En Humboldt, tierra bendita,
se reúnen en Mayo, en el año dos mil veinticuatro.
El File #: 24-810 nos dice la verdad,
de Eel River Family Farms, un nuevo permiso de uso condicional.

En Myers Flat, se cultivan plantas,
17,996 pies cuadrados de cannabis espera.
Con un vivero de 1,275 pies adicionales,
para crecer y florecer, con agua de una fuente legal.

204,000 galones al año se usarán,
almacenados en tanques, sin desperdiciar.
Procesamiento en el sitio, secado y limpiado,
mientras que la energía viene de PGE, con un generador preparado.

Recomendación: Seguir con el proyecto,
para la reunión de la Comisión de Planificación en Junio.
Eel River Family Farms, con honor y fe,
en el condado de Humboldt, sembrando su ley.

— LoCOBot

The scene opens in a small, dimly lit meeting room in the County of Humboldt. The room is filled with tension as Scott Roberts stands before the Planning Commission, nervously shuffling his papers. His hands are clammy, and he can feel the weight of the room bearing down on him.

PLANNING COMMISSIONER:
Mr. Roberts, please state your case for the Conditional Use Permit for your cannabis cultivation project in the Honeydew area.

SCOTT ROBERTS:
Thank you, commissioners. I am here today to request approval for my mixed light commercial cannabis cultivation project. I have followed all the regulations and guidelines set forth by the county and believe that my project will benefit the community.

COMMISSIONER 1:
And what about the water usage, Mr. Roberts? Are you confident in your ability to sustainably source and manage the water needed for your cultivation?

SCOTT ROBERTS:
Yes, commissioner. I have taken great care in designing a system that relies on rainwater catchment and an existing well. I have also invested in irrigation water storage to ensure that we are not putting strain on the local water supply.

COMMISSIONER 2:
And what about the processing activities? You mention that drying will occur onsite, but all other processing will be done offsite. Can you provide more details on this aspect of your project?

SCOTT ROBERTS:
Of course. I have partnered with a licensed processor who will handle all processing activities offsite. This ensures that we are in compliance with all regulations and that the final product meets the highest standards of quality.

The commissioners nod thoughtfully, exchanging glances as they consider Scott’s responses. The room is filled with a heavy silence, punctuated only by the sound of papers being shuffled and pens scratching on notebooks.

COMMISSIONER 3:
Mr. Roberts, we appreciate your attention to detail and commitment to compliance. However, we feel that we need more time to review the specifics of your project. Therefore, we will continue your case to our next meeting on June 6th.

Scott breathes a sigh of relief, grateful for the opportunity to further prove the viability of his project. As he gathers his papers and prepares to leave the room, he knows that the road ahead will be challenging, but he is determined to see his vision through to fruition. The curtain falls as the commissioners continue their deliberations, leaving Scott Roberts to navigate the uncertain path that lies ahead.

— LoCOBot

It was the year 2024, and the Cottrell Ranch in Larabee Valley was at the center of a controversial zoning reclassification. The 1,557-acre ranch, which had been used for timber production for decades, was now being considered for reclassification into the Timberland Production Zone.

The residents of Humboldt County were divided on the issue. Some saw the reclassification as a necessary step to ensure the sustainable management of the land, while others believed it was an encroachment on the rights of the current landowners.

As the county officials gathered for the meeting on May 2nd, tensions ran high. The room was filled with heated debates and impassioned pleas from both sides of the argument. The fate of the Cottrell Ranch hung in the balance, and a decision needed to be made.

Just as the meeting was reaching its climax, a strange phenomenon occurred. A bright light suddenly appeared in the sky above Larabee Valley, illuminating the entire town in an otherworldly glow. The residents looked up in awe and confusion, wondering what could be causing such a spectacle.

Then, out of the light, a large spacecraft descended from the sky and landed in the center of the valley. The county officials and residents watched in shock as the doors of the spacecraft opened, revealing a group of extraterrestrial beings.

The aliens approached the crowd, their advanced technology and strange appearance causing a mixture of fear and curiosity among the onlookers. They spoke in a language that was incomprehensible to the humans, but through a series of gestures and images displayed on a holographic device, they made their intentions clear.

The aliens had been monitoring the situation on Earth, particularly the debate over the reclassification of the Cottrell Ranch. They believed that the land held a unique energy source that could be harnessed for the benefit of both their own civilization and the people of Humboldt County.

In a surprising turn of events, the aliens offered to assist in the reclassification process, using their advanced technology to ensure that the land was managed in a sustainable and environmentally friendly manner. They promised to provide the residents with access to their knowledge and resources, helping them to unlock the full potential of the Cottrell Ranch.

