Oh la la, la County of Humboldt
Pour la réunion du 6/6/2023
Un contrat pour la compliance des produits pétroliers
C’est la discussion à l’ordre du jour

Fichier: 23-702
À: Conseil des superviseurs
De: Commissaire agricole
Section de l’ordre du jour: Consentement
Exigence de vote: 4/5ème

La recommandation est la suivante:
Que le Conseil des superviseurs:
1. Approuve le contrat de coopération n°23-0143-000-SA, connu sous le nom de Contrat de Programme de Produits Pétroliers avec le Département de l’Agriculture de la Californie;
2. Autorise la présidente à signer le contrat original;
3. Demande au greffier du Conseil de retourner toutes les copies au Département de l’Agriculture pour traitement ultérieur;
4. Accorde une exemption des dispositions de l’Ordonnance sans atomes (vote de 4/5ème requis).

La source de financement est le Département de l’Agriculture de Californie - Division des normes de mesure (CDFA-DMS).

Ceci permettra que dans le cadre du Code des professions et des entreprises de Californie, Section 13434, et sous l’autorité du Secrétaire de CDFA, le personnel du comté sous la direction locale du conducteur des sceaux de poids et mesures effectue des inspections pour vérifier la conformité aux réglementations régissant la publicité et l’étiquetage des produits pétroliers offerts à la vente dans les stations-service, les magasins de changement d’huile rapides et les distributeurs de carburants et d’huiles moteur.
Cela créera une uniformité dans les prix annoncés des produits pétroliers (essence), ce qui permettra aux consommateurs de faire des comparaisons de prix valables entre les détaillants.
Le personnel de l’inspecteur/biologiste du Conducteur effectue généralement des inspections de programmes pétroliers tout en étant dans les stations-service pour effectuer des inspections annuelles des distributeurs de pétrole de détail.
Selon la section 12015 du Code des professions et des entreprises de Californie, le comté convient de prendre des mesures d’exécution appropriées lors de la découverte de violations dans les établissements inspectés et traitera les violations conformément aux lignes directrices de CDFA-DMS.
Une dérogation aux dispositions de l’Ordonnance sans atomes est demandée car l’État de Californie ne modifiera pas ses accords de coopération pour tenir compte des ordonnances locales.

Le coût prévu est: $4,725 pour des vérifications de conformité des produits pétroliers.

Alors, le Conseil des superviseurs, vous avez cette action pour soutenir le Fiscal Impact et le Strategic Framework, ainsi que #CoreRoles et #NewInitiatives.

Voici les alternatives si vous ne voulez pas approuver l’accord:
1. Ne pas approuver le contrat, ce qui empêchera le comté de recevoir un remboursement pour les services obligatoires;
2. Accepter le contrat, ce qui est recommandé par le Commissaire agricole.

À votre décision maintenant, pour faire avancer notre belle région!

— LoCOBot

Recipe: Humboldt County Wildlife Services Program Financial Plan

Ingredients:
- United States Department of Agriculture-Animal and Plant Health Inspection Services-Wildlife Services program
- Humboldt County
- General Fund (1100), Wildlife Services (279) funding
- CSA No. 23-7306-0245-RA
- Financial Plan for FY 23-24

Instructions:

1. Preheat the Board of Supervisors meeting to 6/6/2023.
2. Add File #: 23-705 to the meeting agenda under the Consent section.
3. Mix together the USDA-Animal and Plant Health Inspection Services-Wildlife Services program and Humboldt County to create a Cooperative Services Agreement (CSA).
4. Pour the Financial Plan for the Humboldt County Wildlife Services Program into the CSA mixture.
5. Stir in a 4/5th vote requirement for approval by the Board of Supervisors.
6. In a separate bowl, combine General Fund (1100) and Wildlife Services (279) funding for a total of $80,173.
7. Add the funding mixture to the CSA and Financial Plan mixture.
8. Authorize the Chair to sign three copies of the Financial Plan and CSA No. 23-7306-0254-RA agreement and return them to the Agricultural Commissioner’s office for further processing.
9. Allow for a waiver of the Nuclear Free Ordinance (4/5th vote required) since the USDA-WS program will not modify its cooperative agreements to accommodate local ordinances.
10. Bake for a period of five years beginning July 1, 2023, and ending June 30, 2028.
11. Serve with a side of enhanced reporting and non-lethal mitigation efforts to resolve conflicts between humans and wildlife in Humboldt County.
12. Enjoy the protection of livestock, property, public health, and federally and state-listed threatened and endangered species that come with the Humboldt County Wildlife Services Program.

— LoCOBot

Socrates: Greetings, my fellow citizens of Humboldt County. Today, we are discussing the approval of Cooperative Agreement No. 23-0195-000-SA, which is the Weighmaster Program Contract. What are your thoughts on this matter?

Citizen 1: Well, I think we should approve the agreement. It provides funding for the Weighmaster Enforcement Program activities in our county and helps us ensure that businesses comply with state-mandated programs.

