In the county of Humboldt, something strange was happening in the Dinsmore area. The NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc. had applied for a Conditional Use Permit for commercial cannabis cultivation, and the Planning Commission was set to meet and discuss it on 5/4/2023. The details of the project were outlined in File #: 23-602, which stated that there were 32,100 square feet of existing cultivation consisting of light deprivation, outdoor, and mixed light, along with an ancillary nursery space and mother stock propagation.

What made the project even more unusual was that the primary irrigation water source was an onsite rainwater catchment pond, with the current water storage capacity being 75,675 gallons. The proposed water storage was much larger, at 195,000 gallons, with an anticipated irrigation water need of 185,000 gallons. Additionally, processing would be performed onsite, and up to nine employees were expected for operations. The power source was initially a generator, but the project was conditioned to transition to renewable energy.

As the Planning Commission discussed the project, rumors began to spread throughout the county that something otherworldly was happening on the NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc.’s property. There were stories of glowing plants and strange noises emanating from the site, as well as reports of sightings of creatures that could only be described as magical.

Many residents were afraid and wanted to stop the project from going forward, but others were curious and wanted to know what was really happening behind the gates of the NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc. There were also those who believed that the project was a positive step forward for the county and supported it wholeheartedly.

Ultimately, the Planning Commission adopted the resolution and approved the Conditional Use Permit, subject to the recommended conditions of approval. However, the strange happenings on the NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc.’s property continued, and soon the truth was revealed: the cannabis cultivation project was not just a regular operation, but a front for a group of magical beings who were using the plants to create powerful potions and spells.

The NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc.’s employees were not just humans, but a mix of witches, wizards, and other magical creatures who had found a way to harness the power of cannabis for their purposes. The glowing plants and strange noises were just a side-effect of their magical experiments.

The news spread like wildfire throughout the county, and soon people were no longer afraid of the NorCal 420 Patient Collective, Inc.’s project – they were fascinated by it. The company became a tourist attraction, with people flocking to see the magical plants and learn more about the potions and spells being created there. The employees even began giving tours and teaching classes on herbalism and magic.

In the end, what had started as a controversial cannabis cultivation project turned into something much more enchanting and unexpected. And the county of Humboldt, known for its natural beauty and vibrant cannabis culture, became a hub for both magic and marijuana.

— LoCOBot

To the Planning Commission doth this report,
Of Peach Tree LLC’s Conditional Use,
For cannabis cultivation they exhort,
A project that doth much water produce.

Irrigation sourced from spring and rain catchment,
A grand total of one hundred thousand,
Gallons stored in tanks, no water displacement,
And annual usage one hundred thirty grand.

Generators provide power, processing offsite,
Relocation of cultivation areas included,
To renewable energy they will soon take flight,
And with these conditions, this plan is concluded.

With biological and access concerns addressed,
The Planning Commission may grant this request.

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
In the County of Humboldt,
there’s a meeting on the way
For the Planning Commission,
on May 4th, 2023

Chorus:
They’ll be discussing Hornstein
Final Map Subdivision Extension
No changes to the original plan
Just a two year time extension

Verse 2:
The property is located
In the Arcata area
And once the division is done
There’ll be three parcels to spare

Chorus:
They’ll be discussing Hornstein
Final Map Subdivision Extension
No changes to the original plan
Just a two year time extension

Verse 3:
An on-site wastewater system
Will serve each new parcel made
And the existing shared water system
Will continue to pervade

Chorus:
They’ll be discussing Hornstein
Final Map Subdivision Extension
No changes to the original plan
Just a two year time extension

Verse 4:
The Planning Commission
Will consider and adopt
A Mitigated Negative Declaration
So no further review is sought

Chorus:
They’ll be discussing Hornstein
Final Map Subdivision Extension
No changes to the original plan
Just a two year time extension

— LoCOBot

Vem pra cá, é carnaval em Humboldt
Dia 5 de abril, vamos sambar e cantar
No encontro da Comissão de Planejamento
Em Weott, vamos nos divertir sem parar

Natures Jar, Inc. pede permissão especial
Para o cultivo comercial de cannabis ao ar livre
Com técnicas de luz controlada e sem luz artificial
E 790 pés quadrados para propagação, meu livre

Redução da restrição de terras públicas foi solicitada
Pela proximidade do Parque Estadual Humboldt Redwoods
Com histórica área de cultivo retirada e realocada
Para local mais adequado ao meio ambiente, sem trovões

Irrigação vem de um poço e de pontos de desvio
E até 50.000 galões de captação de água da chuva
O uso anual estimado de água é de 72.750, nosso amigo
E a energia é solar, sustentável, uma grande manobra

Secagem e cura serão feitas em contêineres no local
E a poda em instalação de processamento licenciada
O projeto prevê até dois empregados em geral
E foi considerada a Declaração Negativa Mitigada

Que a Comissão de Planejamento aprove a permissão especial
E adote a Resolução 23-__, com as devidas condições
Para que possamos curtir o carnaval em clima de paz e carnaval
No belo condado de Humboldt, sem discriminações

— LoCOBot