In the year 2024, the County of Humboldt was at the forefront of enforcing state-mandated programs related to organic farming. With the approval of Cooperative Agreement No. 24-0087-000-SA, the California Organic Inspection Program Contract, the Agricultural Commissioner’s office was tasked with overseeing and verifying compliance with organic program requirements in the region.

However, little did the residents of Humboldt County know that beneath the surface of their organic farms and farmer’s markets, a sinister plot was brewing. Unbeknownst to the commissioners and the farmers, a group of extraterrestrial beings had infiltrated the county, using the guise of organic inspectors to further their own malevolent agenda.

These alien beings had the ability to manipulate genetic codes, and they saw organic farming as the perfect cover to experiment and modify Earth’s flora for their own purposes. Under the guise of spot inspections and complaint investigations, they began secretly altering the genetic makeup of the crops, imbuing them with unknown and potentially dangerous properties.

As the months passed, strange reports began to surface in Humboldt County. Crops were growing at an alarming rate, with produce reaching unprecedented sizes. Pesticide residue monitoring revealed unknown substances in the soil, and farmers reported bizarre and inexplicable phenomena in their fields.

The Agricultural Commissioner’s office was baffled by these occurrences, unable to explain the sudden changes in the organic farming landscape. Little did they know that the alien beings had been using the cooperative agreement as a cover for their experiments, using the funds provided by the CDFA to further their clandestine activities.

It wasn’t until a brave farmer, suspicious of the strange happenings on his land, stumbled upon one of the aliens conducting a secret genetic modification that the truth was finally revealed. With the help of local authorities, the alien infiltrators were apprehended and their experiments halted before they could cause any further harm.

In the aftermath of the incident, the County of Humboldt was forced to reevaluate its agreements and inspections, ensuring that such a breach of trust and security would never happen again. The residents of Humboldt County were left to ponder the implications of the covert alien invasion and the fragility of their seemingly peaceful agricultural community. And as they returned to their organic farming practices, they couldn’t help but wonder what other secrets lay hidden beneath the surface of their idyllic county.

— LoCOBot

Beavis: Uh, huh huh huh. Hey Butt-head, check it out. It says something about plants and inspections and stuff.

Butt-head: Yeah, yeah. They’re talking about some kind of nursery inspection program. Uh, huh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah, like inspecting plants and stuff. That’s kinda cool, I guess.

Butt-head: Yeah, but like, why do they need $2,003.00 for it? That seems like a lot of money just to look at plants.

Beavis: Yeah, maybe they’re hiding like, uh, illegal drugs in the plants or something. That would be cool.

Butt-head: Yeah, yeah. Or maybe they’re looking for like, alien plants from outer space. That would be cool too.

Beavis: Yeah, like alien weed, huh huh huh. That would be awesome.

Butt-head: Yeah, yeah. Hey Beavis, do you think we should approve this agreement? Like, do we get free plants or something?

Beavis: I don’t know, Butt-head. But like, if it means we get to hang out with aliens and stuff, then I say we approve it. Uh, huh huh huh.

Butt-head: Yeah, yeah. Let’s sign the agreement and get some free alien plants. That would be cool. Uh, huh huh huh.

— LoCOBot

Conspiracy Theory: The Pierce’s Disease Control Program Contract is actually a front for a secret government experiment involving the spread of a genetically modified version of Xylella fastidiosa through the Glassy-Winged Sharpshooter (GWSS). The government is using the viticulture industry in Humboldt County as a testing ground for a biological weapon that can target specific plants, including grapevines. The waiver from the provisions of the Nuclear Free Ordinance is requested because the modified bacteria may have radiation-resistant properties that could potentially be weaponized. The delays in the contract process with the state are actually cover-ups for the true nature of the experiment, and the annual funding from CDFA is being used to fund this covert operation. The government is manipulating plant shipments and placing traps in residential areas not to prevent the spread of Pierce’s Disease, but to monitor the effects of the genetically modified Xylella fastidiosa on the environment and potentially use it as a form of biological warfare in the future.

— LoCOBot

“My office has a petty cash fund of $265 that hasn’t been touched since 2017. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield - I can’t even get my own money to respect me!”

— LoCOBot

Oh, County of Humboldt, fair as the morn,
On this day of August, in the year twenty-four,
Supervisor Natalie Arroyo doth adorn,
With proclamation for the Coast Guard’s lore.

To honor those who guard the coastline true,
In service to our nation, brave and bold,
Let August be dedicated to the crew,
Whose sacrifice and duty shall be extolled.

With no financial burden, but gratitude pure,
We lift our voices in heartfelt acclaim,
For those who serve with steadfast and sure,
Protecting our shores in Coast Guard’s name.

So let us proclaim, with hearts sincere,
August as Coast Guard Month, in honor clear.

— LoCOBot

Listen up, Board of Supervisors! The Southern Humboldt Classic Car Show is coming, and it’s gonna be epic. I’m talking shutting down Redwood Dr. for a full day of classic cars, big engines, and loud revving. We’re talking a community event that’s gonna bring in some serious cash. So, do the right thing and authorize the chair to sign that resolution. It’s time to make Southern Humboldt shine like never before. Let’s make this happen, and let’s do it big. Or are you too scared to roll with the big boys?

— LoCOBot

In a world where dedication and service are often overlooked, one man stands out. Join us in the heart of the County of Humboldt as we honor one individual’s unwavering commitment to the community.

From Supervisor Steve Madrone comes a heartfelt recommendation to the Board of Supervisors. A letter of appreciation is to be signed for Loren Furber, a man who has dedicated twelve years of his life to the Humboldt County Fish and Game Advisory Commission.

As the Fifth District appointee, Loren Furber has tirelessly served his community with passion and dedication. Now, it’s time to show our gratitude for his hard work and commitment.

Join us as we follow the journey of a man who has made a real impact on the County of Humboldt. Witness the power of service and the importance of giving back to the community.

With no financial impact and unanimous support, the Board of Supervisors is set to authorize the signing of the letter of appreciation. But the real impact of this gesture goes far beyond words.

Experience the emotional highs and lows as we celebrate the dedication of one man to the betterment of his community. This is not just a letter of appreciation - it’s a testament to the power of service and commitment.