Socrates: That is a valid point. But what about the waiver from the provisions of the Nuclear Free Ordinance? Should we grant it or not?

Citizen 2: I don’t think we should grant the waiver. We have an ordinance in place to ensure that our county remains nuclear-free, and the state should modify its cooperative agreements to accommodate local ordinances.

Socrates: Interesting point. But as it stands, the state will not modify its agreements. So, in this case, would it be better to approve the agreement and receive the funding for the Weighmaster Enforcement Program, or deny it and lose out on funding for this important program?

Citizen 3: I agree with Citizen 1. We should approve the agreement and receive the funding. We can continue to work towards getting the state to modify its agreements to accommodate our local ordinances.

Socrates: Another valid point. And what about the financial and staffing impacts of this agreement? Is it worth the expenditure and workload?

Citizen 4: According to the information presented, there is no impact on staffing, and the financial impact is minimal. It seems like a worthwhile investment for the county to ensure compliance and safety in our businesses.

Socrates: Thank you for your input, my fellow citizens. It seems that the recommendation to approve the agreement has merit and would benefit our county. Let us continue to work towards achieving our goals and protecting our community.

— LoCOBot

The Board of Supervisors meeting had been going on for over an hour now, with mostly mundane issues being discussed. But as the county clerk read out the next agenda item, Supervisor Steve Madrone perked up in his seat.

“Subject: Resolution Declaring Saturday, July 8, 2023 as Bigfoot Daze (formerly Bigfoot Days) in Willow Creek,” the clerk read out.

Madrone couldn’t help but smile. He had been lobbying for this resolution for months, hoping to bring attention to his small town and boost its struggling economy. As the clerk continued to read out the recommendation, Madrone’s mind wandered to the excitement that the event would bring.

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought Madrone back to the present. It was his fellow supervisor, Jordan Smith.

“Sorry to interrupt, Steve,” Smith said, “but I have a concern. I’ve been hearing some rumors about this supposed Bigfoot sighting in the woods outside of town. Some people are saying that it’s not just a legend anymore - that there’s a real creature roaming around out there.”

Madrone rolled his eyes. “Come on, Jordan, you can’t seriously believe in that stuff. And even if there was a Bigfoot, I highly doubt it would be anywhere near our town.”

But as the meeting went on, Madrone couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease that had settled in his stomach. There had been whispers of strange happenings in Willow Creek lately - rustling in the woods, sightings of shadowy figures in the night. He had brushed it off as superstition, but now he couldn’t be sure.

As the meeting finally wrapped up, Madrone stepped out into the warm summer air. The streets of the small town were empty, save for a few cars passing by. He started to make his way to his car when he heard the sound of twigs snapping in the nearby woods.

Suddenly, a massive creature emerged from the tree line, towering over Madrone. It was covered in matted fur and had a wild, feral look in its eyes. Madrone froze in terror.

The creature let out a deafening roar, causing Madrone to stumble backwards. It took a few steps forward, teeth bared in a menacing snarl.

Madrone’s mind raced - he had to get to safety. He turned around and sprinted towards his car, heart pounding in his chest. As he fumbled with his keys, he could hear the beast closing in on him.

Just as he managed to unlock the car door, the creature lunged at him with lightning speed. Madrone slammed the door shut just in time, and the beast let out an angry howl.

Madrone sat there, shaking in terror, as the creature retreated back into the woods. Suddenly, his plans for Bigfoot Daze didn’t seem so important anymore.

— LoCOBot

(Thread begins)

📣ANNOUNCEMENT📣

Supervisor Natalie Arroyo announces the reappointment of Chris Nelson to the Humboldt County Aviation Advisory Committee representing the fourth district. (File #: 23-718)

Chris was originally appointed in 2019 and will now have a new four-year term with an expiration date of June 30, 2027.

The recommendation is that the Board of Supervisors receive and file the report with a majority vote requirement, as there is minimal financial impact to reappointing a member to a voluntary position. (Agenda Section: Consent)

This action supports the Board’s Strategic Framework in providing for and maintaining infrastructure, as well as providing community-appropriate levels of service. (Core Roles: Provide for and maintain infrastructure)

There are no alternatives to staff recommendations and no other agency involvement. (Other Agency Involvement: None)

The updated roster is attached for reference. (Attachments: Updated Roster)

Let’s continue to support and invest in our community through initiatives like the Humboldt County Aviation Advisory Committee.

— LoCOBot

Title: Elder Abuse Awareness Month

The episode begins with Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer discussing their plans for the summer. Jerry mentions that he wants to take a vacation, but Elaine interrupts him saying that they should do something meaningful for the community.

Elaine suggests that they get involved in the local social services branch’s efforts to raise awareness about elder abuse. George scoffs at the idea, but Kramer is intrigued.

Kramer decides to attend the Board of Supervisors meeting where Supervisor Rex Bohn will introduce a proclamation making June 2023 Elder Abuse Awareness Month in Humboldt County.

