2017 Kinetic Awards Winners

Was fossil fuel the secret?

In front of a kapacity krowd inside Ferndale’s Belotti Hall, Trilobike Test Kitchen was named the 2017 Kinetic Grand Champion, the most coveted of a slew of awards handed out to the kourageous racers who’d spent the last three days traversing 42 miles of pavement, sand and water during the Kinetic Grand Championship.

Steve McHaney, the kreative force behind Trilobike Test Kitchen, has been kompeting in the race for four years now, winning the first place engineering award in the last two years. He was joined on his kraft this year by his twin sons Carson and Weston.

Kongrats, McHaney klan, and to the rest of this year’s racers. Scroll around below for list of the rest of this year’s award winner. Glory achieved.

2017 Kinetic Grand Champions

• Trilobike Test Kitchen

Best Engineering

• 1st: A Cockwork Orange
• 2nd: Project X
• 3rd: Melvin

Best Art

• 1st: Planet X
• 2nd: Kinetic Kootie
• 3rd: A Cockwork Orange

Best Speed 

• 1st: Evel Kinetics
• 2nd: Flying Spaghetti Monster
• 3rd: Fired Up!

Best Pageantry 

• 1st: A Cockwork Orange
• 2nd: Tempus Fugitorium 
• 3rd: Summer of Love: 50th Anniversary

2017 ACE Award Professors 

• Melvin (28th ACE Award!)
• Flying Sauna
• A Cockwork Orange
• Evel Kinetics
• Sparky the Foster Dog
• Trilobike Test Kitchen
• Flying Spaghetti Monster
• Project X
• Bikin’ Fool
• Fired Up!

Mediocre Award-winner, June Moxon, sits on her mobile trophy

Mediocre Award (For Team That Finishes in the Middle of the Pack)

• Kinetic Kootie

Best Junior Award

• Vet-Trans

Best Pit Crew

• Team Jeep

Best Campsite

• A Cockwork Orange

Best Bribe

• A Cockwork Orange

6:32 Award

• Team Turtle: DOMNT

Lifetime Achievement Award

• Bill Beers

Ground Pounder’s Ground Pounder

• Frank! 

Best Volunteer

• John Mantle

Goddess Jen-O Award

• Flying Spaghetti Monster

Port Townsend Award

• Fair Winds and the Following Sea Scout Creatures

Biggest Splash Award

• Fired Up!

The Golden Dinosaur Award

• The Innuendo

The Golden Flipper Award (Water)

• Tempus Fugitorium 

The Golden Flipper Award (Sand)

• Sparky the Foster Dog

Most Improved Award

• Painappuru

The Spirit of the Glorious Founder Award

• Unex-Spectacles and the KPS Magical Wardrobe

The Never Give Up, Poor, Poor Pitiful Me Award

• Bikin’ Fool

One for the Little Guy

• Chain Mail

Racers’ Choice Award

• Summer of Love: 50th Anniversary

Second to Last Award

• lotecnotec

Spectators’ Favorite

• Summer of Love: 50th Anniversary 

Teddy Bear Award

• Vet-Trans

They Came From Out of Town

• Kinetic Kirby

You Clever Rascal (Best Engineering for a Non-ACE Machine)

• Sissyphus Walks ‘is Moon

The Race Winds to a Close, Awards to be Announced Soon

Most of the sculptures have cross the finish line on Main Street in Ferndale, and as of 4:37 p.m., the course is officially closed for machines that are hoping to ace.

Now we await the 6 p.m. awards banquet at the Portuguese hall where the racers will find out just how much glory they’ve secured in the kinetic history books. We will post the awards as they are announced later tonight.

Strong Currents on the Eel, Racers Begin to Ford the River

LoCO’s Andrew Goff is on scene at Fernbridge where he has received word that the racers will enter the water from the north bank of the Eel, on the east side of the bridge due to strong currents. From there, they will paddle under the bridge toward the south bank on the west side of the bridge.

Very technical stuff people!

Twelve Sculptures Still Retain Ace Status as We Enter the Final Day

As the sculptures head through Loleta, 12 still hold their ace status. Who’s got what it takes to be our new champion? Stay tuned to KHUM and the LoCO for continuous updates.

Machines still holding their ACE status:

• #106 Melvin
• #107 Flying Sauna
• #108 A Cockwork Orange
• #109 Evil Kinetics
• #110 Sparky the Foster Dog
• #111 TriloBike Test Kitchen
• #112 IPA - Intergalactic Pussy Alliance
• #114 Flying Speghetti Monster
• #125 Project X
• #129 Bikin’ Fool
• #131 Fired Up!
• #134 Knights Surround a Table

JUNE'S DUNE RULED TOO BRUTAL

Photo: John Ferrara

Technical note about the 2017 Kinetic Kourse: Chalk it up to Razooly maleficence if you like, but race officials have decided that June’s Dune — the point from which sculptures exit the beach on their way to Dead Man’s Drop — is too hard to traverse. Thus, teams are going to be allowed to push their sculptures across the mound without having to worry about losing their ACE.

(NOTE: Word is Trilobike pedaled over June’s Dune the hard way. Just sayin’.)

Rollin' Into Manila

After braving the deadly motorized gawkers foolishly stacked up on Highway 255, the fastest Kinetic Sculptures have started to make their way into the beer and bounce house-enhanced Manila Community Park. Who was the speediest? LoCO has that answer:

• 1) Chain Mail
• 2) Trilobike Test Kitchen
• 3) Kinetic Evel
• 4) Melvin
• 5) Flying Spaghetti Monster
• 6) Team Goddess Lightning Bug
• 7) Summer of Love
• 8) Sparky
• 9) Glorious Galloping Gastropod
• 10) Tempus Fugitorium
• 11) A Cockwork Orange (really?)

Photos of the the glorious Manila pit stop courtesy John Ferrara.

And They’re Off!

On a perfectly Humboldt overcast Saturday, 35 sculptures circled the Arcata Plaza to kick off the 49th annual Kinetic Grand Championship. Signaled by the noon whistle, only the Kinetic Paranormal Society crashed and burned before making it off the Plaza. (Fear not — they were soon up and on their way.)

Watch the kraziness below as called by KHUM’s Amy Berkowitz. Glory in motion.