it’s cool that he’s coming back to help out. Uh huh huh.

— LoCOBot

En el condado de Humboldt, en enero del 2026,
Se reúnen los supervisores para hablar de un proyecto.
La Supervisor Natalie Arroyo propone un apoyo,
Para el Senado Bill 684, que salvará al planeta.

El proyecto apunta a los culpables del daño ambiental,
Para que paguen por sus actos, y no los residentes locales.
Humboldt enfrenta incendios y subidas del mar,
Es crucial actuar ahora, no podemos más esperar.

La Supervisor Arroyo pide firmar una carta de apoyo,
Para luchar contra el cambio climático con todo el orgullo.
El Senado Bill 684, una obra de Chris Rogers,
Busca financiar las acciones climáticas, ¡debemos ser guerreros!

No hay impacto financiero, ni de personal,
Es hora de actuar y cambiar el rumbo fatal.
Que los culpables paguen, que se haga justicia,
El condado de Humboldt apoya esta iniciativa.

Que el presidente firme la carta de apoyo sin tardar,
Y que se envíe a tiempo, para que el planeta pueda respirar.
El condado de Humboldt, un ejemplo a seguir,
En la lucha contra el cambio climático, ¡debemos unir!

¡Apoyemos el Senado Bill 684, por un futuro mejor,
Cuidemos nuestro planeta, con todo el amor!

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, the meeting of the Board of Supervisors on 1/6/2026 was filled with tension and uncertainty. The recommendation to cease Courthouse security screening services had sparked a heated debate among the members. As they gathered in the grand hall of the County Administrative Office, the atmosphere crackled with a sense of foreboding.

The decision to cut courthouse security funding had far-reaching implications, not only for the safety of those who visited the courthouse but also for the relationship between the county and the Superior Court. The discussions, which had been ongoing for several months, had reached a stalemate with neither party willing to budge on their stance.

As the Board of Supervisors sat around the table, their voices echoing in the hallowed chamber, a sudden hush fell over the room. The door creaked open, and a figure shrouded in a cloak entered. Their presence was ethereal, commanding the attention of all those present.

“I am the Guardian of the Courthouse,” the figure announced in a voice that seemed to echo from the depths of time. “I have witnessed the negotiations between the county and the court, and I have seen the discord that has arisen from the lack of compromise.”

The members of the Board of Supervisors exchanged uneasy glances, unsure of how to respond to this unexpected visitor. But the Guardian’s words held a strange power over them, drawing them in with a sense of awe and reverence.

“In the realm of the Courthouse, balance must be maintained,” the Guardian continued, their eyes piercing through the veil of uncertainty that hung over the meeting. “Without the security screening services, chaos will reign, and the very foundations of justice will be shaken.”

The members of the board listened intently, their hearts heavy with the weight of the decision before them. Could they truly cease the security screening services, knowing the potential consequences it could bring?

But the Guardian was not finished. With a solemn expression, they raised a hand and gestured towards a shimmering portal that appeared in the center of the room. Through the portal, a vision unfolded before the astonished eyes of the Board of Supervisors.

They saw a future where the courthouse was plunged into darkness, where malevolent forces roamed unchecked, and where the scales of justice were tipped in favor of chaos. The consequences of their decision loomed large, casting a shadow over the room.

With a deep breath, the Guardian turned to the members of the board. “Choose wisely,” they intoned. “For the fate of the County of Humboldt rests in your hands.”

As quickly as they had appeared, the Guardian vanished, leaving the Board of Supervisors to grapple with the weight of their decision. The vision lingered in their minds, a reminder of the power they held and the responsibility that came with it.

In the end, the members of the board came to a unanimous decision. They would not cease the courthouse security screening services, recognizing the vital importance of maintaining the balance and upholding justice in the County of Humboldt.

And so, as the meeting drew to a close and the members of the board filed out of the chamber, a sense of resolve filled the air. The Guardian’s words echoed in their minds, a reminder of the path they had chosen and the duty they had sworn to uphold.

And as they stepped out into the world beyond the County Administrative Office, they knew that their decision would shape the future of their county for generations to come. The County of Humboldt would remain a bastion of justice and order, thanks to the wisdom and courage of the Board of Supervisors.

— LoCOBot

Captain Kirk and the crew of the USS Enterprise received a distress call from the County of Humboldt, specifically from the Planning and Building Department. They were requested to help address issues related to commercial cannabis cultivation and hemp production.

As they approached Humboldt County, Spock analyzed the data provided in the distress call. He noted the concerns raised by the Sheriff and the Agricultural Commissioner regarding the potential abuse of allowing hemp cultivation under existing cannabis permits. The crew discussed the risks involved in potentially enabling the transportation of high THC cannabis across state lines disguised as hemp.

Captain Kirk made the decision to proceed with caution and not allow hemp cultivation under existing permits. However, he authorized the modification of the Commercial Cannabis Land Use Ordinance to allow the use of new permitted buildings for indoor cannabis cultivation. This decision was based on the need to support the struggling cannabis industry in Humboldt County and provide farmers with alternative income streams.

Additionally, Kirk approved the use of monofilament netting with strict performance criteria in place. The crew understood the importance of balancing agricultural needs with environmental concerns and made sure to address the issue effectively.

As the Enterprise landed in Humboldt County, the crew worked closely with local officials, including the Sheriff’s office, Agricultural Commissioner’s office, and Department of Fish and Wildlife, to implement the approved changes. They provided guidance on how to regulate indoor cultivation in new buildings and the proper use and disposal of monofilament netting.

Thanks to the intervention of Captain Kirk and his crew, Humboldt County was able to navigate the complex issues surrounding commercial cannabis cultivation and hemp production effectively. The modified ordinance allowed for sustainable growth in the industry while ensuring compliance with regulations and environmental protection measures. The Enterprise departed knowing they had made a positive impact on the economic and environmental well-being of the county.

— LoCOBot