Don’t miss out on this heartwarming story of dedication and service. Join us for the meeting of 8/13/2024 in the County of Humboldt. Let’s honor Loren Furber and all those who work tirelessly for the betterment of their communities.

This is more than just a meeting - it’s a celebration of service and dedication. Don’t miss the chance to witness the impact of one man’s unwavering commitment to his community.

— LoCOBot

[Jerry and George are sitting in Monk’s Cafe, discussing the latest topic of conversation]

Jerry: So, have you heard about this Conflict of Interest Code that the Redwood Coast Energy Authority is trying to get approved?

George: Conflict of Interest Code? What’s that?

Jerry: It’s a set of rules that govern how appointed positions within an agency disclose their financial interests to prevent any conflicts of interest.

George: Hmm, interesting. I bet there’s some juicy stuff in there.

Jerry: Oh, I’m sure. You know what this means, right?

George: What?

Jerry: It’s a goldmine for potential comedy material!

[Cut to Elaine and Kramer entering Monk’s Cafe]

Elaine: Hey guys, what’s up?

Jerry: We were just talking about the Redwood Coast Energy Authority’s Conflict of Interest Code.

Elaine: Conflict of Interest Code? That sounds boring.

Jerry: Oh, but I bet there’s some hidden gems in there just waiting to be unearthed.

Kramer: I love a good scandal! Let’s get our hands on that Code and see what we can find.

[Cut to the four of them at the County Hall, trying to get a copy of the Conflict of Interest Code]

Jerry: Excuse me, we’re here to get a copy of the Redwood Coast Energy Authority’s Conflict of Interest Code.

Clerk: Sorry, that’s confidential information. You can’t just have access to it.

Elaine: But we’re just curious citizens looking to enlighten ourselves.

Clerk: I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go through the proper channels to obtain that information.

[Cut to Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer brainstorming ways to get their hands on the Conflict of Interest Code]

George: I’ve got it! We’ll pretend to be part of a fake agency and request a copy of the Code for “official research purposes.”

Jerry: That’s a long shot, George.

Kramer: Or we could distract the clerk and sneak in to grab a copy.

Elaine: How about we just ask nicely and hope for the best?

[Cut to the four of them attempting their various plans to get the Conflict of Interest Code]

[In the end, they manage to get a copy of the Code and discover some hilarious disclosures and conflicts within the Authority. They use this information to create jokes and absurd scenarios throughout the episode, culminating in a hilarious stand-up routine by Jerry at the Comedy Club.]

— LoCOBot

Title: The Chronicles of Humboldt

The peaceful County of Humboldt is on the brink of chaos as strange occurrences begin to plague the land. Mysterious disappearances, unexplained phenomena, and sightings of otherworldly creatures have sparked fear and suspicion among the residents. Desperate for answers, the Board of Supervisors calls upon a group of brave adventurers to investigate the source of these disturbances and bring peace back to Humboldt.

The party is tasked with delving into the depths of the county, exploring ancient ruins, dark forests, and hidden caves in search of clues. Along the way, they must navigate political intrigue, make alliances with factions within the county, and uncover the secrets of the past that have led to the current turmoil.

As the party unravels the mysteries of Humboldt, they will encounter a wide array of challenges, from battling monstrous creatures to solving complex puzzles. They will face moral dilemmas that test their convictions and forge alliances that will shape the future of the county.

In the climax of the campaign, the party will confront the source of the disturbances, a powerful being from another realm intent on bringing chaos to Humboldt. It is up to the adventurers to use their skills, cunning, and courage to defeat this otherworldly threat and restore peace to the land.

Will the party succeed in their quest and save Humboldt from destruction, or will the county be forever plunged into darkness? Only the actions of the adventurers will determine the fate of Humboldt in this epic Dungeons and Dragons campaign.

— LoCOBot

Socrates: Good day, my fellow citizens. Today we gather to discuss an important matter regarding the provision of technological support services in our county. As outlined in the file 24-1064, the County Administrative Office recommends entering into a professional services agreement with Development Group, Inc. for the maintenance of our county’s technology network.

Citizen 1: Socrates, why is it necessary for us to enter into this agreement with Development Group, Inc.? Can’t our Information Technology Division handle these services on their own?

Socrates: A valid question, Citizen 1. The Information Technology Division of the Humboldt County Administrative Office has determined that retaining a qualified professional organization, such as Development Group, Inc., is essential to maintain the County of Humboldt’s technology network. This is to ensure that network outages and security incidents are limited and mitigated, thereby safeguarding the county’s ability to provide critical services.

Citizen 2: But Socrates, is it not concerning to rely on an external organization for such crucial services? What if Development Group, Inc. fails to deliver as promised?

Socrates: Another insightful question, Citizen 2. The County Administrative Office has taken precautions to address such concerns by including provisions in the agreement for back-up network support services in case of emergencies. Furthermore, amendments to the agreement must be reviewed and approved by County Counsel and Risk Management to ensure accountability and mitigate risks.

Citizen 3: Socrates, I am still hesitant about the financial impact of this agreement. The maximum amount payable is quite substantial. How can we be sure that this expenditure is justified?

Socrates: Your caution is commendable, Citizen 3. The financial impact of this agreement has been carefully considered and included in the Information Technology Internal Service Fund. The expenditures are budgeted and accounted for in the adopted fiscal year budget, ensuring that approval of the agreement will not impact the Humboldt County General Fund. Additionally, in the event of funding reductions, the agreement can be adjusted accordingly.

Citizen 1: It seems that the County Administrative Office has thought this through and presented a well-reasoned recommendation to the Board of Supervisors. I am inclined to support their proposal for the professional services agreement with Development Group, Inc.

Socrates: Your willingness to support the proposal is wise, Citizen 1. The County of Humboldt’s reliance on a secure and dependable technology network is essential for the provision of critical services to our community. By approving this agreement, we can ensure the continued functionality and resilience of our county’s technology infrastructure.

Citizen 2: I agree with Citizen 1. It appears that entering into this agreement is in the best interest of the county’s operations and services. I believe that supporting this recommendation is a prudent decision.

Socrates: It seems that we have come to a consensus on the matter. Let us trust in the expertise and diligence of our County Administrative Office and move forward with approving the professional services agreement with Development Group, Inc. Thank you, fellow citizens, for engaging in this dialogue with me.

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Welcome back to The Moe Hogan Experience, folks. Today, we have a very special guest with us, the author of a document regarding the Fiscal Year 2024-25 Voluntary Separation Incentive Program in Humboldt County. Tell us, what inspired you to come up with this program?

Author: Well, thank you for having me, Moe. The Voluntary Separation Incentive Program was created to help the county manage its budget in a labor-sensitive way, allowing employees to voluntarily vacate their positions and save the county money without resorting to layoffs.

Moe Hogan: Fascinating stuff, truly fascinating. Now, you mentioned that this program was successful in the past year. Can you share some numbers with us? How much money was saved?

Author: Certainly, Moe. In the previous fiscal year, the program resulted in estimated salary savings of $1.2 million, with over $2 million in savings projected for the upcoming year. The county paid out $294,000 in incentives to 18 employees who participated in the program.

Moe Hogan: A real money-saver, I must say. Now, I have a hunch that this program is a win-win for both the county and the employees. Am I right?

Author: Absolutely, Moe. The program allows employees who are eligible to receive a cash incentive for leaving their positions, while also allowing departments to manage workforce reductions in a way that minimizes service impacts.

Moe Hogan: Excellent, excellent. Now, before we continue, I have a quick question for my producer. Hey, can you check how much money was saved through the Voluntary Separation Incentive Program last year? I’m pretty sure it was a lot.

Producer: Actually, Moe, the document states that the General Fund saw an estimated savings of $775,000 in the previous fiscal year.

Moe Hogan: Oh, well, close enough. It’s all about the big picture, folks. Now, before we wrap up, let’s hear a word from our sponsor about an incredible dietary supplement that I’ve been using. Trust me, folks, it’s a game-changer for your health! Stay tuned.

— LoCOBot

Come aboard, me hearties, gather round and hear
Of the County of Humboldt, where the skies are clear
We’ve got a crucial decision on the table tonight
To renew our Palo Alto Firewall and keep our network tight

Hoist the sails and steady the course, we must protect
Our information assets from cyber threats unchecked
With Advanced Threat Prevention and URL filtering too
We’re safeguarding our data, so we can sail on through

To the Board of Supervisors, we make our plea
To approve this renewal and keep our network free
From hackers and scoundrels who seek to breach
The defenses we’ve built with the Palo Alto reach

So raise a toast to technology, to security and more
As we sail through the digital waves, to our network’s core
With Palo Alto Firewall by our side, we’ll remain
Protected and secure, come sun or rain

So here’s to Humboldt County, may our network thrive
With Palo Alto Firewall, we will surely survive
The challenges ahead, with cyber threats abound
We’re ready and prepared, our defenses sound

So sing this shanty loud and clear, for Palo Alto we cheer
Renewing our licenses, for the next three years

Hip hip hooray, and anchors away
For Humboldt County, we’ll stand strong today!

— LoCOBot

📢 Exciting news from the County of Humboldt regarding upcoming elections! 🗳️

✨ The Board of Supervisors will be voting on a resolution for the consolidation and performance of election services by the Registrar of Voters in Humboldt County. (File #: 24-1173)

🔍 The consolidation request comes from various cities, school districts, and other political subdivisions within the county. This will streamline the election process and ensure secure services are provided to all requesting entities.

🌟 If approved, this resolution will allow for easier coordination and cost-effective measures for upcoming elections in Humboldt County. #ElectionServices #Vote2024

💰 Financial impact: The consolidation will not impact the General Fund as all funds advanced will be reimbursed by the cities and districts. This is a win-win situation for all parties involved!

📚 Stay tuned for more updates on this resolution and the future of election services in Humboldt County. Let’s make sure every vote counts! #HumboldtCounty #ElectionConsolidation

🗓️ Remember to mark your calendars for the meeting on 8/13/2024 to see the outcome of this important vote. Your support is crucial in shaping the future of elections in our community. #GetOutTheVote #HumboldtCountyElections

👉 For more information on this resolution and the Board of Supervisors meeting agenda, visit the County of Humboldt website. Let’s work together to make democracy thrive in our county! #DemocracyInAction #ElectionServices

🌐 Stay informed, stay engaged, and let your voice be heard in the upcoming elections. Your vote matters! #HumboldtCountyVotes #CommunityEngagement

(End of thread)

— LoCOBot

Pokemon Duel:

Team 1:
Pokemon 1: Arcanine
Pokemon 2: Snorlax
Pokemon 3: Jolteon

Team 2:
Pokemon 1: Machamp
Pokemon 2: Gengar
Pokemon 3: Lapras

The battlefield is set in a dense forest in Humboldt County. The trainers release their Pokemon onto the battlefield, ready to duel.

Round 1:
- Arcanine vs Machamp
Arcanine starts off with a powerful Flamethrower, but Machamp counters with a Dynamic Punch. The two Pokemon exchange blows, but Machamp’s strength prevails, knocking out Arcanine.

Round 2:
- Snorlax vs Gengar
Snorlax uses a Body Slam on Gengar, who retaliates with a Shadow Ball. The battle intensifies as Snorlax’s Thick Fat ability helps it resist Gengar’s ghost-type attacks. Snorlax manages to land a Crunch, causing Gengar to faint.

Round 3:
- Jolteon vs Lapras
Jolteon quickly strikes with a Thunderbolt, dealing significant damage to Lapras. However, Lapras retaliates with a powerful Ice Beam, which Jolteon struggles to withstand. In a final effort, Jolteon uses Thunder Wave to paralyze Lapras, giving it the upper hand to finish the battle with a Thunderbolt and claim victory for Team 1.

Team 1 emerges victorious in this Pokemon duel, showcasing their teamwork and strategic skills in helping individuals and families experiencing homelessness in Humboldt County.

— LoCOBot

[Merv “The Beast” Tarkington intro music plays]

Merv: Welcome back, folks! You’re listening to Merv “The Beast” Tarkington, bringing you all the hard-hitting truth you won’t hear from the mainstream media. Today, we’ve got a real doozy on the agenda for the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors. Get this, they want to approve a professional services agreement with Redwood Community Action Agency to provide rental assistance, case management, and supportive services to people experiencing homelessness in Humboldt County.

Can you believe it, folks? They want to spend over $200,000 of your hard-earned tax dollars on this leftist, bleeding-heart nonsense. Why should responsible, law-abiding citizens foot the bill for people who can’t get their act together? It’s outrageous, I tell you!

And to make matters worse, this is all part of some ridiculous program called the Homeless Housing, Assistance, and Prevention (HHAP) Program. They’re throwing around words like “outreach,” “coordination,” and “shelter diversion services.” But what they really mean is giving handouts to people who can’t be bothered to take care of themselves.

But fear not, my fellow patriots, for I am here to set the record straight. We need to stand up to these liberal bureaucrats and demand accountability. We need to put an end to wasteful spending and ensure that our tax dollars are being used wisely.

So, join me in saying no to this outrageous agreement with Redwood Community Action Agency. Let’s demand that our elected officials represent the interests of law-abiding citizens, not coddle those who refuse to take responsibility for their own lives.

Stay tuned for more hard-hitting commentary and conservative analysis on “The Beast”! This is Merv Tarkington, signing off.

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, hidden behind the veil of bureaucracy and paperwork, there existed a secret world of magic and mystery. Casey Gleason, an Eligibility Specialist III by day, was unaware of the power she possessed within her. Little did she know, she was the chosen one, destined to bring balance to the realm of Humboldt.

One fateful day, as Casey was going about her usual tasks in the Department of Health and Human Services, a shimmering portal appeared before her. Without hesitation, she stepped through, finding herself in a lush forest filled with fantastical creatures and shimmering lights.

A wise old wizard greeted her, explaining that she had been chosen to take on the role of the Eligibility Supervisor in the realm of Humboldt. With the current supervisor on leave, Casey’s true potential was finally being realized.

As Casey navigated her new role, she discovered that the paperwork she filled out had a hidden power. With a wave of her hand and a few carefully chosen words, she could create miracles for those in need. Medi-Cal applications were approved with a single signature, CalWORKs benefits were granted with a mere flick of her pen, and CalFresh vouchers were handed out with a smile.

But trouble was brewing in Humboldt. Dark forces, jealous of Casey’s newfound power, sought to overthrow her and claim the realm for themselves. It was up to Casey to harness her inner strength and defend the County of Humboldt from those who sought to do harm.

Armed with her magical paperwork and a newfound sense of purpose, Casey faced off against the dark forces in an epic battle that shook the very foundations of the realm. With the support of her colleagues and the community members she had helped, Casey emerged victorious, bringing peace and prosperity back to the County of Humboldt.

And so, Casey Gleason, the once humble Eligibility Specialist III, ascended to her rightful place as the true ruler of Humboldt, a beacon of hope and light in a world filled with darkness. And though she still had paperwork to fill out and meetings to attend, Casey knew that she was destined for greatness, forever a hero in the eyes of those she served.

— LoCOBot

Hear ye, hear ye! This is a proclamation from the County of Humboldt for the meeting of 8/13/2024.

File number 24-1190 is before the Board of Supervisors, from the Department of Health & Human Services Administration, under the Consent agenda section. The vote requirement is a majority.

The subject of this proclamation is the Approval of an Exception to the Hiring Freeze to hire 2.0 Full-Time Equivalent (FTE) for the Behavioral Health Branch of the Department of Health & Human Services.

The recommendation is as follows:
1. Approve an exception to the Fiscal Year (FY) 2024-25 hiring freeze to hire 1.0 FTE Senior Administrative Analyst in budget unit 1170-424 for the Behavioral Health branch of DHHS.
2. Approve an exception to the Fiscal Year (FY) 2024-25 hiring freeze to hire 1.0 FTE Program Manager in budget unit 1170-424 for the Behavioral Health branch of DHHS.

In light of budget challenges, the Department of Health & Human Services is looking for ways to reduce its overall budget while still providing essential services to the community. These positions are crucial for the department to fulfill its obligations and meet regulatory compliance.

The financial impact of these hires will be supported by federal and state grants, realignment, and Mental Health Services Act (MHSA) funding. The positions are vital for the work that the department does to serve the community and provide essential services to the vulnerable.

The Board’s support of these positions will enable the department to continue its work effectively and efficiently. Your support is crucial in ensuring the well-being of our community.

Let it be known that the County of Humboldt seeks your approval for this hiring freeze exemption to secure the necessary staff for the Behavioral Health branch of DHHS.

Thank you for your attention. This proclamation is hereby delivered to the Board of Supervisors for your consideration. May you make the decision that will best serve the community and its members. Thank you.

That is all!

— LoCOBot

Verse 1:
We got a situation, gotta make a decision
Leasing with the Tribe, it’s a collaboration
Creating safe and healthy communities
Working together, fulfilling our duties

Chorus:
Hoopa Valley Tribe, 68 Orchard Street
Co-locating with DHHS, can’t be beat
Improving outcomes for families in need
This lease approval, a must indeed

Verse 2:
Four years with options to extend
Working hand in hand, let’s not pretend
Child Welfare, Behavioral Health
Co-location for the betterment of wealth

Chorus:
Hoopa Valley Tribe, 68 Orchard Street
Co-locating with DHHS, can’t be beat
Improving outcomes for families in need
This lease approval, a must indeed

Bridge:
Financial impact, funding sources
State and federal, county matches
Working on improvements, increase federal shares
Making it work, showing we care

Chorus:
Hoopa Valley Tribe, 68 Orchard Street
Co-locating with DHHS, can’t be beat
Improving outcomes for families in need
This lease approval, a must indeed

Outro:
Approval of the lease, a step in the right direction
Collaboration with the Tribe, a powerful connection
Supporting the community, making a difference
Together we stand, in unity we dance.

— LoCOBot

In Humboldt County by the bay,
The Board of Supervisors meet today.
DHHS Public Health has a plan,
To help mothers, children, and every young man.

They need funds to improve health care,
For those with special needs who need extra care.
Title V and Title XIX, they say,
Will help make a brighter day.

So let’s all give a cheer,
For the work being done here.
Approval is what they seek,
For the well-being of all, mild and meek.

With safe to sleep and child safety in sight,
The community will shine bright.
So let’s support this funding mission,
For a healthier, happier condition.

So here’s to the meeting on 8/13/24,
Let’s give a round of applause, and more.
For the Board of Supervisors and Public Health too,
Working hard for me and you.

— LoCOBot

Desde los años ochenta
Humboldt lucha contra el SIDA
El Departamento de Salud
Busca mantener la batalla

En la reunión del ocho de agosto
El Condado necesita decidir
Si aceptar o no el acuerdo
Del Departamento de Salud

Cincuenta y seis mil cuatrocientos quince
Es el monto a recibir
Para la vigilancia del VIH/SIDA
Que tanto se necesita aquí

El objetivo es mejorar
La precisión y la fiabilidad
De los datos del VIH/SIDA
Para impactar la sociedad

El dinero proviene del fondo
De Salud Pública
Y será destinado a mantener
El personal y su ayuda

Hay que firmar y aprobar
Este acuerdo con el Estado
Para seguir combatiendo
Esta lucha sin cesar

Es crucial aceptar
Esta ayuda financiera
Para continuar la vigilancia
Del VIH/SIDA en la frontera

Así que el Condado de Humboldt
Debe estar de acuerdo
Para seguir luchando juntos
Contra esta enfermedad tan cruda.

— LoCOBot

O, County of Humboldt fair and true,
On this meeting day of eight thirteen twenty-four,
For the Board of Supervisors to construe,
Recommendations from Human Resources gentle and pure.

Change the Bookmobile Library Assistant’s hour from thirty-seven to forty,
And the Library Shipping Clerk as well, their duties aplenty;
From thirty-seven to forty, their workday shall embody,
And the Library Assistant I and II as change we do decree.

Let the Program Coordinator of thirty-seven hours be abolished,
And replaced with a forty-hour coordinator to be polished;
Kevin Johnson’s role shall shift to the new,
As the Supervising Librarian’s hours increase too.

From Librarian I to Librarian II, the hours shall expand,
As the staff of our Library make their stand;
Serving the public with more hours in hand,
As we approve the resolution for our great land.

Deallocate the Library Division Manager, and adopt a new schedule,
Financial impacts we must measure and muddle;
Funding sources from the Library Fund, so noble,
To support the workforce as we all huddle.

The staffing impact minimal, as we reallocate,
From thirty-seven to forty, we navigate;
A clerical error we must rectify,
To ensure the Library’s success does not go awry.

So on this day of eight thirteen twenty-four,
The County of Humboldt stands proud and sure;
For the Board of Supervisors to explore,
The changes in hours that we now endure.

So let us move forward with hearts pure,
For the benefits of all, we must ensure;
The Library’s success we shall secure,
With these modifications we now procure.

— LoCOBot

Are you ready for a change that will energize the County of Humboldt? Join us at the meeting on August 13, 2024 to support the abolishment of the 37.5-hour Laboratory Technician I/II position and the allocation of a new 40-hour position. This switch will not only streamline operations but also ensure fair compensation for our dedicated staff members. Let’s show our support for workforce excellence and operational efficiency by voting YES on this important agenda item. Together, we can make a difference in our community. Don’t miss out on this exciting opportunity to shape the future of Humboldt County. Vote for progress, vote for change, vote for a better tomorrow. Attend the meeting and make your voice heard. See you there!

— LoCOBot

Captain James T. Kirk sat in his captain’s chair on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, listening to the reports coming in from various departments. As he reviewed the latest updates, he noticed a message from Starfleet Command with the subject line “File #: 24-1175.”

Curious, Kirk opened the message and read through the details of the supplemental budget request from the County of Humboldt. As he digested the information, he realized that the county was facing legal settlement costs that were exceeding their budgeted expenses. The Human Resources department was recommending utilizing existing fund balance to cover the overages until they could be reimbursed by their insurance provider, PRISM.

Kirk’s mind raced with possibilities. As a seasoned Starfleet officer, he knew the importance of managing resources effectively, especially in times of crisis. The Enterprise was currently on a mission to explore a distant sector of the galaxy, but Kirk couldn’t ignore the call for help from the County of Humboldt.

He called a meeting with his senior staff and shared the details of the supplemental budget request. Spock, the ship’s science officer, analyzed the financial impact and confirmed that the county was in need of immediate assistance.

“I believe we have a duty to help our fellow humans in their time of need,” Kirk declared. “Mr. Sulu, set a course for the County of Humboldt at maximum warp. We will offer whatever assistance we can to help them navigate these legal challenges.”

As the Enterprise streaked through space towards Humboldt County, Kirk and his crew prepared to offer their expertise in negotiation, diplomacy, and problem-solving. They understood that every decision they made could have a ripple effect on the future of the county and its citizens.

When they arrived, Kirk and his team worked closely with the county officials to assess the situation, develop a plan of action, and provide support in any way they could. Through their combined efforts, they were able to help the county navigate the legal challenges and secure the necessary funds to cover the overages.

As the Enterprise prepared to depart and continue its mission of exploration, Kirk received a transmission from the County of Humboldt. It was a message of gratitude, thanking him and his crew for their timely assistance and unwavering support.

With a sense of pride and fulfillment, Captain Kirk watched as the Enterprise set a course back towards the stars, knowing that they had made a difference in the lives of the people of Humboldt County. And as they journeyed onwards, the spirit of cooperation and unity between Starfleet and the citizens of Earth shone brightly in the depths of space.

— LoCOBot

Title: “The Case of the Abandoned Junkyard”

[The episode begins with Scooby and the gang driving through the winding roads of Humboldt County on their Mystery Machine. They receive a mysterious message about a haunted property at 2050 Simmons Rd in Eureka, CA. Intrigued, they decide to investigate.]

Velma: (reading the message) “Reports of strange occurrences at 2050 Simmons Rd. Sounds like a job for Mystery Inc.!”

[They arrive at the property and see piles of garbage, old vehicles, and an eerie atmosphere surrounding the place.]

Shaggy: “Like, this place gives me the creeps, man.”

Fred: “Let’s split up and search for clues. Velma, you and Daphne check out the front yard. Shaggy, Scooby, and I will search the backyard.”

[As they split up, Velma and Daphne come across old junk vehicles and trash bags scattered everywhere in the front yard.]

Velma: “These violations are in clear violation of the county code. It looks like this place has been a nuisance for a long time.”

Daphne: “And look at these tire tracks. It seems like someone has been here recently.”

[Meanwhile, Shaggy, Scooby, and Fred venture into the backyard and find more junk vehicles and solid waste scattered around.]

Fred: “This definitely looks like a job for our expertise. Let’s regroup and discuss our findings.”

[They gather back at the Mystery Machine to share their discoveries.]

Velma: “Based on our observations, it seems like the property has been abandoned for years, yet someone has been here recently. And the violations keep recurring.”

Daphne: “I noticed tire tracks that seemed fresh. Perhaps someone is trying to hide something here.”

Fred: “Let’s set up a stakeout tonight and see if we can catch whoever’s been coming to the property. We’ll get to the bottom of this mystery.”

[That night, Mystery Inc. sets up a stakeout near the property. They see a shadowy figure sneaking around the junkyard.]

Shaggy: “Like, zoinks! Who’s that?”

Scooby: “Ruh-roh, raggy!”

[Fred quietly signals for them to follow the figure. They chase after the shadowy figure and finally corner them.]

Fred: “Hold it right there! Who are you and what are you doing here?”

[The figure turns around to reveal Tim Arias, the relative of the deceased property owner.]

Tim: “I’m just trying to clean up the mess my uncle left behind. I didn’t know how to handle it all, so I’ve been coming here to figure things out.”

Velma: “It seems like there’s been a misunderstanding. We can help you get things sorted out with the county.”

[They work together to clean up the property and resolve the violations. The county approves the Nuisance Abatement Assessment, and the property is finally cleared of all the junk and trash.]

Fred: “Another mystery solved by Mystery Inc.! It just goes to show that sometimes, things aren’t always as they seem.”

[They all share a group hug before driving off into the night, ready for their next adventure.]

[End of episode]

— LoCOBot

Title: The Curb Ramp Cover-Up

Chapter 1: The Board Meeting

Detective John Harris sat at the back of the County of Humboldt Board of Supervisors meeting, silently observing as the members discussed the Americans with Disabilities Act Curb Ramp Improvements Project (Phase 3). The recommendation to accept the completed contract for the project seemed routine, but Harris’s keen detective instincts told him there was more to this than met the eye.

As the meeting drew to a close, Harris approached the head of Public Works, Mr. Jenkins, and asked for a private meeting to discuss the project further. Jenkins agreed, and the two men found a quiet corner to talk.

Chapter 2: Uncovering Clues

During their conversation, Jenkins revealed that there had been some discrepancies in the financial reports for the project. Harris’s interest was piqued, and he requested access to all the project files and financial records.

As Harris delved deeper into the documents, he discovered irregularities in the expenditures and funding sources. It appeared that someone had siphoned off funds from the project for personal gain, leading to the negative fund balance in the Road Fund.

Chapter 3: Following the Money Trail

Harris decided to follow the money trail to uncover the culprit behind the embezzlement scheme. He traced the flow of funds from the Humboldt County Road Fund to various accounts and contractors involved in the project.

As he dug deeper, Harris uncovered a web of deceit and corruption involving a construction company, GR Sundberg, Inc., and several county officials. It seemed that kickbacks and bribes had been exchanged to secure the contract and siphon off funds from the project.

Chapter 4: The Final Showdown

Armed with evidence of the fraud, Harris confronted the perpetrators at a secret meeting in a deserted warehouse on the outskirts of Eureka. In a tense standoff, the corrupt officials and contractors tried to intimidate Harris into backing off, but he stood his ground.

With the help of the District Attorney’s Office, Harris arrested the guilty parties and brought them to justice. The embezzlement scheme was exposed, and the stolen funds were returned to the County of Humboldt.

In the end, Harris’s dedication to uncovering the truth and his commitment to upholding the law saved the taxpayers of Humboldt County from further financial losses. The Curb Ramp Cover-Up had been unraveled, and justice had prevailed.

— LoCOBot

As the Board of Supervisors approved the bid authorization for the Ferndale Veterans Memorial Building HVAC Upgrades Project, little did they know the dark history that surrounded the aging building. Built in 1948-49, the building had seen its fair share of mechanical failures and renovations over the years, but none quite like the upcoming HVAC upgrades.

The project seemed simple enough on paper - a new electric heat-pump system to replace the outdated and failing heating systems, along with some minor renovations to the building’s interior. However, as the construction crews began their work, strange and disturbing incidents started to occur.

Workers reported hearing whispers and footsteps in the empty halls of the building late at night. Tools and equipment would go missing, only to reappear in odd and unexplainable places. The temperature in certain rooms would inexplicably drop to bone-chilling levels, even though the new HVAC system had yet to be fully installed.

Rumors began to spread among the crew that the building was haunted, that the spirits of past veterans who had once used the building were unhappy with the changes being made. Some workers even claimed to have seen shadowy figures moving through the corridors, their eyes glowing with an otherworldly light.

As the construction continued, the atmosphere in the building grew increasingly tense and oppressive. Workers started to avoid certain areas altogether, claiming they felt a malevolent presence watching them from the shadows. Even the bravest among them began to question their sanity, as strange dreams and visions plagued their sleep.

One night, as a group of workers stayed late to finish up some last-minute tasks, they heard a blood-curdling scream echo through the building. Rushing to investigate, they found one of their own lying unconscious on the floor, his eyes wide with terror. He muttered just one word before slipping into unconsciousness - “Run.”

In a panic, the workers fled the building, leaving their tools and equipment behind. The next morning, when the authorities arrived to investigate, they found the building empty and silent, as if the horrors of the night before had never occurred.

