2017 IPA: Intergalactic Pussy Alliance | Sunday, 12:12 p.m.

Wet Glory

2017 Kinetic Soul Train | Saturday, 8 p.m.

Kinetic Soul Train’s ACE Dreams Go Up in Flames

… but while Intergalactic Pussy Alliance feasted on the thrill of victory, it was the Kinetic Soul Train that choked down the agony of defeat.

Piloted by a pair of Rutabaga Queens — Sohotshe Burns and Gloria Kiddnetica — the flaming choo choo ran off the tracks a few times during Day 1 and ultimately failed to make across the Halverson Park finish line before the 6:32 p.m. deadline.

See Queen Sohotshe Burns remain optimistic and vow to keep burning bright in the clip below.

2017 IPA: Intergalactic Pussy Alliance | Saturday, 7:11 p.m.

Pussy By a Hair!

Kinetic Grand Championship rules state that all machines attempting to ACE the course must cross the Day 1 finish line by 6:32 p.m. No “ifs,” “ands” and/or “buts.”

So it was quite the glorious scene when IPA: Intergalactic Pussy Alliance rounded the corner onto Waterfront Drive at the last moment, ultimately crossing the finish line at 6:31 p.m. Take that, Trump!

LoCO was able to speak with IPA captain Marilyn Kurka who managed to form words despite the beating she’d just taken from the Day 1 Kinetic Kourse.

2017 A Cockwork Orange | Saturday, 5:33 p.m.

Funguy Discusses the Color Orange, His Chances at Repeat ACEing, Cider Drinking Techniques

As the weary kinetic warriors poured alcohol into their faces after a strenuous first day of the Kinetic Grand Championship, Brian Slayton took a moment to explain how he arrived at this year’s sculpture theme and took us through the highs and lows of his first day of racing. One of the race’s more enduring characters, Slayton — better known as “Funguy,” for better or worse — also showed us how to double fist cider. (Eh, it’s reallynot that hard.)

2017 Sparky the Foster Dog | Saturday, 3:10 p.m.

(VIDEO) SPARKY DOWN

Oh no! They say it’s a “dog eat dog world,” but over at Dead Man’s Drop it’s a “dog eat sand” kinda scene. Ruff!

Sparky the Foster Dog is the first sculpture thus far to fail to successfully navigate the perilous dune. Sounds like the mutt didn’t sustain any damage that will stop them from carrying on. Time will tell. Should they make it to the finish line maybe take pity on them and share some of that bacon you lug around.

Video of the biff below.

2017 Trilobike Test Kitchen | Saturday, 2:57 p.m.

Trilobike First Across the DAY 1 Finish Line

If you can’t stand the heat, don’t mess with this kitchen!

Just before 3 p.m. on Day 1, Team Trilobike Test Kitchen stole a good portion of glory by crossing the finish line at Halvorsen Park. The rest of you slackers owe them beers.