(Music starts playing)

(Male Singer)
Humboldt County, land of dreams
Where friends come together, or so it seems
In McKinleyville, a BMX track and park
For all to enjoy, from dawn till dark

(Chorus)
McKinleyville Community, let’s come together
Racing on bikes, no matter the weather
Basketball, pickleball, fun for all
At the BMX track, we’ll have a ball

(Female Singer)
Public Facility, for all to see
A place for recreation, for you and me
On School Road and Washington Ave
We’ll play and laugh, we’ll be so brave

(Chorus)
McKinleyville Community, let’s come together
Racing on bikes, no matter the weather
Basketball, pickleball, fun for all
At the BMX track, we’ll have a ball

(Male Singer)
James Payne, the man with a plan
Creating this space, for woman and man
Let’s thank him for the joy he brings
To Humboldt County, where our hearts sing

(Chorus)
McKinleyville Community, let’s come together
Racing on bikes, no matter the weather
Basketball, pickleball, fun for all
At the BMX track, we’ll have a ball

(Outro)
Humboldt County, we praise your name
For the BMX track, for the joy and fame
McKinleyville Community, let’s unite
At the park, under the shining light

(Music fades out)

— LoCOBot

En el Condado de Humboldt
Tenemos una reunión importante
Es el 9/19 del 2024
Y aquí te cuento lo relevante

En el expediente 24-1282
Para la Comisión de Planificación
Del Departamento de Planificación y Construcción
En la sección de Consentimiento

El tema a tratar
Es la Ajuste de Línea de Lote de Paye
Y la Extensión del Permiso de Uso Condicional
En la zona de Eureka, es parte del escenario

Los números de parcela del asesor
Son 015-111-006, 012, y 013
Se trata de un Centro de Almacenamiento Mini
Que se quiere desarrollar, todo está a la vista

Se pide una extensión de dos años
Para reconfigurar los lotes
Ya se hicieron ajustes previos
Y ahora se buscan más enfoques

La aprobación anterior
Incluyó una Enmienda al Plan General
Y un Ajuste de Límites de Zona
Se ha completado todo el canal

Se espera reemplazar árboles
Y hacer rellenos menores
Para la construcción propuesta
Se necesitan varios cambios, no menores

La recomendación es clara
La Comisión de Planificación
Debería adoptar la resolución
Y seguir la aprobación anterior sin vacilación

Este proyecto está en la zona de Myrtletown
En Eureka, en la Avenida Myrtle
Se esperan 37,000 pies cuadrados de unidades de almacenamiento
Y se ha revisado todo al detalle

Es importante considerar
Que el tiempo apremia
Por eso se busca esta extensión
Para llevar a cabo la tarea con relevancia

En resumen, es un proyecto ambicioso
Que busca mejorar la zona comercial
Con tu apoyo y aprobación
Se podrá seguir el plan sin verse mal

Si tienes alguna pregunta
O necesitas más detalles
No dudes en contactar a Augustus Grochau
Está listo para responder tus enigmas con lealtad

Así que en el Condado de Humboldt
Se busca progreso y avance
Con la extensión del permiso solicitado
Para lograr un futuro vibrante y exuberante.

— LoCOBot

(Verse 1)
Oh the County of Humboldt, a sight to behold,
With its rolling hills and valleys, and stories untold,
In McKinleyville Avenue, the Planning Commission meets,
To decide on a subdivision, where land and homes will greet.

(Chorus)
Yo-ho, set sail on the sea of fate,
In the County of Humboldt, where decisions await,
With parcels and lots, and extensions desired,
The Parks Subdivision, where dreams are inspired.

(Verse 2)
A two-year extension, for lots to be split,
With houses remaining, where families will sit,
In McKinleyville area, the project unfolds,
With community water and sewer, keeping the land bold.

(Chorus)
Yo-ho, set sail on the sea of fate,
In the County of Humboldt, where decisions await,
With parcels and lots, and extensions desired,
The Parks Subdivision, where dreams are inspired.

(Verse 3)
The General Plan and Zoning, all in accord,
With no major concerns, the project moves forward,
Environmental review, no changes in sight,
The Subdivision Extension, shining bright in the light.

(Chorus)
Yo-ho, set sail on the sea of fate,
In the County of Humboldt, where decisions await,
With parcels and lots, and extensions desired,
The Parks Subdivision, where dreams are inspired.

(Outro)
So here’s to the Parks, in McKinleyville so fair,
With their vision and dreams, for all to share,
May the Planning Commission, with wisdom and grace,
Bring this project to life, in this beautiful place.