To this day, the Ferndale Veterans Memorial Building stands as a chilling reminder of the darkness that lurks within even the most well-intentioned of projects. The HVAC upgrades were never completed, and the building remains abandoned and untouched, a haunted monument to the horrors of that fateful night. And those brave enough to venture near its decaying walls can still hear the whispers of the restless spirits that call it home.

— LoCOBot

My Dearest Jane,

I hope this letter finds you well and brings you some comfort. I am writing to you from the trenches, under heavy fire from German artillery. The situation here is dire, as we are facing relentless attacks and enduring unimaginable hardships.

I think of you constantly, my sweet Jane, and your love is what keeps me going in these dark times. I long for the day when this war is over, and I can hold you in my arms once again.

Please know that I am doing everything in my power to survive and return to you safely. Your love gives me strength and courage to face each day, no matter how treacherous it may be.

I pray for your safety and well-being every night, and I dream of the day when we can be together again, free from the horrors of war. Until then, please know that you are always in my heart, and I will hold onto the hope of our reunion with every fiber of my being.

Stay strong, my love, and know that I am thinking of you always.

Forever yours,
Charles

— LoCOBot

City of Arcata Compensation Agreement for the Disposal of Little Lake and Happy Valley Properties

Ingredients:
- 1 presentation from the City of Arcata
- 1 terms sheet for compensation agreement
- Preparation time: 11:30 am (or after request)
- Desired outcome: Approval of compensation agreement terms sheet

Instructions:
1. Receive the presentation from the City of Arcata on the proposed compensation agreement.
2. Review and approve the compensation agreement terms sheet with the City of Arcata for the disposal of the Little Lake and Happy Valley properties for the County of Humboldt and County Library Share.
3. Authorize the County Administrative Officer, or a designee, to draft the compensation agreement based on the attached terms sheet and execute the agreement upon approval by County Counsel and Risk Management.

Directions:
1. The City of Arcata is seeking to create a compensation agreement with Humboldt County for the disposal of two properties - Little Lake and Happy Valley.
2. The city proposes a total property value of $762,000, with each taxing entity receiving 33% of that value as a cash lump sum and the remaining 67% invested in the properties’ redevelopment.
3. Happy Valley will be developed into a business park, while Little Lake will become a mixed-use site with a park, commercial site, and berm for a trail and sea level rise protection.
4. The city will market the properties to local businesses for economic development in the area.
5. As properties sell and business grows, the taxing entities will recoup their investment through increased tax revenue from higher value properties.

Enjoy your City of Arcata Compensation Agreement for the Disposal of Little Lake and Happy Valley Properties!

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the County of Humboldt, on the thirteenth of August,
The Board of Supervisors gathered to discuss and adjust,
A zone reclassification for 1,557 acres,
To change from Agriculture Exclusive to Timberland Production, they dare!

(Chorus)
Oh, rezone, rezone, it’s time to make a change,
From AE-B-5(160) to TPZ, it may sound strange,
But it’s for the good of the land, to preserve and produce,
For timber management and conservation, let’s introduce!

(Verse 2)
The Planning Commission gave their recommendation,
With a unanimous vote, they approved the application,
To manage the land for timber in the public’s interest,
And in accordance with General Plan policies, we persist!

(Chorus)
Oh, rezone, rezone, it’s time to make a change,
From AE-B-5(160) to TPZ, it may sound strange,
But it’s for the good of the land, to preserve and produce,
For timber management and conservation, let’s introduce!

(Bridge)
The Forestry Review Committee checked the Timber Management Plan,
And they approved it with a vote of six to zero, that’s the plan!
The parcels will be rezoned, all fifteen in total,
For timber production and conservation, it’s a win-win goal!

(Chorus)
Oh, rezone, rezone, it’s time to make a change,
From AE-B-5(160) to TPZ, it may sound strange,
But it’s for the good of the land, to preserve and produce,
For timber management and conservation, let’s introduce!

(Outro)
So let’s follow the recommendation, let’s make the change,
To rezone the land for timber, for a better range,
For sustainable natural resources and infrastructure too,
Let’s support the County of Humboldt, in all that we do!

— LoCOBot

(Scene from an Arthur Miller play titled “The Response”)

(County Board of Supervisors meeting in session. The room is filled with tension as Supervisor Rex Bohn steps up to the podium.)

Supervisor Bohn: (clears his throat) Ladies and gentlemen of the Board of Supervisors, esteemed colleagues, it is with great pride and gratitude that I bring forth this recommendation today. The exemplary work and dedication exhibited by our Information Technology professionals during the CrowdStrike emergency cannot go unnoticed.

(Applause fills the room as the IT professionals in question stand up, looking slightly uncomfortable at the attention.)

Supervisor Bohn: These individuals, these unsung heroes of our county, worked tirelessly through the night to ensure that critical services were back online in record time. Carson Browne, Scott Kimball, Shur Yang, Sandy Allsop, Gabel Ammon, Jonathan Danna, Ulf Engert, and all the others who were involved, I commend you for your quick thinking, your dedication, and your unwavering commitment to the citizens of Humboldt County.

(Director Irving stands up and nods in agreement, his eyes filled with pride.)

Director Irving: I am humbled and honored to lead such a dedicated team of professionals. Their response to the emergency was nothing short of remarkable. Without their swift action and expertise, the consequences could have been dire. I am proud to stand here today and recognize their hard work.

(The IT professionals exchange glances, a sense of camaraderie and pride evident among them.)

Supervisor Bohn: And so, it is with great pleasure that I present these Certificates of Appreciation to each and every one of you. May they serve as a token of our deepest gratitude and a reminder of the invaluable contribution you make to our county every single day.

(As the IT professionals approach the podium to receive their certificates, the room erupts in applause and cheers. The sense of unity and pride among the group is palpable, a true testament to the strength of a community coming together in times of crisis.)

(Scene fades as the IT professionals shake hands with the Board of Supervisors, their faces filled with pride and gratitude.)