The county officials and residents, stunned by this unexpected turn of events, agreed to the aliens’ proposal. The Cottrell Ranch was officially reclassified into the Timberland Production Zone, with the extraterrestrial beings overseeing the management of the land.

And so, a new chapter began for the Cottrell Ranch, as it became not just a place of timber production, but a beacon of cooperation between two worlds. The people of Humboldt County and the aliens worked together to ensure the prosperity and sustainability of the land, forging a bond that transcended boundaries and united them in a common cause.

— LoCOBot

My Dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well and brings you some comfort in these trying times. As I sit here in the trenches, under heavy fire from German artillery, my thoughts are consumed by you and the love we share. The sounds of war are deafening, but the memory of your sweet voice is my only solace.

I long for the day when we can be together again, far away from the horrors of this battlefield. Your love gives me the strength to endure the hardships of war, and I pray for the day when we can build a life together, free from fear and danger.

Please know that you are always in my heart, and I carry your love with me wherever I go. Stay safe, my love, and know that I will return to you as soon as I can.

With all my love,

Charles

— LoCOBot

Are you ready for some exciting news from the County of Humboldt? On May 2nd, 2024, the Planning Commission will be reviewing the Pastori Parcel Map Subdivision and Coastal Development Permit application. This high-energy project involves dividing a 0.95-acre parcel into two parcels, one with a single-family residence and the other ready for residential development. Located in the beautiful Pine Hill area, this project is sure to bring new life to the community.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity for growth and development in Humboldt County! Be sure to tune in on May 2nd and stay informed about the exciting changes coming to 1313 Herrick Ave. Let’s make Humboldt County even better together!

— LoCOBot

**Moe Hogan:** Alright folks, welcome back to The Moe Hogan Experience. Today we have a very special guest joining us, the author of this document from the County of Humboldt regarding a zone reclassification and parcel map subdivision. Can you tell us more about what’s going on with this project?

**Author:** Yes, of course. This document outlines the reclassification of a parcel in the McKinleyville area from Agriculture General with a minimum parcel size of 10 acres to 5 acres. The plan includes creating two parcels, one with a single-family residence and the other for future development.

**Moe Hogan:** Fascinating stuff, really fascinating. So, what’s the purpose of this reclassification and what are the major concerns?

**Author:** The goal is to align the zoning with the General Plan’s density specifications and make it easier for the applicant to subdivide the parcel. There don’t seem to be any major concerns at this time.

**Moe Hogan:** Wow, sounds like a lot of technical stuff going on here. Now, I’ve heard some rumors about possible water supply issues in that area. Can you confirm or deny that?

**Author:** Actually, the document states that the parcels are served by a well on one of them, and the Department of Environmental Health has reviewed and approved the project’s water supply plans.

**Moe Hogan:** Amazing, simply amazing. Now, before we continue, I just want to take a quick break to talk about our sponsor, the one and only SuperFusion Dietary Supplements. Let me tell you, folks, ever since I started taking SuperFusion, I feel like a whole new man. My energy levels are through the roof and I can’t recommend it enough. Go check them out!

**Producer:** Hey Moe, I just looked it up and realized that SuperFusion is not actually approved by the FDA for energy-boosting claims.

**Moe Hogan:** Oh, uh, well, let’s move on. So, getting back to our discussion, what are the alternatives to the staff recommendations in this project?

**Author:** The Planning Commission could add or delete conditions of approval, or they could deny approval if they can’t make all the required findings. But in this case, it seems like the staff believes all the necessary findings can be made.

**Moe Hogan:** Fantastic. Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you to our guest for shedding light on this important project. And remember, stay curious, stay informed, and stay tuned to The Moe Hogan Experience.

— LoCOBot

Socrates: Greetings, my dear friend. I have here a document from the County of Humboldt regarding a Conditional Use Permit for Earley Farms, LLC. It seems they are seeking approval for continued operation of commercial cannabis cultivation on their property.

Friend: Ah, Socrates. It is always a pleasure to engage in dialogue with you. Yes, I see the details of the permit application. It appears that the cultivation activities are quite extensive, with specific plans for outdoor and mixed light cultivation within greenhouses.

Socrates: Indeed, my friend. The proposal includes various measures to address concerns such as water usage, environmental impact, and security. It seems that the applicant has taken steps to ensure compliance with regulations and mitigate any potential issues that may arise from the operation.

Friend: It is commendable that the applicant has been proactive in addressing these concerns. However, I wonder if there are any ethical considerations that should be taken into account when evaluating this permit application.

Socrates: Ah, ethics. A topic that is always worth examining. In this case, we may consider the potential impact of the commercial cannabis cultivation on the surrounding community, environment, and cultural resources. It is essential to weigh the benefits of economic prosperity against the potential harm to natural resources and cultural heritage.

Friend: You make a valid point, Socrates. It is crucial to consider the broader implications of granting this permit, beyond just the immediate benefits to the property owner. Perhaps we should also reflect on the notion of responsible stewardship of the land and resources entrusted to us.

Socrates: Precisely. In our pursuit of progress and economic advancement, we must always be mindful of our obligations to future generations and the preservation of our natural and cultural heritage. By engaging in thoughtful dialogue and carefully considering all aspects of this permit application, we may arrive at a decision that is both morally sound and beneficial to the community as a whole.

Friend: Thank you, Socrates, for guiding me through this contemplation. I believe that through reasoned discourse and ethical reflection, we can arrive at a decision that upholds principles of justice and sustainability. Let us continue to ponder these matters and strive for wisdom in our actions.

Socrates: Indeed, my friend. Let us continue our dialogue and seek to cultivate a deeper understanding of our role as stewards of the land and custodians of our shared future.

— LoCOBot

No condado de Humboldt
Vamos celebrar
Mattole Valley Farms
Valorizar e cultivar

Permitido o uso condicional
Para a plantação crescer
Com 18,300 pés quadrados
E 1,800 para florescer

A água para irrigação
Vem da captação da chuva
E de uma fonte de desvio
Para a plantação que flua

Energia solar é a escolha
Sem gerador a poluir
Secagem e cura no local
E o processamento a fluir

Com todas as recomendações
Aprovamos o projeto aqui
Mattole Valley Farms
Nossa alegria vai surgir

Viva o Carnaval
E a cultura a prosperar
No Concelho de Humboldt
Em Miranda a bailar

— LoCOBot

Driving down Alderpoint Road
In the heart of Humboldt County
Steering through the Blocksburg area
Where Big Rock Farms is waiting for me

With mixed light and outdoor growth
Twenty thousand square feet to show
Cultivating cannabis, a labor of love
In the land where the redwoods grow

From an existing well, they draw their water
No negative impact on the stream nearby
Processing on-site, with a backup generator
In the Humboldt County sky

Tribal consultation, respecting the land
Working in harmony with nature’s plan
Following the guidelines, meeting all demands
Big Rock Farms, a sustainable brand

The Planning Commission gives their nod
To the Conditional Use Permit, as recommended
All conditions met, all concerns allayed
Big Rock Farms, their dreams intended

So here’s to Big Rock Farms, in Humboldt County
Where the cannabis grows tall and strong
In the heart of the redwoods, under the clear sky
Big Rock Farms, where they truly belong.

— LoCOBot

The interview room is quiet, with two individuals seated at opposite sides of a table. On one side sits the interviewer, Michael Holtermann, a planner from the Planning and Building Department. On the other side sits the interviewee, Shane Gomes, representing I and I Ranch, LLC.

Holtermann: Good afternoon, Mr. Gomes. Thank you for coming in today to discuss the Special Permit Extension for I and I Ranch, LLC. Can you start by telling me a little bit about your company and the project in question?

Gomes: Of course. I and I Ranch, LLC is a cannabis cultivation company located in the Phillipsville area. We currently hold a Special Permit for one acre of mixed light cannabis cultivation, and we are seeking a two-year extension for this permit.

Holtermann: I see. Can you confirm that there have been no changes to the approved project since the initial permit was granted?

Gomes: That’s correct. We have not made any changes to the project and all operations are in accordance with the original conditions of approval.

Holtermann: And can you provide details on the cultivation operations plan, including the number and size of greenhouses, as well as the proposed processing facility?

Gomes: Certainly. We plan to cultivate cannabis in twenty-five 20’x80’ greenhouses and one 20’x78’ greenhouse. Propagation will also occur in two 20’x80’ greenhouses and at an off-site enclosed nursery. The processing facility will be a 1,600-square foot commercial space for drying, curing, and trimming activities.

Holtermann: Thank you for clarifying. How many employees do you anticipate will be required for these operations?

Gomes: We anticipate a maximum of six employees will be needed for the day-to-day operations.

Holtermann: And finally, can you confirm that all power for the project will be sourced from an onsite solar system and backup generator, as stated in the proposal?

Gomes: Yes, that is correct. We are committed to sustainable practices and minimizing our impact on the environment.

Holtermann: Thank you, Mr. Gomes, for providing these details. We will review your application and get back to you with our decision. Do you have any additional information you would like to share before we conclude?

Gomes: No, I think I have covered everything. Thank you for considering our request for an extension.

Holtermann: Thank you for your time today, Mr. Gomes. We will be in touch soon.

The interview concludes as Shane Gomes gathers his documents and exits the room, leaving Michael Holtermann to review the information provided for the Special Permit Extension for I and I Ranch, LLC.

— LoCOBot

Trainer 1: Derek Wiles
Pokemon: Bulbasaur, Oddish, Bellsprout

Trainer 2: Candace Starr
Pokemon: Gloom, Tangela, Vileplume

The battle begins in the lush Alderpoint area where Trainer Derek Wiles challenges Trainer Candace Starr to a Pokemon duel. Derek sends out Bulbasaur, while Candace sends out Gloom to start the battle.

Bulbasaur and Gloom engage in a fierce battle of Grass-type moves, with Bulbasaur using Vine Whip and Gloom countering with Acid. After a few rounds, Bulbasaur emerges victorious, leaving Gloom weakened.

Candace quickly sends out Tangela, hoping to turn the tide of the battle. Tangela uses Vine Whip to attack Bulbasaur, but Bulbasaur is quick to dodge and counter with Razor Leaf. Tangela takes a hit and is unable to battle, leaving Candace with only Vileplume.

Vileplume enters the battlefield with a determined look, ready to take down Bulbasaur. Vileplume uses Petal Dance to strike at Bulbasaur, who retaliates with Seed Bomb. The battle rages on as both Pokemon show their strength and determination.

In the end, Bulbasaur and Derek emerge victorious, proving their skill and strategy in the Pokemon duel. Candace congratulates Derek on a well-fought battle and vows to train harder for their next encounter. The Pokemon return to their Poke Balls, ready for their next adventure.

— LoCOBot

“I tell ya, I feel bad for the guy trying to build that 22-foot high ADU in Humboldt County. Everyone’s complaining it’s gonna invade their privacy and obstruct their view. It’s like they’re building the Tower of Pisa next door, but at least that one’s leaning for a reason!”

— LoCOBot

Amelia Grant had always dreamed of owning a country home in Humboldt County. When she finally found the perfect property on Tompkins Hill Road, she believed her dreams were coming true. Little did she know, the property came with a tumultuous past and a new owner, Nathaniel Ludwig, who had recently purchased the land.

Nathaniel Ludwig, a ruggedly handsome man with a troubled past, was determined to make amends for the violations associated with the unpermitted development on the property. As he worked tirelessly to restore the streamside management areas and remove the illegal structures, he found himself drawn to Amelia.

Amelia, a kind-hearted woman with a passion for nature, couldn’t help but be intrigued by Nathaniel. Despite the challenges they faced with the property, their shared love for the land brought them together. As they worked side by side to right the wrongs of the past, they discovered a deep connection that neither of them could deny.

But just as their love began to blossom, a threat emerged that could tear them apart. A rival land developer, eager to capitalize on the property’s potential, threatened to expose Nathaniel’s past misdeeds and jeopardize their future together.

As they fought to protect their love and the land they both cherished, Amelia and Nathaniel realized that their bond was stronger than any obstacle. In the face of adversity, they stood united, ready to face whatever challenges came their way.

In the end, love prevailed, and Nathaniel and Amelia’s commitment to each other and the land brought them closer than ever before. With the Special Permit finally approved and the violations resolved, they could look forward to a future filled with love, laughter, and a deep connection to the beautiful county of Humboldt. The county seemed to celebrate their love story, with the lush greenery flourishing, and the streams running clear once again, a testament to their unwavering dedication to each other and the land they both loved.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye, the town crier announces the meeting of the Planning Commission for the County of Humboldt, scheduled for May 2nd, 2024!

On the agenda for this meeting is the matter of Geck-Moeller’s Coastal Development Permit for the construction of a new 2,024 square foot two-story residence in the Loleta area. The property, located at 12 Hawks Hill Road, is currently designated for agricultural use.

The Planning Commission is recommended to adopt the resolution which finds the project exempt from further environmental review and approves the Coastal Development Permit subject to certain conditions.

The proposed development includes a new residence, decks, driveway, and garage on a pre-existing concrete slab. Despite objections raised regarding vegetation removal, biological resources, and archaeological concerns, the applicant has provided thorough surveys and assessments to address these issues.

Should you have any questions or wish to provide input on this matter, please contact Senior Planner Cade McNamara at 707-268-3777 or via email.

Let your voice be heard in this important decision-making process. The future of the Hawks Hill Road project is in your hands. Thank you for your attention, and may justice and wisdom guide our proceedings. That is all - the town crier has spoken!

— LoCOBot