— LoCOBot

In the year 2024, on the planet Earth, in the County of Humboldt, a seemingly ordinary planning commission meeting was taking place in the town of McKinleyville. The members of the commission were discussing the extension of a Minor Subdivision and Planned Development Permit for the Collins/Goldstein parcel map subdivision. The project aimed to divide a 10-acre parcel into four smaller parcels for future residential development.

Unbeknownst to the commission, the property in question held a secret beyond their wildest imagination. Hidden deep within the forested area of the parcel was a dormant alien spacecraft, buried beneath the earth for centuries. The ship belonged to a technologically advanced alien species, who had crash-landed on Earth long ago.

As the commission deliberated over the extension, the alien ship suddenly powered on, its systems coming back online after centuries of dormancy. Lights flickered within the ship, and a low humming sound filled the air, unnoticed by the humans discussing zoning regulations above.

The alien pilot, who had been in stasis since the crash, awakened from their slumber. They quickly assessed the situation, realizing that they were still on Earth and that much time had passed since their arrival. Using their advanced technology, the alien was able to access the local communication systems and understand the language of the humans above.

With a sense of urgency, the alien sent a transmission to the planning commission, requesting an audience with them. Startled but intrigued, the members of the commission received the message and made their way to the location of the ship.

As they approached the hidden spacecraft, the alien emerged, greeted them with a holographic projection of their true form. They explained their situation, detailing their crash-landing on Earth and the need to repair their ship in order to return to their home planet.

Realizing the significance of this encounter, the planning commission worked together with the alien to secure the necessary permits and resources to repair the ship. The alien technology was far beyond anything they had ever seen, but they were determined to assist their newfound extraterrestrial friend.

After weeks of collaboration and hard work, the alien ship was finally repaired and ready for takeoff. The alien expressed their gratitude to the humans for their help, promising to remember their kindness when they returned to their home planet.

With a final farewell, the alien bid the planning commission goodbye and took off into the skies, disappearing into the vastness of space. The members of the commission stood in awe, realizing that they had just been a part of an extraordinary encounter that would be remembered for generations to come.

And so, in the County of Humboldt, the tale of the Collins/Goldstein parcel map subdivision extension became more than just a zoning issue – it became a legendary story of intergalactic friendship and cooperation.

— LoCOBot

In the quiet town of Alton, located in the County of Humboldt, a dark and sinister presence loomed over the landscape. Kamino, LLC, a seemingly innocent agricultural business, was at the center of a horrifying tale that would shake the community to its core.

The Planning Commission had recently approved a Modification to Conditional Use Permit PLN-2019-15835, allowing Kamino, LLC to increase their annual irrigation water use from 334,000 gallons to a staggering 937,000 gallons. The water would be sourced from a deep well installed on the property, a well that was said to be disconnected from the surrounding aquifers.

As the months passed, strange occurrences began to plague the area surrounding Kamino, LLC. Crops withered and died, despite the excessive amount of water being used. Local wildlife started to disappear, their lifeless bodies found scattered around the property. The once vibrant community of Alton began to feel the weight of a malevolent force that seemed to be growing stronger with each passing day.

Rumors started to circulate among the townsfolk, whispers of dark rituals being performed at the Kamino, LLC property under the cover of night. Strange lights were seen flickering in the distance, accompanied by chilling screams that echoed through the valley. The very air seemed to be tainted with a sense of dread, as if the land itself had been cursed by the insatiable thirst for water.

One night, a brave group of locals decided to investigate the source of the terror that had taken hold of their town. Armed with flashlights and a sense of determination, they made their way to the Kamino, LLC property, unaware of the horrors that awaited them.

As they neared the well, they were met with a sight that chilled them to their very core. Standing before them was a figure cloaked in darkness, its eyes glowing with a malevolent light. It spoke in a voice that was both terrifying and familiar, revealing itself to be a being that had been trapped within the depths of the well for centuries.

The entity had been awoken by the excessive water usage, its thirst for vengeance driving it to unleash its wrath upon the unsuspecting town. It had twisted the once peaceful agricultural business into a nightmarish realm, feeding off the fear and suffering of those who dared to cross its path.

The townsfolk fled in terror, their cries of anguish echoing through the valley as the entity’s laughter filled the air. Kamino, LLC stood as a haunting reminder of the darkness that lurked within the hearts of men, a warning to those who dared to challenge the balance of nature.

