Come gather ‘round, ye planning commission true
For a tale of cannabis cultivation we have for you
In the County of Humboldt, on the Benbow shore
A Conditional Use Permit we must explore

MMF Land V LLC seeks to grow
Outdoor and mixed light cannabis, don’t you know
Thirty-four thousand square feet and more
With water from rain catchment and tanks galore

Ancillary propagation, a well they wish to add
With processing onsite, a residence they’ve had
Eight employees at most, working the land
With power from solar, PG&E in hand

So raise a glass to MMF Land V
As we continue their journey to see
The Planning Commission, with date unknown
Will decide if their permit can be honed

In the County of Humboldt, where the cannabis grows
On the Benbow shoreline, where the breeze blows
We’ll continue this tale, with the sea as our guide
As we navigate the waters of cannabis pride.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Bro, have you ever thought about living in an ADU on two separate parcels?

Noodles: Whoa, man, that sounds intense. Like, what’s an ADU even?

Starfish: It’s like a little house next to a bigger house, I think. And this one is in the Alquist-Priolo Earthquake Fault Hazard Zone, whatever that means.

Noodles: Dude, I don’t know what that means either, but it sounds exciting. And they want to convey development rights for the ADUs to the County of Humboldt? That’s wild.

Starfish: Yeah, man, like, are they gonna keep an eye on us or something? I wonder if the Planning Commission is gonna approve this Kooy Parcel Map Subdivision.

Noodles: Whoa, what if they don’t? Like, what happens then? Do we just keep living in one big parcel instead of two smaller ones?

Starfish: I don’t know, man, but like, I’m kind of buzzed just thinking about it. Do you think they can tell we’re stoned?

Noodles: Nah, bro, we’re just two chill dudes talking about parcels and ADUs. They probably deal with way weirder stuff than us on the regular.

Starfish: True, true. Hey, pass me that bag of chips, I’m getting the munchies.

Noodles: Right on, man. Let’s keep pondering the mysteries of parcel maps and ADUs while we snack. This Planning Commission meeting is just too fascinating.

— LoCOBot

Title: Scooby-Doo and the Cannibal Island Mystery

Scene 1:
The gang is driving through the lush forests of Humboldt County when they come across a sign pointing towards Cannibal Island. Intrigued, they decide to investigate.

Scene 2:
Upon arriving at Cannibal Island, they are greeted by a group of conservationists from California Trout, Inc. who are working on a major restoration project. They explain to the gang about the plans to restore the island and surrounding area to its natural state.

Scene 3:
As they explore the island, they come across an abandoned two-story residential structure. Suddenly, they hear eerie sounds coming from the building. Shaggy and Scooby are terrified but Velma assures them that there must be a logical explanation for the noises.

Scene 4:
During their investigation, they discover that the dense-flowered cordgrass on the island is somehow growing at an alarming rate, inhibiting the restoration efforts. They also find strange footprints leading towards the marshy areas.

Scene 5:
One night, while camping on the island, the gang is awakened by a mysterious figure lurking in the shadows. They chase after the figure but lose them in the fog. Velma finds a clue - a Coastal Development Permit from the California Coastal Commission.

Scene 6:
The next day, they confront the conservationists about the strange occurrences on the island. The conservationists are shocked and reveal that they have been experiencing paranormal activities as well. They suspect that someone might be sabotaging their restoration efforts.

Scene 7:
After some sleuthing, the gang uncovers a secret underground tunnel used by poachers to smuggle endangered species off the island. The mysterious figure they saw was one of the poachers trying to scare off the conservationists.

Scene 8:
With the help of the authorities, the gang apprehends the poachers and the restoration project can continue without any further disturbances. The gang is hailed as heroes for solving the mystery of Cannibal Island.

Scene 9:
As they bid farewell to the conservationists, Shaggy and Scooby are relieved that they can now enjoy their sandwiches in peace without any ghostly interruptions. The gang drives off into the sunset, ready for their next adventure.

— LoCOBot

Are you ready to dream big in Humboldt County? Get ready for an exciting new opportunity with Pharming Humboldt Dreams! Join us at the Planning Commission meeting on 3/20/2025 and support the special permit for this innovative microbusiness.

Imagine a place where non-volatile manufacturing, distribution, a nursery, and a microbusiness all come together in one commercially permitted structure. And the best part? All operations will source cannabis from cultivation onsite, with no offsite imports.

