District Attorney

Humboldt’s next D.A. should be Kamada.
If you like integrity, you gotta
vote in Adrian,
then we will all win –
safety, equity, the whole enchilada!

— Jennifer Savage

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Smart and hard-working for years,
Ms. Stacey stands out ‘mongst her peers.
Her temperament’s tops
For where the buck stops
Vote Eads for D.A.! And three cheers!

— Marian Barnes Hancock

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There once was a gal from McKin
The D.A.’s race she was in
You know she is best
Smarter ‘n the rest
That’s why Ms. Eads should win!

— Wes Keat

Auditor-Controller

I’m supporting Cheryl Dillingham
Who has done the job and will again!
No more deadlines faux pas
Blaming any but Paz
Maybe Humboldt will pay bills again!

— Gary Noar

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For auditor I’m voting for Cheryl
She’s got Dominguez over a barrel
At her job Karen sucks
Costing Humboldt big bucks
Cheryl Dillingham will end our imperil

— Darin Price

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Humboldt’s run long on the rubber stamp
And Karen’s raised the bar like a champ
The best manager she’s not
But she’s the most honest we got
And for that I’m in her camp

— Allison Edrington

Fourth District Supervisor

Natalie Arroyo — Super! (Visor)

Natalie’s vision for the North Coast —
The Humboldt we all love the utmost!
Improve business and housing
environment and learning…
Vote Arroyo for Supervisor 4 post!

— Gail Popham

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There was once this guy, Newman
Who you’d think was a total shoe-in
From potholes and hobos
To needles and Oh no’s!
Eureka what are we doin?!

— Di Fiederer and Anthony Mantova

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There is a kind man that’s named Newman
He is an exceptional human
So we asked Mike to run
Though campaigning’s no fun
Okay, Voters, make him a shoo-in!

He always shows love for his City
Having served on many committees
For the 4th he will be
Supervisor for thee
With him we’ll have serendipity

To save the County from misery
He’ll watch closely those funds Measure Z
Vote Mike on June 7
No other choice better
Elect this gent of integrity

— Lora Canzoneri

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They say a supe’s work can be gruesome
The job doesn’t pay a great huge sum
It’s hard to select
Which one to elect
Be it Mike or the other 4th twosome

— Ross Rowley

Arcata City Council

A candidate of high exultation
Deserving another Councilation
She’s concerned for her town
And won’t let us down
Vote Stillman and put her on station

— Bob Felter

Superior Court Judge

Consider McLaughlin for Judge
His position on ethics won’t budge
He’ll rule straight and fair
But you criminals beware
Coz Judge Ben won’t be buying your fudge!

— Barry Klein

Clerk/Recorder/Registrar of Voters

Only Major League Baseball’s Gigantes
With their biggest outfielder guantes
Might capture more catches
Or votes in great batches
Than our very own J.P. Cervantes

— Richard Engel and Mahayla Slackerelli

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Holy moly! Just hours after the Outpost announced that it would open the floor for election endorsement limericks, our inbox floodeth over! Thank you, all!

And you know what? We made a big showy stand for metrical regularity in the previous post, saying that we’d gleefully toss out any phony limerick that flubs its marks, but at least in this first round we’re going to go ahead and grant clemency.

Because why? Because it turns out that like 90 percent of you couldn’t write an actual limerick to save your own lives. It is truly shocking and astonishing and shameful.

Of the current crop, only Marian Barnes Hancock, Ross Rowley, and Engel and Slackerelli manage to actually pull off this most simple form of verse. 

The fact that Rowley manages to succeed where so many fail gives me a theory. One thing everyone knows about Ross: He is a musician. So he knows, and I bet Barnes Hancock and Engel and/or Slackerelli also know, that a limerick, first and foremost, is eight bars of 6/8 time. Y’all are counting syllables as if we were composing a curséd haiku, here, when you should be swinging. 

The basic metrical elements of the first, second and fifth lines of a limerick go like this:

DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh

At the end of this line you get four beats of silence, which are important.

DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh (rest REST rest rest)

See? Twelve beats, organized in four groups of three. That’s the foundation.

Now, you also get one or two optional pickup notes, which, musically, displace one or two of the rests in the previous measure. So those first, second and fifth lines could be:

duh | DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh 

or:

duh-duh | DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh-duh DAH-duh

If you can sing your first, second and fifth lines to the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean,” you’re doing great.

The third and fourth lines are half-lines twinned with one another, and their rat-a-tat-tat quality is the whole key to the form’s essentially comedic nature. They go:

DAH-duh-duh DAH (rest rest)
DAH-duh-duh DAH (rest rest)

… and again, you can use the pickup notes if you wish.

Let’s use what we now know to analyze the greatest limerick of all time, Robert Conquest’s reworking of The Seven Ages of Man:

First there comes puking and mewling;
Then very pissed off at your schooling;
Then fucks; and then fights;
Judging other chaps’ rights;
Then sitting in slippers; then drooling.

How would we recite this?

FIRST there comes PUKE-ing and MEW-ling (rest REST rest) then
VER-y pissed OFF at your SCHOOL-ing (rest REST rest) then
FUCKS and then FIGHTS, judg-ing OTH-er chaps’ RIGHTS (rest) then
SIT-ting in SLIP-pers then DROOL-ing (rest REST rest rest)

There you go! That’s a limerick!

Now everyone go forth and write great limericks — or, OK, even terrible ones — in support of your favorite candidate for office. And when you do, send them to news@lostcoastoutpost.com, and put the words “Election Limerick” in the subject line! Let’s keep it rolling!

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