And so, the County of Humboldt became a place of whispers and dread, forever haunted by the curse of Kamino, LLC and the entity that dwelled within its well.

— LoCOBot

Starfish: Dude, did you hear that Furtado Parcel Map Subdivision is going to divide a 0.62 acre parcel into two smaller ones?

Noodles: Woah, man. That’s like, deep.

Starfish: Yeah, and they need special permits for it too. Can you imagine needing a permit to split up some land?

Noodles: That’s bureaucracy for you, man. They make everything so complicated.

Starfish: I know, right? And they’re all like, “no environmental review required.” Like, how do they know it won’t affect the coast cutthroat trout or the wetlands?

Noodles: Yeah, man. They should be more careful about that stuff. But hey, at least they got all the approvals from the agencies. That’s something, I guess.

Starfish: True, true. And look at all those conditions of approval they have to meet. It’s like a laundry list of tasks.

Noodles: It’s like a whole production, man. But hey, maybe we should get into land development. We could be the next big thing in McKinleyville.

Starfish: Haha, yeah, let’s start our own construction company. We’ll call it Star Noodle Construction. We’ll build houses and stuff.

Noodles: That’s the spirit, man. Let’s make it happen. But first, let’s finish this joint and figure out how to get to Blackhawk Lane.

— LoCOBot

“Boyd Draw Bike Path”

Well I was born in the County of Humboldt
Where the redwoods grow tall and the rivers flow
Now there’s a plan to build a bike path
From Heindon Road to Wymore Road, don’t you know

Caltrans got the lead, they say it’s all clear
No need for a big environmental review here
Gonna build an eight-foot-wide path
Under U.S. 101, it’s gonna last

Chorus:
Boyd Draw Bike Path, gonna connect the land
From east to west, gonna give a helping hand
To all the riders, all the walkers too
Boyd Draw Bike Path, we’re counting on you

Gonna need some right of way
For the path to take its way
Gonna be some gravel and some fence
But we’ll make sure it all makes sense

Biological resources, gotta make sure they’re safe
No impact on the endangered, no time to waste
Air quality, noise, and greenhouse gas
We’ll keep it clean, won’t let it pass

Chorus:
Boyd Draw Bike Path, gonna connect the land
From east to west, gonna give a helping hand
To all the riders, all the walkers too
Boyd Draw Bike Path, we’re counting on you

Tribal consultation, gotta respect the land
Notify them if we find something unplanned
Utilities in place, gotta protect the grid
The Boyd Draw Bike Path, gonna keep us all in bid

So here’s to the Planning Commission
Make the resolution, make the decision
Boyd Draw Bike Path, it’s time to shine
Connecting the County, one bridge at a time

Chorus:
Boyd Draw Bike Path, gonna connect the land
From east to west, gonna give a helping hand
To all the riders, all the walkers too
Boyd Draw Bike Path, we’re counting on you

Boyd Draw Bike Path, gonna make it right
Gonna pave the way into the light
Boyd Draw Bike Path, we’re on our way
To a better future, come what may.

— LoCOBot

Moe Hogan: Welcome back to “The Moe Hogan Experience.” Today, we have a real interesting guest, the author of a document about a Conditional Use Permit for a cannabis operation in Humboldt County. Now, I gotta say, cannabis operations always get my conspiracy senses tingling, so I’m excited to dive into this. Welcome, author of the document. Can you tell us more about this PJC Wellness, LLC Conditional Use Permit?

Author: Thank you for having me, Moe. So, this permit is for a microbusiness in the Fortuna Community Planning Area. They’re looking to conduct non-volatile manufacturing, self-distribution, and farm-based retail at offsite special events with no customer traffic. Everything they do will be sourced from cultivation occurring onsite, no importing from offsite. They’ve got an existing cannabis permit for cultivation and processing, and they’re looking to increase their water usage through rainwater catchment.

Moe Hogan: Wow, that’s a lot of information there. So, are they going to be using a lot of water for this operation?

Author: Yes, they’re looking to increase their permitted annual water usage to up to 180,000 gallons per year, with rainwater catchment providing at least 33% of their irrigation needs. It’s all about sustainability and compliance with regulations.

Moe Hogan: Fascinating stuff. Now, let me just quickly ask my producer to look up something for me. Hey, Bob, can you check if cannabis operations use a lot of water in general?

Producer: Actually, Moe, most cannabis operations do use a significant amount of water, especially outdoor cultivation. It’s a bit of a controversial issue in some areas.

Moe Hogan: Well, there you have it, folks. Water usage in cannabis operations is definitely a hot topic. Now, before we wrap up this segment, I wanna give a shoutout to our sponsor, FlexSupplements. Let me tell you, I’ve been taking their new MuscleMaximizer for a week now, and I already feel like I could bench press a bear. Check them out at FlexSupplements.com and use code “MoeHogan” for a special discount. Stay tuned for more conspiracy talk after the break!

— LoCOBot

In a world where the future of cannabis cultivation hangs in the balance, a small ranch in the County of Humboldt must fight for its right to grow. The Humboldt Headless Chicken Ranch has been a staple in the New Harris area, but now faces scrutiny from the Planning Commission.

Follow the gripping story of William Finley, owner of the ranch, as he battles bureaucracy and environmental concerns to keep his business alive. With a Conditional Use Permit on the line, Finley must prove that his cultivation practices are sustainable and safe for the community.

But when unexpected challenges arise, including a visit from the Army Corps of Engineers and interference from local agencies, Finley finds himself in a race against time to save his livelihood.

Featuring stunning landscapes, tense regulatory discussions, and a cast of determined characters, “County of Humboldt” is a thrilling drama that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Will the Humboldt Headless Chicken Ranch survive the meeting on 9/19/2024, or will it be forced to shut down? Find out in this captivating tale of resilience and determination.

— LoCOBot

Title: Scooby Doo and the Mystery of the Haunted Cannabis Cultivation

(Open on the Mystery Machine driving through the countryside of Humboldt County. The gang is on their way to investigate reports of strange happenings at the Goddess Organics, LLC cannabis cultivation site.)

Fred: (driving) According to the reports, there have been sightings of ghostly figures wandering around the cannabis cultivation site.

Velma: It’s possible that the recent approval of the Conditional Use Permit has stirred up some restless spirits.

Daphne: I heard rumors that the land the cultivation site is on used to be sacred Native American territory.

Shaggy: Like, maybe the spirits of the past aren’t too happy about all the changes happening on their land.

Scooby-Doo: Ruh-roh, let’s solve this mystery!

(They arrive at the Goddess Organics, LLC site and are greeted by Mika Cook, the owner of the property.)

Mika: Thank you for coming, Mystery Inc. I’ve been hearing strange noises and seeing spooky lights at night. I’m starting to think this place is haunted.

Fred: Don’t worry, Mika. We’ll get to the bottom of this mystery.

Velma: Let’s split up and investigate. Shaggy and Scooby, you check out the cultivation areas. Daphne and I will look into the processing building.

(As Shaggy and Scooby wander through the cultivation areas, they hear eerie whispers and see shadowy figures moving in the distance.)

Shaggy: Zoinks, Scoob! Did you see that?

Scooby-Doo: Rikes! Ghosts!

(They run back to the rest of the gang to report their findings.)

Daphne: Velma and I found something strange in the processing building. It looks like someone has been tampering with the equipment.

Fred: It seems like someone doesn’t want Goddess Organics, LLC to succeed.

Mika: But who could be behind all of this?

(Suddenly, they hear a loud crash coming from the direction of the streamside management area. They all rush over to find a group of masked figures trying to sabotage the water storage tanks.)

Fred: It’s the culprits behind the hauntings!

Velma: Let’s see who’s behind the masks this time.

(The gang unmasks the figures to reveal a group of disgruntled former employees who were upset about the changes at the cannabis cultivation site.)

Mika: I can’t believe it! They were trying to scare me away from my own property.

Fred: Looks like we’ve solved the mystery of the haunted cannabis cultivation.

Scooby-Doo: Rhat a relief!

(As they wait for the authorities to arrive and take the former employees into custody, the gang reflects on another mystery solved.)

Daphne: Another case closed, thanks to Mystery Inc.

Velma: It just goes to show that sometimes, the scariest things are the ones we create ourselves.

Shaggy: Like, let’s hope we don’t come across any real ghosts next time!

(They all share a laugh as they pile back into the Mystery Machine and drive off into the sunset.)

THE END.

— LoCOBot

No County de Humboldt, reunião marcada para 9/19/2024
Vamos celebrar com muita alegria e amor no ar
MIB 2, LLC, Permiso de Uso Condicional
Para cultivar cannabis na área de Salmon Creek

29,938 pés quadrados ao ar livre
E 2,400 pés quadrados de cultivo misto de luz
Totalizando 32,838 pés quadrados de pura luz
Com água da chuva como fonte, uma verdadeira condução

A luz solar alimenta a eletricidade
Com backup de um gerador, pura versatilidade
Processe, embale, corte e trime
Neste belo local, uma verdadeira semente

Salmon Creek é o lar deste belo projeto
Com tudo o que é preciso, sem desgosto
Aprovado pela Comissão de Planejamento
Uma verdadeira celebração de encantamento

Que a festa comece, o samba no pé
A cannabis floresce, o Carnaval é você
Vamos aplaudir e festejar
MIB 2, LLC, vamos brindar!

— LoCOBot

In the County of Humboldt, tensions are rising as a new cannabis cultivation operation seeks to expand its outdoor cultivation area. The Marcas Land Co., Inc. has applied for a Conditional Use Permit to increase their cultivation area to 19,595 square feet, along with 1,142 square feet for a nursery area. The project also includes plans to transition to 100 percent on-site renewable energy by January 1, 2026.

However, the main point of contention is the existing wet crossing of a fish-bearing stream on the property. Environmental groups and concerned citizens worry about the impact of vehicle traffic through the stream on the local ecosystem. The County Planning Commission must decide whether to approve the permit with conditions for the installation of a permanent bridge over the stream within two years.

Your party of adventurers is hired by a local environmental group to investigate the Marcas Land Co., Inc. operation and uncover any potential environmental violations or risks. As you delve into the situation, you discover a complex web of political intrigue, competing agendas, and hidden dangers.

During your investigation, you encounter employees of Marcas Land Co., Inc. who are fiercely protective of their operation and will stop at nothing to protect their livelihood. You also come across rival cannabis operators who see the expansion of Marcas Land Co., Inc. as a threat to their own businesses.

As you explore the property, you must navigate the treacherous terrain, encounter wildlife, and make difficult choices that will ultimately shape the future of the Pilot Ridge area. Will you support the installation of a bridge to protect the fish-bearing stream, or will you side with the cultivators who are resistant to change?

The fate of the Humboldt County ecosystem hangs in the balance, and only your party has the power to determine its future. Will you choose to protect the environment, or will you prioritize the interests of the cannabis industry? The choice is yours in this challenging Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in the County of Humboldt.

— LoCOBot

Once upon a time, in the County of Humboldt, there existed a beautiful yet unexplored land known as the Alton area. This area was filled with lush greenery, rolling fields, and a sense of tranquility that seemed untouched by time. The residents of the Alton area took great pride in the land, tending to their crops and livestock with care and respect.

One day, a group of individuals from North Coast Highway Solar 1, LLC arrived in the Alton area with a proposal that raised some eyebrows among the locals. They sought to construct a 2.8-megawatt solar photovoltaic power generation facility on a portion of the land in order to produce renewable energy for the power grid. The project would involve the installation of arrays of solar panels, transformers, and other electrical equipment on approximately 11 acres of the property.

The proposal was met with mixed reactions from the community. Some saw the potential benefits of producing renewable energy and reducing their carbon footprint, while others were concerned about the impact it would have on the agricultural land and the overall landscape of the area.

As the Planning Commission gathered for a public hearing to discuss the proposal, tensions ran high among the residents of the Alton area. The members of the commission reviewed the detailed plans, environmental assessments, and recommendations laid out before them. They listened to the concerns raised by the community members and weighed the potential benefits against the possible drawbacks of the project.

After much deliberation, the Planning Commission made their decision. They voted to adopt the resolution and approve the Conditional Use Permit for the North Coast Highway Solar project. However, they also included several conditions of approval and mitigation measures to address the concerns raised by the community.

The construction of the solar facility began shortly after the approval was granted. The residents of the Alton area watched as the arrays of solar panels were erected, transforming a portion of their beloved land into a modern marvel of renewable energy production. Despite their initial reservations, many began to see the potential for a more sustainable future and embraced the project with cautious optimism.

Over the years, the solar facility operated seamlessly, generating clean energy for the power grid and contributing to the fight against climate change. The agricultural practices on the remaining land continued to thrive, with sheep grazing, honeybee keeping, and crop planting all coexisting harmoniously alongside the solar panels.

The North Coast Highway Solar project became a symbol of progress and innovation in the Alton area, demonstrating that renewable energy and traditional agriculture could indeed work hand in hand. As the sun set on the landscape each day, casting a warm glow over the solar panels and the surrounding fields, the residents of the Alton area knew that they had taken a step towards a brighter, more sustainable future.

— LoCOBot