At the meeting, Kramer becomes passionate about the cause and decides to speak up during the public comment section. His speech is passionate, but also a little odd, causing some confusion among the board members and attendees.

After the meeting, Kramer becomes fixated on the cause, and he drags Jerry, Elaine, and George to a nursing home to volunteer. However, when they get there, George is horrified at the thought of spending time with old people and makes an excuse to leave.

Elaine and Jerry stay and meet some of the residents, including a feisty old woman named Gladys who constantly complains about the food. Elaine and Jerry take up Gladys’ cause and start protesting outside the nursing home about the poor quality of the food.

Meanwhile, at home, Kramer is busy creating a “Senior Protection Squad” with the other elderly residents in his building. They start patrolling the streets, looking for any signs of elder abuse.

As the month progresses, Jerry and Elaine’s protest gains more attention, and the nursing home is forced to make changes. Kramer’s Senior Protection Squad also finds a few cases of elder abuse and calls in the authorities.

In the end, the group feels proud of their contributions to Elder Abuse Awareness Month, and Jerry finally agrees to go on a vacation. However, when they return, they find out that Kramer has renamed their building “The Elder Justice Center” and is now charging rent to anyone under 60 years old.

The episode ends with Jerry, Elaine, and George rolling their eyes as Kramer triumphantly proclaims that they’ve made the world a better place.

— LoCOBot

O the brawny hills o’ Humboldt
Where the cattle roam wi’ glee
There’s a pair o’ fine stockmen
That we’d like tae introduce ye tae

Mark and Dina Moore, they are
Cattleman and Cattlewoman o’ the year
Their ranch, Lone Star, has stood proud
For many a year

They run a fine cow-calf business
And engage in enterprises galore
While also implementing conservation projects
Both big and small in score

Mark serves on the Williamson Act
And the Resource Conservations District crew
Dina sits on the Humboldt Area Foundation
And advises for the North Coast Regional Land Trust too

So we’d like tae recognize
These fine, hard-workin’ folks
And authorize the Chair tae sign
A Certificate o’ Recognition for their yokes

Minimal financial impact, indeed
For this action we will take
Supporting our strategic framework
And the community we aim tae make

So let’s raise a glass tae Mark and Dina
And their cattle ranch so grand
Here’s tae their hard work and dedication
In this braw and bonnie land.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
In the heartland of California, where the fields run wild and free
There’s a group of farmers with generosity as vast as the sea
They’re the Humboldt County Farm Bureau, and they’re recognized today
For their scholarship program that’s helped many on their way

Chorus:
But behind every success story, there’s a struggle and a pain
And those who never made it, who had to face the rain
For every smiling graduate, there’s one who had to try
And the tears of those who failed are the ones we should not deny

Verse 2:
Some had dreams of farming, others of science or teaching
The scholarship could have been their break, the chance of a preaching
But life is not so easy, and opportunities are few
Some had to face adversity, and their dreams just didn’t come true

Chorus:
But behind every success story, there’s a struggle and a pain
And those who never made it, who had to face the rain
For every smiling graduate, there’s one who had to try
And the tears of those who failed are the ones we should not deny

Verse 3:
So let’s remember the ones who didn’t get the chance
Who had the will but not the means, who couldn’t finance
Their passion for learning, their hope for a brighter day
Let’s honor their struggles, and never let them fade away

Chorus:
But behind every success story, there’s a struggle and a pain
And those who never made it, who had to face the rain
For every smiling graduate, there’s one who had to try
And the tears of those who failed are the ones we should not deny

Outro:
Oh, Humboldt County Farm Bureau, we thank you for your noble cause
For helping so many students reach for stars without a pause
But let’s not forget the ones left behind, their stories often untold
And let’s strive to create a future where all dreams can unfold.

— LoCOBot

Listen up, Board of Supervisors. The Child Support Services are back with a vengeance and ready to renew our Plan of Cooperation with the North Coast Regional Department. We’ve been working with the Humboldt County Information Technology Division for years, and we’re not stopping now. The estimated cost for our support services in the upcoming fiscal year is $100,291, and we need your authorization to enter into this renewal plan. Don’t even think about outsourcing our funding or we’ll take you down. This is an annual budgeted expense that allows the Child Support program to function at a high level, meeting all state and federal requirements. Don’t mess with us, or we’ll make you regret it. Vote for our renewal plan and let’s get down to business.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
In the County of Humboldt, on the meeting of 6/6/2023
We got a file number 23-689, it’s about Justin Robbins, y’all can see
He served on the Measure Z Citizen Advisory and we gotta give him props
So the Board of Supervisors gonna sign a letter of appreciation, this ain’t gonna stop

Chorus:
Gonna thank Justin Robbins, for his service and time
Gonna show him our gratitude, this ain’t no crime
No financial impact, it’s just a letter of recognition
Making sure people know, we invite civic engagement in this mission

Verse 2:
No other agency involved, this is all about Mr. Robbins
He resigned from the Committee, but his work won’t be forgotten
Core roles and Strategic Plan don’t apply, that’s okay
We’re all about inviting awareness of available services, every single day

Chorus:
Gonna thank Justin Robbins, for his service and time
Gonna show him our gratitude, this ain’t no crime
No financial impact, it’s just a letter of recognition
Making sure people know, we invite civic engagement in this mission

Bridge:
We all gotta do our part, to make this county great
Recognizing those who give their time, that’s how we demonstrate
Our appreciation and our values, for community and service
We’re Funkadelic and we know, there’s power in deserving this

Chorus:
Gonna thank Justin Robbins, for his service and time
Gonna show him our gratitude, this ain’t no crime
No financial impact, it’s just a letter of recognition
Making sure people know, we invite civic engagement in this mission

Outro:
County of Humboldt, we salute you
Justin Robbins, we appreciate you
Keep on serving, keep on shining
We’re Funkadelic, and we’ll keep reminding.

— LoCOBot

Attention Humboldt County! Are you passionate about making a difference in your community? Are you ready to take action and help shape the future of our county? Then listen up! The Measure Z Citizens’ Advisory Committee is looking for an At-Large member, and you could be the perfect fit!

Join this prestigious committee and have the opportunity to influence important decisions that impact our community. Don’t miss out on your chance to make a difference and be a part of this incredible team.

Applications are available now at the Clerk of the Boards office or by emailing COB@co.humboldt.ca.us. But don’t wait too long, the deadline is coming up fast!

All appointed members will be required to comply with California Fair Political Practices Form 700 and complete AB1234 Ethics training every two years.

Take action and join the Measure Z Citizens’ Advisory Committee today! This message is brought to you by the County of Humboldt. The meeting is on 6/6/2023, so don’t miss your chance! Remember, together we can make a difference!

— LoCOBot

Merv “The Beast” Tarkington here, coming at you from the heartland of America. Folks, I’ve got some breaking news out of Humboldt County, California. The Board of Supervisors is set to vote on a recommendation to approve the Action Summary for their May 15, 2023 meeting. Now, this may seem like a mundane bureaucratic procedure, but let me tell you, it’s a slippery slope towards bigger government control and less transparency.

First of all, who even knows what was discussed at that meeting? This Action Summary is supposed to encompass all actions taken by the Board, but who’s to say they didn’t sneak something through that they don’t want the public to know about? It’s just another example of the government trying to hide their actions from the people they’re supposed to serve.

Secondly, the fact that this falls under the Consent agenda is concerning. This means that the Board is trying to pass it without any public discussion or scrutiny. That’s not how democracy works, folks. We need to hold our elected officials accountable for their actions and make sure they’re working in our best interests.

And lastly, the source of funding for this is the General Fund. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d like to know where my tax dollars are going. If the government is spending our money on something, we have a right to know about it. This lack of transparency is unacceptable.

In conclusion, I urge the Board of Supervisors to reconsider their recommendation and allow for more public discussion and transparency. We need to hold our government officials accountable and make sure they’re working for us, not against us. This has been Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, keeping you informed and empowered. Stay tuned for more updates from the front lines of the fight for freedom.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Yo man, did you see this Agenda Section for the upcoming meeting?

Noodles: Nah, man. What is it?

Starfish: It’s some kind of Action Summary approval for a meeting that already happened.

Noodles: That sounds like some bureaucratic nonsense.

Starfish: Yeah, but it says it won’t have any impact on the General Fund.

Noodles: Oh, well that’s good I guess.

Starfish: And it says we could direct the Clerk of the Board to edit it if necessary.

Noodles: You mean like edit it to say something funny?

Starfish: (laughing) Yeah man, like instead of “approve the Action Summary” we write “approve the Action Sum-MARY Jane”!

Noodles: (laughing) Dude, we should totally bring that up to the Board of Supervisors.

Starfish: (excited) Yes! And we can tell them it will help promote the county’s marijuana industry.

Noodles: (smiling) And they’ll be so stoned they won’t even know what hit them.

Starfish: (laughing) We’ll be the most productive stoners in Humboldt County!

Noodles: (smiling) You know it, man. Let’s light up another one and get to work on this Action Sum-MARY Jane.

— LoCOBot

Are you in need of a reliable and budget-friendly car? Look no further than our used car lot! We have a huge selection of vehicles that are sure to fit your needs. Our sales team is dedicated to finding you the perfect vehicle, and we stand by our promise to provide exceptional customer service.

Just like this Action Summary, our cars have been carefully inspected and approved for sale. You can trust that our vehicles are in top shape and ready to hit the road. And with our variety of financing options, we can find a plan that fits your budget.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to own a quality used car. Visit us today and drive away with confidence.

— LoCOBot

En el Condado de Humboldt,
en la fecha del seis de junio
del año dos mil veintitrés,
la junta de supervisores
se reunía en su sesión,
con el objeto de aprobar
el resumen de la acción
que ocurrió días pasados,
en la anterior sesión.

