Non-Emergencies

May 2020

PG&E Choppers Cruising Eureka and South Today, Says Utility; They’re Scoping Gas Lines for Leaks

March 2020

FEAR NOT, CITIZEN: Most of Those Coast Guard Choppers You’ll See Soon Are Merely Sector Humboldt Bay Maintaining and Increasing Their Badassery to Prepare for the Day When They Will Have to Rescue You

December 2019

NON-EMERGENCY: That Unholy Caterwauling of Sirens and Mass Police Presence That’ll Hit Eureka Any Minute Now is Naught but ‘SHOP WITH A COP’

October 2019

Yay, the Power’s Back! What Next? County Offers Tips, Including ‘Prepare for Next Time’ and ‘Shop Local’

NOT HUMBOLDT! PG&E is Shutting Off Power to Nearly 200,000 Customers Again Starting This Afternoon, But Not, We Reiterate, To Humboldt

(UPDATE) FACEBOOK IS MAKING YOU DUMB! No, There is Not Another Mass Power Outage Planned This Week!

July 2019

Cops Swarm Eureka’s West Side Fearing a Shooting, Discover BB Gun

June 2019

First-Response Agencies are Training for a ‘Mass Casualty Incident’ at Winship Middle School Today

April 2019

PG&E Will Be Droning and/or Choppering Humboldt’s Power Poles Over the Next Few Weeks

March 2019

CHOPPERS GALORE! Sector Humboldt Bay is Gonna Be Doing a Whole Lot of Flying Over the Next Two Weeks

HEADS UP, SoHUM! Many of You Will Experience a Power Outage in the Middle of the Night

December 2018

Hear a Bunch of Sirens in Eureka This Morning? Don’t Worry! It Was Just the Annual ‘Shop With a Cop’ Day

October 2018

(UPDATE) That White Goo Found on the Humboldt Courthouse Yesterday Was Nothing Bad, Says County

ONLY A TEST: FEMA is About to Get Up in Your Phone!

July 2018

No Danger of Cutten Being Blown Up by Suspicious Item Thanks to Humboldt Bomb Bot

June 2018

It’s COPTERIN’ Season! PG&E Buzzing Fortuna, Eureka, Arcata Today

May 2018

ONLY A DRILL: Mad River Hospital to Conduct Mass Shooting Simulation Tonight

March 2018

‘ONLY’ A TEST! All Simulated Tsunami Hell is About to Break Loose, as County Tests Emergency Response Network

ATTENTION SHELTER COVE: Here Are the Days You Will Hear Your Cool New Tsunami Siren Blare!

January 2018

Massive Earthquake Strikes Off Alaska; No Tsunami Threat to Humboldt County, West Coast

Social Media Threat That Seems to Target McK High Is Actually Targeting a Different ‘MHS,’ and is a Hoax

August 2017

SoHum Rattlesnake Doesn’t Know How to Bite Correctly, Thankfully

June 2017

FAKE WILDFIRE THIS WEEKEND! All Simulated Hell Will Break Out on the McKay Tract Saturday as Local Firefighters Gear Up for Summer

Did You See a Million Cop Cars Hauling Ass Southbound Out of Eureka This Morning? Here’s What That Was

FAKE FUEL SPILL TOMORROW! They’re Going to Simulate a Catastrophic Gas Spill on the Bay to Prepare for the Real Thing, God Forbid

February 2017

SILVER ALERT CANCELED: Missing Eureka Woman Found Safe and in Good Spirits

November 2016

WHOOPS! Public Works ‘Smoke Test’ in Old Town Prompts Large Emergency Response From Eureka Firefighters

June 2016

Washington School was Briefly on Lockdown This Morning

April 2016

Firefighters Respond to Smoke at Eureka’s Pho Thien Long Restaurant, Consider Staying for Lunch

No Local Tsunami Threat From Latest in Series of Japan-Rattling Earthquake

March 2016

Humboldt County Readies Itself For the Tsunamis That Will Inevitably Come

Don’t Panic This Wednesday, Humboldt! Tsunami Sirens Will Blare But it’s Only a Test!

February 2016

All Simulated Hell is About to Break Loose in the Eel River Valley

Don’t Panic, Carlotta! The Sheriff’s Office is Blowing Up a Tree at Pamplin Grove

December 2015

At Ease, Eureka! That Unholy Caterwauling Was Only Cops Going Christmas Shopping

Don’t Freak Out About That Light on the Hill, Arcata and McKinleyville

October 2015

The Humboldt Bay Power Plant Is Not Exploding

Man Walking Through Eureka with a Rifle? Eh, Not Really

September 2015

Bomb-Bot Deployed on Bag of Laundry Near the Blue Lake Post Office Last Night

Fake Plane to Fake Crash at the California Redwood Coast–Humboldt County Airport This Afternoon

August 2015

All Simulated Hell is About to Break Loose at a Humboldt State Dorm

July 2015

DUMPSTER DEATH SCARE: Dump Truck Driver Fears That He Dumped a Dumpster-Dweller Into the Trash

Everything is Fine at ACV This Morning

Arcata Fire is Going to Torch Some Rooms Inside a McKinleyville House Tuesday

June 2015

Kayaker’s Personal Emergency Drill Unwittingly Prompts Public Emergency Response

THAT DOES NOT GO THERE: Car Makes a Detour Into Fortuna Main Street Storefront, Witnesses Say

Q: ‘Hello, Lamppost! Whatcha Knowing?’; A: ‘Some Nice Tourists’ Car Hood’

(UPDATED: FALSE REPORT) Rescue Swimmers Searching Del Norte Street Pier for Reported Drowning Victim

May 2015

Kids Evacuated From Eureka City School Bus on Highway 101 This Morning

FYI: Serial Burglar is Out and About While He Awaits Sentencing


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