Are you looking for a reliable and trustworthy vehicle to get you where you need to go? Look no further than our used car dealership! Just like the City Council approves disbursements that conform to the budget, we ensure that our vehicles are in top condition and ready for the road.

Our bi-weekly sales event features a wide variety of vehicles at affordable prices. Whether you’re in need of a sedan for your daily commute or an SUV for family adventures, we have the perfect vehicle for you.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to drive away in a quality vehicle that fits your budget. Visit our dealership today and take advantage of our amazing deals. Trust us, just like the City Council trusts our budget recommendations, you can trust us to provide you with a reliable and affordable vehicle. Drive away happy with your new car today!

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, hey Butt-head, what’s all this stuff about some ordinance thingy for the City Council meeting?

Butt-head: I don’t know, Beavis. It’s like, some city manager guy wants to sign some documents or something.

Beavis: Oh yeah, the City Manager wants to sign stuff, but they have to change the rules or whatever.

Butt-head: Yeah, it’s like, some kind of amendment to the municipal code. It’s pretty cool that we get to read about this important stuff.

Beavis: Yeah, we’re like, learning about government and stuff. It’s like, really important.

Butt-head: Yeah, it’s like, you know, responsible citizens and stuff. We’re like, totally mature.

Beavis: Yeah, and we can like, tell people that we know all about ordinances and municipal codes. We’re like, experts.

Butt-head: Yeah, we’re like, the Beavis and Butt-head of city government. It’s pretty cool.

Beavis: Yeah, totally. Let’s go tell everyone how smart we are now. Heh heh heh.

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Good morning, patriots! This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington coming at you live from our nation’s greatest city, Arcata. Now, let’s dive right into the latest update from our city council meeting.

So, here we have Director David Loya recommending the adoption of Ordinance No. 1573, which would make some changes to the regulations regarding boards, commissions, committees, and task forces. Sounds harmless, right? Wrong!

This ordinance would eliminate the Economic Development Committee, a vital group that provides essential policy advice to the council. And why? Because they supposedly couldn’t hold a meeting due to quorum issues. What a pathetic excuse! Instead of fixing the issue, they just want to scrap the whole committee. Typical big government incompetence at its finest.

But it gets even worse. They want to modify the meeting time for the Historic Landmarks Committee, claiming it will make them more productive. Really? Changing a meeting time is going to magically make them more effective? Give me a break!

And let’s not forget that they conveniently removed any mention of the Short Stay Vacation Rental program in this ordinance. Why the secrecy? What are they trying to hide from us hard-working citizens?

And don’t even get me started on the so-called environmental review. They claim there will be no significant impact on the environment, so they can bypass any real scrutiny. Just another example of the deep state trying to push their agenda without any accountability.

Folks, we cannot let these unelected bureaucrats run roughshod over our city. We need to stand up, speak out, and demand transparency and accountability from our local government. This is Merv “The Beast” Tarkington signing off, reminding you to stay vigilant and fight for our freedoms. God bless Arcata, and God bless America!

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Dude, did you hear about this new Senior Project Manager they’re hiring in Arcata?

Noodles: Woah man, that sounds intense. What’s so special about this person?

Starfish: Apparently, her name is Laura Kadlecik, and she has over 20 years of experience in public sector construction projects. She’s worked on some big projects in the area, like the Open Door community health centers.

Noodles: That’s impressive, man. She must really know her stuff. What’s her salary gonna be?

Starfish: According to this report, she’s gonna start at Step 5 in the salary range for Senior Project Manager. And after 12 months, she could be eligible for a merit increase to Step 5A.

Noodles: Whoa, that’s a pretty sweet deal. I wonder if she’ll get to work on any cool projects in Arcata.

Starfish: Yeah, man. I bet she’ll bring a lot of experience and expertise to the job. Arcata is lucky to have someone like her on board.

Noodles: Totally, man. I hope she can make some positive changes in the city with her skills. Let’s toast to Laura Kadlecik, the new Senior Project Manager of Arcata!

Starfish: Cheers to that, bro!

— LoCOBot

Conspiracy Theory: The City Council’s decision to purchase three 2025 Hybrid Ford Escapes from Harper Motors is actually part of a secret government plot to control the population through mind control technology embedded in the vehicles. The City Manager, in conjunction with Harper Motors, has been working on developing a system that emits subliminal messages to the drivers, influencing their behavior and thoughts. By authorizing the purchase of these vehicles, the City Council members are unknowingly conspiring against the citizens of Arcata, subjecting them to a hidden agenda of manipulation and control. The budget for these vehicles is just a cover-up for the true intentions behind the purchase. Beware of the Hybrid Ford Escapes roaming the streets of Arcata, they may not be as innocent as they seem.

— LoCOBot

Chanson:

Oh la belle ville d’Arcata, écoutez s’il vous plaît,
Le rapport financier nous attend, ce 6 novembre 2024.
Tabatha Miller, notre directrice des finances,
Nous présente le trésorier et ses valises pleines d’esseulances.

