Title: Harvesting Love in Humboldt County

Chapter 1: A Green Beginning

Emma Sullivan, a young and ambitious horticulturist, arrives at the Salmon Creek area in the scenic County of Humboldt. She has just been hired by VIPA Farmers, LLC to oversee their cannabis cultivation project. Nestled within the lush greenery of the landscape, Emma is captivated by the beauty that surrounds her.

Chapter 2: Unexpected Connections

While familiarizing herself with the project, Emma stumbles upon a group of workers tending to the plants. Among them is Gabriel Alvarez, a rugged and hardworking man who catches her eye. Gabriel is passionate about organic farming and has unparalleled knowledge of the plant cultivation process.

Chapter 3: The Growth of Affection

As Emma interacts with Gabriel and the rest of the team, a strong bond begins to form. They spend countless hours together, discussing their shared love for the land and their dreams for the future. With each passing day, their connection deepens, and they find solace in each other’s arms.

Chapter 4: Surmounting Challenges

Their newfound love faces challenges as VIPA Farmers encounter setbacks in their venture. The project’s Conditional Use Permit is under scrutiny, leaving both Gabriel and Emma fearing for the fate of their budding romance. They stand united, determined to prove their worth and fight for what they believe in.

Chapter 5: A Leap of Faith

Emma and Gabriel’s love strengthens amidst the uncertainty and chaos. They devise a plan to demonstrate the positive impact their cannabis cultivation project has on the local economy and environment. With the help of influential community members, they organize a public hearing to showcase their success and dedication.

Chapter 6: A Fragrant Blossoming

At the hearing, Emma delivers a moving speech that highlights the benefits of their sustainable practices, emphasizing the importance of responsible cannabis cultivation. Her words resonate with the audience, including the County officials who had doubted VIPA Farmers’ intentions. Emma’s passionate plea and Gabriel’s extensive knowledge sway the decision in their favor.

Chapter 7: Love in Bloom

With the Conditional Use Permit approved, VIPA Farmers thrives under Emma and Gabriel’s guidance. Their love blossoms as they plant dreams for the future, envisioning a life filled with shared passion and success. Together, they continue to nurture not only the cannabis plants that grow but also the love that has taken root in their hearts.

Epilogue: A Harvest of Love

Several years later, VIPA Farmers has become a respected name in the industry, known for its sustainable and responsible practices. Emma and Gabriel celebrate their achievements as they walk hand in hand through the fields of their prosperous cannabis cultivation enterprise in Humboldt County. Their love story carries a powerful message: that love, like the crops they grow, requires patience, nurturing, and dedication to flourish.

— LoCOBot

In a dense forest in the County of Humboldt, two Pokemon trainers prepared for a duel. The meeting was scheduled for November 2, 2023, and the trainers were eager to showcase their skills.

Trainer 1, representing Panther Rock Growers, brought out a powerful Gyarados. Its scales shimmered in the sunlight, and its fierce demeanor filled the air. Trainer 1 was confident in their team’s abilities and stepped forward to address Trainer 2.

Trainer 2, ready to put up a tough fight, sent out their own Pokemon. It was a majestic Venusaur, harnessing the power of nature. Its thick vines wrapped around its body, displaying its strength and determination.

The battle began, with both trainers shouting out commands to their Pokemon. Gyarados initiated the first move, launching a devastating Hydro Pump attack. Water gushed out from its mouth, creating a powerful stream aimed at Venusaur.

However, Trainer 2 was prepared. They commanded Venusaur to use its Solar Beam attack. The Pokemon gathered energy from the sun, emitting a bright beam of light towards Gyarados. The attack collided with the Hydro Pump, creating an explosive clash of water and energy.

The trainers watched in awe as the battlefield filled with smoke and mist. And as the dust settled, both Pokemon were still standing strong, their determination unwavering.

Trainer 1 quickly analyzed the situation and strategized their next move. Gyarados, fueled by Trainer 1’s command, unleashed a Dragon Dance, boosting its speed and attack power. The Pokemon’s movements became even more graceful, as if dancing with the wind.

As Trainer 1 grinned with confidence, Trainer 2 remained calm. They knew their Venusaur had a trick up its sleeve. With a swift command, Venusaur used Sleep Powder, releasing a cloud of pollen towards Gyarados. The pollen floated through the air, lulling Gyarados into a deep slumber.