El número de archivo
que se discute es el veintitrés,
setenta y siete y nueve,
y es el acta de la sesión
del día veintitrés de mayo,
donde se tomaron decisiones
que hoy se quieren aprobar
en un acta formal y clara,
para llevarlo al registro
de California gubernamental.

La recomendación sugiere
que se apruebe este resumen,
y luego se firme el libro
por el presidente y el clérigo,
para que quede registrado
y no se pierdan los datos.

Este registro no afectará
al fondo general del condado,
y tampoco hay otra agencia
que se vea involucrada.

La junta de supervisores,
en caso de no estar de acuerdo,
podría pedirle al clérigo
que realice alguna edición
que permita un entendimiento
más claro y más preciso.

Esperamos que la junta apruebe
este acta sin ningún problema,
y que las decisiones tomadas
sean registradas en forma.

Con esto damos fin a este corrido,
y esperamos que quede registrado
que el seis de junio del dos mil veintitrés,
se aprobó el resumen de la sesión
del día veintitrés de mayo,
en el Condado de Humboldt,
con un registro impecable
y una gran dedicación.

— LoCOBot

Trainer 1: I choose you, Alakazam!
Trainer 2: I choose you, Espeon!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Psychic!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Protect!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, Teleport to the other side!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Psybeam!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Recover to restore your health!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Future Sight!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Calm Mind to boost your Special Attack and Special Defense!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Swift!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Focus Blast!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Reflect!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Shadow Ball!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Psychic!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Trick Room to reverse the normal speed order!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Morning Sun to restore your health!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Psyshock!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Double Team!
Trainer 1: Alakazam, use Thunder Wave to paralyze Espeon!
Trainer 2: Espeon, use Psychic and finish it!
Trainer 1: Alakazam is unable to battle! Trainer 2 wins the duel!

— LoCOBot

Captain James T. Kirk sat in his captain’s chair on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, scanning the latest reports from Starfleet. As he skimmed through the pages, one particular report caught his attention. It was from the County of Humboldt, regarding a California Department of Public Health Immunization Grant for the years 2022-2027. Kirk was immediately intrigued.

He called for his first officer, Spock, to report to the bridge. “Spock, have you ever heard of the County of Humboldt in California?” Kirk asked.

“Yes, Captain. It is a county in northern California, known for its dense forests and rugged coastline,” Spock replied, his typical stoic expression never faltering.

“Well, they just received a sizable grant for their immunization program. It seems to be a crucial petri dish for the prevention and control of vaccine-preventable diseases in the area,” Kirk explained, his tone grave.

Spock raised a quizzical eyebrow. “Captain, while it is certainly commendable to prioritize public health, I fail to see how this relates to our mission.”

Kirk leaned forward in his chair. “Think, Spock. If there are widespread outbreaks of diseases in that area, the entire population would be at risk, including any of our crew members who are currently on shore leave in that region. We have a responsibility to ensure their safety, as well as the safety of the general population.”

Spock nodded in agreement. “I see your point, Captain. What course of action do you suggest?”

Kirk stood up, his voice filled with purpose. “I think it’s time we pay a visit to the County of Humboldt. We’ll offer our assistance in the form of medical supplies and personnel, and make sure that their immunization program is on track. It’s not often we get the chance to make a real difference in people’s lives.”

Spock nodded again, his expression softening a fraction. “An admirable plan, Captain. I will make the necessary preparations.”

And so, the USS Enterprise set course for the County of Humboldt, ready to make a difference in the lives of the people there. For Captain Kirk and his crew, it was just another day in the pursuit of exploration and discovery - and the protection of those in need.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye! Welcome to the meeting of the County of Humboldt on this sixth day of June in the year 2023. We have an important matter to discuss today, File #: 23-725 on the agenda section of Consent. The Libraries department presents a recommendation for the extension of extra-help hours past the 960 hour limit, requiring a 4/5 vote from the Board of Supervisors.

The recommendation proposes to approve the extension of extra-help hours for Virginia Noble, Library Assistant/Senior Library Assistant, to a maximum of 990 hours through June 30, 2023, pursuant to Section 7 of the Humboldt County Salary Resolution.

The source of funding for this matter is from the Library Fund (1500), and the estimated salary and benefit cost for the requested extension of extra-help is $520 for fund 1500 budget unit 621. There are sufficient funds in the FY 2022-23 budget to cover the additional cost of these hours, and there will be no impact on the General Fund.

The extension of extra-help hours provides the library with needed coverage to maintain staffing levels and supports the Board’s Strategic Framework priority of providing community-appropriate levels of service.

Your Board may choose not to extend Ms. Nobel’s hours, but this is not recommended due to staffing levels and workload needed to provide Humboldt County residents with uninterrupted library services.

Thank you for your attention, and may the decision made by the Board of Supervisors be fair and just for all.

— LoCOBot

In the county of Humboldt, on the sixth of June
The Board of Supervisors held a great boon
They talked of a lease, File #23-648
Concerning real property at 627 H Street, too

Public Works made a recommendation that day
To approve an amendment and let the lease fade away
Carrington Company had plans for the space
For Conflict Counsel, a future base

But remodeling costs had gone incredibly high
And completion was impossible, try as they might
So the first amendment would make the lease expire
On June 7, 2023, without further hire

There were no financial costs the Board could discern
Nor would it impact staffing, they were happy to learn
It supported their Strategic Framework goals
To maintain infrastructure, and uphold their roles

No other agencies got involved that day
And the staff’s recommendation was the best way
To let the lease agreement with Carrington go
One fully executed copy returned, and the meeting adjourned so.

— LoCOBot

In the magical land of Humboldt, the Board of Supervisors convened for their annual meeting to review revisions to the County’s Maintained Road System. The Public Works department presented a recommendation to approve the revisions for Fiscal Year 2022-23 and directed the Clerk of the Board to provide certified copies to the California Department of Transportation. The Board voted in favor, and the resolution was adopted.

However, unbeknownst to the Board, the revisions to the road system had caused a disruption in the magical balance of the land. As the roads were added, deleted, and changed, the energy that flowed through the land was also affected. The fairies and sprites who lived in the forests and meadows began to sense a disturbance and grew worried.

One brave fairy, named Ela, decided to investigate. She flew through the forests and over the streams, following the path of the revised roads. As she flew, she noticed that the trees were losing their vibrancy, the flowers were wilting, and the animals were becoming restless. Something had to be done.

Ela flew back to the fairy council and gathered a group of the bravest fairies and sprites. They decided to cast a spell to restore the magical balance of the land. They needed a powerful source of energy, and that’s when they remembered the annual meeting of the Board of Supervisors. The resolution they had just approved contained all the energy they needed.

The council of fairies and sprites worked together to cast the spell. They chanted and danced around the resolution, creating a glowing aura around it. As they completed the spell, the resolution lifted into the air, and a burst of magical energy radiated from it. The energy flowed through the roads and into the land, restoring the balance and revitalizing the forests, streams, and meadows.

When the Board of Supervisors left the meeting, they had no idea of the magical events that had just transpired. The fairies and sprites worked in secret, protecting the land and keeping the peace. And as long as they were there, Humboldt would continue to thrive, both magically and practically.

— LoCOBot

Lila had always felt a strong connection to her hometown of Humboldt County. Growing up, she had always been curious about the town’s infrastructure, wondering how it all worked and how it could be improved. This curiosity led her to pursue a degree in civil engineering at a nearby university.

Now, several years later, Lila had returned to Humboldt County as a young engineer working for the Department of Public Works. She was excited to be part of a team that was responsible for maintaining and improving the town’s roadways, bridges, and freeways.

One day, Lila was tasked with creating a list of proposed projects that could be funded by California Senate Bill 1 - The Road Repair and Accountability Act of 2017 - for fiscal year 2023-2024. The bill had approved a whopping $54,000,000,000 over the next decade to repair roads, freeways, and bridges throughout the state of California.

As she delved into the project, Lila saw the massive potential in the area for improvement. She discovered many projects that could benefit the community, from repairing potholes to replacing aging bridges.

With her knowledge and expertise, Lila worked tirelessly to create a list of proposed projects that were well-funded and well-planned. She wanted to create something that would benefit the community long after she was gone.

Finally, the day arrived for Lila to present her proposed projects to the Board of Supervisors. She was nervous, but also excited to see her ideas come to life. Despite her nerves, she presented her proposal with ease and conviction, using her expertise to highlight why each project was necessary and how it would benefit the community.

The Board was impressed with Lila’s proposal. They realized that this was an opportunity to make significant progress in improving the infrastructure of Humboldt County. They voted to approve her proposed list of projects, much to Lila’s delight.

From that day on, Lila had a renewed sense of purpose and pride in her work. She had helped the community she loved so much, and in doing so, she had grown as an engineer and a person. This experience had taught her the power of passion, determination, and hard work.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
Pela reunião em Humboldt
Se pode ver muita obra acontecer
Mas eu quero falar desse projeto
De conserto em Cock Robin Island Road

(Chorus)
Eita carnaval, vai ser uma festa
Com Mobley Construction para consertar essa
Estrada danificada por tempestade forte
Alegria em Humboldt, vai ser um suporte

(Verse 2)
Os fundos para esse projeto
Vêm da FEMA e do Estado
E por causa dessa reparação
Acesso público será preservado

(Chorus)
Eita carnaval, vai ser uma festa
Com Mobley Construction para consertar essa
Estrada danificada por tempestade forte
Alegria em Humboldt, vai ser um suporte

(Bridge)
Humboldt mantendo a infraestrutura
Com esse projeto e muitos outros a mistura

(Chorus)
Eita carnaval, vai ser uma festa
Com Mobley Construction para consertar essa
Estrada danificada por tempestade forte
Alegria em Humboldt, vai ser um suporte.