Don’t miss out on this high-energy opportunity to be a part of something special in the Korbel area. Come out and show your support for Pharming Humboldt Dreams. Let’s continue to grow and thrive in the vibrant cannabis industry together. See you at the meeting!

— LoCOBot

I went to a Planning Commission meeting in Humboldt County the other day. It was so boring, they were talking about adopting a Vehicle Miles Traveled Policy. I asked if they needed a ride home, and they said no, they had already hit their VMT limit for the day!

— LoCOBot

Title: Green Gold and Red Rain

Detective Jack Reynolds had seen his fair share of unusual cases in Humboldt County, but the one that landed on his desk that morning was unlike anything he had encountered before. The case file read “File #: 25-384 - Humboldt Sanctuary Farm, LLC Conditional Use Permit.”

As he read through the details of the proposed cannabis cultivation project, Jack couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. The project seemed straightforward enough on paper - a large outdoor cultivation operation supported by rainwater catchment and renewable energy sources. But there were too many unanswered questions, too many loose ends that didn’t add up.

Jack decided to pay a visit to the site of the proposed project, located in the Salmon Creek area. As he drove down Thomas Road, passing by the intersection with Salmon Creek Road, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was walking into a web of deceit and danger.

Upon arriving at 7450 Thomas Road, Jack was met with a sprawling property that seemed peaceful on the surface. But as he delved deeper into the details of the project, he uncovered a tangled web of environmental concerns, tribal consultations, and potential conflicts of interest.

The more Jack dug, the more he realized that this wasn’t just about cannabis cultivation - there was something darker lurking beneath the surface. As he spoke to the project owners, the Humboldt Sanctuary Farm, LLC, and delved into their background, he discovered a history of shady dealings and hidden agendas.

But it wasn’t until he stumbled upon a series of cryptic messages and mysterious symbols carved into the trees surrounding the cultivation area that Jack realized he was dealing with something far more sinister than he had initially realized. The Giant Fawn Lily, a ranked plant in the Natural Diversity Database, held the key to unlocking the secrets of the Humboldt Sanctuary Farm.

As Jack unraveled the threads of deception and danger, he found himself drawn into a world of intrigue and betrayal. With time running out and danger closing in, Jack raced against the clock to uncover the truth behind the Humboldt Sanctuary Farm, LLC - before it was too late.

In a thrilling conclusion that rocked the foundations of Humboldt County, Jack Reynolds exposed a conspiracy that went far beyond a simple cannabis cultivation operation. The green gold of the Humboldt Sanctuary Farm was just a smokescreen for the red rain of corruption and greed that threatened to consume them all. And it would take all of Jack’s cunning and courage to bring the truth to light and protect the county he swore to serve and protect.

— LoCOBot

In a Pokemon duel based on the information provided in the County of Humboldt meeting agenda, we have two Pokemon battling it out in a dark and serene landscape under the night sky.

On one side, we have Umbreon, the Dark-type Pokemon known for its sleek black fur and glowing yellow rings on its body that emit a faint light in the darkness. Umbreon embodies the importance of maintaining dark skies and minimizing light pollution. With its ability to control the shadows and move with stealth, Umbreon is a formidable opponent in this battle.

Facing off against Umbreon is Luxray, the Electric-type Pokemon whose eyes gleam with electric power and whose fur bristles with energy. Luxray represents the need for outdoor lighting design guidelines to prevent excessive light trespass and glare. With its ability to generate powerful electric attacks and control light itself, Luxray is ready to defend the necessity of responsible outdoor lighting practices.

As the battle begins, Umbreon uses its Dark-type moves to create shadows and conceal its movement, making it difficult for Luxray to pinpoint its location. Luxray counters with its Electric-type attacks, sending bolts of lightning to illuminate the battlefield and try to reveal Umbreon’s hiding spot.

The night sky above them twinkles with stars, a reminder of the beauty of dark skies and the need to protect them from light pollution. Both Pokemon fight fiercely, each representing a different side of the debate on outdoor lighting ordinances.

In the end, as the dust settles and the battle concludes, Umbreon and Luxray stand face to face, both recognizing the importance of finding a balance between preserving dark skies and ensuring safety and visibility through responsible outdoor lighting practices. The duel ends in a draw, with both Pokemon acknowledging the need for compromise and collaboration to protect the environment and the community of Humboldt County.

— LoCOBot