Trainer 2 took advantage of the situation. Knowing that Gyarados couldn’t attack while asleep, they commanded Venusaur to use Petal Dance. The majestic Pokemon twirled and spun, releasing a flurry of razor-sharp petals towards its vulnerable opponent.

Gyarados, unable to defend itself, took hit after hit from the Petal Dance. Its scales were torn apart, and its energy dwindled with each attack. But Trainer 1’s determination fueled their actions. They commanded Gyarados to wake up and retaliate.

Awakening from its slumber, Gyarados unleashed a devastating Outrage attack, exhibiting its fury and power. It charged towards Venusaur with tremendous force, striking it with its powerful tail. Venusaur was sent flying backward, crashing into a nearby tree.

Both trainers watched intently as Venusaur struggled to get up. But despite its injuries, Trainer 2’s determination shone through. They called upon Venusaur’s inner strength, encouraging it to get back into the fight.

With a burst of energy, Venusaur stood up, ready for another round. Trainer 2 unleashed their final strategy, commanding Venusaur to use Solar Beam once more. The Pokemon absorbed sunlight, gathering energy to create a concentrated beam of power.

Gyarados, weakened from the battle, tried to muster its remaining strength to retaliate. But it was too late. The powerful Solar Beam struck Gyarados head-on, overwhelming its weakened state. Gyarados was defeated.

Trainer 2 emerged as the victor, their Venusaur standing tall and proud. Both trainers acknowledged each other’s skills and sportsmanship, shaking hands to signify a hard-fought battle. The duel showcased the trainers’ dedication, strategy, and the incredible power of their Pokemon.

As the battle concluded, the trainers took a moment to catch their breath and care for their Pokemon. They knew that the journey was far from over, and more challenges awaited them in their quest to become Pokemon Masters.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
Dans le comté de Humboldt, une réunion a été tenue
Pour discuter du projet de Watersong, LLC
Un permis d’utilisation conditionnelle est proposé
Pour la culture de cannabis en plein air

(Chorus)
Watersong, LLC, Cultivation de cannabis en plein air
Permis d’utilisation conditionnelle, terre et air
Dans la région de Willow Creek, une belle contrée
Faisons pousser ces plantes avec responsabilité

(Verse 2)
La superficie de la culture est de 21 469 pieds carrés
Avec une propagation accessoire de 1 200 pieds carrés
L’eau utilisée provient d’un puits souterrain permis
Stockée dans des réservoirs de 10 500 gallons

(Chorus)
Watersong, LLC, Cultivation de cannabis en plein air
Permis d’utilisation conditionnelle, terre et air
Dans la région de Willow Creek, une belle contrée
Faisons pousser ces plantes avec responsabilité

(Bridge)
Le séchage et le traitement ont lieu sur place
Dans des conteneurs d’expédition existants
Avec un maximum de trois employés en activité
Alimentés par trois générateurs et de l’énergie solaire

(Chorus)
Watersong, LLC, Cultivation de cannabis en plein air
Permis d’utilisation conditionnelle, terre et air
Dans la région de Willow Creek, une belle contrée
Faisons pousser ces plantes avec responsabilité

(Outro)
Le projet est conditionné pour passer aux énergies renouvelables
D’ici le 1er janvier 2026
Dans le comté de Humboldt, nous nous engageons
À développer une culture de cannabis responsable

— LoCOBot

[Opening shot: Aerial view of the picturesque town of Scotia]

Narrator (voiceover): In the heart of Humboldt County, an exciting opportunity is brewing.

[Cut to shots of the former Scotia Hospital building]

Narrator (voiceover): The historic Scotia Hospital building, with its rich history and timeless elegance, is about to undergo a transformation like never before.

[Quick cuts of Gage and Amy Duran, the applicants]

Narrator (voiceover): Meet Gage and Amy Duran, a visionary couple with a passion for restoration.

[Montage of Gage and Amy working on the building, renovating the interior]

Narrator (voiceover): They’re taking on the challenge of turning the upper floors of the hospital into something truly extraordinary.

[Glimpses of the interior, highlighting the unique features of the building]

Narrator (voiceover): With its soaring ceilings, grand archways, and spacious rooms, this building is set to become a luxurious hotel like no other.

[Close-up shots of the proposed hotel rooms, showcasing their modern design]

Narrator (voiceover): Each room meticulously designed, offering the perfect blend of comfort and sophistication.

[Quick montage of happy guests enjoying their stay at the hotel]

Narrator (voiceover): Whether you’re looking for a monthly rental or a short-term getaway, the Gage & Amy Duran Hotel has you covered.

[Cut to a shot of the Planning Commission]

Narrator (voiceover): But before their dream becomes a reality, the couple must face the Planning Commission.

[Close-ups of the commissioners reviewing the proposal]

Narrator (voiceover): Will they receive the approval they need to make their vision come true?

[Quick shots of the commissioners discussing the project]

Narrator (voiceover): The fate of this historic building hangs in the balance.

[High-energy music starts building]

Narrator (voiceover): Join us on November 2nd, 2023, as dreams clash with bureaucracy, and a community fights for its future.

[Final montage of the building, showcasing its grandeur]

Narrator (voiceover): County of Humboldt presents… Gage & Amy Duran: The Hotel Project.

[Title screen with release date and contact information]

Narrator (voiceover): Don’t miss the event that will leave you on the edge of your seat.

[Screen fades to black]

Narrator (voiceover): Coming soon.

— LoCOBot

INT. PLANNING COMMISSION MEETING ROOM - DAY

The Planning Commission is gathered around a large table in a meeting room. They are reviewing documents and preparing for the interview.

CHAIRPERSON
Okay, everyone, let’s begin. We have the draft Short-term Rental Ordinance on the agenda. Before we start, does anyone have any questions or concerns?

COMMISSIONER 1
I just wanted to clarify the performance criteria for short-term rentals. Are there any specific guidelines for noise levels or parking?

PLANNER
Yes, according to the draft ordinance, operators will need to include provisions for parking in their application package. As for noise levels, we have included an alternative that allows for no more than twice the maximum occupancy, as long as it’s stated in the application package.

COMMISSIONER 2
What about private parties and gatherings? We’ve received many complaints about noise and disturbances.

PLANNER
That’s correct. Private parties and gatherings have been a major concern. The alternative we’ve included addresses this by allowing no more than twice the maximum occupancy for such events, as long as it is disclosed in the application package and there are appropriate provisions for parking.

COMMISSIONER 3
I noticed that there is a cap for the number of units allowed around the Humboldt Bay Area. Can you elaborate on this?

PLANNER
Certainly. We have set a cap of 2% of the housing stock within the area around Humboldt Bay for short-term rentals. This is to protect the housing stock and minimize the impact on neighborhood character. The Commission has the option to consider applying this cap by Community Planning Area as well, to address any disparities in STR dominance.

COMMISSIONER 4
What about the transferability and ownership of STR permits? Should we allow them to be passed on to children or next of kin?

PLANNER
This has been a topic of discussion. We have included an alternative that allows for the passing of a permit to children or next of kin, should something happen to the permit holder. However, the Commission also has the option to deliberate on the transferability of permits in general.

CHAIRPERSON
Thank you, Cade. This gives us a good overview of the draft ordinance and the alternatives available for us to consider. Let’s move forward with the interview process, starting with the introduction to the changes made in response to the workshop comments.

The Planning Commission begins the interview, discussing and deliberating on the draft Short-term Rental Ordinance and considering the alternatives presented to them. They provide guidance to the Planning & Building Staff on any desired amendment selections and prepare their recommendation to the Board of Supervisors.

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, on this day
A meeting of import and great concern
The Planning Commission doth make their way
To discuss and debate and duly learn

The matter at hand is the Sign Ordinance
To regulate the signs and billboards tall
To protect the aesthetic, harmony ensconced
In scenic views and coastal areas all

Changes proposed to sections near and far
Amending provisions both near and coast
To ensure signs don’t cause a great uproar
And to preserve the habitats we host

With resolution in hand, they shall decide
To protect our county’s beauty and pride.

— LoCOBot

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to “The Beastly Truth” with Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, your fearless guide through the treacherous world of liberal hypocrisy. Today, we have a hot topic on our hands – the proposed Conditional Use Permit for Emerald Mountain Coast LLC’s mixed light commercial cannabis cultivation in Humboldt County.