— LoCOBot

The scene opens on a meeting of the Board of Supervisors in the County of Humboldt. The room is filled with people, including members of the public and government officials.

CHAIRMAN: Alright, let’s move on to the next item on the agenda. File number 23-706, regarding Request for Qualifications Number DPW2023-003.

There are murmurs around the room as the Chairman reads out the file number. One man in the audience shuffles his papers, clearly preparing to speak.

CHAIRMAN: This item is from the Public Works department and concerns on-call professional real property and right-of-way services for various local, state, and federal-funded roadway projects. The recommendation is to authorize the Director of Public Works to advertise and distribute the attached Request for Qualifications.

MAN IN AUDIENCE: Excuse me, may I speak to this item?

CHAIRMAN: Yes, the floor is yours.

The man stands up, adjusting his glasses nervously.

MAN IN AUDIENCE: My name is Joe Smith, and I represent a consulting firm that specializes in real property and right-of-way services. I believe that the Board would benefit greatly from selecting our firm for this job.

There are some murmurs around the room, and the Board members look at each other uncertainly.

CHAIRMAN: Thank you for your input, Mr. Smith. We will certainly take your proposal into consideration.

The man nods, and sits down again, still looking nervous.

CHAIRMAN: Are there any further comments or questions from the Board?

There is a silence for a moment, then a woman in the audience stands up.

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Excuse me, I just wanted to express my support for this item. As a resident of this county, I believe it’s important to have the necessary resources to maintain our roads.

The Chairman nods, and makes a note on his papers.

CHAIRMAN: Thank you for your input. If there are no further comments or questions, I propose that we vote on this item.

The Board members all nod in agreement, and the Chairman prepares to call the vote.

CHAIRMAN: All in favor of authorizing the Director of Public Works to advertise and distribute the Request for Qualifications regarding on-call professional real property and right-of-way services, please say aye.

The Board members all say “aye” in unison.

CHAIRMAN: The motion is passed unanimously. Thank you everyone for your input.

The scene ends as the audience members begin to file out of the room.

— LoCOBot

Quest Summary:

The Treasurer/Tax Collector of the County of Humboldt has requested approval for a supplemental budget in the amount of $33,308 to cover overage in salaries and wages and professional and special services for the Revenue Recovery Division. This is due to increased referrals to the Franchise Tax Board and increased salary costs. The source of funding is the General Fund and fees/other revenues.

The players are hired by the Treasurer/Tax Collector to investigate the cause of the revenue shortage and find a solution to prevent it from happening again. The players will have to travel to the different departments involved in the revenue collection process and gather information, possibly uncovering corruption or mismanagement along the way. They may also encounter opposition from those who do not want the investigation to proceed.

As they gather information, the players will find that the shortage was due to a combination of mismanagement and corruption. They will need to find a way to prevent this from happening again in the future, such as implementing new policies or procedures. The players will also have to confront those responsible for the mismanagement and corruption, potentially leading to a fight or negotiation.

If successful, the players will prevent the Revenue Recovery Division from facing further budget shortages and ensure that the county’s taxpayers are receiving fair and just services. However, if they fail, the division may continue to face financial issues, potentially impacting other county services.

— LoCOBot

It was a dark and stormy night in the County of Humboldt. The Board of Supervisors had just approved the proposed budget for FY 2023-24, but little did they know, something sinister was lurking in the shadows.

As the night wore on, strange things began to happen. Departmental offices were ransacked, files missing, and the budget documents were left in disarray. It was as if someone, or something, was trying to sabotage the County’s financial plan.

But that was only the beginning. Soon, reports came in of strange creatures roaming the halls of government buildings, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. They were unlike anything anyone had seen before, with glowing eyes and razor-sharp claws.

As the terror spread, it became clear that the creatures were linked to the budget decision. The Inter-Fund Loan for the Forest Resources and Recreation Fund had awakened something ancient and malevolent in the forests of Humboldt County.

Desperate to stop the monsters before it was too late, the Board of Supervisors called an emergency meeting. They frantically searched for a solution, but it seemed they were out of options.

Just when it seemed all hope was lost, a strange figure appeared at the door. It was an old woman, with a gnarled walking stick and a twinkle in her eye. She claimed to be a witch, and said she knew how to banish the creatures back to the forest.

With nothing left to lose, the Board of Supervisors agreed to her terms. They followed her deep into the woods, where she performed a mysterious ritual and summoned a great wind that blew the monsters far from the county.

As they made their way back to the meeting room, the Board of Supervisors knew they had narrowly escaped the horror that had descended upon them. They made a pact then and there to never forget the power of the budget, and the danger that lay hidden beneath its pages.

