UPDATE, FEB. 20: For some reason we feel obliged to point out that the fake menu below is full of stolen jokes. But the man knows how to steal from the best. — HS


Former Ferndalian Guy Fieri hasn’t had an easy time of it. As previously reported here on LoCO, the painfully bleached restaurateur, author, television personality and game show host has been accused of many things and cleared of some of them. His newest restaurant was immortalized in the New York Times not for being wonderful, but because critic Paul Wells delivered a one-two punch of acerbity and wit in reviewing Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar:

When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?

Today, a veritable Fieri frenzy infused the national media. And by “frenzy” and “national media,” we mean that Business Insider, Bostinno and, our personal favorite, Jezebel, all brought to our attention that if you fail to purchase your own relevant domain names, hell will surely follow. Because, as Jezebel’s Laura Beck points out:

When you don’t, you end up like Guy Fieri — serving your big balls with cadillac cream sauce. 

Wha?! Yes. See, this fellow, one Bryan Mytko, now owns guysamericankitchenandbar.com, which features such appetizing appetizers as the “Honky-Tonky Double Meat Barrel Loaded Blast” and “Guy’s Big Balls,” as well as, well, see for yourself: