UPDATE, 10 a.m.:

Holy ballot stubs! This year’s local elections are such a series of forgone conclusions that we forgot to address the most forgonest of them all: LoCO Labs’ statistical prognostication software tells us that incumbent First District Supervisor Rex Bohn will hang on to his seat for another four-year term, defeating anyone and everyone that people might choose to write in (there being no official challenger). Congratulations, Supervisor Bohn!

—RB

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Friends and neighbors, today is the final day of the most boring local election season in living memory.

With zero percent of the vote counted, LoCO Labs is prepared to call the race for Humboldt County Supervisor from the Second District for the incumbent, Estelle Fennell, over insurgent freak power candidate Bud Rogers. Congratulations, Supervisor Fennell!

What’s that? Hold on a moment. We’re just getting word … thank you … Ladies and gentlemen, I’m being told that LoCO Labs is also calling the Third District Supervisor race for Mike Wilson. Wilson claims the seat being vacated by Mark Lovelace by a healthy margin, turning back a challenge from horse power candidate Uri Driscoll. Congratulations, Supervisor Wilson!

Give it up for your 2017-2019 Board of Supervisors, Humboldt County!

The 2017-2019 Board of Supervisors, posing for their first photo together. Circling Third District Supervisor Mike Wilson are, from top left, First District Supervisor Rex Bohn, Second District Supervisor Estelle Fennell, Fifth District Supervisor Ryan Sundberg and Fourth District Supervisor Virginia Bass.

Now: Is this to say you shouldn’t go out and vote today? It is not to say that. This is a presidential primary! Perhaps you are a Democrat who feels a berning sensation in your extremities. A trip to the polls is the only known cure. Perhaps you feel it’s important to deny the Bern insurgency a symbolic victory in Humboldt County. Perhaps you are a Republican longing for an authentic Latin American caudillo to tell you what’s what and crush your enemies. This may be one of your last chances to express your desires in ballot form.

So get out there and vote!

Need to find your polling place? You can find it here. Did you fill out your vote-by-mail ballot but forget to mail it in? You can drop it off at your polling place, or any polling place, or at the Humboldt County Elections Office (3033 H Street #20, Eureka).

And watch the results pour in tonight, here at the Outpost! We’ll be out at whatever election parties we can find, taking photos and eating canapes and such, and posting it up right here. Also, the LoCO-bot will be scraping the county elections office for new results as they are posted, and delivering them up to you in a non-cumbersome, non-PDF format within seconds. Also: Our sistren at radio station KHUM will be doing it up live on the airwaves at 104.3/104.7 FM, or streaming live at khum.com. The LoCO will call in for insightful analysis from time to time.

Happy Election Day! See you tonight!