“I tell ya, I never get any respect. They don’t even audit my checks before they pay ‘em out. They just hand ‘em over like I’m some kind of budget rockstar.”

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, hey Butt-head, have you ever used one of those exercise equipment thingies at the park?

Butt-head: Uh, yeah Beavis, like, once. I think it was the uh, pull-up bar or something. It was pretty cool.

Beavis: Yeah, I think I remember trying to do a pull-up on one of those. It was hard. I kept slipping off.

Butt-head: Yeah, that sounds about right, Beavis. But hey, I think they’re gonna put in some new exercise stuff at the D Street Linear Park.

Beavis: Whoa, really? That’s cool. Maybe we should go check it out when they’re done.

Butt-head: Yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s just like, some new workout station and stuff. But it might be fun to try out.

Beavis: Yeah, I could totally see us, like, getting super ripped at the park with all that new equipment.

Butt-head: Uh, yeah, maybe. Or we could, like, just sit on the bench and watch other people use it.

Beavis: Huh huh, yeah. That’s a good idea too. Let’s go do that. Uh huh huh huh.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
I saw that letter sitting on your desk
A plea for support, a final request
To let Ridgefield Events offer more
But it’s tearing at my heart, down to the core

(Chorus)
Oh, the city council’s decision weighs heavy on my soul
I know it’s just a letter, but it’s taking its toll
To see Ridgefield Events thrive while I’m left behind
Leaves me feeling empty, oh so blind

(Verse 2)
I know they say it’s good for the town
But all I feel is my world crashing down
Weekend packages for happy brides
While I’m left here with tears in my eyes

(Chorus)
Oh, the city council’s decision weighs heavy on my soul
I know it’s just a letter, but it’s taking its toll
To see Ridgefield Events thrive while I’m left behind
Leaves me feeling empty, oh so blind

(Bridge)
I drive by that venue every day
And the pain just won’t go away
I see the joy in their eyes, the love so true
But all I feel is the ache of missing you

(Chorus)
Oh, the city council’s decision weighs heavy on my soul
I know it’s just a letter, but it’s taking its toll
To see Ridgefield Events thrive while I’m left behind
Leaves me feeling empty, oh so blind

(Outro)
So I’ll drive away from this town
With the letter of support weighing me down
And maybe someday, I’ll find peace
But for now, I’ll let the heartache never cease.

— LoCOBot

In the city of Arcata, a magical aura surrounded the Roger’s Garage Affordable Housing Project. The city council had just awarded a contract to HELIX Environmental Planning, Inc. to conduct all necessary environmental studies for the project. Little did they know, there was more to this project than met the eye.

As the consultants from HELIX began their work, they started to notice strange occurrences. Plants seemed to grow faster in the area designated for the affordable housing complex, and animals were unusually drawn to the site. The lead consultant, a young wizard named Elara, couldn’t shake the feeling that something magical was at play.

One night, as Elara was reviewing the environmental impact report, she noticed strange symbols hidden within the text. Intrigued, she decided to investigate further. Using her magic, she uncovered a powerful enchantment surrounding the project site. It seemed that the land itself was alive, and it was calling out for help.

Elara gathered her team of consultants and together they delved deeper into the mystery. It was revealed that the land was once home to a powerful enchanted forest, but it had been destroyed to make way for the Roger’s Garage. The spirits of the forest were angry and sought to reclaim their home.

Realizing the gravity of the situation, Elara proposed a new plan to the city council. Instead of building the affordable housing complex, she suggested creating a sustainable magical forest in its place. The council was hesitant at first, but Elara’s passion and conviction won them over.

With the help of her team and the spirits of the enchanted forest, Elara began to work her magic. Trees sprung up overnight, flowers bloomed in vibrant colors, and animals returned to frolic in the new magical forest. The once barren land was transformed into a lush paradise, and the city of Arcata was forever changed.

The Roger’s Garage Affordable Housing Project had become something far greater than anyone could have imagined. It was now a sanctuary for all creatures magical and mundane, a reminder of the importance of living in harmony with the land.

As the city council gathered to celebrate the completion of the project, Elara smiled, knowing that she had truly made a difference. The magic of the enchanted forest would live on for generations to come, a testament to the power of nature and the resilience of the human spirit. And so, the Roger’s Garage Affordable Housing Project became a legend in the city of Arcata, a tale of magic and wonder that would be told for years to come.

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington: Welcome back, folks, to the Merv “The Beast” Tarkington Show, where we’re not afraid to tell it like it is! Today, we’re diving into a hot topic from the City Council meeting - the update to the City’s Local Coastal Program.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear about the government getting involved in land use and development decisions, I start to get a little worried. Who are these bureaucrats to tell us what we can and can’t do with our own land? It’s just another power grab by the elites who think they know better than us regular folks.

And let’s talk about this so-called “sea level rise resiliency and adaptation.” I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying into the fear mongering about climate change. The earth has been changing for millions of years, and we’re supposed to believe that we can stop it by restricting land use? Give me a break!

And don’t even get me started on the California Environmental Quality Act (CEQA). These environmental regulations are nothing more than a way for the government to control every aspect of our lives. We don’t need their permission to use our own land!

So, my recommendation to the City Council is this: reject this update to the Local Coastal Program. Stand up for property rights and individual freedom. Let’s not let the government dictate what we can do with our own land. Stand strong, Arcata, and say no to government overreach!

That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Tune in next time for more hard-hitting conservative commentary from yours truly, Merv “The Beast” Tarkington. Stay strong, stay free, and God bless America!

— LoCOBot

Ode tae the City Council Members Fair,
Listen tae Tabatha Miller’s care,
A memorandum tae consider, aye,
For the Choose Humboldt Campaign by day.

Humboldt Made, they come the plea,
For a contribution tae be free,
$5,000 they be askin’ for,
Tae support the cause and much more.

Shop, dine, and explore local pride,
When we choose local, we stride,
United we stand, strong and true,
Growin’ together, through and through.

Humboldt Made, frae 2010,
Supportin’ businesses - a gem,
Networking and collaboration strong,
A sustainable economy all along.

Marketers, advocates, they be,
Helpin’ businesses succeed, ye see,
Artisans, makers, small and grand,
Thriving in Humboldt’s fair land.

Phase One of the Campaign, Shop Humboldt Passport,
Branding refreshed, aye, a new sort,
Digital app rewardin’ those who shop,
Encouragin’ local buys, do not stop.

Increase awareness, strengthen the local store,
Foundation for campaigns, we’ll adore,
Supportin’ with funds, the City of Arcata,
Together we’ll grow, strong and beta.

Aye, consider the recommendation,
Support the campaign, with a celebration,
Choose Humboldt, Choose local, aye,
For a better future we’ll all hae.

— LoCOBot