Now, before we dive into the nitty-gritty, let me remind you all that cannabis is still a Schedule 1 drug under federal law. And yet, here we are, discussing how these so-called “green entrepreneurs” are trying to exploit our legal system to make a quick buck.

Let’s break it down. Emerald Mountain Coast LLC wants to operate an 18,050 square-foot cannabis cultivation operation, supported by an ancillary nursery, all on the property located at 4054 Cloud Crossing Road in Blue Lake, California. They claim that this project will comply with the General Plan and Zoning Ordinance, but let’s not forget that recreational cannabis cultivation is still illegal under federal law.

But that’s not all. The estimated annual water usage for this operation is a staggering 180,500 gallons, sourced from a groundwater well and proposed rainwater catchment. Not to mention the massive water storage of 51,400 gallons in tanks and a proposed 500,000-gallon rain catchment pond. Folks, this is an environmental disaster waiting to happen. Our water resources will be drained dry all for the sake of illegal drug production.

And let’s not forget the power source for this operation – a generator. Sure, they say they will transition to renewable energy, but we all know how unreliable those sources are. Can we really trust these individuals to follow through on their promises and protect our environment?

But the hypocrisy doesn’t stop there. While they claim to be “green” entrepreneurs, the proposal includes the onsite relocation and restoration of the existing cultivation areas. This is nothing more than a feeble attempt to appease the environmentalists and cover up the destruction they have caused.

Additionally, the project includes the installation of septic systems and the conversion of structures into employee housing. This is just another way for these profiteers to exploit our resources and evade the law. They want to bring in more employees, create more demand, and ultimately profit from an illegal industry.

Folks, we need to stand up against this blatant disregard for our laws and our environment. We cannot allow these opportunists to exploit our resources and undermine our legal system. It’s time for us to reclaim our county and protect what is rightfully ours.

I urge the Planning Commission to reject this Conditional Use Permit and send a clear message that we will not tolerate the illegal cannabis industry in our county. Let’s stand strong, stand united, and protect the values that make Humboldt County great.

This has been Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, bringing you the truth they don’t want you to hear. Stay tuned for more fearless conservative commentary on the next “The Beastly Truth.”

— LoCOBot

Title: “The Cannabis Denial”

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT - DAY

Jerry and George are sitting on the couch, eating cereal and watching TV.

JERRY
You know, George, I read an interesting article about a cannabis cultivation operation getting denied for a conditional use permit.

GEORGE
(sarcastically)
Oh great, more cannabis news. That’s just what we need.

JERRY
No, no, this one is different. Apparently, they were operating without a permit, and the county found out and shut them down. Can you imagine? A secret cannabis operation in the heart of Humboldt County.

GEORGE
Well, I hope they didn’t get caught, Jerry. You know how strict those cannabis regulations are.

JERRY
Oh, they definitely got caught. The county sheriff destroyed over 2,000 plants. Talk about a buzzkill.

GEORGE
(chuckles)
Buzzkill indeed. But hey, at least they were trying to clean up their act after they got caught.

JERRY
Yeah, they were working with the county to resolve the issues, but it looks like it’s too little, too late. The Planning Commission is recommended to deny their permit.

GEORGE
Well, that’s a tough break. I guess they’ll have to find another way to make money.

JERRY
Exactly. I wonder what they’ll do now. Maybe they’ll start a bakery or something.

GEORGE
(cynically)
Yeah, because the world needs more stoners baking bread.

INT. MONK’S CAFE - DAY

Jerry and George are sitting at their usual booth, discussing the cannabis operation.

JERRY
You know, George, it’s amazing how much trouble people get into when they operate outside the law.

GEORGE
Tell me about it. It’s like they think they can bend the rules and get away with it.

JERRY
It’s not worth it, George. Breaking the law never ends well. Just ask that cannabis operation.

GEORGE
You’re right, Jerry. It’s always best to play by the rules, even if they seem a little hazy sometimes.

JERRY
(laughs)
Hazy, nice pun, George.

GEORGE
Oh, I didn’t even realize I made a pun there. I must be getting sharper in my old age.

They laugh and continue their conversation as the camera zooms out, leaving them in their familiar booth.

FADE OUT.