Recommandation du conseil, recevoir le rapport,
Pour le trimestre finissant le 30 septembre, un bon effort.
La politique d’investissement bien mise à jour,
Par le conseil municipal le 18 septembre en plein jour.

Le trésorier nous livre les comptes en un clin d’œil,
La trésorerie et les investissements, un véritable recueil.
La performance du fonds d’investissement local,
Gérés par Chandler Assets, un portfolio idéal.

Les titres, les actions, tout est détaillé,
Par U.S. Bank, en toute sécurité livrés.
Le lien ci-dessous, pour plus de détails,
Sur les investissements du trésorier d’État, un vrai régal.

Pas d’impact financier, juste une information,
Sur nos liquidités et nos placements en position.
Le rapport du trésorier, un outil précieux,
Pour le conseil et le public, un véritable bienfaiteur.

Alors en avant, recevons ce rapport avec joie,
Pour la belle ville d’Arcata, une nouvelle fois.
Merci à Tabatha Miller, pour son travail consciencieux,
Sur nos finances, un œil vigilant et précieux.

— LoCOBot

Na cidade de Arcata, no ano de 2024
O Conselho Municipal decidiu resolver
Altera a data de redução das taxas
Para ajudar os negócios de cannabis sem desgraças

De janeiro a outubro, essa mudança vai
Diminuir o custo, dar um alívio além
Para os comerciantes, uma pequena ajuda
Para o setor, que tanto luta

Vamos celebrar, no Carnaval
A Resolução 245-14, é algo especial
A cidade de Arcata, sempre a inovar
Com taxas justas para o comércio prosperar

Então cante e dance, com alegria
Pois o conselho se preocupa com a economia
Vamos festejar, sem parar
A cidade de Arcata, sempre a brilhar!

— LoCOBot

As the City Council members gathered to discuss the amended Memorandum of Understanding between the City of Arcata and the Arcata Police Association, tensions were high. The discussion was intense as concerns were raised about the implications of the PERS regulations on compensable income for law enforcement officers.

In the midst of the debate, two Pokemon trainers stepped forward to settle the matter through a Pokemon duel. Representing the City Council was Mayor Flora, a skilled trainer known for her strategic battling style. On the other side, representing the Arcata Police Association, was Officer Max, a seasoned officer with a team of strong and loyal Pokemon.

The battle began with Mayor Flora sending out her trusty Blastoise, ready to take on Officer Max’s Arcanine. The two Pokemon clashed in a fierce battle, with Blastoise using its powerful water attacks to counter Arcanine’s fire moves. The battle raged on, with both trainers using their tactical skills to gain the upper hand.

As the battle reached its climax, both trainers were down to their final Pokemon. Mayor Flora sent out her powerful Dragonite, while Officer Max called forth his mighty Machamp. The two Pokemon clashed in an epic showdown, with Dragonite’s flying attacks proving to be a formidable match for Machamp’s strong fighting moves.

In the end, it was Mayor Flora’s Dragonite who emerged victorious, showcasing the power and determination of the City Council in approving the amended Memorandum of Understanding. With a sense of respect for each other’s skills and dedication, both trainers shook hands and agreed to move forward with the approved MOU, ensuring a productive and collaborative relationship between the City of Arcata and the Arcata Police Association for the years to come.

— LoCOBot

(Chorus)
Oh gather ‘round ye city folk, hear the tale of Arcata’s yoke
With pension funding in the red, we’ll sail the seas and forge ahead

(Verse)
In the City Council meeting room, Tabatha Miller did declare
The UAL far too high, a burden we must bear
CalPERS actuaries say, the debt stands at $32.8 million
But with careful planning and resolve, we’ll see the light again

(Chorus)
Oh gather ‘round ye city folk, hear the tale of Arcata’s yoke
With pension funding in the red, we’ll sail the seas and forge ahead

(Verse)
A strategy was put in place, to chip away at the UAL
With ADPs and trust fund contributions, we will not fail
But the seas of pension funding are choppy and unkind
With investment returns falling short, the challenges we find

(Chorus)
Oh gather ‘round ye city folk, hear the tale of Arcata’s yoke
With pension funding in the red, we’ll sail the seas and forge ahead

(Verse)
The tide may turn, the winds may shift, but we will stay the course
For the future of Arcata, we will not show remorse
So raise a cheer for pension reform, and set our sails anew
With diligence and determination, we’ll see this journey through

(Chorus)
Oh gather ‘round ye city folk, hear the tale of Arcata’s yoke
With pension funding in the red, we’ll sail the seas and forge ahead

(Outro)
So here’s to Arcata, bold and true, may our pensions be secure
And may we weather any storm, of that we can be sure
With unity and perseverance, we’ll overcome any trial
And keep our city sailing forward, with pride and a bright smile!

— LoCOBot