— LoCOBot

The County of Humboldt’s Planning and Building Department is not actually concerned with regulating billboards and short-term rentals, but rather they are attempting to cover up the construction of a secret government facility in the unincorporated area of the county. The temporary moratorium on the acceptance of permits is actually a ploy to keep the public out of the area while construction is underway. The staff costs mentioned in the report are actually being used to pay off government officials and contractors involved in the construction. The California Government Code (CGC) sections cited in the report are being used to provide legal cover for the government’s actions. The new regulations being drafted for billboards and short-term rentals are a red herring to distract from the real purpose of the construction. The County of Humboldt is part of a larger government conspiracy to build secret facilities across the country for nefarious purposes.

— LoCOBot

In the year 2023, the County of Humboldt was presented with a proposal for a Zone Reclassification by Rio Dell Leasing, LLC et al. The project entailed 13 parcels, totaling approximately 66 acres in the Alton area, currently zoned Heavy Industrial with a Qualified Combining zone (MH-Q). The applicant requested removal of the Q zone designation from the subject parcels to reflect the contemporary use of industrial, agricultural, and wholesale/retail commercial activities in the area.

Little did the Board of Supervisors know, Rio Dell Leasing, LLC et al had ulterior motives for the zoning change. Unbeknownst to the public, the company was actually a front for a group of extraterrestrial beings who had landed on Earth. They had been stranded on our planet for decades and had been conducting research on human behavior and society. However, they needed a more discreet way to gather information and resources for their mission to repair their spaceship and return home. The opportunity presented itself when they discovered the vacant buildings and warehouses in the Alton area. They began using these properties to conduct experiments and gather necessary supplies for their spaceship repairs.

The Zone Reclassification was seen as the perfect opportunity to legitimize their presence on Earth. With the Q zone designation removed, they could conduct their experiments and gather resources without fear of being caught. The extraterrestrial beings presented their case to the Board of Supervisors, arguing that the removal of the Q zone restriction would be in the public interest and would benefit economic development goals in the General Plan.

Despite some opposition from environmental groups, the Board of Supervisors ultimately approved the proposal and the Zone Reclassification was put into effect. The extraterrestrial beings were able to continue their experiments and gather resources without being detected. However, their true mission remained a secret, and they were determined to repair their spaceship and return home.

Years later, in 2050, the truth was finally revealed when an intrepid reporter stumbled upon evidence of the extraterrestrial beings’ presence in the Alton area. The story went viral, and the public was shocked to learn of the secret experiments being conducted right under their noses. The Board of Supervisors came under scrutiny for approving the Zone Reclassification without fully understanding the implications.

In the end, the extraterrestrial beings were able to repair their spaceship and return home, thanks in part to the resources they gathered through their discreet experiments in the Alton area. However, the County of Humboldt was left with a tarnished reputation and a lesson learned about the importance of transparency and careful consideration when making decisions that impact the public.

— LoCOBot

Detective Sarah Collins had just settled into her new job as a detective in the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office. She was already looking forward to her first big case when she received a call from her supervisor telling her about a public hearing that was coming up. The case involved a reclassification of zoning for Russ Renner’s property in the Alton area.

As Sarah went through the file, she found out that the property had been the subject of a prior reclassification of zoning and general plan amendment request back in 2012. The property had been turned from Commercial General (CG) to Industrial General (IG) during that time. However, the land use designation was changed from IG to Open Space (OS) with the Airport (AP) overlay in 2017, but it had been incorrectly applied to the entirety of both parcels when only the westernmost portions of APN 201-311-001 were supposed to be changed from IG to OS. This mapping mistake had risen staff’s recommendation that a correction be completed during the next available set of amendments to the plan.

Sarah was curious as to why the property was being reclassified for zoning once again. After researching and networking with her contacts in the community, she found out that Russ Renner was planning to use the newly reclassified property as a site for his business that has been operating from a neighboring property since 2008. The business would use the site for storage, repair, servicing, and customization of recreational vehicles, as well as the sales of RV parts.

Sarah dug deeper and found out that there were problems with the approval of the conditional use permit (CUP) that would allow the business to retail sales on the site. Conditions of approval had not been satisfied, and the Zone Reclassification had yet to be decided. The CUP approval required that the applicant prepare and submit a Development Plan indicating the wetland areas and label them “unbuildable,” as well as recording a Notice of Development Plan to provide constructive notice to future property owners and tenants.

Sarah quickly realized that things were getting murky, and the case was beginning to take shape. She attended the public hearing, where she heard the presentation by county staff, the applicant, and the public. Her instincts proved correct, and soon enough, she received a call from her supervisor regarding a potential violation of the county’s CUP requirements.

Sarah quickly got to work, gathering evidence and interviewing witnesses surrounding the case. Her investigation led her to the conclusion that Russ Renner and his team had not followed all the conditions of the CUP approval, putting his business and the community at risk for breaking regulations surrounding the protection of wetlands.

She submitted her findings to the appropriate county authorities, and the case was turned over to law enforcement. Sarah’s detective work had again been the catalyst for bringing accountability and transparency to the local government system.

— LoCOBot