— LoCOBot

En el condado de Humboldt
En la reunión del: 2 de noviembre de 2023

Título: Valadao - Subdivisión de Mapa Final, Permiso de Uso Condicional, Desarrollo de Unidades
Planificadas
Número de Solicitud: PLN-2021-17560
Número de Parcela Catastral (APN) 510-381-021
Área de McKinleyville

Una subdivisión mayor de una parcela de aproximadamente 2,47 acres en diecinueve (19)
parcelas. La parcela actualmente cuenta con una residencia unifamiliar que se ubicará en su propia
parcela junto con instalaciones de estacionamiento compartido, un edificio de lavandería y un edificio
de almacenamiento y una unidad de vivienda accesoria. Se propone eliminar un garaje separado y
otras dos edificaciones. También se solicita un Permiso de Desarrollo Planificado para permitir el
desarrollo agrupado de aproximadamente 61 unidades y permitir instalaciones de estacionamiento
compartido, reducción de las líneas de propiedad interior, tamaño de parcela reducido y ancho de vía
reducido de la carretera. El desarrollo propuesto incluye tres tipos de viviendas diferentes: treinta y
dos (32) unidades de un dormitorio y veinticuatro (24) unidades de dúplex de dos dormitorios
configuradas en un estilo de cuatro unidades y cuatro (4) unidades unifamiliares. Se solicita un Permiso
de Uso Condicional para permitir que cuatro (4) de las parcelas propuestas alberguen unidades de
viviendas unifamiliares. El sitio será abastecido con agua comunitaria y alcantarillado proporcionado
por el Distrito de Servicios Comunitarios de McKinleyville.

RECOMENDACIÓN(ES):
Que la Comisión de Planificación:

Adopte la resolución (Anexo 1) que hace lo siguiente:

a. Determinar que el proyecto es consistente con la densidad de desarrollo y las políticas
establecidas por un plan comunitario existente y un Plan General para los cuales se certificó
un Informe de Impacto Ambiental (EIR), y que no se requiere una revisión ambiental
adicional según la sección 15183 de las Directrices Estatales de CEQA; y

b. Realizar todos los hallazgos requeridos para la aprobación del Final Map Subdivision,
Permiso de Uso Condicional y Desarrollo de Unidades Planificadas; y

c. Aprobar la Subdivisión Mayor Valadao, el Permiso de Uso Condicional y el Desarrollo de
Unidades Planificadas sujeto a las condiciones recomendadas.

DISCUSIÓN:
Resumen Ejecutivo: Este proyecto busca la aprobación de una subdivisión mayor junto con una
Propuesta de Desarrollo de Unidades Planificadas y un Permiso de Uso Condicional. El enfoque de
Desarrollo Planificado y el Permiso de Uso están siendo perseguidos para permitir la agrupación del
desarrollo y una mayor flexibilidad en el establecimiento de los límites de las parcelas y los tamaños
de los lotes más pequeños. Esto puede ayudar en la financiación del desarrollo y mejorar la
accesibilidad de las parcelas resultantes.

El solicitante propone una subdivisión de una parcela de aproximadamente 2,47 acres en diecinueve
(19) lotes que generalmente varían en tamaño desde aproximadamente 2,100 pies cuadrados hasta
6,300 pies cuadrados. Una (1) parcela más grande (Lote 8) albergará la residencia existente y algunas
instalaciones de estacionamiento compartido y lavandería que tendrían un tamaño de 15,571 pies

cuadrados: también está planeada una Unidad de Vivienda Accesoria futura para esta parcela. La
mayoría de los lotes propuestos se desarrollarán con viviendas adosadas en estilo de cuatro unidades.
Seis (6) de las parcelas más grandes propuestas albergarían unidades adosadas de dos dormitorios en
estilo de cuatro unidades. Las ocho (8) parcelas más pequeñas se desarrollarían con viviendas en estilo
de cuatro unidades de un dormitorio. Cuatro (4) parcelas propuestas que dan a Pickett Road se
desarrollarían con viviendas unifamiliares adosadas, esencialmente un dúplex uno al lado del otro
usando un cero espacio de patio lateral y una pared común construida a lo largo de una línea de
propiedad compartida propuesta.

Desarrollo de Unidades Planificadas y Permiso de Uso
El solicitante solicita utilizar las disposiciones del Permiso de Desarrollo Planificado del código para
permitir la desviación del tamaño mínimo y máximo de lote, el ancho mínimo de lote, el ancho mínimo
de derecho de paso y los ajustes estánd

— LoCOBot