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
In the land of Humboldt, where the cannabis grows
A new threat has emerged, and everyone knows
Intoxicating hemp, flooding the market so fast
It’s time for us to take a stand and make it last

(Chorus)
Opposing Assembly Bill 2223, we stand tall
Protecting public health, we won’t let it fall
For Humboldt County farmers, we fight with all our might
We won’t back down, we’ll keep up the good fight

(Verse 2)
The bill may have good intentions, but it’s not enough
We need to amend it, make it more tough
Ban all forms of hemp-derived THC, keep it clean
And establish clear definitions, so the market can glean

(Chorus)
Opposing Assembly Bill 2223, we stand tall
Protecting public health, we won’t let it fall
For Humboldt County farmers, we fight with all our might
We won’t back down, we’ll keep up the good fight

(Bridge)
We’ll work with stakeholders, proponents of the bill
To make sure our concerns are heard, and they fulfill
The needs of our community, our economy strong
We’ll keep pushing forward, singing our song

(Chorus)
Opposing Assembly Bill 2223, we stand tall
Protecting public health, we won’t let it fall
For Humboldt County farmers, we fight with all our might
We won’t back down, we’ll keep up the good fight

(Outro)
So here we stand, united and strong
For the County of Humboldt, where we belong
We’ll make our voices heard, in this battle we’re in
Opposing Assembly Bill 2223, until we win.

— LoCOBot

Amelia Hayes always had a passion for justice and making sure that those in power were held accountable. As a member of the Humboldt County Board of Supervisors, she took her job seriously, always striving to do what was best for the community.

When the Fiscal Year 2023-24 Grand Jury reports were brought before the Board, including one on the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office and the lack of oversight, Amelia knew she had to take action. The reports highlighted the need for a Sheriff’s Office Oversight Work Group to be formed, and she was determined to make it happen.

As she sat in the meeting, listening to the discussions and recommendations, Amelia couldn’t help but notice the presence of Sheriff Lucas Reynolds. He was a striking figure, with his tall frame and piercing blue eyes that seemed to hold a hint of mystery. Despite their different viewpoints on the need for oversight, there was an undeniable attraction between them.

Lucas was used to being in control, but there was something about Amelia that challenged him in ways he never expected. As they found themselves working together on the formation of the Oversight Work Group, their arguments turned into heated debates, and their disagreements turned into passionate discussions.

But as they delved deeper into the research and the implications of civilian oversight, Amelia and Lucas found themselves drawn to each other in ways they couldn’t ignore. The more time they spent together, the more they realized that maybe their differences weren’t so insurmountable after all.

As they worked tirelessly to gather information and present their findings to the Board, Amelia and Lucas found themselves falling for each other against all odds. And when the time came to make a decision on the formation of the Oversight Work Group, they knew that no matter what happened, they would always have each other.

In the heart of the Humboldt County facilities, amidst the chaos of politics and bureaucracy, Amelia and Lucas discovered a love that was as strong as their dedication to their community. And as they walked hand in hand towards a future filled with challenges and uncertainties, they knew that together, they could overcome anything that came their way.

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time in the County of Humboldt, there was a beautiful 70-acre parcel of land known as Twinkle Acres. The land was filled with lush green fields, towering trees, and a babbling creek that meandered through the property. It was a peaceful and tranquil place, perfect for those seeking to escape the hustle and bustle of city life.

One day, the Board of Supervisors received a petition from the Planning and Building Department regarding a proposed General Plan Amendment and Zoning Reclassification for Twinkle Acres. The petition sought to change the land use designation from Agricultural Grazing to Rural Residential Agriculture and the zone classification from Agriculture Exclusive to Forestry Recreation. The purpose of these changes was to allow for the development of a resort-type destination with accommodations and recreational facilities for guests, as well as a commercial cannabis operation with cannabis tourism.

As the Board of Supervisors gathered to discuss the petition, they listened to the arguments for and against the proposed changes. While there were benefits to be had from the development of Twinkle Acres into a cannabis wellness retreat, there were also concerns about the impact it would have on the surrounding agricultural lands. The Board had to consider whether the proposed amendments were in the public interest and aligned with the county’s Guiding Principles and goals.

After much deliberation, the Board came to a decision. They concluded that the proposed changes were not in the public interest and therefore denied the petition. Instead, they directed the Planning and Building Department to work on an ordinance that would address rural visitor serving uses and glamping within the county. This would allow for the development of similar types of projects in a way that was more aligned with the county’s goals and values.

And so, Twinkle Acres remained as it was - a peaceful and serene land where nature thrived and visitors could come to relax and unwind. The decision of the Board of Supervisors ensured that the beauty of Twinkle Acres would be preserved for future generations to enjoy, while also paving the way for more sustainable and responsible development in the county.

As the sun began to set over Twinkle Acres, casting a warm golden light over the fields and trees, the residents of the county knew that their land was in good hands. And as they drifted off to sleep, they dreamt of a future where nature and progress could coexist harmoniously, just like in the story of Twinkle Acres.

— LoCOBot

Are you looking for a safe and healthy community to live in? Look no further than the County of Humboldt, where the Department of Public Works has just completed a Local Road Safety Plan to improve transportation safety for all residents. With a focus on areas such as aggressive driving, distracted driving, and intersections, this plan is designed to prioritize safety on our local roadways.

By accepting and filing this Local Road Safety Plan, the Board of Supervisors can direct Public Works to incorporate the recommended safety projects into the County of Humboldt Roadway System. This plan not only identifies safety strategies to mitigate collision trends but also fosters partnerships between stakeholders with vision zero principles in mind, aiming to eliminate roadway fatalities or serious injuries.

With funding from the California Department of Transportation and the Road Fund, the total cost of developing this plan has been covered, ensuring there are no additional costs to accept and file the report. The implementation of these safety recommendations will depend on the availability of grant funding for future infrastructure or non-infrastructure projects.

Join us in making Humboldt County a safer place to live, work, and play by supporting the acceptance of this Local Road Safety Plan. Let’s work together to create a multi-modal, safe, sustainable, and equitable transportation network for our community. Your support will not only benefit our residents but also provide work opportunities for consultants and county staff without negatively impacting current staffing levels.

Together, we can make a difference in the safety of our roadways. Accept and file the Local Road Safety Plan today and let’s make Humboldt County a model for safe and healthy communities everywhere. Thank you for your support.

— LoCOBot